by Bailey, Orla
By bossing me?
“Look on it as being mentored, if you like.” He watches for my reaction.
I get to my feet. “I need to go to the bathroom.” I can’t think straight when he’s all over me like this.
“Sure. It’s right over there.” He leads me towards it and I step inside, glancing up briefly to catch his eye before I shut the door between us and lock it.
“Take all the time you need.”
I think about what it means for me if I agree to what Jack’s suggesting. As a business mentor, he’d be second to none but he’s alpha in the workplace. He controls, dominates, rules with a rod of iron. How will I handle that after everything that’s happened between us?
How will I handle my feelings around him?
Chapter Nine
I splash my face with cold water and stare in the mirror. It isn’t surprising I appear calm on the outside. Apart from the panic attacks which erupt without warning, I’ve become pretty adept at disguising my feelings over the years.
But from the moment the thought hits, I lose it. My eyes glimmer. A tear wells and leaks from one corner so sneakily I dash it away in anger with the back of my hand. I don’t want to cry over what might have been, anymore.
He’s right. I was too young, I see that now, and a man like Jack was never meant for me. It was a teenage crush that long ago should have run its course. When Jack walked away in the heat of it, my emotions got trapped. Nothing developed; nothing resolved. Every feeling I’ve had about it, about him and me, since, has become unreliable.
My mind empties with each hot tear of regret that flows until dry racking shudders signal I’m done. Done with feeling sorry for myself. And definitely done with moping after what never came to pass. Four years of blood-letting have been for nothing. There’s no way he’s going to let CaidCo have his business back. He’s all but told me that.
Not looking good.
I drag a couple of tissues from a box on the vanity unit. I look a train-wreck. Yet, strangely I feel a kind of peace which seems crazy given what has happened. I dry my face on a hand towel, wondering if I’d be better off going home. But why worry? It’s not like Jack is about to jump me.
I square my shoulders in the mirror. Determination got me this far. I’m strong and I’m backing away from nothing. Not Brent Tapper and not Jack Keogh. A few deep breaths clear my head until I feel so serene the knock on the door makes me jump.
“Are you okay in there?”
“I’m fine. Go away.”
“I’m here when you’re ready.” He sounds anxious but not enough to break his own door down at least.
I might as well face facts. Jack Keogh never wanted me the way I wanted him. That version of Jack was a young girl’s dream. And alright, I had begged him to relieve me of the burden of my virginity. So what? Everyone does something they’re not proud of. I push the mortifying image right out of my head.
I wash my hands, glance at my blank face, now devoid of most of my make-up and all of my emotions and unlock the door, head held high.
When Jack says he’ll be waiting outside he means it. He’s leaning his shoulder against the adjacent wall, looking ruffled and sexy, an empty whisky glass resting in one hand. He reaches his other out towards me. Not this time, Jack. Resisting the urge, I sweep past him, back to the fireplace.
“Feeling better?” He steps up close behind me.
Setting my features I turn. “Would you prefer I leave?”
I know I’ve surprised him by his expression. “Leave? You want to go home?” He has the nerve to look disappointed. Then annoyed. “You just got here.”
“You said the deal was worthless so what’s the point?” I can’t help the illicit surge of power I get when I take the lead. It quickly fades when he comes even closer and frowns down at me. It’s hard feigning confidence, being stared at with those mesmerising blues.
“This won’t do at all.” He turns harder. Meaner. As if he’s changing before my eyes.
I feel my resolve falter. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, a deal’s a deal. If you go breaking your word, you’ll develop a reputation for it. Once trust is lost, it’s rarely recoverable.” He reaches out a hand and gently runs the backs of his fingers along my jaw line as a warm lick of delight chases its way through my skin.
“Who are you going to tell?” I challenge, sweeping his hand away with mine.
His eyes narrow on me. “You don’t like the deal you made? Well too bad. Now you’ve learnt the hard way to make certain before signing up to anything. It’s a valuable lesson in business. Expect more of the same.”
His remark chills me enough to step closer to the fire. Jack catches me, turns me and holds me in his arms, pressing my back flush against his chest. I’m conscious of either my heart thumping against his or his against mine. I’m conscious of being stark naked beneath a thin cotton shirt. He leans in, his voice barely a whisper in my ear. “I’m not a cruel man.”
“Cruel?” I echo his word in a muted whisper. Right now, I wouldn’t place a bet on that. What he’s doing to my insides is completely heartless yet thrills me to the marrow. When I shiver, he holds tighter.
“I like your face without all the cosmetics. You look vulnerable. Are you vulnerable, Tabitha?”
A low flutter disturbs the knot in my stomach. Does he notice every little thing? “No.” I can take care of myself.
He whirls me back again so fast we might be jiving, pulling me close enough for his lips to brush my forehead and his breath to disturb the little wisps of hair at my temple.
“I’ll make certain you’re not. I’m prepared to give you a chance to agree a better deal. After all, you’re inexperienced in negotiating and I want to be fair. I wouldn’t give a second chance to just anyone. This is a special, one-time-only favour to you because you interest me.”
He pushes me towards the sofa. “Sit. I’m going to offer you a deal worth having.”
I comply, intrigued. Perhaps I’m finally going to get what I truly should have come for in the first place: a proper chance for CaidCo. How easy it is for him to change my mind when he does this. I have no shield against his weapons.
“At heart you’re gentle and compliant, Tabby.”
He manages to make me feel ashamed about it. “If you say so.”
“I do. You are. But I can use this to build on, to toughen you up, if you let me mentor you.
“And why would you want to do that?”
A flash of annoyance sweeps his features. “You really don’t trust me, do you?”
“You haven’t given me any reason to.”
“Trust is imperative.” His voice is censorious. His frown intense.
I’ve had four years of knowing he failed me. He let me go. I feel as vulnerable as he says I am but does that make me weak? Would doing things his way make me stronger? What if he does toughen me up? What if he helps me to understand the people I’m crossing swords with in business? People like him.
I recall this is meant to be a deal. “What exactly do you get out of it?” I ask. Jack reminded me in the boardroom that nothing is for nothing. Am I still selling myself here?
He pauses long enough to make me suspicious of his reply. “Let’s just say I owe Harry.”
I don’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved but I can believe that much anyway. He does owe Harry. He also knows how to think six moves ahead and I wonder if I’m being played.
“Wouldn’t there be a conflict of interest?”
“Because I mean to have you?”
What? “No!” He didn’t even want me when he could have. I’m thrown for a second. “... Because it’s your business I’m after.”
He catches up. “You think your competition will claim I’m giving you an unfair advantage? An insider deal?”
“Something like that.” My head spins. He means to have me?
“I admire the fact you want to achieve this on your own merits and believe me you will. Or fail to, i
f CaidCo doesn’t come up to scratch. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure.” Me, working close to Jack isn’t ideal by any stretch of the imagination. Look how things ended last time. I’m still dealing with the emotional fall-out.
“There’s a time limit on my offer. Put your money where your mouth is, like every CEO does, every day.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have nothing to lose and much to gain if you have the mettle to give it a try. Have you got the guts I think you have, Tabitha?”
“Tell me exactly what you’re offering.”
He visibly relaxes. “Smart girl. You’re learning already. Find out the facts before you sign up to anything. I’m offering to delay signing any contract with Advance Advertising for four weeks. At the end of that period, both CaidCo and Advance will be invited to pitch their proposals for Zee-Com’s advertising budget for the next five years.”
“A proper chance?” This isn’t personal then. It’s about my company and all the people that rely on me for jobs who need me to succeed.
“The same chance I will give to Advance. No special favours. Two bids, two proposals. The winning agency gets the contract strictly on merit.”
“That’s all I’ve ever asked for.” I know I can handle it. I stand before self-doubt creeps up on me again. “Thank you.” I’m delighted at this about-face. Four weeks gives me time to prepare.
“Don’t thank me yet, Tabitha. It’s a big deal. I will only take the best.”
“It’s a big deal for me too. What do I have to do in return?”
“Give me four weeks of your time, Tabitha, to mentor you into becoming a more effective CEO, take the reins of your company from those who would steal them from you and show your potential clients you’re a force to be reckoned with.”
“You mean grow a pair. In a month.” I swallow hard.
Jack’s eyebrows sky-rocket. “Being tough doesn’t mean being uncouth,” he admonishes. “That will only earn you ridicule.” His lips soften. “But that’s the bones of it.” He continues, undaunted. “We both have companies to run, so in real terms it’s more like four weekends.” He pauses as I stare at him. “So for the next four weekends, you’ll agree to live here with me at Belvedere and adopt my methods of bringing about change.”
My stomach sinks. In one evening he’s torn me apart. What might he do to me in four whole weekends? For a second the thought occurs he’s just doing anything he can to prevent me being alone with a bottle.
Jack studies me. He appears to grow before my eyes. Bigger. Sterner. Darker.
“You sound like you want to re-programme me.”
“I like you just the way you are. But Advance already bring more to the table than you can in terms of experience. I need to know the people that work for me have exactly what I require. I’m simply attempting to level the playing field a little. Trust me on that one, at least.”
Do I? What alternative do I have?
“Look, it’s almost midnight. You’ll sleep here this evening.” His eyebrow quirks at the reaction I let slip. I can guess what he thinks when he puts me straight. “In the guest bedroom. It will give you the space you need to give this matter some thought. In the morning when you’re clear-headed I’ll have your decision. If you refuse my offer, you’ll be driven home with the new deal off the table.”
I exhale. It’s fine. It’s actually rather clever. And sensitive. He’s allowing me to fulfil the terms of the original deal without losing face, if I decline the new one. I’ll still be staying until breakfast. Without any strings attached.
“If you decline my offer, you’ll be driven back home with my best wishes for your future.”
And little hope of a contract. “And if I agree?” Dare I even consider it?
Jack’s smile is indulgent. “If you agree, you’ll remain here for the weekend and we’ll start work immediately.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” The way he looks at me consumes me from the inside out. “This won’t be a walk in the park, Tabitha. I’m not going to make it easy for you to prepare for what’s ahead.” He holds out his hand. “Come. It’s late. You’re tired and you have a big decision to make by morning.” Jack pulls me to my feet and leads me to the guest bedroom as my mind whirls with information and alcohol.
The bedroom is as beautiful as the rest of Jack’s home. I look at the huge oak framed bed where I know sleep will elude me. Despite everything, I don’t want to be alone. “Can’t I sleep with you?” I have no idea why I say it.
He turns to face me, lifting the backs of his fingers to my cheek. “As nice as that would be –” I roll my eyes and he smiles, knowing I get his attempt to tease. “No, Tabitha. It would only muddy the waters.” Jack tips my chin up with his hand. “Look at this as a lesson in self-belief.”
“Jack?” If I could hate him for hurting me, it would be simple but my feelings are so much more complicated. “Do you want me to do this?” I’m hesitant. Mistrustful. Give me a clue here, Jack. I don’t know what to do.
He puts his finger to my lips. Staring into his eyes I might almost believe he really might want me the way I ache for him but it’s an alcohol-fuelled fantasy. It’s never been more than that.
“This has to be your decision, Tabby. I can’t make it for you.” An honest clarity shines in his eyes. “The bathroom is through there and anything else you need will be here somewhere.” Jack holds my head between his hands and kisses me lightly but chastely on the forehead. “Sleep too. Not a request.” He presses a few buttons on a remote device. “I’ve set an alarm so you can give me your decision early. Goodnight.” He walks resolutely to the door.
While I stare after him, he turns to glance back. He appears to soften a little. Enough to make me want to go to him but I fight the urge.
“At the helm of a company you’ll often have little time to make big decisions that affect lives. Frequently you’ll make that decision entirely alone and have to live with the consequences.”
“May I ask you something, Jack?”
“Anything.”
“If I’m so needy, when did you become so pushy?”
Jack’s hand tightens on the door frame. “I can see you’re going to be a challenge, Tabitha. I look forward to it.” His quick smile suggests he’s not unhappy about the prospect.
My head is all over the place. I came here expecting him to want sex with me. I’m honest enough to know I wanted him too or I wouldn’t have come. How can everything alter so much in the course of one evening?
I lie on the bed staring up at the ceiling.
He’s asking me to accept what happened in the past and move on. To consider my future. But it’s too much to forget with only one evening to do it in. I really need to sleep. My first instinct has always been to hide away in something all-consuming: the violin, my studies, alcohol. Is that what Jack’s been to me all along? I’ve never felt so alone. The question is, does he really plan to help me survive in business or scare me away for good? I’m not certain. The possibilities turn over and over in my mind but I get nowhere. The only real question seems to be: can I trust him?
I know I’ll get no answers stuck alone in here. Peering out the door, I scan the living space but Jack’s nowhere to be seen so I creep to his bedroom and tap lightly at the door. There’s no reply.
Opening it cautiously, I find the room empty, the bed the same way we left it when we fought, crumpled but not yet slept in. Faint sounds of running water indicate he’s in the shower beyond. I turn back the covers and slip inside his bed to wait for him. His sheets are crisp and clean; the bed large and comfortable so I shuffle my way down, laying my head on the pillow.
When Jack returns to the bedroom with a towel draped around his hips, towelling his hair dry, I lie absolutely still, hardly daring to breathe so I can stare at him unnoticed. My eyes wander the reflection of his physique in the mirror and I enjoy the pull and stretch of muscles and tendons as he moves. The bare cur
ve of his spine down to the powerful muscles hinted at beneath the towel is as hypnotic as brushed steel. I can’t help but notice the tight bulge beneath his towel making me grin briefly.
I snap my eyes shut when he turns round suddenly.
All movement ceases. I’ve taken him by surprise, I can sense it. I imagine what he sees as I lie, my hair splayed out across his pillow and my arms sprawled loosely up above my head. Perhaps he’s already wondering how to handle my first mutiny, no idea of how stubborn and rebellious I can be. The thought makes me laugh inside.
The mattress depresses when he sits on the edge nearest to me, touching my shoulder lightly. His warmth and the tang of his clean body encompass me.
“Wake up, Tabitha.” There’s a faint note of exasperation in his voice. “You can’t stay here. You must sleep in your own bed tonight.” He pauses. “Tabitha?”
I pretend to stir gently and murmur, frowning displeasure at his disturbance. Turning onto my side, I snuggle down again sighing contentedly.
“Tabby. Tabitha. Get up. Go back to your room.” He whispers as if he doesn’t want to shock me awake.
I half-open one eye and smile sleepily up at him as if he’s roused me. “Hi, Jack.” He looks clean and warm and so beautiful.
“Get up, Tabby.” Jack tugs my hand.
I leave it lying limp in his but remain a dead weight, unwilling to move. “I wanted to ask you something.”
His eyes narrow on mine. “A question?” He’s studiously working out what I’m up to.
“Yes.” It’s really hard to keep a straight face. Playing around with Jack like this is fun.
He settles deeper into the mattress, allowing his features to relax so I know I’ve got away with it. He’s indulgent, patient with me. “Do you need to talk for a bit?”
I nod and blink my eyes fully open.
He hesitates only a second. “If it will help you to come to a decision. But just for a bit, then you must go back to your room.”
“Why must I?”
“Better for both of us,” he insists. “What’s on your mind?”