I walked up to her. She acknowledged me with an emotionless, “Hey.”
I put my hands in my pockets. “Hi, Jas.”
We spent the next several awkward seconds looking at anything but each other. I became acutely aware of how many black specks were on the sage green floor tile in front of me. If we couldn’t even make small talk, how were we really going to talk?
I shook my head slightly. Standing here saying nothing was only wasting time. Instigating conversation was the hardest part, so I’d do what I could. “Want to get a drink?” I asked. So it wasn’t: I’m-part-of-a-paranormal-war-involving-some-sketchy-immortals-two-of-whom-I’m-dating. But it was a start. I felt like serious progress had been made when she nodded and said, “Sure.”
The coffee shop had a long bar for ordering, and offered a variety of organic food and beverages. I got a caramel latte, with extra caramel of course. Jasmine ordered a coffee with a mix of dark and white chocolate. I tried to pay for both our drinks, but Jasmine soundly refused. As if me paying for her drink would mean she owed me something. When the drinks came up, we went back to the coveted private alcove with overstuffed chairs that I’d claimed with my backpack when I arrived.
We settled into the chairs. I took a sip of my drink to steel myself for the oncoming conversation. Jasmine did the same, though it looked like she had no intention of talking. I decided admitting my mistake first might help disarm her a bit. “I’m sorry, Jas.” I looked at her. She didn’t look back. “I haven’t been spending as much time with you as I want to.” She continued to study the coffee cup. “Things have been…unpredictable lately.”
That finally made her look up, surprise flitting across her face. “One: that’s the first honest thing I think you’ve said to me in months. Two: explain what the hell “unpredictable” means, and why you haven’t wanted me to be part of it.”
I tightened my hold on my coffee cup, hoping it would give me the strength to get through this conversation. If only magic coffee was as real as magic bracelets and magic boyfriends. “It’s…complicated.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, I’m sure it is. Things in your life have been complicated ever since Alex and Emil became part of it.” I stared at her. “What? Did you think I didn’t notice how you act around them? They changed you, Evie. And I still don’t understand what they’re doing in your life anymore. I thought you broke up with them?”
“I did. For a while. But now…” I knew Jasmine wouldn’t judge me, but I couldn’t figure out how to say I was dating them both without seeming like I’d lost my morals. I decided to just say it. “I’m kind of dating them both.”
Jasmine’s eyes got wide, her mouth falling open. I’d expected to shock her in this discussion, but not with news about my love life. “How in hell did you manage that?”
I shrugged in reply, unsure how to explain it.
“Those two could barely stand each other a few months ago, now you’re all hanging out together and they’re fine with you dating both of them?” she asked, still wearing the shock like it had been drawn on her face.
I winced. “I wouldn’t say they’re “fine” with it, but they want me to choose between them. They don’t think I can make a decision without dating them both.”
Jasmine blew out a long breath, slumping into the back of her chair. “So that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with them.”
I nodded yes, and in my head continued with, among other reasons.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why have you shut me out?”
I lifted my shoulder slightly. “I guess I didn’t think you’d understand,” I said, answering for more than why I hadn’t told her about the dating situation.
She was incensed. “I’m your best friend! Of course I would have understood! You can tell me anything!”
I held her gaze, thinking that was about to be put to the test.
“Jas, I’m so sorry. A lot has happened and I—”
She crossed her legs underneath her as she waved me off. “I forgave you five minutes ago the first time you said you were sorry. You don’t need to keep apologizing. We’re good. I just want to know what I’ve missed!” Her eyes brightened and she seemed less morose than when she’d first walked in the coffee shop. Her questions started coming rapid-fire, “How are they handling this? How are you handling it? How have your classes been going this semester? Did you get Dr. Desmond for statistics? He’s awesome! Oh, and I have to tell you about Zach and this stupid new Xbox game he got. I swear, he’d date the dumb machine if he could. Sometimes I don’t think he even knows I’m there.”
Just like that, Jasmine’s switch was flipped from furious to friendly again. I needed to go into more detail and tell her about the Amaranthine and Daevos. She needed to know what being around me would mean. The danger it put her in. But as I listened to her talk, and laughed along with her at Zach’s inability to stay alive in his new game, and heard her rant about his roommates, classes, and work, I realized I wasn’t the only one who needed this relationship.
We were each other’s sounding boards, and we always had been. By cutting her out of my life, I’d also cut off one of her main ways to cope. That wasn’t fair. To either of us. Yes, I needed to tell her everything…but I’d wait until our friendship was on more solid ground again before I started stirring up more potential problems.
I had a work study job in the campus communications office. It was only ten hours a week, so I worked three days a week between classes. Alex and Emil left me alone during work and in class, but Alex kept tabs on me with his ring. I also had the emergency orchid bracelet on my wrist—you know, in case all the cell towers went down.
My phone buzzed as I was walking to my car. “Hey, Mom!” I was genuinely happy to hear her voice, thanks in part to my recent conversation with Alex reminding me I didn’t have to go through everything alone.
“Hi, sweetie. How are things going?”
I stopped to sit on a campus bench and search for my car keys. I always lose them in my bag. They needed a Tracker. “Good. I just finished work.”
“Your dad wanted me to remind you to check your washer fluid. He gets worried about you driving in the snow.”
I smiled. “I know. He sent me a text the other day. Tell him thanks. How are you guys?”
She sighed, her voice sounding fatigued. “We’re okay. Your dad’s been busy at work.” My parents owned a gas station and mechanic shop in my hometown, White Sulpher Springs, Montana.
“That’s good!” I found my keys and did a little finger wiggle in celebration. I stood and started walking to the parking lot again.
“It would be, but we’ve had a hard time keeping up.”
My brow creased. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. We’re both just tired. Your dad was out of town for a while at a conference. That seemed to rejuvenate him, and you know how it is when he’s gone. I always have more energy and get more done. We’re hiring more help at the station though, so that should give us time to rest and recuperate.”
I frowned. “I’m worried about you.”
“No reason to worry. We’ll be fine.”
Still. I hated when I couldn’t take care of the people I loved. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“I will, honey. I just called to check in, but I better get back to work.”
I got to my Mustang, unlocked the door, and started the car. “Thanks, Mom. Love you!”
“We love you, too! Be safe.”
We both disconnected.
I stared out the window, concern lining my face. When I’d been living at home, I worked with them at the station. I felt guilty that I was so far away and couldn’t help. I wished there was more I could do, but at this point, the best I could offer was a get-well card.
My thoughts gave me time for the car to warm up. I slid it into gear and drove home to change for karate.
I was on my way to the library the next day when Emil came up behind me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I gasped a
little, startled.
I slid a glance to him, taking in his bright greyish-blue eyes, square jaw, and messy hair that always made my mind immediately wander to what he’d look like when he woke up in the morning. That, along with my memory of the kiss against the side of my house, wasn’t helping my hormones. I snapped myself away from that line of thought. “Hey! I didn’t know you were on Evie-watch.”
“Always have been, always will be,” he said with a grin.
“I’m surprised Alex agreed to it after our trip to Denver.”
“He saw reason once he calmed down. That’s how he is. He reacts first.”
I was aware. Just like me.
“Plus, I think he likes having someone else around to help with the protecting duties. It gives him a break so he can explore his hobbies.”
I looked at Emil, surprised. “Alex has hobbies?” I mostly thought he spent his free time thinking of ways to annoy me.
Emil laughed. “Yeah. His newest obsession is CrossFit. I’m surprised he’s never said anything to you about it.”
Ah. That explained the bulging biceps and body I had a hard time not openly staring at. I was also a little flummoxed that Emil knew this stuff about Alex and I didn’t. Alex was my soul mate and I didn’t even know his preferred method of cardio! For that matter, I didn’t know it about Emil either! “How do you know this about Alex and I don’t?”
Emil shrugged. “Other than you, we don’t have a lot in common. So we talk about shared interests.”
“You’re obsessed with CrossFit too?” Again, I should have known—bulging biceps and all.
He grinned. “My favorite workout is named ‘Evie’.”
I shoved him, then remembered that since CrossFit workouts are named after women, he might be telling the truth. “Seriously? That’s the name?”
His grin widened. “It will be when we try it out.”
Color rose in my cheeks and I quickly changed the subject. “I still have your jewelry from the other night.”
Emil stopped, his eyes softening like he was hurt. “Those are yours, Evie. I’ve been waiting to give them to you again for centuries.”
I stared at him. “The jewelry is worth a small fortune, Emil. I can’t accept it.”
“They’re yours, Evie. If you’re not comfortable keeping them at your house, I’ll put them back in my safe, but they’ll always be yours.”
Instead of going to the library, Emil steered us to the botanical gardens. I had a vivid memory of my previous experience with him in the same gardens. I tried to concentrate on the mostly dead plants instead. He opened the door to the greenhouse. Balmy air hit my face and the smell of flowers filled the air. It was warm inside, and we were the only people in the greenhouse—both big bonuses. I walked along next to him, thinking about the jewelry, our past together, and wondering about soul mates. “Does it ever bother you that fate, and not choice, decides who souls will end up with?”
Emil frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Well, everyone has a soul mate, right?”
“Right.”
“One person who’s perfect for them, right?”
He narrowed his eyes, looking at me sideways. “Yeah.”
“So, you don’t get to choose who your perfect match is; it’s pre-ordained.”
Emil pursed his lips, considering. “I don’t see it like that,” he said. “With your real soul mate, you’re stronger. That’s the nature of the bond. You’re stronger together. However, you always have a choice. Everyone has a soul mate, but both of your souls have to reach a point where you’re ready to make a commitment to each other. There’s so much learning and growth that has to take place before that happens. Souls are separated for a reason. Each one has a different path to take, and that journey will help make their bond more complete when they finally find their mate. That can take centuries, and multiple lifetimes—and loves.
“Once soul mates find each other, there’s no miracle cure for happiness. Relationships take work; even relationships between soul mates. The key is having two people who care enough to put the work in for eternity. Soul mates are much more likely to do that. Once you commit to that person, you won’t want to be with anyone else. But your choice is never taken away. If two soul mates don’t want to be together, they don’t have to be. Think about Callista and her mate. Their relationship is a perfect example of that, and she was a Goddess when her mate left her. Maybe they weren’t ready to be together yet? You should be with the person who encourages you to grow, who makes you stronger, and you do the same for them in turn. In my opinion, that’s the definition of a soul mate—someone who enriches your soul.”
I took a moment to think about what he’d said. When I’d learned about the Amaranthine, the Daevos, and found out everyone has a soul mate, I’d had mixed feelings. I like having choices. And I don’t like being told what to do. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that in the universal scheme of things, everything was pre-ordained. The purpose of every soul’s life was to learn, grow, and find their mate. And every soul’s path was leading them to that eventuality. If what Emil said was true, there was a choice involved, but the choice was just whether or not a soul would choose to stay with their soul mate once they found each other.
“Is it possible to choose the wrong soul mate? Because if it is, you’re not only affecting yourself, you’re also robbing your real soul mate of their chance for true love. And it affects the person you’ve chosen to be with and their true soul mate too. It could spiral into a mess pretty darn fast.” I’d thought about it in relation to the souls the Daevos had taken as well. The Daevos’ mission was to find soul mates and take half of the soul. This left the other soul still alive and very unbalanced. Without their mate to help balance them, the remaining soul was more likely to join the Daevos. Regardless, it didn’t seem fair for people to go through life, and eternity, without their other half.
Emil stopped walking and gave me a steady stare. Clearly I wasn’t asking a general question. I’m the only person in the history of the world who has two soul mates: Alex and Emil. No one knows why, and I’m not sure what will happen when I do choose, since it will leave one of them without a soul mate. Forever.
Emil watched me trying to puzzle it out. Wrinkles formed at the corners of his eyes as he tilted his head. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “It’s not possible to make the wrong choice, Evie. Soul mates will always search each other out. Life after life, they’re pulled to each other by a cosmic force, making decisions and growing—sometimes together, sometimes apart—until they’re ready to make the ultimate commitment to each other. It’s not something that happens in fifty years, or even a hundred. You might meet your soul mate in your first life, but it will take time and maturity to make that commitment. When it’s right, a person knows who to choose. Deep in their soul. When it comes to love, there aren’t wrong decisions. What you have to decide is what, and who, is right for you.”
“So, basically, if you choose “wrong,” it means you’re not ready for the right soul mate yet?” I blew out a frustrated breath. “It seems so unfair. That explanation works for everyone else, but not for me. I have two soul mates. When I choose, one of you will be alone, and I’ll never be able to get rid of that guilt. Most of the time I don’t think I’ll ever be able to choose between you and Alex. I think it would be easier to just stay friends with you both, but,” I inhaled deeply, turning to him, “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
The muscles in Emil’s cheeks tensed in reaction. He stared toward the mountains behind the college, then exhaled. “It’s hard for me to walk the line between supporting your decision to choose the right person for you, and still keep my own wants in check.” He paused. “So, I’ll just say this: I know what it’s like to be your friend, and I know what it’s like to be a lot more than friends. I want to be more again.” He turned and looked me square in the eyes. “You don’t remember how good things were, but I do. And I could make sure you nev
er forget—if you give me the chance.”
I held his eyes, seriously tempted to let him have that opportunity. I shook my head to get the thought out of my mind.
“Evie, you chose me before. Don’t you think you had a good reason for making the decision?”
It was times like this I really wished I could control my flashbacks. That way, instead of seeing random events from my past lives, I could choose and know exactly what had happened between me, Emil, and Alex, and why I’d chosen Emil. “I don’t know? I can’t remember,” I said, exasperated. “I was a different person then. My soul has changed. Maybe we wouldn’t be good together anymore.”
Emil’s eyes darkened. “Being good together was never a problem for us. In fact, we were good together over and over again.”
My eyes got wide at his insinuation. I almost felt like I should walk a few paces ahead of him just to get some distance between us. If he kept saying things like that, I was going to be a lot more tempted than I already was.
I shook off the comment. “If the situation was reversed and you were in Alex’s position, what would you want me to do?” I asked. Alex had been loyal to me for centuries. He’d loved me, protected me, and devoted his whole life to me, without any guarantees that one day I’d love him as much as he loved me, or decide he was my soul mate. He’d never had a chance for a relationship with me in the past—at least, as far as I knew. Instead he was waiting, hoping I’d eventually feel the same way for him that he felt for me. He believed I’d made a mistake in choosing Emil before. Emil didn’t agree.
Emil thought about my question. “I would want you to be happy, no matter what. No matter how much it hurt. And I would do anything to make sure you were safe—I think I proved that when I told you about the Daevos two hundred and fifty years ago and made you leave me. All I care about, all I have ever cared about, is that you’re happy. If Alex is the one who does that for you, I’ll support your decision.” Emil took in my stunned expression. “This constant battle you’re having over me and Alex isn’t good for you. If I thought it would help, I’d leave you alone, but I don’t think that would make you happy either.”
Eternal Echoes, Emblem of Eternity Trilogy Book 2 Page 10