by Adam Cece
ABOUT THE BOOK
Kipp Kindle and his two friends, Tobias Treachery and Cymphany Chan, are back defending their weird and wonderful town, Huggabie Falls. Something indescribable is making everyone worry that life might be more exciting if they lived in the neighbouring town of Near Huggabie Falls. Illustrated throughout by acclaimed Melbourne cartoonist Andrew Weldon, this is the hilarious conclusion to a beloved series.
For Mum and Dad.
Thanks for being there from day one, and the 15,675 days since.
CONTENTS
Cover Page
About the Book
Title Page
1 The Best Things Come in Threes
2 Pineapple Juice
3 The Person at the End of the Garden
4 Old Friends and Submerged Travel
5 Top Speed
6 The Worst Place Imaginable
7 The Shortest Chapter
8 The House of a Witch
9 Goats Have Bad Memories
10 The Under
11 More Under
12 A Familiar Mode of Transport
13 An Old Prickly Friend
14 Letting Go
15 Back in the Oven
15½ Whoops
16 The Real Ending
17 Near Huggabie Falls
18 The Plan that Was All Kipp’s
19 Nearly Near Huggabie Falls
20 Wait…What?
21 I Can’t Wait to See What Happens
22 Kipp Again
23 The Wisdom of Foresight
24 Copernicus and Lemonade
25 Time to Say Farewell
Also by Adam Cece
About the Author
Copyright page
Hello reader. It’s great to see you again. I say that because I’m guessing this is not the first time we have met, as this book is the third book of the Huggabie Falls trilogy. So it’s likely you’ve come to be reading this book via one of three ways:
1. You read the first two books in the Huggabie Falls trilogy and enjoyed them so much you rushed out to get the third book on the day it was released.
2. You were given this book for your birthday, when what you really wanted was a hovercraft, in which case I must apologise.
3. You are one of those people who read the third book in a series even though they haven’t read the first two. This is, of course, an extremely reckless thing to do.
Just in case you are not one of the people in the first category, I will describe what happened in the first two Huggabie Falls books. I’ll try to do it as quickly as possible, without boring everyone else to death. Here goes…
Huggabie Falls is the weirdest town on Earth, but it is all this weirdness that makes it the most wonderful town on Earth, so when a creepy scientist and the evil Felonious Dark hatched a dastardly plan to make Huggabie Falls normal, best friends Kipp Kindle, Tobias Treachery and Cymphany Chan had to stop them. Then, in the next Huggabie Falls adventure, Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany had to stop a top-hatted scientist and one of Felonious Dark’s evil identical triplet brothers, Felonious Dark Two, from scaring everyone out of Huggabie Falls with hard-light holograms of their greatest fears.
I’m not going to say anything more about those adventures, because I need to tell you about a third thing that has happened in Huggabie Falls—an indescribable thing.
Now, writing a book about an indescribable thing is not easy. In fact, it might even be impossible. My mother always told me that nothing is impossible, but I think the exception to this rule is describing an indescribable thing.
Someone else who was having trouble describing something was Kipp Kindle, who stood in front of his bathroom window one morning, looking at his hand. There was something weird about it, and he couldn’t describe what it was—all he could say was it was something.
He walked downstairs, continually bumping into things because he was still staring at his hand, until he stumbled into the lounge room and said, ‘Mum?’
The reason Kipp had to say Mum in the questioning way he did was because he couldn’t actually tell if his mum was in the room, because his mum was invisible. In fact, both Kipp’s parents were invisible. The Kindle family had a weird kind of inherited invisibility, which seemed to activate around the age of puberty.
‘Does my hand look translucent to you?’ Kipp said, approaching his mother’s yoga mat, which was unfurled on the floor.
‘Translucent?’ said Kipp’s mum from the armchair behind him, which made him jump.
‘Sorry,’ said Kipp’s mum, ‘I didn’t mean to alarm you. Those hand indentations in my yoga mat are actually your father’s.’
‘Your mother suggested I do yoga to become more flexible.’ Kipp’s dad’s voice came from the yoga mat. ‘But I’ve been stuck in this position for half an hour, and I’ve been too embarrassed to say anything.’
After they’d helped Kipp’s dad up, Kipp told his parents about his translucent hand.
‘Are you sure it isn’t just clear icing again?’ Kipp’s dad asked. ‘From the doughnuts from the Huggabie Falls Sanctuary for People Fleeing from Witches and Other Dangerous Flying Creatures?’
Kipp shook his head. ‘Not this time. I haven’t had one of those doughnuts in ages.’
So Kipp’s dad announced they now had two reasons to visit local Huggabie Falls doctor, Doctor Tillgang: Kipp’s translucent hand, and Kipp’s dad’s back.
If you’ve read a Huggabie Falls book before, you’ll know Doctor Terrence Tillgang was Huggabie Falls’s werewolf doctor. That isn’t to say he was a doctor who exclusively treated werewolves, but rather a doctor who, during a full moon, grew long fangs and hair all over his body and walked on all fours, and if you threw a stick he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pelting off down the street after it.
Luckily no one had thrown a stick on the day Kipp was worried about his translucent hand and Kipp’s dad hurt his back doing a yoga pose, so Doctor Tillgang was in his clinic. Doctor Tillgang prescribed some gentle exercises for Kipp’s dad, and then spent some time observing Kipp’s hand under a magnifying glass, while gnawing on a rubber-chicken-shaped chew toy. ‘Hmmmm…’ he mumbled thoughtfully.
Kipp gulped. ‘It’s not icing this time, Doctor Tillgang.’
‘No, definitely not icing,’ Doctor Tillgang agreed. He took the chew toy out of his mouth and licked Kipp’s hand. ‘It’s not icing,’ he said. ‘It’s clear toffee. I’m guessing it’s from a toffee apple, from the toffee-apple stand outside the Huggabie Falls Primary School gates.’ He chuckled. ‘I’ve had a few of them myself.’
Kipp couldn’t see his parents, but he could tell from their complete silence that they were both staring at him accusingly. He blinked a few times. ‘Oh, yeah,’ he laughed. ‘I was keeping a couple of those toffee apples under my pillow for eating at night. I’ve really got to stop doing that.’
He heard a frustrated groan from his mum and a stomping sound, and then Doctor Tillgang’s examination room door swung open.
‘Mum,’ Kipp said, ‘where are you going?’
‘Home,’ Kipp’s mum snapped. ‘To throw out the rest of those apples.’
Doctor Tillgang’s examination room door slammed shut, and Kipp’s mum’s footsteps could be heard thudding across the waiting room beyond. Kipp’s dad’s voice said, from the floor where he was sprawled on the carpet trying to stretch his back, ‘Okay, dear, I guess the rest of us will make our own way home.’
The only person who didn’t seem to notice anything was going on was Kipp’s little sister Kaedy, who sat staring at a large jar of lollipops on Doctor Tillgang’s d
esk. ‘Do I get one of those?’ she asked Doctor Tillgang. ‘Even though I’m not a patient.’
Doctor Tillgang snorted. ‘Sure, Kaedy.’ He scratched under his arm, which made his left leg twitch.
Kipp couldn’t stop smiling. ‘At least I’m not turning invisible,’ he said.
‘No,’ Doctor Tillgang said, scribbling something on a notepad, ‘you won’t have to worry about that for months.’
Kipp stopped smiling in a flash. ‘Months?’ he said. ‘I thought our family’s invisibility gene didn’t kick in till the mid-teens!’
Doctor Tillgang shook his head, plonking his notepad down. ‘It seems to be getting earlier each generation. I predict the invisibility gene will kick in for you and Kaedy around your eleventh birthdays.’
‘My eleventh birthday,’ Kipp said, and he immediately began counting on his fingers, presumably counting the exact number of days till his eleventh birthday—it was 102, by the way—when Doctor Tillgang’s receptionist burst in.
Doctor Tillgang’s receptionist was Baboo Buggington, a man with a photographic memory, which in his case meant the only things he could remember were photographs. ‘Doctor Tillgang,’ he said. ‘Aralia Absent has cancelled her appointment.’ He paused. ‘Ha,’ he chortled. ‘How about that. Ms Absent will be absent.’
Doctor Tillgang frowned, obviously not grasping the hilarity of the wordplay, and made that little huff sound dogs make, which is almost, but not quite, a bark. ‘Are you sure, Baboo? That’s the third cancelled appointment today.’
‘Quite sure,’ Baboo said. ‘When I came back from the file room, she had left a note, just like the others. I took a photograph of it so I could remember.’
Baboo handed Doctor Tillgang the photograph.
‘Okay,’ Kaedy spluttered, struggling to speak due to having three lollipops in her mouth. ‘I’ve taken a lollipop for Mum, and Dad and Kipp, and…well, because it would be rude for you to give all my family lollipops and not me, I’d better take one for me too.’
But Doctor Tillgang wasn’t listening. His floppy ears swayed back and forth as he read the note. ‘It’s the same as the others,’ he said. ‘Aralia Absent is moving, immediately, to Near Huggabie Falls.’
‘Moving to Near Huggabie Falls?’ Kipp, his father and Kaedy all said simultaneously. Their mouths dropped open, which in Kaedy’s case meant a few lollipops fell out.
The reason the Kindles were so shocked by this news is because they had never heard, and, to be honest, no one had ever heard, the words ‘moving’ and ‘to’ and ‘Near Huggabie Falls’ in one sentence together, unless that sentence was ‘There is no way I’m moving to Near Huggabie Falls’.
You see Near Huggabie Falls is the name of a town, which, coincidentally, is quite near Huggabie Falls. You’ve probably never heard of the town of Near Huggabie Falls, as most of the people that visit the town immediately forget it exists as soon as they leave. In fact, many of the people that live in the town of Near Huggabie Falls forget about the town while they are still living there—it’s that forgettable.
This is due to the fact nothing interesting, or notable or memorable has ever happened in Near Huggabie Falls, and nothing about Near Huggabie Falls will ever make you raise an eyebrow and think, ‘Huh, that’s intriguing. I will remember that.’ About the only thing even close to interesting about the town was its proximity to Huggabie Falls, which is probably why it was named Near Huggabie Falls.
‘Yes,’ said Doctor Tillgang, in response to the Kindle family’s open-mouthed surprise. ‘You’re right to be surprised. But according to Aralia Absent’s note, someone showed her something that convinced her that Near Huggabie Falls is now the greatest town on Earth. And she has been very lucky because she managed to buy one of the very last houses in the first and only move-in-immediately-last-chance-no-more-houses-available-after-this-sale sale.’ He looked up at Baboo. ‘Wow, Bab, it sounds like Near Huggabie Falls is very popular all of a sudden. Did Ms Absent say what this thing was that convinced her that Near Huggabie Falls is the greatest town on Earth?’
Baboo pondered this. He pulled another photograph from his pocket. ‘Ah, yes she did.’ He tapped the photograph. ‘There was a postscript following the note: “Please don’t ask me to describe what the thing was—it was indescribable.”’
Doctor Tillgang sighed and sat on his hind legs. ‘Weird thing is’—he swivelled back to face the Kindles—‘that’s what the other two cancelled appointments said. Is it possible? Could Near Huggabie Falls really be the best place to live now? I hope not, because it sounds like I’ve missed the final chance to buy a house there.’ He looked about. ‘This is so unexpected,’ he said.
‘I’ll tell you what’s unexpected,’ said Kipp, leaping up. ‘One hundred and two days. That’s unexpected. That’s all I’ve got left till my eleventh birthday.’
‘This is very disturbing,’ said Cymphany to Tobias and Kipp at school the next day.
‘I’ll say,’ said Kipp. ‘It’s only 101 days now.’
‘No, not that,’ said Cymphany. ‘It’s disturbing that people are seeing something that’s convincing them that Near Huggabie Falls is the greatest town on Earth. My mum said the Kloveks also saw something that convinced them Near Huggabie Falls is now the greatest place to live. And they must have been very convinced, because they packed up their giant Christmas-tree house, and bought a house in the second and final move-in-immediately-very-last-chance-no-more-houses-available-after-this-sale sale, and moved to Near Huggabie Falls the very same day. When my mum asked Mrs Klovek what they were shown, Mrs Klovek just said it was inexpressible.’
‘What does inexpressible mean?’ Tobias asked.
‘Inexpressible,’ Cymphany said, in a way that sounded like she was happy someone had asked that, ‘means impossible to describe.’
‘What’s impossible to describe,’ Kipp said, ‘is the feeling you get when you realise you’re going to turn invisible in 101 days. It’s terrifying, it’s horrific, it’s life-changing…’ Kipp paused. ‘Hang on, I guess the feeling isn’t so impossible to describe after all.’
‘We’re concerned about you turning invisible too, Kipp,’ Cymphany said. ‘Really, we are. But that’s happening in 101 days, and this indescribable thing is a problem right now.’
‘This all sounds very familiar,’ Tobias said, removing his school books from his bag. ‘It’s like the extremely weird thing that was making everything normal, and the unbelievably scary thing that was scaring everyone out of town.’
‘At least with the unbelievably scary thing,’ Cymphany said, ‘we could track it to the House of Spooks and Felonious Dark’s evil identical triplet brother. But if we don’t even know what this indescribable thing is, or who is showing it to people, how can we even know where to start looking?’
Kipp nodded. ‘What we really need to do is talk to someone who has seen this indescribable thing. Surely, they’d be able to describe it if we helped them.’
Cymphany nodded. ‘I could definitely help. I have a very large vocabulary.’
Kipp and Tobias gave her blank looks.
Cymphany frowned. ‘That means I know a lot of words.’
Kipp and Tobias both made ahhhh noises and nodded.
Cymphany rolled her eyes. ‘Honestly, you two should try picking up a dictionary every now and again.’
‘A what?’ said Tobias.
Cymphany was about to state how outrageous it was that Tobias didn’t even know what a dictionary was, when she noticed Kipp and Tobias smirking at her.
‘Oh,’ she laughed, ‘you’re making fun of me.’ ‘We know what vocabulary means too,’ Kipp said.
Tobias nodded. ‘At least…one of us does.’
Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany couldn’t discuss the indescribable thing that was happening anymore, because at that moment their teacher, Mrs Turgan came thundering into class. She swished her black witch’s cloak and sneered at the terrified children in front of her.
‘Good morning, future ingredien
ts in my potions…errr…’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, good morning, children. How are you today?’ The class opened their mouths to respond.
‘I don’t care,’ she snapped before anyone could answer. ‘I’m only asking because the school board insists that I am polite to people, and they have forbidden me from zapping students and turning them into slimy creatures and other things.’
Tobias shared an excited look with Kipp and Cymphany. ‘Well, that’s good news,’ he whispered.
Mrs Turgan took six pineapples from a big pocket in her cloak, and put them on her desk.
Ug Ugg’s hand shot up. Ug Ugg was the school’s highest achieving student, and he was also a troll. ‘Mrs Turgan, what are those pineapples for? Is this a test? I love tests.’
‘This,’ Mrs Turgan announced, ‘is the school board.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘I turned each member of the board into a pineapple. So I don’t have to be polite to people anymore. Problem solved. Now, I think I’ll go and get a blender. I feel like pineapple juice all of a sudden.’
With another theatrical sweep of her cloak, Mrs Turgan stormed out of the room.
Kipp raised one eyebrow at Tobias and Cymphany.
‘The usual?’ Tobias said.
Kipp and Cymphany gave one single nod back.
Tobias went to a cupboard at the back of the room and opened it. Inside was an assortment of fruit. He came back with an armful of pineapples, and he, Kipp and Cymphany exchanged them for the six pineapples on Mrs Turgan’s desk.
‘Honestly,’ Cymphany said. ‘This is the fourth time we’ve had to rescue the school board this month. They should name a school building after us.’
As they lowered the pineapples, which were actually the school board, out the window and onto the lawn outside, where the school maintenance person would soon rescue them, Cymphany stopped. ‘Hang on a second, I thought there were nine members of the school board.’
Ug Ugg nodded. ‘There used to be, but three members have—’
‘Let me guess, Ug,’ Kipp interrupted. ‘They’ve moved to Near Huggabie Falls. They saw something that convinced them it’s the greatest town on Earth—way better than Huggabie Falls, so they bought a house in either the first or second move-in-immediately-very-last-chance-no-more-houses-available-after-this-sale sale.’