by B. F. Simone
This year was no exception. Katie looked forward to it every year. Even more now that her dad was not only invited, but also agreed to go. It would be awkward, but she knew she’d at least enjoy the pumpkin bars and Tristan’s disapproval as she stuffed as many down as she could.
This year, she wanted to dress-up and be pretty. She didn’t dare let herself say why because she knew it was stupid. Tristan never treated her like more than just a friend—except yesterday when he snuck up behind her and tousled her hair. His fingers had moved through her hair slowly, but quick enough as not be be considered anything more than just that—a friendly hair tousle.
Katie got dressed with Allison at Lucinda’s house after helping with the last of the preparations. Allison loaned her a pretty dress. None of Katie’s old dresses fit properly anymore, they were loose and baggy. This dress was a red a-line with a cut-out back. She loved everything about it except that the top of the dress fit tightly around her breast. It was too much.
“I’m falling out everywhere,” Katie said, looking at herself in the mirror. Allison fixed Katie’s hair in a decorative bun and finished placing a jade-green butterfly comb on the side of it. Her breast were not only visible but accentuated by the dress. So was her necklace, the green and gold turtle matched perfectly with the comb. Maybe she should take it off? It looked kiddish next to the dress.
In the room, she felt pretty—maybe sexy—but if she left the room, it was too much.
“You aren’t eight anymore. You’re seventeen. It’s okay to be semi-sexy. Besides, you think anything short of a turtle neck shows off your tiny boobs. You’re so paranoid.” Allison wore a dark green curvy dress, her hair pulled up with spiral curls, and a smile that could stop traffic. A chic red-headed elf. She wished she could be as confident as her. Allison could wear a paper bag and be bold and beautiful.
Katie was torn between practicing an over-the-shoulder glance she could use on Tristan, and finding a nice sweat shirt to throw over her body, but Allison pushed her out of the room and she focused on making it down the hall and to the stairs without somehow messing up her makeup or hair.
Every one must have been at the party already because the house was full of moving bodies laughing and hugging. Katie prayed she wouldn’t trip going down the stairs and have a wardrobe malfunction. The last thing she wanted was a room full of people staring at her boobs. Even if they are small—thanks Allison. The thought of that alone made her sway a little before she got to the bottom step. She sighed, relieved when Will walked up with his drink.
“Merry Christmas. Take a sip. Just don’t tell Lucy.” Will passed them his glass of eggnog. She tasted it and wrinkled her nose, passing it to Allison. The smell of alcohol always made her dizzy. They gave him back his glass and he winked, leaving them to enjoy the party.
Katie and Allison moved through the room saying hello to old, familiar faces and new ones. Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Carver laughed loudly with a group of men by the fireplace. Mr. Reynolds, searching around the room, locked eyes with her. She blushed. The last time she saw him he was cursing about his hand. He probably thought she was crazy. He raised his glass to her before directing his attention back to the group.
Mrs. Barnes was there, but Katie hardly recognized her. It must have been the dress, bright green, it squeezed and pulled, making her normal Frankenstein-body, frogish. Many faces smiled at her. She felt pretty.
“Allison.”
“Hi, Mr. Heckler. How are you?” Allison said, shaking hands with the tall, thin lipped man Katie had met the day she met Tristan. The man who’d brought Glock.
“I’m doing well,” he said, smiling. He extended his hand out to Katie.
“Katie Watts. It’s a pleasure to meet you again. Mr. Carver won’t stop talking about his three favorite students. I expect nothing but the best from the daughter of Katalina Rockwell and Drew Watts. That is fine lineage. The Rockwell’s date back to the fifteenth century. Fine lineage. This Tristan, I thought he was a little strange, but he turned out to be a star. Where is he?”
“Nice to meet you again, Mr. Heckler. I’m not sure where Tristan is,” she said, shaking his hand.
“No matter. Mr. Carver is saying you’ve broken records. A Bright young lady, like our rising star, Allison.” He flashed a smiled at Allison. “I look forward to writing you both recommendations for Elite Force entry positions. I always say, ‘it’s the amazing young women who pave our future.’ Have you met my son Michael?”
Katie and Allison shared a look. “He’s in a few of my classes.” Katie held back a laugh. He’s also the most annoying kid in those classes.
“Michael is around here somewhere, I’ll make sure he says hello to you girls.”
Katie and Allison nodded, smiling graciously until they got far enough to make faces.
“I swear every time I see that man he’s trying to set some poor girl up with his son. But I bet he’d like you dating Michael with your, ‘fine Rockwell linage’,” Allison said, impersonating Mr. Heckler.
Between Silent Night playing softly above them and the normal-ness of it all, Katie felt amazing. She even caught her dad talking to a few people she didn’t know. He looked happy enough.
Katie danced with Allison, who got an unexpected peck under a mistletoe by Adam. Katie made a face at Allison, but she pretended not to notice. Brian seemed to be in high spirits. He laughed loudly and gave Katie a hug when she bumped into him almost as if he’d forgotten he was supposed to avoid her.
Even Christi was at the party—Brian must have invited her. She smiled at Katie, wearing a sleek black dress Katie would have thought was cute if anyone but her was wearing it. She remembered what Christi had said a few months ago, about them seeing a lot of each other now that she was a guardian. It must have been Lucinda chastising Will, as he sang a loud rendition of Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer over the string quartet, that put Katie in an over-the-top Christmas spirit, because she smiled back at Christi and sort of meant it.
Katie had been around the room two or three times with Allison, small talking to people she didn’t recognize. All the while, she looked for Tristan. The one person she really wanted to see. The only person she wanted to see. She left the party and checked his room and the rest of the house but he wasn’t anywhere, the last place was the backyard.
He was standing by one of the large pine trees—they’d decorated—that lit-up the snow covered yard.
“Tristan,” she said, wishing he was in his warm room and not out in the cold.
He turned around and stopped short, giving her a long look. Katie wished she’d grabbed that sweater. What had she been thinking wearing something like this? She obviously looked like she was trying way to hard to get attention and he was probably laughing at her—and hearing everything right now.
She stared at the blinking lights and decided she didn’t care.
He smiled.
“I just wanted to see where you were. You should come inside,” she heard the start of Jingle Bells.
“I don’t know anyone in there.” He was handsome in his black suit. He looked like he belonged in there more than anyone else.
“You know me.” She rubbed her arms, he knew her better than anyone else at the party. She watched him watch her. The fresh smell of pine coming off the tree filled her nose in the thin, cold air.
“Go inside before you get cold.”
“It’s no fun without you,” she said, chattering her teeth for extra effect. He was alienating himself because inside were a bunch of people who had Christmas’ and families and stories to tell. He wanted his own family and his own stories. The ones he had were too much to talk about. She understood that. Every time she glanced around the room, she’d wonder what it was like to see her own mom laughing and singing Christmas songs. If her mom would have bought her a dress and taught her how to be pretty. She almost had that.
“That’s a bit grim, Katalina.”
“Then help me clear my mind. Come in with me. Have fun wi
th me.”
“On one condition,” he said, walking over to her. His usual smirk appeared on his face. It made her smile. Not the closed mouth kind, but the kind where it seemed like a no matter how big or long she smiled it wasn’t enough.
“Sure.”
“I get to tell the pervert story.”
“Tristan!” she hissed. “Jesus, can you forget that already?” She couldn’t stop her cheeks from burning.
“I’ll never forget anything as vivd as that—except when you tried to honeypot me.”
“I was not. You seriously have a dirty mind.”
“You were holding me down and biting me. I don’t even have to mention your shocking Russian accent. I don’t even think it was Russian.” He laughed his contagious, easy laugh.
“You know what? I give you permission to fantasize about it however you want. I know what really happened.”
“So I have permission to fantasize about you now?”
She burned so much the snow around her melted. Her stomach dropped in a free fall. She swallowed trying to slow the banging in her chest.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You don’t have go all stiff on me. It was a joke, Katalina. Stop staring at me like I’m a perv.”
“I wasn’t,” she half laughed, cursing herself.
There it was, that weirdness that sometimes happened to them. Like a train that had just jumped the tracks.
“We should probably go inside.”
She nodded and took the biggest breath of her life. Why was she such an idiot? Tristan nudged her with his elbow. “You look really nice, no pervertedness intended.”
She blushed, the words ‘thank you’ caught in her throat because she was scared of what saying it, would give away. “Tristan, I don’t think you’re a pervert.”
“Oh, I know. You’re projecting your true feelings on me,” he said, opening the backdoor.
“Really?” she laughed, stepping inside. “That’s your theory?” He closed the door behind her.
“Who honeypotted who?”
“Stop saying that,” she said, moving toward the growing voices. She stopped in the hallway before turning the corner and peeked at the party. She didn’t want to be apart of everyone else yet.
“Why?” he said right behind her. His breath brushed the back of her neck. His chest pressed against her back as he peered over her shoulder. The pressure was warm, her stomach jumped up, down, sideways, and around in circles. It took a world of strength to turn her body into him casually.
“Why what?” she said, stretching her neck to look at him. He didn’t move back or give her space. He didn’t smile or blink.
“Why don’t you want to go out there?”
She swallowed. She couldn’t say it. It was a lump in her throat burning to be out. She forced herself not to think it, even though it was obvious.
“It’s really not. You—should say it.”
Her chest pounded so loud she could hear it over the music. Her throat burned as she opened her mouth to say what she’d been feeling—what she was feeling. That she…but she couldn’t. She stood so still, she shook.
He leaned closer, just as still as she was, his heart pounding hard against her back. She felt every beat, just as fast as hers. They were too close to pretend it wasn’t what it was. Did this mean he was meeting her halfway?
Katie leaned in closer…
“There—you are,” Allison said, making them both jump apart. Her eyes grew wide as she realized what she had walked in on. “Uh—a few of us from school got together in the dining room. We were playing cards. Just thought I’d find you before we start.”
Katie lost her voice. It was still stuck in between her and Tristan. His lips were so close to hers. His eyes were on her lips.
Katie nodded, taking deep breaths, and followed Allison to the dinning room, aware of Tristan’s arm brushing against her as they went. He’d let his fingers brush against hers and if they happened to connect for a second he made no effort to pull them away, and neither did she.
Her insides were smiling again. She shook with an electric vibe; scared, and yet hoping, he felt it.
When they got to the dining room there were only two seats left—next to each other—and she smiled again. “Do you want anything to drink?” Tristan asked. His voice was a little raspy. He cleared it. For the first time ever, she saw his checks turn pink.
“Soda. Thanks,” she said, finding it hard to look at him. Not without her heart jumping around like a caged manic. He left and she sat down.
She was surrounded by Brian’s new friends: Ethan, who was staring at Allison in a creepy kind of way; Christi who was talking Michael’s ear off; Adam who was smiling at Allison; the girl Jenn Black who’d beat the crap out of her in Preliminaries; and, of course, Brian, who was getting up from his seat across from her—probably to run and hide.
To her surprise, it was exactly the opposite. He sat in the seat next to her. “Hey,” he smiled so that his eyes formed little rainbows. There was a hint of alcohol and egg nog on his breath and his face was a tinged with pink.
“Hi.” They sat quiet for a second, listening to everyone else’s conversation.
“I’m sorry. For everything. I really am. I miss you. A lot.” He looked at her, waiting probably for her to say something back. But she didn’t have anything to say. She had been waiting so long for this apology that she’d forgotten all the lines she had prepared. “I’m not just saying this because you look really pretty, which you do. I’m sorry. This is coming out all messed up.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve wanted to say something for a while now, but you’re always with Tristan. I don’t know how many times I’ve stood by the backdoor waiting for you to take a water break.” He stopped and closed his eyes. “That sounded even worse didn’t it? I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, wanting to stop him. She had imagined him groveling for her forgiveness a thousand times, but seeing him do it, listening to him try, hurt something in her—like watching him fall in training. “I get it. Water under the bridge.”
“Friends again then?” he said, grabbing his cup from on the other side of the table. He took a drink and smiled at her.
“Sure,” she said, smiling back. He grinned and hugged her. A laugh escaped her as he gave her a squeeze. They let each other go and laughed again.
“Okay, enough girl stuff,” he winked.
She sunk when Tristan walked in the room carrying a single glass of fizzing soda. As soon as he saw Brian his blue eyes hardened.
He handed Katie her drink. “You’re in my seat,” he said.
“There’s a chair open right there,” he pointed to the one across from them.
“Then go sit in it.”
Katie cringed. They were like bulls kicking up dirt ready to charge.
“What’s your problem?” Brian said a little loud. Everyone looked up. Tristan narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth.
“Okay, let’s start the card game. Poker? Go Fish?” Allison said loud and overly cheerful. Katie offered Tristan a smile but he frowned, moving to the empty seat across from her.
“I like Poker. Go Fish sucks,” Jenn said. She had pretty green eyes that matched her strapless dress.
“I second that,” Adam and Allison said, almost at the same time. They looked at each other then laughed. No one else said anything.
Allison dealt the cards, and Katie looked at her hand completely confused. She didn’t know how to play. Allison disappeared and brought back a bag of candy canes, starburst, M&M’s, skittles, and little Reese’s cups. She gave everyone candy and explained the rules, but Katie didn’t hear. She stared at Tristan. He was watching her.
She pretended to play but got lost in which candy was worth how much, it didn’t help that Tristan threw random candies at her from across the table. Every time she’d look up he’d smile that crooked smile and his eyes would shine.
“Tristan stop throwing money,” Allison scolded.
Katie threw
a candy cane back at him, aware of everyone’s eyes on them. It made her feel superior in a way. No one else was in on their joke. They were the only two people in the room, and they belonged to each other. And everyone knew it.
“I don’t know if that’s more or less than what I’ve thrown at you,” he said.
“This is why you don’t throw money. Do I need to explain the currency again?”
Tristan threw two candy canes at Allison. “Is that enough to shut you up?”
Katie laughed so loud everyone stared at her, hiding their own laughs as Allison rolled her eyes.
“Michael! Would you eat a hundred dollar bill, Michael? Because, that’s what you’re doing right now. That candy cane was a hundred dollar bill,” Allison said.
Michael turned red and put his half eaten candy cane back on the table. “Is it still worth fifty?”
Katie found Tristan’s eyes and they laughed. Laughing with him made her feel invincible. If she were wearing a paper bag it wouldn’t matter. He made her feel pretty. Katie grabbed of few of Allison’s skittles sending Allison into a fit. “Stop eating my skittles, Kay,” she yelled, throwing her cards onto the table. Katie laughed so hard, she choked on skittle juice.
She caught her breath and looked around the table. Everyone was laughing. They were all as red faced as she felt, even Allison who graced them all with her cancer curing smile. Faces she had grown to dislike and was envious of, were smiling back at her. She’d always spent her time with Tristan, she never considered the others as potential friends.
“How about we stop playing cards and just eat candy?” Jenn said. She had a nice smile too. Katie would have liked her if she hadn’t slapped her in the head three times.
They all threw their cards into the middle of the table and unwrapped candy. Everyone except Tristan. He looked uncomfortable, stuck between pretending to eat, like he did at school, or sticking out. Katie stood up and grabbed his candy.