by Libby Phelps
Copyright © 2017 by Libby Phelps
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.
Cover design by Erin Seaward-Hiatt
Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-0325-4
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-0327-8
Printed in the United States of America
For My Loved Ones
CHAPTER ONE
THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
IT WAS A HOT, SUNNY SUMMER MORNING IN TOPEKA, AND I’d settled myself beside the swimming pool to write. Stretched out on a lounge chair, clad in a T-shirt and running shorts, I scribbled intently in my pink journal with my favorite turquoise ballpoint pen. My grandfather walked laps around the running track that encircled the pool, wearing a nylon sweatsuit despite the heat. He wasn’t allowed to actually run anymore because it was bad for his elderly hips and knees, but he still got out there every day, striding around. A man on a mission.
Taking a break to sip from his water bottle, Gramps strolled across the lawn to my chair and peered over my shoulder.
“What you working on, Lib?” he asked with a grin. I angled the book up so he could see my list of the torments of hell, outlined in my looping handwriting.
Miraculously, I had been born a member of the only church on Earth whose congregation was going to heaven, and I had been taught from birth what happened to everyone who wasn’t. Or, for that matter, to anyone in our family who strayed from the path of righteousness.
A type-A student both in school and in church, I wanted to make sure I knew all of God’s punishments by heart. You should know them too, because that’s where my church says you’re headed.
You’re doomed to eternal torment in the fires of hell, as I wrote in that notebook, where the worm that eats on you never dies, where flames will ceaselessly shoot out of your eyeballs. Where you will look at others around you, amazed and disbelieving that you are all actually there, writhing in this agonizing and never-ending suffering. Where your pain threshold incrementally increases as your pain tolerance increases. Where there is a great gulf between you and the people in heaven, who can see you being tortured and taunt you for not heeding their warnings about God’s wrath while you were alive.
Gramps’s blue eyes skimmed my itemized list of everlasting damnation, each item bullet-pointed with a different metallic color, and his face lit up into a bigger smile. Bending his tall frame down, he kissed me gently on the forehead.
“I love you,” he told me. “I love you, I love you.” He walked away and resumed his exercise. Staring down at the list, my eyes filled with tears in spite of myself. Gramps loved me best when I was terrified for my immortal soul—which was most of the time.
MY LATE GRANDFATHER, FRED PHELPS, WAS THE FOUNDER OF the Westboro Baptist Church. The church is made up of about seventy people, and 90 percent of them are members of my immediate or extended family. (A few other families would join over the years, but I was always skeptical of them.)
The Phelps clan is the backbone of the WBC. For a man who lived nearly his entire life in a small Kansan town, Gramps’s name and face are well known all around the world. When people speak of him, the word “hate” comes up a lot. As in, “hate group.” Or “the most hated man in America.” Or “the man who loves to hate,” as one news story put it. The media covered my grandfather endlessly, which he loved. Did it bother him that they almost uniformly wrote about how terrible he was? Quite the opposite. He saw himself as a prophet, and as he often told us, throughout history people have always scorned prophets—right up until their prophecies come true.
AS A MEMBER OF HIS FLOCK AND FAMILY, I WAS MORE THAN JUST sheltered—I was actively warned against the corruption of the outside world. Again and again, in sermons and private conversations, I was told that civilization outside of WBC was made up of sinners, alcoholics, drug addicts, and lost souls with no moral compass. There was no gray area: You were either one of us, or you were depraved and doomed. So I was terrified of what lurked beyond the protective walls my family had carefully erected around me—terrified especially of gay people, because according to the WBC, homosexuals were the absolute worst of the worst, the most dangerous group of people in the world. As long as I can remember, I was told daily that they were the bottom rung on the ladder of depravity, sending all of America to hell in a “faggot’s handbasket.” Gays were to blame for all the country’s natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and school shootings. My only view of life outside WBC was that it was an orgy of sin, that absolutely everyone was bound for eternal damnation. This was what I was taught, and believed, for the first twenty-five years of my life. I thought I was one of the few people God had selected to be His own. I felt privileged that by the grace of God I was born into this family, and I believed I was handpicked to represent God on the mean streets of America. Like all the other members of my family (excepting those who had made the foolish decision to leave the church), I was thankful to have been chosen out of this corrupt and sinful generation, while all others were blinded by the truth.
WBC is best known for our picketing, which began in earnest in the early 1990s. We picketed pop concerts, football games, churches of every denomination, and—most notoriously—the funerals of American soldiers and victims of hate crimes. You know who we are. You’ve gasped at television footage of me and my family at memorial services for American soldiers, waving signs that say THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS. You have seen the images, each colorful neon sign emblazoned with a hateful, shocking slogan: GOD: USA’s TERRORIST. GOD HATES JEWS. THANK GOD FOR 9/11. The international media have covered our protests with unflagging interest, to the deep satisfaction of the WBC leaders.
For over twenty years, the church has picketed every day, 365 days a year. No exceptions. There is at least one daily picket in Topeka, our hometown, and sometimes there is also an organized picket in another city. GOD HATES FAGS, our most well-known sign, was the enduring mantra of the church.
Gramps’s focus on gays came from the Biblical verse Leviticus 18:22: “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” Twelve simple words, Gramps would always say. However, the homosexual population only really became the church’s crusade after Gramps’s complaints—about a park in our town being used as a hookup spot for gay men—were ignored. Rather than heeding his warnings about it, prominent people in town and fellow churches deemed his quest to have the park “cleaned up” extremist and homophobic. Their disdain inspired my grandfather to begin what he saw as his holy mission of calling out the unrepentant depravity of Topeka’s residents—and eventually the entire world.
When the picketing first began, WBC specifically targeted the gay population at pride parades and LGBT-friendly organizations or places that employed people known to be openly gay. Then we branched out to fallen soldiers’ funerals—a 180-degree reversal of Gramps’s previous attitude toward the military, up until the late ’90s, w
hen he would pray for US soldiers in sermons, referring to them as “our boys.” Once Gramps decided the United States as a whole was on a fast track straight to hell, he proclaimed that no one should be fighting for a nation that supports and enables homosexuality. “A nation is doomed when it proudly embraces, exalts, and institutionalizes fag filth,” Gramps told us again and again in sermons and during pickets. Americans were “worshipping dead soldiers,” he told us. Instead of paying tribute to the dead body, he would explain to us, people should be warning their fellow man of the dangers of going to hell like the fallen soldier. God killed that soldier, he said, for fighting for a “filthy fag nation, a sinful nation given over to perversion, a rebellious nation who will not hear the Word of the Lord, a nation covered with wounds and bruises and putrefying sores from the sole of her foot to the top of her woolly head.” (Why the nation had a woolly head, I was never quite sure.)
More specifically, Gramps preached to us that God was killing soldiers because Americans bombed us on August 20, 1995, when a small improvised explosive device went off outside my Aunt Shirley’s house, destroying property (but thankfully not injuring any of us). The church sent out a flyer offering a reward of several thousand dollars, and we eventually found out a local Washburn University student did it. He was found guilty and sentenced to only a couple of weeks in jail, which didn’t surprise my family members—they already thought everyone was out to get them, and that the government was in on it too. In retaliatory wrath, Gramps preached, God was killing Americans. “For it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord,” he quoted from Romans 12:19.
PEOPLE OFTEN ASK ME ABOUT THE MOTIVES BEHIND WBC’s public face. Do they really believe all of this shock-tactic stuff? Is it a publicity stunt? Are they doing it simply to be cruel? The bottom line is that WBC members absolutely believe in what they’re saying. They are convinced they’re doing the right thing—that this is the best way to love their neighbor. Sparing someone’s feelings doesn’t enter into the equation. We were taught that a true believer shows love by obeying God and urges their neighbor to do the same, and that to love thy neighbor is to rebuke him or her. WBC sees pickets as a battlefield: God’s people vs. “workers of iniquity,” or those who persecute the elect (that is to say, us). The elect were chosen “before the foundation of the world,” as the Bible says in Ephesians 1:4, so Westboro members were predestined as righteous prophets. The words on our signs—and coming from the picketers’ mouths—are really intended more for overall shock value than to make anyone feel bad, although we were often confronted with people brought to tears by our placards. Their visible pain was entirely beside the point, in the church’s view. Short sound bites grab people’s attention and spark interest, as we were taught early and often in church and in picketing meetings. As a result, passersby will look at the signs and have to make a choice: to serve God by picketing with us, or to turn their backs (which would be like turning their backs on God) and continue to be part of unholy America.
We were told every day that the world would loathe us for our religious beliefs, and that the world’s hatred would make us stronger. If people hate you, we were taught, you’re doing it right. There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a trumpet, and shew my people their transgression.” From the time I was born, I was taught that hating sinners and telling them so made me a good person. It made our “calling and election sure,” as the Bible says in 2 Peter 1:10. We were told to wear our persecution like a badge of honor. It was, after all, a small price to pay for our endless days in heaven, when we would be able to watch all the sinners roasting below us in hell while we enjoyed the bounty of eternal life. We would always say nonchalantly, “Sorry, you’re going to hell and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
But being part of God’s elect didn’t make us immune from the terror of damnation. If one of us ever screwed up, our family members would immediately warn us that we’d be headed to the same place if we didn’t straighten up right quick. My relatives would tell me they loved me in the same breath as they’d tell me exactly what would happen to me if I strayed from the path of church-approved righteousness. My grandfather’s love for his family and his belief in his ministry were deeply intertwined. Since before I could walk or talk, the church and its teachings were the centerpiece of my life. Growing up, I heard the term “filthy fags” a lot more often than I heard the phrase “I love you.” Gramps taught us that to love each other, and our family, meant for us to tell everyone God hates them—and that everyone else, in turn, hated us for telling them our righteous beliefs. It was a vicious cycle.
When I was growing up, people would often remark that the Phelps children were so well behaved. Well, of course we were, because we didn’t ever want to disappoint anyone and lose our place in heaven. We kids would have conversations among ourselves about how terrifying it all was. We always wanted to get it right, so we wouldn’t be consigned to the flames of hell forever. When I had thoughts that I was doing the wrong thing, I attributed it to the devil and almost instantly pushed those thoughts aside.
Since I was born into this belief system, most of what I did growing up felt pretty normal. I won’t tell you here that I doubted the teachings of the church all along, because I didn’t—at least, not very often. I learned from a young age to push any “bad” thoughts to the back of my mind, as if those thoughts had never existed. I also learned early on that negative thoughts or doubts were not to be discussed openly for fear of public humiliation within the confines of the church. But every so often, they’d come to mind full force, like on 9/11. My initial reaction was pure and utter shock, while the elder church member’s reaction was to joyfully dance in celebration—or to “dance a little jig,” as they frequently called it.
Most of the world saw Gramps as a condemning, hateful, firebrand cult leader—a man who would be impossible to like, let alone love—but the truth is that to me, he was a real grandfather as well as an all-consuming spiritual leader. When he wasn’t talking religion, he seemed like a typical Southern gentleman. He had impeccable manners, and insisted on looking his Sunday best every day, with his shoes shined and clothes pressed.
Gramps always made me feel like I held a special place in his heart. It wasn’t that he never got irritated with me—he did have a quick and fiery temper, which could be much scarier one-on-one than hearing him preaching in church or sermonizing at a picket. His booming voice, when directed at us, could be like the angry voice of God Himself. Somehow, though, I seemed to be exempt from most of Gramps’s ire. He didn’t reproach me nearly as much as he did my cousins and sisters. And when he did get upset with me, I could tell he felt bad for hurting my feelings, and he would usually try to make up for it in some small way. We were close, and I really loved him.
Born in 1929 in Meridian, Mississippi, my grandfather was a dedicated Boy Scout who went on to receive the prestigious Eagle Scout award. At age seventeen, he received a principal appointment to West Point Military Academy; shortly after, he turned it down because of his young age and in order to pursue the ministry, becoming an ordained minister on September 8, 1947, at the hands of a Southern Baptist preacher. He met his wife, Margie Simms—Gran, to us—in Phoenix at the Arizona Bible Institute in October 1951. They were married in 1952, in Glendale, Arizona. Gramps and Gran had thirteen children. My dad, Fred Phelps Jr., is the eldest. Four of my dad’s siblings have left the church. The most influential ones still in the group are my uncle Tim, my aunt Margie Phelps, and my aunt Shirley Phelps-Roper.
Gramps and Gran moved to Topeka in May of 1954 with my dad. The first-ever church service at their spacious, mid-century home—which still houses the WBC chapel—was held in November 1955, and from then on it hosted Sunday services nearly every week and continues to this day. But for many years before the picketing started, my grandfather ran a more traditional ministry. Before he opened his own church, he was an associate pastor at Topeka’s East Side Baptis
t Church. He split off to create its affiliate, the Westboro Baptist Church, eventually severing all ties with East Side. WBC is what is known as nondenominational, but Gramps would refer to it as “old-school, primitive Baptist,” since its members don’t share many views with other religious groups, including other Baptists. With very few exceptions, there was never any other congregation Gramps deemed as righteous as ours.
Gramps would often explain to us with genuine regret that although no one preached the Bible like he did, there was a time when all preachers would do it. John Calvin’s Five Points of Calvinism—total depravity, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and perseverance of the saints, often shortened to their acronym “TULIP”—were considered the building blocks of Christianity by many preachers of my grandfather’s generation. These same people were inspired by the famous sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God,” delivered by Puritan preacher and theologian Jonathan Edwards in 1741. As the title implies, Edwards did not believe in a God who forgives everyone; in his sermon, he enumerates the many ways one might end up condemned to burn in hell. Over time, old-school preachers like Edwards were replaced by modern thinkers who believe in what Gramps would call “the great Arminian lie,” after sixteenth-century Protestant preacher Jacobus Arminius: the idea that God loves everyone.
Early on, my grandfather realized it would be helpful to his ministry to have a law degree as well. He graduated from Washburn University Law School in Topeka in 1964, founding the Phelps-Chartered law firm soon afterward. He was a well-known lawyer in town for years, famed for his passionate defenses in civil rights cases. He was said to be a “brilliant” civil rights attorney (including in a CNN story about him) and would take on racial discrimination cases no one else would touch at that time. He represented the likes of Gale Sayers, a professional football player who contacted Gramps when he played college ball at the University of Kansas. I met Gale years later at a book signing; I told him who I was and he leaned in close to me and whispered, “Tell your grandfather ‘hi’ for me.” I could tell he was nervous saying this; it seemed he was proud and appreciative of what Gramps had done for the civil rights movement, but understandably didn’t want to be associated with his anti-gay crusade. Gramps also reopened the prominent Brown v. Board of Education in a suit that maintained the Kansas school system hadn’t fully implemented the dismantling of “separate but equal” schools as it had been ordered to do in the Supreme Court ruling of 1954. For decades after the church’s founding, Gramps worked as a civil rights lawyer during the week, and an old-school preacher on Sundays. He even received an award from the NAACP for his work on behalf of black clients.