by Kiera Cass
I excused myself first, giving Maxon a chance to admire the back of the dress, and scurried to my room. I closed the door to my room behind me and unzipped the gown immediately, desperate for a breath.
“How’d it go?” Mary asked, rushing over.
“He seemed stunned. They all did.”
Lucy squealed, and Anne came to help Mary. “We’ll hold it up. Just walk,” she ordered. I did as I was told. “Is he coming tonight?”
“Yes. I’m not sure when, but he’ll definitely be here.” I perched on the edge of my bed, arms folded around my stomach to keep the open dress from falling down.
Anne gave me a sad face. “I’m sorry you’ll have to be uncomfortable for a few more hours. I’m sure it’ll be worth it though.”
I smiled, trying to look like I was fine dealing with the pain. I’d told my maids I wanted to get Maxon’s attention. I’d left out my hope that, with any luck, this dress would be on the floor pretty soon.
“Do you want us to stay until he arrives?” Lucy asked, her enthusiasm bubbling over.
“No, just help me zip this thing back up. I need to think some things through,” I answered, standing so they could help me.
Mary took hold of the zipper. “Suck it in, miss.” I obeyed, and as the dress cinched me in again, I thought of a soldier going to war. Different armor but the same idea.
Tonight I was taking down a man.
CHAPTER 2
I OPENED THE BALCONY DOORS, letting the air sweeten my room. Even though it was December, the breeze was light and tickled my skin. We weren’t allowed to go outside at all anymore, not without guards by our sides, so this would have to do.
I scurried around the room, lighting candles, trying to make the space inviting. The knock came at the door, and I blew out the match, bolted over to the bed, picked up a book, and fanned out my dress. Why yes, Maxon, this is how I always look when I read.
“Come in,” I offered, barely loud enough to be heard.
Maxon entered, and I lifted my head delicately, catching the wonder in his eyes as he surveyed my dimly lit room. Finally he focused on me, his gaze traveling up my exposed leg.
“There you are,” I said, closing the book and standing to greet him.
He shut the door and came in, his eyes locked on my curves. “I wanted to tell you that you look fantastic tonight.”
I flicked my hair over my shoulder. “Oh, this thing? It was just sitting in the back of the closet.”
“I’m glad you pulled it out.”
I laced my fingers through his. “Come sit with me. I haven’t seen you much lately.”
He sighed and followed. “I’m sorry about that. Things have been a bit tense since we lost so many people in that rebel attack, and you know how my father is. We sent several guards to protect your families, and our forces are stretched thin, so he’s worse than usual. And he’s pressuring me to end the Selection, but I’m holding my ground. I want to have some time to think this through.”
We sat on the edge of the bed, and I settled close to him. “Of course. You should be in charge of this.”
He nodded. “Exactly. I know I’ve said it a thousand times, but when people push me, it makes me crazy.”
I gave him a little pout. “I know.”
He paused, and I couldn’t read his face. I was trying to figure out how to move this forward without being pushy, but I wasn’t sure how to manufacture a romantic moment.
“I know this is silly, but my maids put this new perfume on me today. Is it too strong?” I asked, tilting my neck so he could lean in and breathe.
He came near, his nose hitting a soft patch of skin. “No, dear, it’s lovely,” he said into the curve that led to my shoulder. Then he kissed me there. I swallowed, trying to focus. I needed to have some level of control.
“I’m glad you like it. I’ve really missed you.”
I felt his hand snake around my back, and I brought my face down. There he was, eyes looking into mine, our lips millimeters apart.
“How much have you missed me?” he breathed.
His stare, combined with his voice being so low, was doing funny things to my heartbeat. “So much,” I whispered back. “So, so much.”
I leaned forward, aching to be kissed. Maxon was confident, pulling me closer with one hand and stringing the other through my hair. My body wanted to melt into the kiss, but the dress stopped me. Then, suddenly nervous again, I remembered my plan.
Sliding my hands down Maxon’s arms, I guided his fingers to the zipper on the back of my dress, hoping that would be enough.
His hands lingered there for a moment, and I was seconds away from just asking him to unzip it when he burst out laughing.
The sound sobered me up pretty quickly.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, horrified, trying to think of an inconspicuous way to check my breath.
“Of everything you’ve done, this is by far the most entertaining!” Maxon bent over, hitting his knee as he laughed.
“Excuse me?”
He kissed me hard on my forehead. “I always wondered what it would be like to see you try.” He started laughing again. “I’m sorry; I have to go.” Even the way he stood held a sense of amusement. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
And then he left. He just left!
I sat there, completely mortified. Why in the world did I think I could pull that off? Maxon may not know everything about me, but at the very least he knew my character—and this? It wasn’t me.
I looked down at the ridiculous dress. It was way too much. Even Celeste wouldn’t have gone this far. My hair was too perfect, my makeup too heavy. He knew what I was trying to do from the second he walked through the doorway. Sighing, I went around the room, blowing out candles and wondering how I was supposed to face him tomorrow.
CHAPTER 3
I DEBATED CLAIMING THE STOMACH flu. Or an incapacitating headache. Panic attack. Really, anything to get out of going to breakfast.
Then I thought of Maxon and how he always talked about putting on a brave face. That wasn’t a particular strength of mine. But if I went downstairs at least, if I could just be present, maybe he’d give me some credit.
In hopes that I could erase some of what I’d done, I asked my maids to put me in the most demure dress I had. Based on that request alone, they knew not to ask about the night before. The neckline was a bit higher than the ones we typically wore in the warm Angeles weather, and it had sleeves that went nearly to my elbows. It was flowery and cheerful, the opposite of last night’s getup.
I could barely look at Maxon when I entered the dining hall, but I walked tall at least.
When I finally peeked at him, he was watching me, grinning. As he chewed his food, he winked at me; and I ducked my head again, pretending to be very interested in my quiche.
“Glad to see you in actual clothes today,” Kriss spat.
“Glad to see you in such a good mood.”
“What in the world has gotten into you?” she hissed.
Dejected, I gave up. “I’m not up for this today, Kriss. Just leave me alone.”
For a moment, she looked as if she might fight back, but I guessed I wasn’t worth it. She sat up a little straighter and continued eating. If I’d had any level of success last night, then I could justify my actions; as it was, I couldn’t even fake being proud.
I risked another glance at Maxon, and even though he wasn’t watching me, he was still suppressing a smug expression as he cut his food. That was it. I wasn’t going to suffer through a day like this. I was about to swoon or clutch my stomach or do anything to get me out of the room when a butler came in. He carried an envelope on a silver platter, and he bowed before placing it in front of King Clarkson.
The king took the letter and read it quickly. “Damn French,” he muttered. “Sorry, Amberly, it looks like I’ll be leaving within the hour.”
“Another problem with the trade agreement?” she asked quietly.
“Yes. I though
t we’d settled all this months ago. We need to be firm on this one.” He stood, throwing his napkin on his plate, and made his way to the door.
“Father,” Maxon called, standing. “Don’t you want me to come?”
It had struck me as odd that the king didn’t bark out a command for his son to follow when he exited, seeing as that was his usual method of instructing. Instead he turned to Maxon, his eyes cold and his voice sharp.
“When you’re ready to behave the way a king should, you’ll get to experience what a king does.” Without saying anything more, he left us.
Maxon stood for a moment, shocked and embarrassed by his father’s choice to call him out in front of everyone. As he sat down, he turned to his mother. “Wasn’t really looking forward to that flight, if I’m being honest,” he said, joking away the tension. The queen smiled, as of course she must, and the rest of us ignored it.
The other girls finished their breakfasts and excused themselves to the Women’s Room. When it was just Maxon, Elise, and me remaining at our tables, I looked up at him. We both tugged our ears at the same time, then smiled. Elise finally left, and we met in the middle of the room, not bothered by the maids and butlers cleaning up around us.
“It’s my fault he’s not taking you,” I lamented.
“Perhaps,” he teased. “Trust me, this isn’t the first time he’s tried to put me in my place, and he has a million reasons in his head why he thinks he should. It wouldn’t surprise me if his only motive this time was spite. He doesn’t want to lose control, and the closer I am to picking a wife, the more of a likelihood that is for him. Though we both know he’ll never truly let go.”
“You might as well just send me home. He’s never going to let you pick me.” I still hadn’t told Maxon about how his father had cornered me, threatening me in the middle of the hall after Maxon talked him into letting me stay. King Clarkson had made it clear I was to keep my mouth shut about our conversation, and I didn’t want to cross him. At the same time, I hated keeping it from Maxon.
“Besides,” I added, crossing my arms, “after last night, I can’t imagine you’re that keen on keeping me anyway.”
He bit his lips. “I’m sorry I laughed, but really, what else could I do?”
“I had plenty of ideas,” I muttered, still embarrassed at my attempt to seduce him. “I feel so stupid.” I buried my head in my hands.
“Stop,” he said gently, pulling me in for an embrace. “Trust me when I say, it was very tempting. But you’re not that girl.”
“But shouldn’t I be? Shouldn’t that be part of what we are?” I whined into his chest.
“Don’t you remember the night in the safe room?” he said, his voice low.
“Yes, but that was basically us saying good-bye.”
“It would have been a fantastic good-bye.”
I stepped away and swatted at him. He laughed, happy to have broken through the uneasiness.
“Let’s forget about it,” I proposed.
“Very well,” he agreed. “Besides, we have a project to work on, you and I.”
“We do?”
“Yes, and since my father is gone, this will be a convenient time to start brainstorming.”
“All right,” I said, excited to be a part of something that was just between the two of us.
He sighed, making me nervous about what he was planning. “You’re right. Father doesn’t approve of you. But he might be forced to bend if we can manage one thing.”
“Which is?”
“We have to make you the people’s favorite.”
I rolled my eyes. “That is what we’re working on? Maxon, that’s never going to happen. I saw a poll in one of Celeste’s magazines after I tried to save Marlee. People can hardly stand me.”
“Opinions change. Don’t let that one moment bring you down too much.”
I still felt hopeless, but what could I say? If this was my only option, I had to at least try.
“Fine,” I said. “But I’m telling you, this won’t work.”
With an impish grin on his face, he came very close and gave me a long, slow kiss. “And I’m telling you it will.”
CHAPTER 4
I WALKED INTO THE WOMEN’S Room, thoughts focused on Maxon’s new plan. The queen hadn’t shown up yet, and the girls were all laughing in a clump by the windows.
“America, come here!” Kriss said urgently. Even Celeste turned back smiling, waving me over.
I was a little uneasy about what could be waiting for me, but I walked to the huddle anyway.
“Oh, my goodness!” I squealed.
“I know,” Celeste sighed.
There, running laps in the garden without their shirts on, were half of the guards in the palace. Aspen had told me that all guards got injections to help keep them strong, but apparently they also did a lot of work to keep their bodies in peak condition.
While we were all devoted to Maxon, the sight of cute boys was something we couldn’t ignore.
“The guy with blond hair,” Kriss said. “Well, I think he’s a blond. Their hair is so short!”
“I like this one,” Elise said quietly as another guard ran past our window.
Kriss giggled. “I can’t believe we’re doing this!”
“Oh, oh! That guy, right there with the green eyes,” Celeste said, pointing to Aspen.
Kriss sighed. “I danced with him at Halloween, and he’s as funny as he is good-looking.”
“I danced with him, too,” Celeste bragged. “Easily the most gorgeous guard in the palace.”
I had to laugh a little. I wondered how she would feel if she knew he used to be a Six.
I watched him run and thought about the hundreds of times those arms had embraced me. The distance growing between Aspen and me felt unavoidable, but even now I had to wonder if there was a way to keep some piece of what we had. What if I needed him?
“What about you, America?” Kriss asked.
The only one who really caught my eye was Aspen, and after feeling that ache for him, this felt kind of stupid. I dodged the question.
“I don’t know. They’re all kind of nice.”
“Kind of nice?” Celeste echoed. “You have to be kidding! These are some of the best-looking guys I’ve ever seen.”
“It’s only a bunch of boys without their shirts on,” I countered.
“Yeah, why don’t you enjoy it for a minute before it’s just the three of us you have to look at,” she said snippily.
“Whatever. Maxon looks just as good without his shirt on as any of those guys.”
“What?” Kriss shrieked.
A second after the words slipped out of my mouth, I realized what I’d said. Three sets of eyes focused in on me.
“When were you and Maxon topless, exactly?” Celeste demanded.
“I wasn’t!”
“But he was?” Kriss asked. “Was that what that god-awful dress was about yesterday?”
Celeste gasped. “You slut!”
“Excuse me!” I yelled.
“Well, what else would you expect?” she snapped, crossing her arms. “Unless you want to tell us all what happened and why we’re so wrong.”
But there was no way to explain this. Undressing Maxon hadn’t exactly been a romantic moment, but I couldn’t tell them I’d been tending to wounds on his back specifically delivered by his father. He’d spent his life guarding that secret. If I betrayed him now, it would be the end of us.
“Celeste was half-naked up against him in a hallway!” I accused, pointing a finger at her.
Her mouth popped open. “How did you know?”
“Has everyone been getting naked with Maxon?” Elise asked, horrified.
“We weren’t naked!” I shouted.
“Okay,” Kriss said, putting out her arms. “We need to clear this up. Who has done what with Maxon?”
Everyone was quiet for a moment, not wanting to speak up first.
“I’ve kissed him,” Elise said. “Three times, but
that’s it.”
“I haven’t kissed him at all,” Kriss confessed. “But that’s by my own choosing. He would kiss me if I’d let him.”
“Really? Not once?” Celeste asked, shocked.
“Not once.”
“Well, I’ve kissed him plenty.” Celeste flipped her hair, deciding to be proud instead of embarrassed. “The best was in the hallway one night.” She eyed me. “We kept whispering about how exciting it was that we might get caught.”
Finally all eyes were on me. I thought of the king’s words, suggesting that maybe the other girls were being much more promiscuous than I was prepared to be. But now I knew it was one more weapon in his arsenal, a way to make me feel insignificant. I came clean.
“I was Maxon’s first kiss, not Olivia. I didn’t want anyone to know. And we’ve had a few . . . more intimate moments, and one of those times Maxon’s shirt came off.”
“Came off? Like it magically flew over his head?” Celeste pressed.
“He took it off,” I admitted.
Not satisfied, Celeste pushed on. “He took it off or you took it off?”
“I guess we both did.”
After a charged moment, Kriss started again. “Okay, so now we all know where we stand.”
“And where is that?” Elise asked.
No one answered.
“I just want to say . . . ,” I started. “All of those moments were really important to me, and I care about Maxon.”
“Are you implying that we don’t?” Celeste barked.
“I know that you don’t.”
“How dare you?”
“Celeste, it’s no secret that you want someone with power. I’m willing to bet you like Maxon well enough, but you’re not in love with him. You’re shooting for the crown.”
Without denying it, she turned on Elise. “What about this one? I’ve never seen a speck of emotion out of you!”
“I’m reserved. You should try it sometime,” Elise fired back quickly. Seeing a spark of anger in Elise made me like her more. “In my family, all the marriages are arranged. I knew what was coming for me, and that’s all this is. I may not be head over heels for Maxon, but I respect him. Love can come later.”