by Sonia Singh
And now this.
If only I knew how to micromanage my feelings.
Until then, I’d have to go back to my lamb shank and potatoes and face Tahir.
I stood and flushed the toilet for good measure. Exiting the stall I was confronted by a long line of ladies wearing the latest in dirty looks. I washed my hands, tossed my hair, and left the bathroom with my head held high.
Bathed in the soft glow of the candles, surrounded by golden walls and colorful carpets, we enjoyed our after-dinner grappa.
I was mulling over a restaurant idea of my own. Just in case the video game or the exercise video didn’t take off. The cuisine would be California-Indian fusion. I even had a name. The Goddess Gourmet.
“Maya, are you listening?”
“Huh?” I looked over to see Tahir watching me expectantly. I straightened my shoulders and sat up. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
Tahir smiled. “I want to take back something I said to you before, because it wasn’t the truth.”
I went still. Could I have been wrong? Was Tahir going to admit he felt the same way about me, too? My cynicism melted under the warmth of requited love. Life suddenly pulsed with possibilities. Maybe I’d even vote in the next election.
“Maya.” Tahir hesitated.
“Yes,” I prompted.
He looked deep into my eyes. “Maya, I just want to say…I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“What the—”
He interrupted. “I just wanted to share how I really felt.”
I signaled the waiter. “Another shot of grappa, please.”
He traced his finger down my palm. “I also think you’re beautiful and original.”
“Oh.”
“One more thing…” His voice trailed off as the waiter set the shot glass down in front of me.
Compliment or insult? What would it be? I was going to have a massive coronary in the time it took for him to decide.
“Maya—”
Ugh.
Malevolence settled on me like one of Tangiers’ thick Persian rugs.
Tahir squeezed my hand. “When I met you I—”
No. Not now. I wanted to squeeze his hand back. I wanted to hear what he had to say.
Ugh.
But I couldn’t wait. Malevolence had beaten him to the punch.
“I have to…I’ll be back.” I slid out of the booth and began moving through the crowd. As the night had progressed, so had the crush of people.
I was at the door when Tahir whirled me around to face him. “What’s wrong?” he demanded.
Whether he meant in the metaphysical or emotional sense, the explanation would take too long. “There’s no time. I have to go.”
“You can’t do this again, Maya.” His voice held an edge of finality.
I pulled away. “I’m sorry.”
His expression was closed, his voice flat. “So am I.”
I pushed my way out of the restaurant, refusing to look back.
What was I supposed to say?
Tahir had been right the day he’d moved out of our house.
It never would have worked out between us.
Chapter 44
MY LIFE HAD BECOME about running.
Running into bathrooms, running out the door, running in designer heels.
My Manolos!
I pulled them off, reducing my height by a good three inches, and scanned the street for malevolence.
Evil had taken a right.
Pashmina shawl flying behind me like a cape, I ran down the sidewalk in my bare feet, praying I wouldn’t step in spit or shit.
This was seriously bad planning on my part. No sword. No Hummer. Nobody walked in LA. From now on I was taking my car everywhere—not that there’d be any more dates with Tahir.
Tahir. Best not to think about him.
My Malevolent Meter led me into a narrow alley, where a man had a woman up against the wall.
It didn’t take a goddess to guess his intentions.
I was sick of evil in all its forms. Especially the nasty form that now stood in front of me.
I called the you-know-what within.
Lightning illuminated the gray eyes of the attacker, along with the shiny knife blade in his hand. The woman was slumped against the wall and made no move to get away.
There wasn’t time to look for a clean place to set down my shawl and shoes, so I dropped them on the ground and grabbed the lid of a trash can.
“Who—” he uttered.
I flung the trash can lid as hard as I could, and divine accuracy took care of the rest.
The metal Frisbee caught him full in the face, and he hit the ground with a thud, a moment before the clattering disk.
He didn’t move.
Maybe I’d been feeling a bit too much of the shakti?
I knelt at his side and felt for a pulse. It took me a few tries actually to find the correct spot—you’d think with a family full of doctors I’d detect it right away—but it was there, beating strong.
A groan made me turn my head and move toward the woman. She had long, streaked blond hair and a California tan. “Where’s my date?” she murmured.
“Date?”
She took a step, fell toward me. I grabbed her. “The guy I picked up at the bar?” She was completely wasted, which made it all the more fun for me. “He said he wanted to show me something.”
“Don’t you watch the Lifetime Channel?” I asked. “They had a TV movie about this kind of thing just last week.” I slipped one arm around her waist and used my other hand to pick up my stuff from the ground. After numerous falls and several stumbling steps, we managed to make it out of the alleyway.
“Where do you live?” I asked her.
She swayed. “I don’t know. LA.”
I rolled my eyes. “Where’s your purse?” I could at least get her address from her driver’s license.
“I had it in the bathroom when I was snorting.” She stopped walking. “Don’t feel good.” Her eyes closed and she crumpled to the ground.
A woman with black hair and way too much makeup was unlocking the door to a Saturn at the curb.
Time to use the Goddess Gaze. “Hey!” She looked up. “I need to get to the hospital. Now.”
She nodded. “Hospital…okay.”
Together we heaved Blondie into the back of the car. I’d just saved her life. If she even thought of overdosing on me—
I’d kill her.
I left the waiting room as soon as the nurse assured me Blondie would be fine.
I decided to grab a cup of coffee. The hospital—Linda Vista—was freezing. Wrapping my shawl around me, I followed the signs leading to the cafeteria.
I’d let the woman with the Saturn go, so I’d have to use the G.G. again later to get a ride to my car.
I was rounding the corner, the cafeteria in plain sight ahead when the doors to the elevator opened and a group of chattering nurses exited.
“What’s up with Dr. Vargas?” one of them said, with a cross expression. “Ordering us around like we’re servants?”
“Doctors,” another said. “They strut around the hospital like they own it. ‘M.D.’ apparently stands for massive dick!”
“Not literally of course,” another laughed.
“Don’t we wish.”
I couldn’t see her face but a nurse in pink scrubs spoke up. “Come on, girls. Until we get more male nurses—nothing’s going to change.”
I froze in the corner. I knew that voice.
As they passed by me in the hall, I had a clear view of the group. My eyes widened. It was all I could do not to reveal my presence.
Suddenly, I didn’t need the coffee after all. I’d completely perked up.
Thanks to the woman in pink.
As it turned out, my cousin Nadia wasn’t a nephrologist after all.
She was a nurse.
Chapter 45
DO UNTO OTHERS, as you would have them do unto you.
Unless her
name was Nadia and she was a total bitch.
In that case, you rub your hands in glee and ponder how to use her secret against her.
Hell, maybe I’d just call a press conference?
I’d found a ride. Dr. Saggar was cute, and he drove a BMW. He dropped me off in front of Tahir’s complex and sped away with the blank, slightly cross-eyed look that seemed to be a symptom of the Goddess Gaze.
I was about to unlock my car door and get in when I stopped and stared up at Tahir’s apartment building.
The old Maya would have gotten in her car and left.
The new Maya had a choice.
Maybe Tahir and I were really over, but maybe we weren’t?
I bit my lip. I wanted people in my life. I wanted friends. I wanted Tahir. I had to try.
I had to take a chance.
Entering the lobby was one of the scariest things I’d ever done. Not vomit-inducing scary, but daunting nonetheless.
Kali binds herself to the terrifying, and she is unafraid.
I took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer.
His voice came through, curt and displeased. “Yes.”
“Tahir…it’s Maya.”
Silence.
“There’s something I have to tell you.” I stopped. No more words. “Actually,” I amended, “there’s something I want to show you. Please, can you come outside?”
Instead of waiting for him to answer, I released the button. If Tahir didn’t come down I’d keep ringing the buzzer until he called the police.
After a few minutes he was there, dressed in a T-shirt and sweats. “Well? What’s the excuse now?”
“I want to show you who I really am.”
He folded his arms. “Let me guess. You’re actually a man.”
“What?” I was horrified. “You’ve seen me naked!”
He shrugged. “Medical technology has improved by leaps and bounds.”
“This isn’t a transgender thing, Tahir. Just watch, please?”
I walked to the middle of the street—prayed no oncoming traffic would spoil the moment—and called the Goddess Within.
Streaks of lightning flashed in the sky as the familiar coil of warmth unfolded in my body. The wind came out of nowhere and churned around us. Ram had said the word for goddess in Hindi was ‘devi’: the Shining One. So I tried something new and visualized a white aura of light surrounding my body. It worked!
Apparently, the meditation really was freeing my mind.
Finally, I chanced a look at Tahir. He was watching me, his expression unreadable.
At least he hadn’t peed himself.
Radiant light shone off my hands as I raised them. “I am the incarnation of Kali—the Dark Mother. My dharma is to save the world. So…ah…what do you think about that?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so bloody sexy in my life,” he said.
I threw myself into his arms so hard I practically knocked him over.
After a few moments, Tahir said in a choked voice, “Maya, I can’t breathe.”
I loosened my grip from around his neck, thought what the hell, and blurted it out. “I love you.”
He smiled smugly. “I thought so.”
“Asshole.”
He laughed. “I love you, too.”
He leaned down to kiss me but I pulled back. “Wait. You don’t seem very shocked about any of this Kali stuff.”
“Growing up in India, I saw quite a bit of odd supernatural shit. Swamis levitating off the ground and so forth.”
“Levitate? You’re joking, right?” I wonder if Ram knew how to do any of that.
“Sweetheart, you just called up the forces of nature.”
“You have a point.”
He leaned down to kiss me again when I thought of something else. “What about looking for a good Indian wife and mother?”
“You’re a good human being, and that’s what matters most. That’s what I wanted to tell you at the restaurant earlier.” Before I could open my mouth again, he pulled me to him and brushed my lips with his. “Let’s go inside.”
Our arms around each other we walked up the drive. He swiped his key card and opened the lobby door. “Is that wind going to die down soon?”
Oops.
I turned back. “Stop!”
Thankfully it did. I would’ve been so totally embarrassed if it hadn’t.
“Brilliant,” Tahir said with admiration.
I grinned. “Tell me about it.”
Chapter 46
THE LAST THING you’d want to think about when you’re naked is your mom.
I sat up, pushed the hair out of my face, and squinted at the morning light filtering through the window. “Shit! I never called home.”
“Hmm?” Tahir murmured next to me.
I leaned over him, grabbed the cordless off the bedside table, and dialed. The line was busy. We had call waiting, so after a moment I hit redial. Still busy. I hung up and called my mom’s cell phone. Busy as well.
Huh.
I tried my dad’s cell. Busy, busy, busy. Thinking they might be at work even though it was Sunday, I called their offices. No answer.
There was another way—thanks to the meditative exercises—and the rates were better than AT&T.
I closed my eyes and called the Goddess Within. I visualized my parents’ faces. They were fine. I couldn’t see into the house or zero in on what they were doing—this wasn’t divine spy cam. I just got the sense that everything was okay.
Which didn’t explain why all the phones in the house were being used.
Tahir yawned. “No luck?”
I looked at him over my bare shoulder. “You realize you are single-handedly destroying my reputation within the Indian community.”
Tahir smiled lazily. “And enjoying every moment of it.” I laughed, then his expression grew serious. “Speaking of phones, have you called the police about this Sanjay fellow? Maybe they can track him down?”
We’d stayed up late last night talking—and, uh, doing other things—and I’d filled him in on the life and times of Maya Mehra.
“If I tell the police about Sanjay, I’ll have to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions. Next thing I know I’ll be featured in a FOX Special like Goddess Autopsy. No way am I going to the police.”
“What about that woman he was with at the Kathak concert?”
“Indira? I don’t know her last name or where she works. Ram doesn’t either.”
Tahir raised himself on one elbow. “You know, for a goddess incarnate, you’re severely limited in what you can do. Have you spoken to Ram about this?”
My eyes narrowed. “Don’t even go there.”
He began rubbing my arm in a soothing manner. “Subject is officially dropped. You know in India, it’s quite the scandal for a single woman to spend the night at a man’s house. It’s practically unheard of.”
“First Sanjay, now scandal, are you trying to get me in the mood?”
Tahir’s response was decidedly cocky. “Don’t worry about your parents. When they find out you and I are an item, they’ll be thrilled.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Consider yourself quite the catch, do you?”
Tahir matched me eyebrow for eyebrow. “Darling, I could be an ax murderer and still have my pick of proposals.”
The goddess inside me stirred. Tahir needed to be taken down a notch.
I lunged.
When I let him up for air a while later, his bottom lip was bleeding.
“I worship you,” he gasped.
I tossed my hair and smiled.
I wasn’t going to allow any conversation after that.
After eating breakfast, I took a shower and came out of the bathroom in Tahir’s robe to discover my clothes were nowhere in evidence.
I was peering under a chair for my apparel when Tahir walked into the room carrying a white plastic bag. “Have you seen my dress?” I lifted the comforter from the bed.
“It’s folded and lying on the
kitchen table,” Tahir said.
“Do you usually lay out your clothes on the kitchen table?”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Like what?”
He rubbed his chin. “I have this thing. Well I guess you’d call it sort of a sexual fantasy. But I was wondering if you’d be willing to fulfill it?”
“Are you going to ask me to pee on your face?”
He looked taken aback. “No! That’s disgusting.”
“What is it? A little S&M?”
“Well you’ve just clued me in to your realm of fantasy.” He removed the contents from the bag and held it up. A long shimmer of red material swayed before me. The material had a black border covered in sparkling crystal work. “I want to see you in a sari.”
I flopped down into a chair. “Aw hell.”
Tahir held up the blouse. It was a skimpy little black thing with a low-cut neck and back. There was crystal work along the bodice. Actually, it was cute, and I’d have no qualms about wearing it with pants or a skirt.
But a sari?
“I bought this for you yesterday,” Tahir said. “It goes with your nose ring. And look here.” He opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a dark blue velvet pouch. He untied the drawstring and emptied the contents into my lap: gold chandelier earrings, a gold choker, golden bangles, golden anklets, and a gold belly chain.
I was more the antique silver type.
Tahir cupped my face. “Please, for me?”
I sighed. He was seriously asking a lot. If only he weren’t so goddamn gorgeous. “I’ll do it. But I have a fantasy, too. It’s called the maharani and the naughty Brahmin boy.”
Tahir kissed me and left the room.
Reaching for the sari blouse, I let the robe slip off my shoulders and pool around my feet.
With the low-cut back and front, a bra was out of the question. Wondering about the jiggling factor, I began doing up the hooks in the front. The blouse was a little tight.
Knowing Tahir, he’d probably picked a smaller size on purpose.