by Sonia Singh
A perfect sham.
My parents were proud of me, for what? I hadn’t accomplished anything. They were proud of me for something I had no control over. Like being proud of a child because he or she has beautiful red hair or amazingly green eyes.
Where was the value in that?
I hadn’t even tried to take Ram seriously. If someone else had been in my place, she would have unlocked her full potential. She would have become the Goddess Within, instead of having to call her up all the time. Now Ram was lying in the hospital.
And what about Tahir? I’d insulted his mother to his face. Sure, Pinky made Endora on Bewitched look like the ideal mother-in-law, but Tahir loved her. I should have respected that.
Tahir was better off without me.
Had there even been anything “real” between us? All we had was sex.
Really good sex.
Unbelievable sex.
I mean the orgasms were just…
Anyway.
With regard to my poor worshippers, what had I done for them? I hadn’t listened to any of their problems. I hadn’t eased the burden of living or anything.
And I’d turned my back on the snakes in need.
Sanjay was right. I was a joke.
A celestially spoiled brat.
I lay back on the sand and closed my eyes. I was going to lie here until the tide came in and swept me away. Suicide was the answer.
Good-bye.
A seagull flew by and crapped on my face.
My eyes flew open, and I looked down at my watch. Barely an hour had passed.
I sat up and gazed at the ocean. Either I’d have to move closer to the water, or I’d have to scrap the suicide plan and go home.
I stood and headed back to my car.
Across the street was a small park with a playground and picnic tables. Three of the tables were overflowing with Hare Krishna Hippie Freaks. Their orange robes reminded me of Ram.
Ram…
I could feel the tears building up again.
A few of the Hare Krishna men were crossing the street and heading toward the beach. One of them stopped and smiled at me. “The Universe doesn’t make mistakes,” he said.
“What?”
“Think of all the planning it took just so you and I could smile at each other in the middle of the street.”
“I’m not smiling.”
Smiling even wider, he cocked his head. “Did you know that you have bird sh—”
“Yes,” I said curtly.
“Okay then.” He waved. “Have a blessed day.”
I watched him walk away.
The Universe does not make mistakes.
Huh.
And then it hit me.
Just like that.
No bells. No whistles. No eons spent under a tree communing with nature. Just instant clarity.
The Universe in all its infinite wisdom had chosen me. The same Universe that created the Pacific Ocean, and redwood forests, and puppies with oversized paws, and kids with gap-toothed smiles and vodka and Johnny Depp.
And me.
I wasn’t a failure. I was divine.
I’d been given this dharma. I’d been chosen for a reason.
The Universe does not make mistakes.
Maybe someone else could do the job better.
Tough shit.
I’m the one the Universe chose.
And then I did something I’d been too afraid to do before. I called the Goddess Within. Pulled out my compact.
And looked in the mirror.
Nothing scary. Just me.
Covered in bird shit.
But me all the same.
Chapter 56
HOAG HOSPITAL was a state-of-the-art facility located off the 55 freeway and Pacific Coast Highway. The doctors there liked to surf, then shop at the Nike Town down the street.
That was Newport Beach for you.
I washed the crap off my face in the ladies’ room, then went to the reception desk.
“Last name?” The nurse asked.
“Last name?” I was baffled. Ram was just Ram. Thankfully I saw my brother inserting coins into a coffee machine and raced off. “How’s Ram?” I asked him breathlessly.
He blinked at me from behind his glasses. “Ram? Oh he’s fine. Minor concussion. Did you know Hoag has eighteen LDR suites? I checked out their ambulatory surgery floor. I haven’t decided on a specialty yet, but obstetrics—”
I tried another tactic. “Where’s Ram?”
He blinked again.
“Samir?”
“Sorry. I was just wondering if I could check out the imaging center. Ram’s in Room 407. Mom and Dad got him a private suite.”
I took off.
Ram was propped up in bed looking cross while a nurse poked and prodded him. He shot her an offended look. “Please do not handle my person in such a manner. The body is a sacred vessel for the soul.”
The nurse snorted. “Right. Ask me how many sacred bedpans I’ve changed today.”
Catching sight of me, Ram’s frown disappeared. “Maya!”
“I’ll be back later,” the nurse said.
Ram stuck his tongue out at her retreating back. “Bah! Irritating woman.”
I reached over and hugged him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come earlier. I’m sorry about everything.”
Ram cupped my face in his hands and stared intently into my eyes. “You have done it. You and the goddess are one.”
I sat in the chair closest to the bed. “I finally realized that I had to stop trying to be the goddess. I am the goddess. Does that make sense?”
Ram sighed happily. “Yes.” After a moment his brow furrowed. “Perhaps it was a language problem that kept me from explaining this to you?”
“We both speak English.”
He waved his hand in dismissal. “You do not speak proper English. Half the time I cannot understand what you are saying.”
I rolled my eyes. “Like, whatever.”
“About Sanjay,” Ram began.
I leaned forward. “I will get him. But first I want to know what happened. How did you get hurt?”
For some reason Ram looked embarrassed. “I was petting a cobra when Sanjay entered the building. I was alone, having been given free rein to visit with the snakes.”
I repressed a shudder.
“Sanjay began waving a gun, telling me I must go with him. Luckily, I noticed the nervous glances he kept darting at the snakes. He is very scared of them, you see. Silently, I communicated with my cobra friend, and she hissed in agreement. As Sanjay approached, the cobra coiled and struck at his face. Sanjay screamed, dropped his weapon, and ran out of the building.”
“Wait.” I gave him a puzzled look. “Did you say you communicated with a cobra?”
“Snakes are very intelligent creatures.”
“But I’ve never seen you do anything incredible like that.”
“Why then did the cobra attack Sanjay and not me?” Ram questioned defensively.
I dropped the subject. “How’d you get the concussion then?”
The embarrassed expression was back.
“The lift was taking too much time, so I chose the stairs. Some naughty child had left a sticky sweet on one of the steps. My sandal became stuck, and I tripped over my robes and fell down.”
“Oh.” So Sanjay hadn’t hurt Ram? If he’d stuck around outside, though, he would have seen the paramedics arrive. Naturally he figured fate had stepped in and done the deed for him.
Sanjay was such a loser.
I took Ram’s hand in both of mine. “I’m going to go, okay? I think it’s time Sanjay came out of hiding.”
Ram smiled. “I always believed in you.”
“Earlier you said I was practically unteachable.”
“Bah! I had a concussion. I was rambling.”
“You didn’t have a concussion then, Ram,” I pointed out.
His expression grew stubborn. “I never doubted you for a moment.”
As I got up, Ram said, “One day books will be written about you.”
I tossed my hair. “Yeah, and I can just see the reviews. Prozac Nation meets A Passage to India.”
And then, once again, I was running out the door.
I nearly ran into Samir in the hallway.
“Hey, Maya, you want half my Snickers?”
Did he really need to ask? “Thanks.” I popped the chocolate in my mouth. “Have you been here all morning?”
He yawned. “It can get lonely in the hospital. Mom and Dad are at work, and I thought, Ram should at least have someone to talk to.”
I smiled. “You’re going to make a kick-ass doctor, you know that?”
Samir blinked. “Thanks.”
I suddenly realized why my brother and I had never gotten along—it was simple—there was no reason. I had mistakenly assumed that because we were different, we would have nothing to talk about, no way to relate. “Listen,” I said, “before you go back to Stanford, maybe we could go out for drinks or something? Catch up?”
He blinked twice. “Okay. That’d be fun.”
My little brother and I. Spending time together.
He was right.
It would be fun.
Chapter 57
EXITING THE HOSPITAL, I nearly ran into someone else.
Note to self: Running with my head down is dangerous and does not add to speed.
I looked up and into a pair of deep black eyes. The kind of eyes that could make a girl swoon.
If she were so inclined.
“Hi,” Tahir said.
“Hi.” Okay and my next line? “Umm, are you here to see Ram?”
“Actually, I was looking for you. Your cell phone was off, and I tried the house. Took a chance you might be here…how’s Ram?”
Ram? Who the hell cared about Ram at a time like this? “You were looking for me?” Threads of hope encircled my heart and made it pound.
“Maya—” Tahir stopped as a very pregnant woman and her harried-looking husband brushed by us.
“Don’t,” I said before he could finish his sentence. I couldn’t let him go on. Not when I’d been in the wrong as well. “Don’t apologize.”
He looked puzzled. “Apologize? I didn’t come here to apologize.”
Now I was the one looking puzzled. “You didn’t?”
“What is there to apologize for?”
Huh.
“Why are you here then? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
Tahir neatly stepped aside as a teenage boy on crutches came hobbling by. “I was supposed to take Ma to Universal Studios and took the day off.”
“What happened?”
“I decided to see you instead. She’ll deal…as they say.”
I laid my hand against his cheek. “The three of us will go to Universal Studios together.”
Tahir covered my hand with his and kissed me.
There we were in the hospital parking lot. I wasn’t one for PDAs—public displays of affection—but after a few moments in Tahir’s arms, I forgot there had ever been bird turd on my face.
“Wait.” I pulled away. “We have issues. We can’t just kiss and make up.”
He pulled me back. “Of course we can, hence the expression.”
My mind was spinning. A few hours ago I was ready to sleep with the fishes. But things had changed. I had changed. “Tahir…I’m the goddess. I really am.”
“To me you always were.” And then he added almost as an afterthought, “I think we should get married.”
“Okay, I may be a goddess, but I’m also messy, extravagant, and I sleep ten hours a day.”
His lips brushed my forehead. “I’ll do the cooking.”
“Thank God.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder.
He nuzzled my hair. “You take care of the world, Maya. I’ll take care of you.”
I closed my eyes. “It’s a deal.”
Chapter 58
USING MY DIVINE navigation system, I tracked Sanjay down to a suburb in Santa Ana.
Amazing the things you can do when you believe in yourself.
Gag.
Regardless of how After School Special it sounded though, the fact was, as soon as I truly believed I would find Sanjay, I was able to close my eyes and locate him.
Well almost.
I wasn’t able to get an exact address, but I knew I was close.
I roamed one street after another until I struck gold.
Tucked between a beauty salon and a Dairy Queen was a shop called India Emporium.
Hmm, an Indian market.
I’d found gossip central.
The interior of the shop was cool and dark and heavy with the scent of spices.
Since I had cleverly deduced that Sanjay was staying with Indira, I also cleverly deduced that Indira would have to rent her Bollywood DVDs and buy her masalas and Indian staples somewhere.
The middle-aged clerk behind the counter wore a gray polyester shirt and black pants. “Excuse me, do you know someone by the name of Indira Bhatia?”
Before he could answer a high-pitched female voice piped up from behind a shelf of Indian pickles. “Mandira or Indira?”
“Indira,” I said.
A tiny woman with black hair down to her waist stepped into the aisle and faced me. “Indira Bhatia on Hillcrest Drive or Indira Bhatia on Maple?”
“Wait, there’s two of them?” I asked.
“What DVDs does she rent?” the man behind the counter asked. “The Indira on Maple likes the oldie goldies but Indira on Hillcrest likes the new releases.”
“Chee, you are such a dumbo!” the woman exclaimed. “Don’t listen to my husband. Describe your Indira to me.”
“Her hair is scraped back into a tight bun, and she wears glasses. She’s a chemical engineer.”
“That is Indira on Maple only,” she said, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “But she is no longer having a job.”
“That’s definitely her.”
“She was in here with a young man.”
My voice dropped to a whisper as well. “He’s her boyfriend. They’re living together.”
Her eyes widened in shock.
“And that’s not all,” I added. “This same boyfriend nearly murdered a pundit. You wouldn’t happen to have Indira’s address, would you?”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Dumbo will give you the address.”
The next moment she was practically running into the back room. Before the door closed I saw her reaching for the phone.
Grist for the gossip mill.
The husband handed me the slip of paper with Indira’s address on it.
“Thanks, Dumbo,” I said automatically. “I mean, ah, thanks.”
And then I was—what else—running out the door.
I stood in front of a nondescript small yellow house. Sword in hand, I was the Goddess Within.
Remember. Try stealth.
I hesitated, then thought what the hell and kicked the door down.
Stealth was boring.
I stepped into Indira’s front hall. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”
Sanjay and Indira really should have known better.
They’d never stood a chance.
Chapter 59
SANJAY CAME DOWN the stairs with, of course, a gun. Indira clung to him from behind.
Seriously, though, as soon as I took out Sanjay, I was going after his gun supplier.
Sanjay was not engaging in the proper use of firearms.
I stood there with my hands on my hips. “You know, Indira, you really picked a winner. Thanks to him, you’ve lost your job and your reputation.”
“Reputation?” she asked.
“I told the people at India Emporium that you and Sanjay were living together.”
“You mean the Shahs from India Empo
rium?” she shrieked. “But they’ll tell the Gulatis, who will tell the Ambanis, who will tell the Ramanis and Aruna Ramani’s parents live in the flat next door to my parents!” She pushed Sanjay away and sat down on the bottom step. “They’ll kill me.”
Sanjay kept the gun trained on me but looked pleadingly at Indira. “Don’t worry, Indu.”
“Oh shut up! My life is ruined.”
“What is it you see in him anyway?” I asked. Sanjay glared at me.
Indira cupped her face in her hands. “I like that he has goals, dreams. Otherwise, computer programmers are a dime a dozen.”
“Goals like destroying me and Bill Gates?”
She shrugged. “Makes him interesting.”
Sanjay switched the gun from one hand to the other.
That got my attention. I was the goddess, not a relationship counselor.
“You will never succeed,” he said.
“Why the gun then?” I argued. “If you’re so sure I’ll fail?”
For a moment he looked dumbfounded.
“Because it is my dharma to kill you,” he finally said.
“Are you sure that’s what your dharma is, Sanjay?”
“Yes,” he insisted.
That was the problem with fanatics. They were so damn sure about everything.
I took a step forward. “Then we have a slight problem. Because I’m sure about my dharma. I know without a doubt that I’m here to save the world. I still have a lot to learn. I’m far from enlightened. But I’m never going to give up. And no one is going to stop me. So you see the conflict of interest here? You’ve sworn to stop me, and I refuse to be stopped.”
“She’s right, Sanjay,” Indira called out.
“But Indu,” he protested.
“I’m bored with this,” she said. “I want to do something different. All you ever do is sit around and plan how to destroy Maya. I want to go to Vegas.”
“Indu…”
They continued arguing, but I was no longer paying attention. There was this curious roaring in my ears, like the flapping of thousands of wings. The warmth inside me fired up into something intense, something scalding.
I saw myself riding bareback though a sunset valley on a beautiful black stallion. In one hand I held my sword, in the other a decapitated man’s head.