"No need to be rude, little cabocla. What do you want? That I stay here walking backwards and forwards on these damn bars when my mind is elsewhere? Fuck it, I'm not one of your machines that you can turn on and off. You know what? Fuck it. I'm going to play video games. Renato, where the fuck are you?"
I try to go to the door but Anahí plants herself in front of me and pushes me with her index finger on my chest, like a quarrelsome little girl.
"Don’t. You. Dare. Leave. Me. Here. Talking. To. Myself. Viking. Or I'll take out your eyes with a wooden spoon, do you hear me?"
I fall sitting on the mat and Anahí takes off her top and her shorts along with her panties, licking her lips as her eyes wander over my sweaty body. She gets rid of my shorts and boxers in one go and before I can complain, my cock thickens in seconds, hard as steel, with the assault of her hands. Anahí straddles my lap and impales herself on my dick, ridding me like an amazon, hot and wild.
"Honey, what is this?"
"Honey my ass, today I want to be your whore. Shut up and fuck me hard. I need to come, I'm burning up, Viking."
Anahí rides me up and down, eyes hooded with lust, moaning on each thrust. Grinding her hips against mine in perfect sync. I twirl my fingers on her soft hair and pull on it, while burying myself hard in her tight pussy.
"Then take it, my little whore, my naughty little Indian. Grind on your Viking. Fuck Anahí, I'll never get enough of you, so hot, so tight. Say you're mine!"
"Yes, I'm yours. Your little cabocla, baby. Oh! Viking, I'm so close, don't stop!!!"
I squeeze Anahí's ass, caressing her as I fuck her harder and harder. I lick my middle finger with spit and unsure, I feel around her asshole, rubbing my finger over her little hole, teasing her. Anahí moves lazily against my finger and I probe her tight entrance, softly sliding my finger inside her. After breaking through the pressure of her muscles, she takes my petting easily. I push my finger in and out, feeling her tight channel slowly opening up to me. When she's used to that invasion I add another finger and fuck her unhurriedly, letting my woman enjoy the way I take over her whole body. She groans biting her lips and lets out sweet little moans, like an oncilla and whispers in my ear, licking it.
"That's feels so good. I'm going to come so hard. I love you, Klaus."
"I love you more, Anahí."
Anahí moves her ass on my finger and I pump her sex with firm thrusts, feeling my balls contract with the coming orgasm. Could love this woman any more? I honestly don't think that's possible. And after some many questions in my life, all I'm certain of is that I've never felt so complete, so full of life and happiness, than when I'm with my Anahí. She grinds her hips on mine and squeezes my cock, milking it in pleasured spasm and I spill in her, biting her lips while I come until my legs tremble.
Anahí holds on to my neck and cries kissing me with abandon.
"Baby, what happened? Did I hurt you?"
I've never seen her like this, so agitated, unstable. Fuck! I have to hold on to my temper, all this tension is hurting my woman... Anahí is the most important thing in my life, she doesn't deserve to be exposed to the craziness of my last few days like this.
"Little cabocla, talk to me. What happened? Was I too rough? Forgive me, baby. I'm nothing but a brute."
"No, baby, it's got nothing to do with you. You didn't hurt me, I don't know what's going on with me. I’ve been an emotional wreck. I'm taking this stress out in food and then I cry like a hungry baby. I'm being so ridiculous. Never mind. I'm good," she says hiding her face on her hands so I don't see her crying.
"Easy, everything will be fine. I promise you, baby. I know Débora shit on everything and I'm making everybody's life hell. Can you forgive me?"
"I'm the one that needs to ask for forgiveness for not giving you all the support you need right now."
We're interrupted by knocks on the door and Margarete, our housekeeper, says embarrassed, "Mr. Klaus. I'm sorry to interrupt but Mr. Douglas called saying that he needs to speak with you urgently."
"Thank you, Margarete. Tell him I'll call back right away."
Anahí is still lying on the mat and I stretch my hand so she'll come with me.
"Come with me, baby. I'm running you a warm bath."
"No, baby. Douglas could need you for something important," Anahí says and stands up, twisting her hair in a loose bun, and picking her clothes off the floor.
"Just leave it there, Anahí and do what I’m saying. I'm giving you a bath. Whatever Douglas has to say it's not more important than you. He can wait."
After giving my girl a long bath, I go to the balcony and call Douglas. I don't want to bother Anahí with this.
"Hi Douglas, you've got news?"
"Easy, champ. Yes, I do. Today the PI delivered all the information on your mum."
"She's al-...alive?" I ask, my heart beating fast.
"Yes, and closer than you think."
"I'll see you here in half an hour."
Hearing my mum is alive and close by has left me feeling hyped. I hang up the phone feeling my whole body shake. What is she like? Where does she live? What does she do? Where has she been all these years? Shit, there's so much I need to know that I don't even know where to start. I walk to the bedroom to tell Anahí the news and my little Indian girl is sleeping, curled up in bed. She's been tired, withdrawn, only eating and sleeping. What's happening to this woman? Is it PMS? Sometimes she'll get irritated by silly things and give me some deadly looks, ones where the guy knows she's fantasying stepping on his balls. All that's missing is her head twisting like that girl from The Exorcist. This is why most guys would rather stay single and fuck around. Women are strange creatures... Just the day before yesterday I found Anahí in the middle of the afternoon, still wearing her pajamas, with a tub of ice cream, crying over that movie, that old one, that's always on TV. What's it called again? Argh, my brain! Ha! I remember now, The Blue Lagoon. What insane person cries watching a bubble-gum movie like that? Only my woman. I think her friendship with Magali, Big's crazy wife, is making my little cabocla lose a few marbles.
I'm trouncing Renato on a video game when Douglas arrives. I invite him to sit down and Renato excuses himself and leaves us alone.
"So, what did the PI find?"
Douglas hands me a folder and as soon as I open I come face to face with a photo of my mum. Dark skin, with long dark-brown hair, dark and kind eyes, almost familiar, soft features. She's a beautiful woman, I see why old Chico Schneider fell in love with her.
"Mariana Gomes, 52. Pernambuco native, cook, widow. Lived for a few years in Recife. Currently lives in the Gogó da Ema community here in Rio, with her two children.”
"Children? Shit, so I have siblings?"
"Yes, two younger siblings, Bruno, 16 and Amanda, 12. Here's their address. Would you like me to get in touch with them on your behalf?"
No, I don't want Douglas to pay them a cold, professional visit. This is my personal business, so I need to deal with it, no one else. Fuck, not only is my mum alive, but I have two younger siblings that I've never seen. I could bump into them a thousand times on the street and never know the same blood that flows through their veins, flows through mine...
"No, thank you Douglas. I'm doing this myself. Well, not by myself. I'm asking Big for help. Renato, where are you man?”
Renato shows up in the room wearing his backpack, blowing a raspberry.
"Do you need to yell like that? I'm here. What is it?"
"I need you to go somewhere with me," I tell him, holding out the document to him.
"No way, Klaus. I'm not going to any fucking club. Last time that I followed you and Úrsula, Lili almost cracked my head with my Saint George and I almost got cheated on," He says nervously before even reading the papers.
"It's not what you're thinking. You have a fucking dirty mind! I need you to come with me today to Goela do Pato community. Aren't you the one that knows Rio like the palm of your hand? Then take me there."
&nb
sp; Renato frowns and answers, "I never heard of that. I know the Chapéu Mangueira slum, Salgueiro, Pavão, Pavãozinho, Borel, Alemão, Rocinha, my own Pau da Bandeira, where I was born and raised. But I never heard of Goela do Pato."
Douglas raises his hand and corrects me in a low voice, "Klaus, you got it wrong. It's Gogó da Ema, Renato."
"It's all the same, gogó, goela[10], I just got the animal wrong. So Big, can you take me there?"
Renato scratches his head, looking worried.
"Today is my wedding anniversary, I can't be late."
"Have you gotten Lili a gift yet?"
He slaps his forehead, "Fuck! I knew I was forgetting something.”
Ah, Renato, you idiot. But leave it to me, I'm going to save your night and help you out.
"You come with me to my mum's house and I'll help you buy Lili's present and make a reservation in a great restaurant that opened in Leblon. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Take or leave it, dude!"
"Then let's go, because if I'm late Lili is taking my balls."
Renato and Douglas think it best if we don't take Anahí, since we don't know the place and, according to Renato, it's a high-risk zone with occasional gunfights between police and dealers. I fill in Anahí on the information we got on my mum and, even worried about my safety, she wishes me good luck and asks me to set something up so she can meet them.
"We could set up a lunch here at the house. What do you think?"
"Let's take it easy. I rather see how things go first, baby."
"What are you worried about, Viking?"
"I don't know. Maybe all those things Débora said are true and my mum rejected me. I don't want to overreach. I'm not a boy, Anahí, I won't whine because my mum doesn't want me. Life moves on."
Anahí kisses me chastely, sweetly and sits on my lap, running her fingers through my hair, the way she knows turns me into a tame cat, wanting to be pet.
"Well, I'm sure she lied. God willing you and your mum will get along and you'll get a family. But in case things don't go the way we want, you'll always have mine and all your friend's love. You’re a great man, it's very easy to love you, Mr. Schneider."
"You are the one that sees the best in me. I've always been an arrogant man, vain, but life has taught me, through many blows, that I'm not the center of the universe."
"I know that and I'm glad you're a fast leaner. Now go. Put that beautiful smile on your face and I'm sure that they'll love you. Go with God, Viking."
I go by Baixada Fluminense with my heart in my hand. The closer I get to meeting my mum, the more insecure I feel. What’s waiting for me there?
CHAPTER 22
KLAUS
"There are two communities called Gogó da Ema, one in Guadalupe and one in Belford Roxo, your mum lives in the latter on, in Baixada Fluminense. Everything seems to be calm today but may I suggest not leaving it up to fate and when you come here ask your mum to let the drug traffickers know you're coming. Nothing happens to the inhabitants, but since you're not from here, people may mistake you for a tourist or a cop, then who knows what can happen. You don't feel the heavy arm of violence, Klaus, because you're safe behind your walls, but the people who live in these communities, they live of the razor's edge every day. No one knows if this is the day they get hit with a stray bullet, either from the cops or traffickers."
Renato tells Jarbas to leave the windows half open so we can be seen, we wind in and out of a number of side streets until in one of them our car gets stopped by three armed men. When they get closer, I can see they’re just kids, twelve at the most. The guns are almost bigger than them, but still, they hold the weapons with hardened, proud eyes... They’re boys, kids, that the traffic turned into men... And within that context, the masculinity, strength, adulthood of these kids, is strapped to their bodies, at the end of a riffle. One of them, black as coal, raises his weapon and asks us, sneering, "What are you doing here? Who are you looking for?"
Renato takes point and says seriously and tense, "We're here to see Miss Mariana, in Alto do Cabrito street, just up ahead. We're her friends."
"I know who she is. Tell Bruno that Skull says hey. You can go through."
This boy is my little brother's friend. I don't like that. Our car is free to go and I only realize I've been holding my breath when the car moves forward and we leave the armed kids behind. We park outside a broken house and as soon as I leave the car I can see the conditions my mum lives are worse than I thought. I ask Jarbas to wait for me in the car and knock on the gate. Someone opens the door, and I see it's a skinny brown girl that's nears the gate. I take a quick look and she might be Amanda, my kid sister. She's unhealthily thin, wearing a worn dress and flip flops. She might be poor but, surprisingly, looks me straight in the eyes, steadily, no fear. Before she gets closer to the gate, she asks, "Yes?"
"Good afternoon. May I speak with Miss Mariana? This is her place, right?" I say smiling. She frowns, apparently this girl is a tough nut.
"Depends on who's asking. Who are you?" She asks suspiciously.
"I'm Klaus and he's Renato. Is your mum home?"
"You look familiar. Are you in a rock band?"
"No, why? Do you like rock?" I ask, amused.
She keeps staring at me and shakes her head.
"I like jazz, acid jazz, R&B, soul, that's my jam. Wait here, my mum will see you soon."
I speak low to Renato seeing her move back to the door.
"And I thought girls her age liked Luan Santana. Kind of a weirdo, huh?"
"Urgh, I heard that."
A few minutes later the brown, small woman in the photo shows up holding the door with a tight grip. She faces me with wide eyes and her hand over the mouth, coming my way with slow, unsteady steps. These seconds go by so fast, but time seems to stand still and there's only the two of us here. She's plump, with generous curves, long hair down her back, intense brown eyes and soft features. She looks younger than 52, she's aged well despite the threadbare clothing and bare feet.
She opens the gates and looks me up and down and in a fraction of a second, her eyes fill with tears, she covers her face and sobs, flinging herself my way... And I instinctively support the woman that has brought me to this world. I open my arms wide for her, hugging her drooping shoulder tightly. She stands on tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face on my chest, mumbling about how blessed she is for having me back.
"Thank you, God, for allowing me to hold my son again in my arms. Today is the happiest day in my life. Klaus, is it really you?"
"Yes, it's me, Mu–"
"Shh, it's okay. Now that you're here we have all the time in the world."
After holding on to me for some time, my mother finally lets me go, dries her tears and greets Renato, apologizing.
"I'm sorry for my rudeness. Pleasure to meet you, I'm Mariana."
"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Mariana. I'm Renato."
She invites us inside and apologizes for her house, which is very humble. The few pieces of furniture are worn-out, some broken, the couch has some springs showing. I sit next to her and it saddens me to see the poverty that my mum lives with while I have such a prosperous life. She smiles and calls for the girl that answered the door.
"Amanda, come here, my daughter." So, it is Amanda, my youngest sister. She enters the living room and my mum tells her, "Amanda, this is Klaus. Do you remember I told you and your brother that before I married your father I had a son, but we had lost touch?"
"I remember."
"Well, this is him, your older brother."
Amanda laughs nervously, righting her glasses and I don't know what to say. I stand up and she extends her hand for a handshake and I give her an uncomfortable, but infinitely good, hug. I always thought I only had Úrsula as sister but I just won two younger siblings. And apparently just made her uncomfortable. Damn it, I have no idea how to deal with teenagers. It’s at these moments that I feel so old, what do I say? Better not say anything.
/> "Nice to meet you, Klaus. I'm Amanda, the weirdo of the family."
I clear my throat, she did actually hear what I said. I smile, stepping back, "I'm sorry to tell you, but that post is already taken by me, Amanda."
She smiles, shakes Renato's hand, then leaves.
"I'm going to make a quick pot of coffee, if you want to follow me to the kitchen."
Renato stands up graciously following my mum to the kitchen and I follow behind. Like the rest of the house the kitchen is simple. An old four-burner stove, a fridge, a small dining table, and a small kitchen cabinet with a broken door that almost falls on my mum's head. She smiles embarrassed and tries to fix the door, but, in the end, gives up, and starts the coffee the old way, straining it. While the water for the coffee boils she sits next to me and takes a deep breath.
"You probably have tons of questions, right?"
"Yes, I do. The first one is 'why'?"
I'm afraid of finishing my thought. How can I ask her why she left me without seeming like a desperate, needy little kid? Seeming to understand the emotional confusion I've been reduced to, she starts reaching out for my hand, then gives up on it. Finally she scratches her throat, trying to speak.
"I know what you want to ask. I never wanted to leave you, never, but I was forced to. It was either giving you up or being at the mercy of Mrs. Débora. I don't know if I should tell you this, I don't know your relationship with her, but what I can say is that I was afraid, very afraid. For me and for you. Your father and I got involved during a time that his marriage was practically over. They lived under the same roof, but in separate bedrooms. I was the cook of the house and helped take care of Úrsula, that was born sickly. Mrs. Débora was almost always out of the house, traveling, but she absolutely refused to give your dad a divorce. It wasn't something that we meant to do, it just happened... We fell in love, he left the house. We pretended we lived together, especially after I found out I was pregnant with you. But she started putting us through hell, trying to kill herself, blackmailing your father, saying that she was going to tell you grandfather about our relationship, that your grandfather would never accept a bastard grandson of a northeastern girl, from Paraíba, who was in dire straits. Mrs. Débora would threaten me saying that if I didn't give you to her, she'd do so many awful things to you, I really started thinking she wasn't right in the head. She'd say: 'If that child is not mine, then he won't be anyone's. I have the means to make you and him disappear. You won't take my husband from me, I'll finish you before that happens.' When you were born she waited until your father went on a business trip and she kicked me out of the house. She made me pack a bag then had the security guard take me to the bus station with a one-way ticket to Pernambuco and if I came back to Rio, she'd find a way to ruin me. I was too young, Klaus. I know I should've fought harder, went to the cops, but I was afraid. I didn't know anyone in this city, like she used to tell me, I was a northeastern girl with nothing to my name in this big city, with nowhere to go. I went back to my aunt's house in Pernambuco, but I couldn't stand the idea that I had left you here, especially with that woman. After a few years I came back to Rio, I found the school where you went to and got a job at the school's canteen kitchen. I saw you every day and that was wonderful. It wasn't enough, but it was something."
Fatefully Yours Page 16