Fatefully Yours

by Misha Anderson

  I look at her face again and now I understand why she seemed familiar, I can vaguely remember her. It saddens me to realize we were so close without me knowing who she really was. I honestly don't know if I can ever forgive Débora. Why insist on raising me if she had no intention of loving me?

  "During that time, every time that I could I'd get close to you. But once again, Mrs. Débora won. She found out I was working at the school and found a way to get me fired. I got a job as a cook in a little restaurant and came to live here. After a while I met the father of my children, I didn't love him like I loved Chico, but Geraldo was a good man and I agreed to marry him. Several times I thought of looking you up, but time passed, you started getting more and more famous, and I didn't want to embarrass you by looking you up. Give me just a moment."

  She strains the coffee and then goes to the living room, coming back with a box filled with cut up newspaper and magazine articles about me, from my first races up until the article on my accident. I look at each of those photos with a lump in my throat, a mix of sadness and joy. Sadness for telling me the truth about my origin being swept under the rug and joy for knowing that even though she didn't raise me, she did want me. She didn't hand me over easily, and I can't blame her for giving me up. Fuck it, she was just a country girl, scared in the middle of the big city, all alone. I look around me and my heart tightens seeing the poverty she lives in along with my siblings. At this point I think that life isn't always fair, our history would've been very different if we'd stayed together.

  "I understand, the important thing is I'm here now. We can't change what we've been through, we can't erase the past, but can have a new chance. I only have Úrsula as a sister, it's nice to know that I have a family and that I can get to know you and the kids. Talking about that, I would love to meet Bruno, is he here?"

  "He is, but I didn't want you to meet him today."

  "May I ask you why? What's wrong with him?"

  My mum remains silent, crestfallen, and Amanda enters the kitchen jumping in our conversation, "Bruno made some bad friends and ended up taking a beating. Skull told him to take cocaine to some big shot in Barra, he was too scared and backed out. Isn't he our brother, Mum? Then he has the right to know what's happening. The truth is Bruno used to be a smart kid, a basketball player, then some time ago he started hanging out with some awful people. Now he sees just how awful and decided to back out, and he's being threatened because of it. That's it.”

  “Shit, it seems like history repeats itself. Mine is very similar, I was born and raised in Pau da Bandeira, I was a bookish, hard-working kid. A fool, the traffickers called me. I kept my distance from the wrong side, but I was jealous, angry that they seemed to have the best clothes, the brand shoes, girls all around them, wanting them. Damn it, which kid wouldn't dream being wanted like that? I thought of taking the shortcut, I did a stint in juvie and everything. Then one day I saw my best friend die a few feet from me. That made me wake up to the no-return path I was going down on. Then my mum sent me to an aunt's house in Caxias, and I started on the right path again. I studied, passed my entrance exams, got my degree in nursing and never once regretted choosing the harder path. I'm sorry for butting in to a family issue, Ms. Mariana, but what I can tell you is, have patience with your son, talk with him, make him realize that this is the wrong path. I'm sure he'll understand that it's best to be a fool then a crook."

  I stand and walk to the living room, asking my mum.

  "I really want to speak with Bruno, can I?"

  My mum nods and takes me to his room. Apparently, the house only has one room, because as soon as the door opens I see one single bed, where Bruno is lying down, and two mattresses scattered on the floor. He’s lying on his side and turns slowly when my mum calls his name.

  "Bruno, there's someone here that wants to speak with you."

  As soon as I see him my heart tightens in my chest, his mouth’s hurt, one of his eyes is so swollen he can barely open it and the other looks bruised and pained. Fuck! They messed the kid's face up, I lock my jaw thinking that if he hadn't been lucky he’d be dead. He opens his eye wide and says through swollen lips, "Aren't you that driver guy?"

  I sit on the edge of the bed and try to smile, looking over his busted-up face.

  "Yes, or at least I was, before I got into an accident. I'll probably have to retire now. Nice to meet you Bruno. I'm Klaus."

  My mum closes the door slowly and tells Bruno that I'm his older brother. At first he's surprised, then embarrassed that I’m seeing him like this.

  "It's weird being the brother of a famous guy like you. It makes me even more of an idiot."

  "Being an idiot is getting killed by the police of because of crime," I tell him seriously, he looks away.

  "Don't you think you're too young to die?"

  "And don't you think you don't know me long enough to be butting in in my life?" He frowns.

  Bruno is tall, athletic. He sits next to me and faces me pissed off. Curiously, looking at him I can see myself years ago, also a teen, contrarian, with high testosterone and a cruel tongue, just like him.

  "Maybe you're right, but seeing your face messed up like that, I honestly can't say you're being that smart. Don't you think you can tell those guys to fuck off and lead a different life?"

  "How different? Become like the famous Klaus Schneider?"

  "No, just be Bruno Gomes, you have infinite paths ahead of you, you can be whatever you want. I heard you're a good student and basketball player."

  "Not good, I'm the best. Or I would be if I could play in a real court."

  Bruno faces me seriously, chin forward. He's an arrogant little boy, brash, full of himself. Damn it, maybe it's genetics?

  "And what's stopping you from playing in a read court?"

  "What do you think?" He asks sarcastically.

  "You tell me, Big Bruno."

  "Decent food, a fucking bed, a whole night's sleep without having to listen to bullets buzzing past your ear. A good school, a good club for me to train in. Yeah, I think that's what's stopping me."

  I stand and ask him face to face.

  "Are you sure it isn't lack of will, drive, determination, or who even knows, talent?"

  "I have all of that."

  "Then let's make a deal. You leave the food, the fucking bed, the house, school and decent club up to me. If you leave your shitty friends behind, I'll put you in a real basketball court, one of the best in the country. Do we have a deal? Word of honor?"

  "Word of honor."

  I shake his hand and pull him into a hug, surprising him.

  "Now put some clothes on, I'm taking you to the hospital. We need to have someone look at your fucking face, Bruno."

  I wait for Bruno to change clothes and my mum is surprised when she sees he's dressed to go out. She looks at me confused until I explain, "I'm sorry, I should've asked for your permission to take Bruno to the hospital. Is it okay with you?"

  "F... Fine, son."

  "I'm sending Jarbas over tomorrow to get you and Amanda to meet my fiancée, I'm getting married in two months. We could have lunch and then talk. There's something that I'd love to ask you."

  “Go ahead, son, ask whatever you want."

  I hold her hand and talk low so only she can hear me.

  "Let me take care of you."

  "But you don't have to, I, I don't even know what to say," she mumbles, trying to find words.

  "Just say yes," I ask her serious.

  "Yes, Klaus."

  I say goodbye to her and Amanda with a tight hug and before we leave Bruno yells from the gate.

  "Bye, Mum. I'll be right back."

  "Bye, Mum. See you tomorrow."

  My mum smiles emotionally and blows us a kiss, giving us her blessing.

  "Bye, my sons. God be with you."

  Renato sits on the passenger seat next to Jarbas and I settle next to Bruno on the back seat. The car moves forward on Avenida do Brasil and I watch the road thinking abou
t the irony of life. When Douglas told me my mum was closer than I thought, he was right, because only one road and a few miles kept me from my family. But now that I found them, there will be no distance, no past, and no social differences to keep us apart.

  CHAPTER 23

  ANAHÍ

  I walk into the kitchen finding it funny how my Viking’s joy and enthusiasm has infected the whole house. I'm ashamed for being unable to joy that bubble of wide smiles and do my best to join the mood. Damn it, I'm not going to be the only one with a sour face, when everyone seems to be happy as a clam. I try my hardest to get into the mood, though my body is still begging for my bed and my stomach is desperately yelling for an antacid and a hearty fennel tea.

  Das Dores pretends not to hear me grumbling that I can't eat anything and makes me sit down for breakfast, tittering and ecstatic that we're hosting Klaus's family today. I serve myself a hot cup of coffee and a warm corn cake slice that melts in my mouth. Shit! The cake is a hazard to any diet, I pull the cake tray to me, starving like a refugee and eat one, two, and as I'm about to fork my third piece, I run to the bathroom so I don't throw up in the kitchen. Luckily, I reach the bathroom on time and make an awful mess in the sink.

  God! I gasp trying to fill my lungs with air and stop the vomiting. I hold on to the edge of the sink for some time while washing out my mouth and holding my belly. Das Dores knocks on the bathroom door and as soon as I open it she silently hands me a set of keys, then says seriously, “Hold the keys firmly. When I was pregnant with my Sandro, that was the only thing that helped with the nausea. Come, dear, I'll make you some tea."

  "No! It can't be. I got my period this month, it must be some kind of virus."

  "And was your period normal? If I were you I'd take a pregnancy test. But I doubt I'm wrong, you have a bun in the oven, child. As soon as Klaus finds out, he'll be happy enough to burst, you'll see. That boy will go crazy when he finds out he's going to be a dad..."

  “No, Das Dores. I don't want you to say anything to anyone about what you're thinking. I'm sure it's just some virus or stomach bug. No, this time you're wrong."

  I dismiss it, talking low and when I realize that I'm sniveling with eyes filled with tears. I can't be pregnant, not at such a bad time like this, when Klaus's is just starting to react to his recovery, and our relationship is slowly adjusting. I think of all the reasons why this supposed pregnancy is wrong and I'm ashamed to admit that the main one, maybe the only one, it's the huge fear that I have of being a mum... What if I'm cold and detached like mine? I can't throw in her face accusations of mistreatment or aggression; however, she was never a warm mother, one of those who are also a friend. Since Mrs. Jaci went against my grandfather and the whole tribe by getting married to a white anthropologist, she became a hard, dry person, almost unmanageable. Distancing herself from her people ended up souring her and as much as she might have tried not to let it infect me, it still marked me. What if I'm dry and hard like my mum? A baby needs and deserves love, commitment, sweetness, not a number of set rules and small doses of tenderness.

  Das Dores hugs me tightly and I hold on to her, crumbling after so many days trying to be strong. She laces my waist and her hand goes over my belly, saying tenderly while I fall to pieces, unable to put into words what my real fears are.

  "Calm down, child. Everything will be okay; this baby will be welcomed. You couldn't have given your child a better dad than Klaus."

  "The problem is not him, it's me Das Dores. What if I'm not a good mother? Unable to open my heart to this new life that might be coming. I'm so afraid," I say, wiping the tears off my face.

  "Well, I'm certain you're going to be a great mum. When you start feeling that baby growing inside of you a little more each day, I have no doubts you'll fall in love with that little piece of life. There's not a greatest love in the world, it's instinctive and so strong that when you least expect, you'll defend that child with the ferocity of a lioness."

  "Could it be, Das Dores? I hope you're right, but for the love of God, don't say anything about it to anyone. I want to be certain first."

  Das Dores insists that I eat something and I don't hesitate. After the nausea passes, I eat another slice of cake and this time the food stays down. The question now is what we’re going to do to welcome Klaus's family. Earlier today, before he went to his mum's again, he gave me green light to set up lunch the way I think best. Soothing me in that relaxing way that's typical of him.

  "Whatever you want to do, is fine, little cabocla. Talk with Das Dores, as long as we have a full table, I'm good. These are simple people, no need to fuss. Why don't you ask Das Dores to make a delicious home cooked meal, like usual, and it will be perfect. I've been thinking that it would be nice to buy some flowers. Not just some, buy a lot, people always say that women love flowers. I think my mum and Amanda will like seeing the house all flowery. I'm taking Bruno to play basketball with some friends, I want to see how he does. They say the kid has talent, and if he's that good, I have some ideas. I think it's time I change paths in my professional life, who knows this is a good opportunity. Have you seen Big? Renato, are you fucking deaf? Where are you? Let's hurry up, I want to stop by Ursa's before we go to Gogó do Marreco."

  Gogó do Marreco? Where is that place? It's better not to ask. Think of an unrelaxed, flustered man, that's my Viking. He says goodbye with a kiss to melt my legs, and as soon as our lips separate, he gives me a light tap on the ass and nibbles on my neck, whispering all kinds of dirty stuff he's doing to me later. Hmm, I think I'll try on my new lingerie to make sure he doesn't forget his promises.

  "Choose a number from 1 to 10, dirty little cabocla."

  "Four."

  "Done, that will be the number of times you'll be coming today in my arms. Once on my mouth, then on my fingers and twice on my cock."

  The wretched man leaves winking cheekily with the support of the girls, the two crutches he uses to help him walk. After joining his faithful squire, Renato, who has become secretary and personal adviser during his free time, Klaus leaves, making me responsible for welcoming his family.

  After puzzling over what home cooked meal to make, Das Dores and I decide to make meatloaf with Madeira sauce, a specialty of hers. To accompany it we decided on broccoli rice, two types of salad, vegetables au gratin, and, for desert, the German tort Klaus loves.

  I grab my purse using the excuse that I need to buy a special wine, but the truth is ever since the talk with Das Dores, my suspicious have grown and I need to buy a pregnancy test. I need to see with my own eyes if it's a false alarm or if I'm really pregnant.

  I buy the flowers that Klaus asked for and then walk two blocks to go to a warehouse to buy wine and snacks. I'm bagging my things when a platinum-blond girl, reeking glamour stops me and looking me up and down, asks, "You're Klaus's fiancée, right?"

  "Yes, that's me. Anahí..."

  Where do I know this vain woman from? She throws her blonde hair to one side and curves her red-painted lips in a fake smile, facing me with green eyes in a cold, saying in an analytical tone, "You probably don't remember me, we saw each other briefly at Felipe Porto's wedding. Cláudia Martins, little Kau and I used to be engaged."

  "Okay. I need to go. Excuse me."

  I place the last bottle of wine hurriedly in the bag and before I leave the warehouse, Cláudia joins me and holds my arm, making me instinctively defensive and pulling my arms suddenly.

  "I'd heard that little Kau is walking almost normally, you did a good job. But I was wondering, aren't you afraid of being reported to COFFITO[11]? After all, it's unethical of you to get into a relationship with your patience, correct? I find your ingenuity admirable, but I like you, so, as a friend, let me give you some advice. Keep an eye on little Kau, he's always been the biggest ladies' man. While we were together he used to have sex with my friends, he always liked the open relationship thing. I'm surprised he hasn't brought it up with you... He's not a man to be taken seriously. If all you want is a good
time, then it's fine, but I can see from your origins that you're a simple, naive girl. If you want something stable, he's not the man to give you that, dear."

  I hold hard to the bag, dying to slap the face of this poisonous whore. Who does she think she is to give me advice? What does she know about me and Klaus? What does she understand about our relationship? About what we feel for each other? I bit my lower lip, then my lips go to a straight, tense line. Who the fuck does this woman think she is to try and throw me for a loop?

  "Cláudia, I don't mean to be rude, but, honestly, I don't need your advice. Keep your nose in your own life, I'll take care of Klaus. Excuse me."

  I walk to our apartment seeing red, how I hate that woman!!! I leave the bags in the kitchen but take a small bag to my room, locking myself in the bathroom. I take the pregnancy tests I bought in the pharmacy and pee on all four, strip by strip, following the instructions then wait for the results. My legs shake the closer I get to the sink, there they are, all four tests with two lines...positive, I'm pregnant.