Descending Surfacing

by Catherine Chisnall

  ‘Coffee or tea, Jamie?’ asked Di gently. He shook his head. I felt sorry for him. He looked defeated. What had I done to him?

  Mr Norton was glaring coldly at me. Leanne finished her call and set her phone to voicemail.

  ‘So, Mr Norton, we are just waiting for the Principal to arrive and we can get the meeting started.’

  The Principal! She was not a person you wanted to annoy. The few minutes stretched out in silence. Leanne was getting Mr Norton to sign papers, what the hell was that about?

  ‘Sorry to keep you.’ Sonia Velasquez glided in. ‘Mr Norton. Jamie. So, this meeting is to decide what to do in this situation. I would like those involved to give their sides of the story. Jamie, perhaps you’d like to go first as you are the one we are concerned about.’ She caught my eye and if she could have turned me to stone on the spot, she would have.

  ‘Tell us what happened Jamie,’ said Di gently, trying to encourage him.

  ‘It- I- ‘ He shrugged helplessly.

  ‘When did you start having a relationship with Emily?’

  ‘When the lift broke down that time. I- I kissed her- and stuff- cos we were scared. Can I smoke?’

  ‘Sorry, not in the office. What happened after that?’ Leanne took over the questioning.

  ‘My dad chucked me out-‘

  ‘Chucked out is a bit harsh, Jamie. I just-‘ Mr Norton interrupted.

  ‘Please. Let him finish.’ The Principal would not be disobeyed.

  ‘Dad chucked me out. So Emily said I could move in with her.’

  Di was looking more and more uncomfortable.

  ‘She forced him!’ interrupted Mr Norton again. ‘She wanted his EMA as well as his-’

  ‘Mr Norton!’ thundered the Principal. ‘Please keep silent.’

  ‘Do you like living with Emily?’ continued Leanne.

  Jamie paused. ‘Yeah. It's nice there. She cooks for me; I’ve got my own room. We went out to a club, we-‘

  ‘You went out to a club with her? Even though you’re under eighteen?’ Leanne gave me a look of disbelief. ‘Were you drinking alcohol?’

  ‘Course. It was all free ‘cos she knew the owner.’

  This was getting worse and worse. It sounded like I’d seduced an innocent child and led him into bad ways. Although he was far from innocent.

  ‘I’m sorry, Principal. This is really bad,’ blustered Mr Norton. ‘My Jamie’s a good boy. He’d never go into a club unless this slapper forced him.’

  Jamie’s look of disbelief was worth seeing. And luckily everyone saw it.

  ‘Hm,’ said the Principal. ‘Now I think we need to hear Emily’s side.’ She gave me a scornful glance.

  ‘I- it's just as he said. It started in the lift and just carried on.’

  ‘Oh come on. That’s very unconvincing. You are a grown woman. You could have restrained yourself.’ The Principal couldn’t help sounding disgusted. She paused. ‘Sorry, Leanne, this is your meeting.’

  ‘As Sonia said, why didn’t you just restrain yourself, Emily?’

  ‘I- I don’t know. I was just scared. I thought I was going to die.’ My voice shook.

  ‘And when you realised Jamie was homeless, why didn’t you contact me, or a learning mentor? That would be the correct procedure. Di could have helped him find somewhere to live.’

  ‘I- I don't know. It was dark. He was cold and had nowhere to go and it was my fault his dad chucked him out.’

  ‘Your fault?’ Leanne looked from me to Mr Norton to Jamie.

  ‘Yes. It was because of us being stuck in the lift that Jamie couldn’t do something for his dad, and his dad said it was the last time he’d let him down and chucked him out.’ I babbled.

  Mr Norton looked disconcerted.

  ‘That’s not right. Your assistant is lying,’ he said to the Principal, acknowledging her as the one with the power.

  ‘Could you explain more slowly, please, Emily?’ Sonia asked gently.

  ‘Because of me, Jamie got chucked out of his home.’

  ‘I see. So you felt guilty.’ She paused. ‘This is a very complicated situation. I suggest we move on to a solution. I take it you do not wish to take legal action, Mr Norton?’

  No! I said to myself. Don’t give him the option, please!

  ‘I’ve considered that,’ he said, a mercenary gleam appearing in his eye.

  ‘Because I can assure you that the police and legal system will be very thorough. They will look in detail into every aspect of this, including your home life.’

  Clever Sonia!

  ‘Er- but on the other hand maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea. It all takes time doesn’t it, and it's best just to sort it out ourselves.’ Mr Norton smiled placatingly.

  ‘So, to find another resolution.’

  ‘I want her sacked!’ exclaimed Mr Norton, thumping the table. ‘She’s abused my son and she has to pay!’

  Before anyone else could speak, Jamie did.

  ‘She didn’t abuse me. I wanted it.’ He glared at his father. I guessed this was one of the few times he had ever stood up to him.

  ‘You don’t know what you want,’ sniffed Mr. Norton. ‘You’re a teenager. You’ll shag anything if it opens its legs.’ He sneered at me.

  ‘Please!’ the Principal held up her hand. ‘Let’s not lower ourselves to obscenities.’ She took a breath. ‘I understand that Jamie has been excluded until the end of term. Am I right, Leanne?’

  ‘Yes, you are. It was a serious assault on Luke but obviously there were extenuating circumstances. Jamie can return after half term if he wants and continue the course. I think he should try and make amends to Luke somehow. Emily has resigned, as you know, so will leave at the end of the half term anyway. What do you suggest?’

  * * *

  The Principal paused.

  ‘I agree with you. I think as Emily is leaving anyway, she should go immediately. With no salary as from the date she leaves.’

  I gasped, but tried to cover it. I looked at Jamie but he again avoided my eyes.

  ‘Have you another job to go to, Emily?’ asked the Principal.

  ‘Yes.’ Thank God for creepy Clive.

  ‘I sincerely hope it is not another learning support job. If it is, I’m afraid I shall have to advise the college or school not to accept you under any circumstances.’

  ‘No. No, it's at a call centre.’ My voice was just above a whisper.

  There were noises of derision, but I ignored them. People in education wouldn’t understand the attraction of call centre work.

  ‘I’ll come round to your flat and get my son’s stuff,’ said Mr Norton, pointing his fat finger at me.

  ‘I don't think that’s advisable,’ interrupted the Principal hastily. So she didn’t want me to be completely at Norton’s mercy. ‘Emily will bring it into college and you can fetch it from here.’

  ‘But I know where she lives. It would be easy for me to-‘ He was again looking at me like I was a piece of shit. I hoped he wasn’t going to go round to my flat anyway, to teach me a lesson or something. There’s no one to protect me there, or anywhere.

  ‘So that concludes our meeting. Sorry, I rather took over there, Leanne, didn’t I?’ The Principal smiled warmly at her.

  ‘That’s quite alright, Sonia.’

  The Principal escorted Jamie and his father out of the door. None of them gave me a backward glance.

  ‘I don’t need to tell you, Emily, you’ve been really lucky. Jamie’s dad could sue you, as he’s under eighteen,’ said Leanne.

  I couldn’t think of a reply.

  ‘I think you should go home and get Jamie’s stuff. Bring it back tomorrow. Oh, by the way, Sonia wants to see you tomorrow for a private meeting at ten o’clock.’

  The words struck terror in my heart, but I just stood up and trudged out. No one said anything, probably too embarrassed. But a goodbye would have been polite. I decided I would take his stuff to college tomorrow, see Sonia and not go back.

  Unfortunately
I had to pass the Literacy room where Group F were just finishing their lesson. Great.

  They burst out of the room, eager for a fag break, and surrounded me. I kept walking, fixing my eyes on the door at the end of the corridor. They were whistling, making sex noises, sucking their teeth. I felt a touch on my bottom, but ignored it. Then it happened again. I stopped and turned round.

  ‘Don’t touch me, Connor!’ I snapped.

  ‘Oh, is it only Jamie that’s allowed to?’ he sneered. ‘Oh Jamie, fuck me, Jamie, oh!’

  All the other boys laughed, so I just gave him a scornful look and strode on. But they continued, buzzing round me like wasps, trapping me in their group.

  ‘Think she takes it up the arse?’ said someone else.

  ‘Bound to. Bet she likes it doggy style,’ replied another. Someone made a barking noise and the others burst into laughter, copying him.

  ‘Oi!’ shouted a voice. ‘Get off for your break and leave Emily alone. You should be ashamed of yourselves treating a woman like that!’

  And my saviour was…. Peter! He had a bad temper when he lost it. He had got into trouble over a scuffle with a student last year and due to this, had a reputation and the students were secretly wary of him.

  Group F subsided, and hurried off outside for their cigarettes.

  ‘Are you alright, Emily? Better keep away from them. They are all a bit- er- overexcited by the gossip.’

  ‘Thanks, Peter.’ I hastened away. I felt as if I would burst into tears at any moment and didn’t want to do so in college. I had cried on Peter’s shoulder last half term about the difficulties of my job and I didn’t want to start yet another rumour.

  I suddenly remembered I had to walk over the bridge to the lonely car park. Shit. How many of the boys would be waiting for me over there to jeer at me, or worse? What could I do? The only option was to wait until their break was over. Or look for someone to walk with me. Oh well. I had all day. I went into the library. I needed to think anyway.

  Luckily the boys avoided the library like the plague, so I found a corner to sit in and pretended to read a magazine. Not much choice in a construction college, so I found the least boring looking one.

  What was I going to do now? I had to give Jamie’s stuff back, but would I see him again? I really liked him, even though I’d known a bad ending was inevitable. Would he keep in touch? Should he? Should I? I knew the answer was ‘no’ to all those. If only I could see him just one last time, just to get closure.

  ‘Miss.’

  I nearly jumped out of my skin and looked up to see Shane standing there.

  ‘I tried to tell you, Miss,’ he said sadly. ‘I knew they knew about you.’

  ‘Thanks for trying. Are you walking over the bridge now? I’m scared to go on my own.’

  ‘Sorry. I’m not. Thanks for keeping my secret.’ He smiled regretfully and walked off.

  Oh sod it, I thought. The worst they can do is kill me, and that would probably be doing the world a favour. So I set off. It was funny that the area near reception that the boys hung around in was empty, they should still be there smoking.

  As I turned the corner to go over the bridge I could see a gang of them, but luckily they were walking away from me, quite quickly. So I followed very slowly. I kept looking behind me to check for any others, but there weren’t.

  Nearly there. I crept up the slope, further and further. I could hear laughing. Oh no, that must be them. I walked towards my destiny, feeling strangely numb.

  But there was no one at my car. I breathed out a little, ran to it and jumped in, locking the doors. Please start; please don’t let them have sabotaged you, I begged the car.

  It did start and I drove off as quickly as I could. I passed groups of college boys, but tried not to look at them, even though I was creeping past at a low speed out of the residential area. Thank God, I made it. I thought I heard jeers but was so used to it that I ignored them.

  It was only when I got safely home and out of my car that I saw it. The graffiti saying ‘SLAG’ on the nearside doors. It would never come off. Purple spray spoiling my beautiful silver paintwork.

  I ran into the building, raced to my flat as quickly as I could and cried my eyes out. What a complete mess. What had I thought would happen? Jamie and I would live happily ever after? No, not that. I had just wanted excitement, and got more than I bargained for. What would I do now? Would I see him again? Not be close to him, but just see him and talk about it? Was the meeting with Leanne the last time I’d see him?

  After I’d stopped crying, I phoned Tess.

  ‘It’s all over with Jamie,’ I said shakily. ‘Now I need to get graffiti off my car.’

  ‘I’m coming over right now,’ she said.

  ‘No, I-‘ but she’d put the phone down.

  When she came over, she hugged me.

  ‘What happened?’

  I told her the whole sordid tale and she looked so regretful. She didn’t say ‘I told you so’.

  ‘I’ve brought this.’ She produced some T-cut. ‘It might help.’

  We spent over an hour T-cutting the paintwork and it looked a little better afterwards. Not much though.

  ‘I’ll have to put up with it ‘til I can get it re-sprayed. Or get a new car.’

  ‘Are you going to report it? Vandalism’s a crime you know.’

  I sighed deeply. ‘Where would that get me? I am a slag, it's true.’

  ‘You are not a slag! He did it too. It's the double standard again; the woman gets blamed and the man gets praised. It makes me sick.’

  ‘But I did put myself in that position, so to speak.’

  ‘Hm. Well, it still isn't fair. Getting out of that college is the best thing you can do.’

  I told her about the call centre job waiting for me and she shrugged.

  ‘Good luck with that. It's not my cup of tea but it must be better than working with those little oiks.’

  Tuesday 6th February

  I went back to college with the proverbial heavy heart. I saw people sneering at my car but didn’t care. I had spent hours packing Jamie’s few belongings - mostly clothes he had sneaked back to his house to get while his father was out, and a few car magazines. The flat felt dull and empty without him. I hadn’t realised how much he’d insinuated himself into my life.

  His stuff was in carrier bags and I toiled up the stairs to the learning support room with them.

  ‘Hey, Leanne,’ I said as indifferently as I could. ‘Here’s Jamie Norton’s stuff.’

  She gave me a strange look, but I was used to that by now. I suppose I hadn’t made much effort to get to know her but she was my team leader and should have made more effort to get to know me.

  ‘Thanks. Will you be alright in carpentry? I hear group F were very rude to you yesterday.’

  ‘I’m used to it. Anyway-‘ I’d been about to tell her I had something on Shane and Kyle but thought better of it. ‘I’m only here for a few more days.’

  ‘Don’t forget to see Sonia at ten.’

  I went to carpentry and was met by Vernon, who stared at me as if I was an alien. He really couldn’t think of anything to say so just nodded. It was almost funny. I bet he wondered why on earth a boy like Jamie fancied an ugly old woman like me instead of a blonde bimbo. I’d seen Vernon’s wife, and most of the other men’s wives and they were all bottle blondes. Like most of the other women at college: painted faces and click clack heels. I stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb because I wasn’t like that.

  I couldn’t be bothered to help any of the boys, I really couldn’t. I think they must have had a telling off by someone - maybe Peter - because they were unnaturally polite to me.

  But at the break time, I had to go and see Sonia.

  ‘Come in, Emily.’ She indicated a low seat while she sat behind a high desk. Classic interrogation technique. I wondered if she was going to shine a light in my eyes.

  ‘I just wanted to speak to you privately. Apparently Leanne and her t
eam have been concerned about you for some time. You have been demotivated, distant from the students and have not been a constructive team member.’

  I began to switch off at her psychobabble. She sounded like Clive.

  ‘You are an adult. You should have taken responsibility for your actions and resisted starting a relationship with a student who is also a minor. If you were having problems you should have spoken to your team leader, i.e. Leanne.’

  ‘I spoke to Di!’ I couldn’t resist saying. ‘Not because I didn’t want to speak to Leanne, but Di just happened to be in the office when I went in.’

  ‘And what was the result of this?’

  ‘Di was sympathetic but I don't think she told Leanne. I don’t know.’

  ‘Don’t you think you should have taken responsibility and found out?’

  ‘I suppose so, but- I- the only performance review I got was when OFSTED were coming and they wanted me to say the right things.’

  ‘Really?’ Sonia made a note. ‘So you felt you weren’t getting proper feedback about your job performance. Hm.’

  ‘Yes. I felt like I didn’t get enough support.’

  ‘Duly noted. However Emily, your behaviour - despite this lack of support - is, I’m afraid, despicable. You allowed yourself to fall into a relationship with Jamie, who was supposed to be under your care. You kept it secret, made no attempt to stop it, and compromised his studies and those of other students i.e. Luke Edwards. I have no doubt that Jamie and his friends drink alcohol and go to nightclubs but it is against the law for an adult to take them there. Jamie is a troubled young man from a violent background and this episode surely cannot have made him any less so.’

  I felt tears in my eyes, and gulped hard. Put like that, it sounded awful. As if I had deliberately tried to hurt him.

  ‘You are extremely lucky Mr Norton does not want to take this further, or that Jamie is not younger. I hope if he was younger, you would not have pursued a relationship with him! I suggest that you never work with young people again and will not give you a reference for any such job again. You have brought this college into disrepute and your reputation would follow you.’