‘D’you think I can do a back flip off here?’ He was on the arm of the sofa.
‘No! You’ll hurt-‘ Too late, he’d already done it, landing like an elephant. I was surprised he hadn’t gone through the floor. Luckily Adam didn’t wake up.
‘What did your dad say about you working there?’
‘He wasn’t happy at all, but I told him to shove it up his arse. Now I’m eighteen, I can do what I like. He doesn’t know it's a gay bar. I’ll hit him with that once I’ve settled in.’
Before I could comment, the door buzzer went. Shane wiggled and jiggled over to answer it.
‘It’s some guy. Eric?’
Eric came in wearing his most distant and reserved expression.
‘Hello, I wondered if you were busy, Emily.’
‘I’m always busy with a baby.’ I glanced at Shane, but he was eyeing Eric. Aha! Perhaps I could do some matchmaking here.
‘Eric, this is Shane, one of my ex-students. Shane, this is Eric, an old friend. I’ll make some tea.’ I handed the sleeping Adam to Shane and bustled off into the kitchen. What a handsome couple those two would make: Blond and Blonder. I would leave them alone for a while.
‘So how are you, Eric?’ I asked a bit later, handing out the tea.
‘Oh, pretty good.’ He didn’t say anymore, in his usual annoying way. Was he happy, sad, angry, horny?
‘Shane, when do you start your job?’
‘Next week.’ He began talking and rambled on and on about the job. I was pleased he was so happy, though. It was about time he spread his wings and showed the world who he was.
‘You must meet a lot of people in a bar,’ observed Eric. ‘What do you talk to them about?’
‘Their problems mostly. Or they chat me up.’
‘Where are you going to work?’
‘The Pink Flamingo. Emily’s friend Wolf owns it. He gave me the job.’
‘Is that a gay bar?’
‘Yes, have you been?’ Shane had a glint of mischief in his eyes.
‘No, I’m afraid not. I’m not really one for bars, gay or otherwise.’
‘What do you do with your time, then?’
‘I go on archaeological digs as much as I can…’ He carried on talking and Shane made admiring noises.
But after the discussion dried up, Eric made his excuses and left.
‘He didn’t stay long,’ I mused. ‘What do you think of him?’
‘Hot.’ Shane smiled. ‘Wants to get into your knickers.’
‘ME? I thought he wanted to get into yours.’
‘No-oo, darlin’. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you, even when you went to the kitchen.’
‘So you don’t think he’s gay then?’
‘Not in a million years! You need to sort out your gaydar,’ he giggled. ‘Let me tell you, that man wants to have your babies.’ He laughed even louder, even while he was still trying to do backflips off the sofa.
How silly. Sensible old Eric wouldn’t like me. But what had he come round for?
When the overexcited Shane had left, I checked out Eric’s Facebook page. Under ‘relationship status’, it said ‘it's complicated.’ Funny. I thought he was a confirmed bachelor.
‘Didn’t you know?’ asked Julie warily when I quizzed her about Eric’s status.
‘Know what? You’re scaring me!’
‘Eric’s married.’
‘What? So why does it say “it's complicated”? I thought he was gay. Is he married to a woman or a man?’
‘A woman, of course. He’s not gay.’
‘Why didn’t he tell me? Why is it complicated?’
‘You’d better speak to him. I don’t want to say the wrong thing.’ She hated talking about people behind their backs, bless her.
I was just changing Adam’s nappy one day, when the door entry alarm went. It buzzed on and on impatiently.
‘Yes?’
‘It's Stacey Kemp. I want to see my grandson.’
Surprised, I let her in.
‘You can’t do this, you little slag!’ She burst in to the room, her face flaming.
‘What?’ I backed away, protecting Adam. What was wrong with the woman?
Chapter 7
‘Adam’s Jamie’s son! You can’t keep him from him!’
‘Hang on, hang on. Why do you think I’m keeping him away?’
‘I know about girls like you. You think it's your baby, never mind the dad. Well, Jamie is the dad, he has rights you know, we could take you to court!’
‘What? Stacey, what on earth are you talking about? Why would you take me to court?’
She paused. ‘Jamie says you wouldn’t let him see Adam! That’s out of order, you-‘
‘He WHAT?’ I tried to keep calm. ‘He’s lying.’
Adam started to cry at the loud voices, so I spoke more softly. ‘Jamie is the one who won’t have anything to do with us. I’ve tried phoning him but his girlfriend always interferes, or his friends do. I’ve tried my best to keep in contact but he’s just not interested!’
Stacey paused, mouth open. She was breathing hard by now, agitated.
‘So you’re saying it's Jamie’s fault I haven’t seen my grandson for weeks?’
‘Yes!’
We glared at each other.
‘I’m sorry, Stacey, but he won’t answer my calls. What did he tell you?’
‘I asked him when he was going to see Adam again but he said you wouldn’t let him.’
‘That is a lie. How dare he say that! I’ve been phoning him up to try and get him to come round or buy some clothes for Adam, but he just cuts me off. God!’ I sat down with Adam. Whatever I did, I was always the bad guy, and Jamie the blameless. ‘He said he’d help out with Adam’s clothes and things and he just won’t do it. I haven’t got endless money you know.’
‘Oh, don’t cry, love.’ Stacey sat down opposite me. ‘I just thought-‘
‘Of course, you would believe your son. You’re his mum.’
‘Right. I’ll sort this out.’ She got out her mobile. ‘Jamie? It's mum…. Now tell me the truth. Did Emily phone you? No, don’t lie, tell me the truth. Tell me the truth!.... Well, why did you say that?.... I wasn’t shouting… Look, love, I’m at Emily’s now…. You have to face up to the fact you’re a dad now…. Never mind your mates, or Amy. Grow up and sort yourself out.’ She pressed the button decisively. ‘I’m sorry, Emily. He’s a little tosser sometimes. That Amy’s a slag. She’s no good for him. Sorry I just called you a slag, Emily, I was upset.’
‘It's alright. You must believe me, I’d never keep Adam from Jamie, or you, honestly.’
‘Good. Can I hold him now please?’
I handed Adam over to her nervously, but of course Stacey was a natural mother and lulled him off to sleep again.
How dare Jamie lie? I thought. How dare he?
* * *
‘So this is it,’ said Gareth, taking in the scene, a grassy hillside, stretching over a large area. Flowers dotted the landscape but the main features were the headstones. Like Tellytubby land. But not.
‘I can’t believe you’ve never been,’ I said.
‘Neither can I,’ he replied. ‘I just pushed it to the back of my mind. As usual. I’m pathetic.’
I read the inscription: ‘Jane Walker, beloved mum, 28th May 1954 - 14th July 2005.’
‘So she would have been fifty six soon. She would have loved Adam.’
Adam gurgled, hearing his name.
‘She never even got to see Amelia.’ Gareth bent down to place the roses on the grave, turning his face away from me.
‘At least she knew Lesley was pregnant. She kept talking about your baby right until she died.’
‘Did she?’
We stood in silence for a while.
‘We must do this more regularly, you know.’
‘Make me come here whenever I visit, will you?’
‘Okay.’
* * *
I hadn’t forgotten about Eric’s marital
status. The idea of him being married rolled around in my mind until I had to find out the truth. From being my rather odd, asexual friend, he had suddenly become a mysterious figure with a past. A husband and possibly a father.
But something always held me back from asking Eric anything. He had a real way of deflecting questions and keeping everything inside. Perhaps like me, or how I used to be? These days I was too tired to go round the houses being tactful. Life was too short.
Stacey Kemp kept in touch. She obviously wanted to see her grandson grow up and she even came round once with Trevor in tow. It was weird. When I was having the relationship - or whatever it was - with Jamie, his mother had been mentioned but I’d never imagined I would get on well with her. But of course I’d never imagined I’d give birth to her grandchild.
I finally got round to holding the DVD evening. I invited ‘the gang’ as I thought of them now: Julie, Naomi, Eric and David. Also Honey and Tess as I felt I’d been neglecting them lately.
I had decided to hire old classic films rather than fashionable ones. Well, when I say classic, I mean films from our youth, to make us sigh with remembrance of the time we were young and comparatively carefree.
I chose ‘Clueless’ and ‘California Man’, both teen comedies.
‘Come in, come in,’ I said, kissing everyone on the cheek. I was so lucky to have so many friends now.
‘Interesting,’ commented David, studying the DVD case of ‘California Man’. ‘I actually saw this at the cinema.’
‘Snogging on the back row with a girl?’ teased Eric.
‘No!’ he blushed. ‘I didn’t have a girlfriend until university.’
‘He’s bright, you see. Not like us - we didn’t go to uni,’ explained Naomi.
‘Well, you people don’t understand so many basic things. Such as when the earth goes-’
We all groaned.
‘Please don’t start lecturing us,’ said Julie. ‘We know we’re idiots compared to you.’
‘Sorry.’
I started ‘California Man’. Adam was fast asleep in his cot; nothing woke him these days, luckily.
‘Ah, I loved Brendan Fraser,’ enthused Julie, ‘when I was young and innocent.’
‘Of course, he’s bald now,’ said David.
Everyone laughed.
‘No! Don’t say that!’ She hit him with a cushion. ‘You spoil all my fun.’
‘You shouldn’t judge people by their hair,’ said Naomi. ‘You’re not so well covered yourself.’
‘What?’
‘Haven’t you seen that bald patch at the back?
‘You’re lying,’ He felt the back of his head.
‘Ha ha! That’ll teach you to think you’re cleverer.’
It was like being back at school again.
Between films, I went to get drinks. Naomi was the designated driver, so the others could drink alcohol. We all discussed how rare it was to drink these days in our new responsible and grown up lives, whereas at school we had been tipsy quite a few times, funnily enough.
‘Shall I help you?’ Eric hovered in the doorway.
‘Yes, come in. So, you’re married then?’
‘Er- oh- yes.’ He put down a glass heavily.
‘What’s your wife’s name, then? How come I’ve never met her?’
‘Er-‘
I waited.
‘Her name is Amita.’
‘Where did you meet? Do you have children? How long have you been married?’
He shut the kitchen door.
‘It’s not like that.’
‘Well, what is it like?’
‘She’s a friend. She’s from Mauritius and she needed- she wanted to become a British citizen. She- I married her to help her.’
I couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘We’d been friends- well- more than friends for a while. We made a decision to get married so she could become British. I never thought she was Miss Right, it just seemed the right thing to do.’ He was carefully measuring out fruit juice, avoiding my eyes.
‘What’s going on in here?’ David burst in. ‘Snogging?’
He hadn’t forgiven Eric for the back row quip.
‘Hardly.’ I said crossly. ‘Here, take these out will you?’ I handed him a tray of drinks.
Honey was hovering behind him. ‘I’m really sorry, Emmy, but I’ve got to go. Scott called. He’s been given the night off and wants to meet me.’
I couldn’t begrudge Honey her rare evening with her lovely new boyfriend. I was pleased she had split up with the awful cheating Nick. So I was kind of glad to see her skip off happily. And I wanted to hear more about Eric’s situation. But it was not the time now.
We went into the lounge. David was sitting next to Tess, handing her a drink. She didn’t seem to mind for someone who didn’t suffer fools gladly. No, that was unfair. David wasn’t a fool, just socially unaware.
I put ‘Clueless’ in the DVD player.
‘This is exactly how our school days were, isn’t it?’ said Eric.
‘Oh yes, exactly,’ I agreed. ‘Which character were you?’
‘I was Cher,’ interrupted Julie. ‘Always matchmaking.’
‘So who was the brother, hm?’ I asked. ‘The step brother she gets off with in the end?’
‘It was more likely you were Cher,’ observed Naomi, ‘and Neil was the step brother.’
‘Naomi,’ corrected Julie. ‘Stop bringing that up, will you?’
‘Sorry, Emily.’
‘It's so unlikely. This representation of American school life is highly idealised-‘
‘Shut up, David,’ we chorused.
Tess chuckled to herself, I think she was enjoying being an observer.
‘As I was saying,’ David turned to her, ignoring the rest of us. ‘It’s idealised as the Americans can’t bear to think of high school not being perfect. Did you know that of all American high school films, eighty five per cent are idealised, with the remainder being true to life?’
‘I didn’t know that.’
‘And also, sixty-seven percent of Americans believe the idealised version of their school days and forget the truth.’
‘How do you know all this?’
‘I read around. I know a lot of interesting facts.’
‘Would you like to write a column for my magazine? QI is all the rage these days.’
‘A column- well, I- I could do, I suppose.’ He smiled warily at her. He wasn’t really a smiler, it was unusual.
And to my surprise, Tess looked away coyly.
Julie and I exchanged glances.
I hadn’t let Eric off the hook yet.
‘So how long have you and Amita been married?’ I asked when the others had gone and he was helping me clear up.
‘Nearly four years. We live together- as husband and wife.’
‘I see. So is it like that film ‘Green Card’ where you have to answer questions about each other?’
‘A bit.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘Actually she’s got British nationality now. We only had to be married for three years but we’ve just stayed together. I hope it doesn’t sound sordid but she needed help, and I-‘
‘No, not sordid. It's just that- I thought you were gay. You never told me anything about your love life. You’ve always been such a private person, you never opened up.’
‘I’m not gay! I just don’t like talking about myself.’
‘I always thought you and Naomi would have made a good couple, you’re both silent and private people.’
‘Naomi? No, never. I always- liked you better.’
‘What?’ I must have misheard, but he was blushing as only blond people could - not only the face, but his neck and under his hair too.
‘I always liked you, but you were going out with that lab technician fellow, then that bank manager, then you moved away.’
I paused at the revelation.
‘Er- can you put these on the top shelf for me, please?’ My mind was racing. What should
I think now? Eric, the reliable, the composed, the responsible. How many times had he come to my rescue when Jamie hadn’t?
Chapter 8
Gareth came to see me again.
‘I’ve got news of dad,’ he said almost before he’d taken his coat off.
‘Oh, okay. Should I sit down?’ I was only half joking.
‘Yes.’
‘Tell me then.’
‘He’s in Australia.’
‘WHAT?’
‘He emigrated. He has a family there.’
This was too much to process and we sat silently for a while.
‘How- why? Why did he do that? I thought you said he went to Scotland.’
‘I don’t know, Em.’
‘Did he and mum get divorced? How did he get re-married?’
‘He doesn’t seem to have got re-married. I can’t get over what a bastard he was!’ Gareth stood up and paced round the room.
‘Why did he want to go that far away? Did he hate us?’ My mind went along its own track.
‘I just can’t believe- we worried all that time.’
‘It killed Mum. That’s what killed her. She didn’t have a boyfriend after he left. And we were all worried he’d been in an accident-‘ Tears suddenly burnt my eyes and I couldn’t stop them. ‘We worried for so long and no-one told us anything. We were just left to cope!’
Gareth turned to me and his eyes were full of tears too.
‘I’m sorry, Em. At least- at least he had a life though, and didn’t- die.’
‘I wish he had! How dare he treat us - and Mum - like that. She never knew what happened. She went to her grave thinking something awful had happened to him. I hate him!’
‘I- well- I used to hate him. But there’s no point. It only damages you. Please don’t hate him, Em.’
This wasn’t the angry young brother I used to know.
‘I’ve spent so long hating him, I can’t stop.’ I wept.
‘You can. You have Adam now. And all your friends, and me.’ Gareth hugged me. ‘At least now we know what happened.’
‘Do you think Mum knows now? She’s supposed to be in heaven, isn’t she?’ I felt like a little girl again, going back to the time when Daddy left.
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