Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! She was jealous of me? She looked like she came from everything I wanted, yet she was envious of me who came from nothing.
“Wait, you said ‘before you even met me.’ That doesn’t make sense.”
Misty nodded. “Just let me get this all out, and then I’ll answer any questions you have.”
“I’ll try.”
“Charly is…was my best friend. I’ve known her for almost six years.”
I gasped, but held my tongue.
“We met at a home for unwed pregnant girls a couple counties over. They helped us with medical appointments, gave us a safe place to stay, helped the younger ones get their GED or assisted the rest of us with some community college classes. I…I miscarried my baby, but Charly gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Lily. Her birthday’s Oct. 5. She just turned six on her last birthday, and she’s in first grade. She’s the youngest in her class, but she’s a good student. Charly always said Lily was more like her Aunt Maddy than her.
“It turned out Charly was a gifted photographer, and she was able to find work with a local publication, but it wasn’t easy hauling a baby around to locations, much less a toddler, so I became Lily’s nanny in exchange for room and board and a small allowance.
“I have a habit of making bad choices when it comes to men.” She smiled wryly as she focused on a random spot off to our side. “My parents were really strict, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to measure up to their perfect standards. After awhile, I quit trying and basically went the other direction. It was a lot easier to become the opposite of what they wanted. At least that got their attention. When I got pregnant, they threw me out of the house. Eventually, I made it to the home where I met Charly. Later, after we moved into a cheap apartment together, and any time I started back into my old habits, she was quick to pull me aside and remind me I was better than that. She said she also used to use her family as an excuse for her behavior, but something ‘big’ had happened and it scared her straight. She said someone sacrificed themselves for her, and she owed it to her to get her life straightened out until the time came that she could repay the debt. I didn’t know about you for several years. She bottled that story up tight. But as she grew to trust me, bits and pieces came out.”
She finally looked back at me. “She spoke so lovingly of you. Charly always said I was like a sister to her, and in most ways, we were. But there was always a soft look, a special voice when she spoke your name. I’m ashamed to admit it sparked a jealousy in me. I wanted to be that special to someone.”
I grudgingly felt sorry for her. I knew exactly how that felt.
“Why didn’t she contact me in all that time?”
“Basically, she thought she wasn’t worthy of you. And when she did write to you, you never responded.” I heard the judgment in her tone. “But despite that, she held on to the hope that someday she’d be able to tell you all this herself. And she made me promise that if anything ever happened to her, I’d find you and tell you myself.”
“I never got her letters,” I mumbled. “I wonder what happened to them.”
Misty shrugged. “About the time Lily was three, my Uncle Vic found me. I’d always been close to him and Aunt Francine until I ran away. They were nothing like my family. He’d been worried sick when I disappeared, and he finally tracked me down. He invited all three of us to come live with him. Charly was crazy about the idea from the very beginning since Richmond was not terribly far from where you were, and it gave us a nicer place than the tiny apartment we shared.
“It wasn’t unusual for my uncle’s partners to get together for dinners at least once a month, and Uncle Vic invited us along a few times. Charly sat next to Emma McCloskey one time, and that’s when Charly made the connection she had been one of your favorite teachers. Charly went on about how she used to live in the same county and ‘wasn’t it a shame what happened to that poor girl Madelyn Stone.’ That’s how Emma came to send her husband to help you. It was fascinating, like watching a conductor in front of an orchestra bring all the instruments together.”
Misty smiled softly at me. “It was Charly who put the idea of creating a work release program at the law firm in my uncle’s mind. She went on and on about how it would look good for the firm as well as helping the community and the individuals. It wasn’t a hard sale. My uncle is really kind of a softy at heart. She made sure to bring it up in front of the McCloskeys, and they quickly fell on board, also. They think it was their idea to offer you the position, but it was really because Charly planted the seed. She even managed to convince me to ask Uncle Vic for a job so I could be her eyes to make sure you were doing okay.”
“Unbelievable,” I mumbled. I’d never known Charly could be so crafty.
“I didn’t want the job, but decided I could learn more about the woman who did such a terrible thing, but was loved by her sister even more for it. Then I met Holten Andrews. He was the first decent man I’d been interested in for a long time. But once again, someone wanted you over me. When I saw him take you out to lunch, I was furious. You know the rest. I’m so sorry for embarrassing you in such an awful way in front of everyone. It was a shitty thing to do. If it helps any, my uncle pulled me aside and ripped me a new asshole and fired me. He said he wouldn’t tolerate that behavior from anyone, even me.” Misty sighed. “And he was right to feel that way. I told him I’d pack my bags and leave. But unlike my parents, he hugged me, told me he loved me, and that we all make mistakes, but the important thing was to learn from them. And I will, I promise I will. I want to honor Charly, and be more like the sister I should have been, like you were.”
She finally grew silent. I could hardly see her through my blur of tears knowing Charly had been looking out for me all that time.
“I don’t know what to say, Misty. It sounds like something out of a movie. And now there’s Lily to consider. I never knew she’d had a baby, so when she first mentioned Lilian, I thought she was talking about our mom.”
“She wanted to honor your mom,” Misty confirmed. “Charly was a good mother, Maddy. She knew what it was like to grow up without one and without a good dad. And now, ironically, despite her efforts, Lily is going to go through the same thing at the same age. I love that little girl, Maddy. She’s a bright ,sunny spot on a cloudy day. But I know it would be Charly’s wish for you to raise her. She left me a letter to give to you in case anything ever happened to her. I…I don’t have it here, but maybe you can come over to my Uncle Vic’s house. Then you can meet Lily at the same time. Uncle Vic didn’t know about you and Charly, I swear he didn’t. But I told him everything on the way to the hospital and while you were in with Holt.”
“Misty, I uh, I don’t know how to ask this, but do you know who Lily’s father is?”
She shook her head. “Charly never said. I don’t mean to say anything bad, but I’m not sure she knew either. Lily’s birth certificate doesn’t list a father.”
“Do you know what money those men were talking about?”
“I don’t, but sometimes when we were running low on money, Charly would mysteriously come up with it. She always seemed to have some secret that she didn’t even tell me. She kept a low profile, and I think that’s why she never took a permanent job and stayed freelance. It was easier to set the payment terms and keep a low profile. She used a different last name, too, O’Connell.”
I recognized it - our mother’s maiden name. We both sat quietly for several minutes, each in our thoughts. My mind was spinning with all the information Misty had fed me. I had a niece unknown to me until a couple hours ago, whose mother wanted me to raise her. How the hell was I supposed to do that? I didn’t know how to be a mother. I’d never even had one. For now, I just needed to get back to the man who grounded me.
“I need to get back to Holt. I have a lot to think about. I’ll be in touch.” I took two steps before hesitating. It had taken a certain level of courage and uncharacteristic humility for M
isty to share the more personal elements she had. I turned around and saw her still sitting slump-shouldered in her chair.
“Misty?” I called.
She looked up as if startled to still see me there. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. For being there for Charly and Lily all these years. And, well thank you for your honesty in telling me everything.”
She smiled shyly. “It’s the least I could do. Please call, Maddy. I promise I won’t make any more trouble.” She gathered up her purse and sucked in a deep breath. “I have to go home and help tell a little girl her mother won’t be coming home.”
I took a step forward, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Misty. Please, tell Lily her Aunt Maddy will be there tomorrow, that I can’t wait to meet her.”
Misty’s smile trembled. “I will.”
I took another step toward the woman I’d always seen as my nemesis, now brought together by a tragedy that impacted both of us. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but somehow we were going to have to get along. There was an innocent little girl who was going to need her, and hopefully me, to get through this. I held my hand out. To my relief, Misty grasped it back. It was a start.
40
Holt
“Are you ready?”
We sat outside of the Barnes’s huge two-story house. Francine Barnes was a vivacious, outgoing woman who loved to entertain, and certainly had the house for it. I was pretty sure what she longed for was to fill it with children or grandchildren, but they’d only had one son who’d married and moved to California. So, I could see why they’d invited Charly and Lily to move in with them as well as Misty.
Maddy looked back at me with troubled eyes. “This feels so weird, you know? Meeting family you never even knew you had? Coming to terms with Charly being gone forever after learning she’s been so close in all this time? And how do I take a child who’s grown up with all of this away from it? What do I have to offer Lily?”
I squeezed her hand. “I don’t know all the answers, sweetheart, but I do know what you have to give her is yourself and the gift of knowing her mother. From what we know, Charly wanted you in Lily’s life. Maybe you’ll find some answers inside. Nothing has to be decided today. We’re just here to meet your niece. And I’m here for you, for whatever you need.”
I knew this was incredibly hard for her. I’d held her most of yesterday while she cried or watched her pace as she came to terms with everything that went down at the courthouse and subsequent news. I’d deliberately not taken any pain pills this morning so I could drive her here and support her. It hurt, but she needed me so I would bear it for her.
“Thank you, Holt,” she whispered, her chin wobbling just a little. She drew in a deep breath and seemed to regain control. “Have I told you how much I love you or thanked you for being here with me today?”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side, baby, no matter where it leads us.”
To my surprise, her eyes grew troubled, but she offered me a tremulous smile. “Okay. Let’s go.”
We got out of my truck, and I moved so she was on my right side so I could hold her hand as we walked up the long sidewalk to the front door. The door swung open as we reached the first step. Francine stood there with a welcoming smile.
“Holten, how lovely to see you again, dear. And you must be Madelyn.” She wrapped Maddy in a warm hug. Maddy raised confused eyes to me. My poor girl; she still wasn’t used to the idea that people could be so kind and welcoming to strangers, especially those who knew anything about her past. “I’m so sad we’re meeting under these conditions. Please know you have our sincerest condolences. I know this has come as a great shock to you. Charly spoke about her sister often, so I’m afraid we have an unfair advantage. Despite the circumstances, Lily has been excited to meet you.”
“Thank you for having us over,” Maddy said. “This is a little awkward, to be honest.”
“I understand, dear. But be assured, we’re here to support you.”
“Yes, we are,” Victor Barnes stepped into the foyer where we were now standing. He nodded at me. “Maddy, I can’t say how sorry I am about your sister. I’d no idea when we hired you about your relationship with Charly. At first I was a little disturbed when Misty finally came clean about all the details. But now I really see it as someone who was desperately trying to look out for someone she loved in the only way she knew how.”
“Sometimes I’m not sure I even know who Charly was,” Maddy said sadly. “But despite everything that happened between us, she was my sister, and I never want her daughter to not know about her mother and how much Charly loved her. That’s the most important thing to me.”
I squeezed her hand. “She will. You’ll make sure of it.”
Footsteps sounded in the hallway and all of us turned as Misty appeared with a young girl clinging to her hand. Her hair was darker than Maddy’s and hung in a braid down her back, but the wisps over her forehead suggested she had some of the same curls as her aunt. Eyes that were the same shape and color as Maddy’s grew big as she took in all of the adults standing in her home. She was dressed cutely in a pair of dark jeans and pink sweater and held a stuffed horse under one arm. Misty whispered in her ear and stepped back. Lily remained motionless.
“Oh, my,” breathed Maddy. She let go of my hand and took the few steps to reach them. She knelt on the floor a couple steps away. “Hi Lily,” she greeted the little girl softly. “I’m Madelyn, but most of my friends call me Maddy.”
“You’re my Auntie Maddy,” she said shyly.
Maddy nodded slowly. “I am.”
Lily took a step toward her. “Mommy told me that you were very brave and that you’d done something very, very hard and that you had to go away to rest for awhile, but someday you’d be back to meet me.”
I saw Maddy swallow hard. Charly had managed to tell her daughter a truth without the details, so that Maddy could remain untouched from the bad things that had happened to her, at least in her niece’s eyes.
“Well, your mommy was right. But I’m fine now, and I’m back for good. I saw her for the first time in a long time a couple days ago, and she couldn’t wait for us to meet. She loved you very, very much.” Her voice cracked ever so slightly, but she somehow managed to smile at her niece.
Lily’s eyes filled with tears. “Granny Fran says Mommy isn’t coming back because she died and went to heaven.”
Fran covered a sob with her hand and curled into her husband’s embrace. I found myself having to clear my throat and even Vic was blinking more than normal.
Somehow, Maddy managed to keep her composure. “That’s true, sweetie. But I promise I’ll be here for you.”
Lily’s chin trembled. Maddy opened her arms and Lily went flying into them. “Oh, sweet girl,” Maddy crooned softly as she leaned her head against Lily’s. She rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head over and over until Lily grew calmer and lifted her head. Maddy cradled Lily’s head in her hands. “I know everything feels kind of crazy right now, but I promise we’re going to figure everything out. You don’t need to worry about anything, okay?”
Lily looked back at her and nodded.
“What do you say we get to know each other a little better, hmm? Why, I don’t even know any of your favorites, and I need to know those for my next all-girl party that you’ll come to, right? I mean, I’d really hate to serve chocolate ice cream only to find out you’d rather have lima beans or something.” Lily giggled and all the adults seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “Wait,” Maddy continued, “you don’t have a boyfriend, yet, do you? Cause no boys allowed during girl time.”
Lily turned up her nose. “Boys are yucky. Do you want to see my room?” she asked shyly.
“Duh! Of course I do!” Maddy grinned at her, and off they went, holding hands. Maddy threw a happy grin over her shoulder at me. I was so proud of her. It was a difficult situation, but I knew it would all work out.
By the time we left, Maddy had turne
d into a magpie, talking non-stop about how beautiful, how smart, how everything Lily was. I listened in amusement until Maddy finally ran out of words. I didn’t disagree with anything she said, there just wasn’t a lot of room to insert a comment outside of ‘mmmhmm’ and ‘you’re right’; Lily really was a sweetheart and a credit to the young woman who’d turned her life around after Maddy’s sacrifice had given her a new chance.
The only time Maddy stopped smiling was when she pulled out an envelope after we got home. I recognized the handwriting immediately.
“Do you want some privacy?” I asked.
Her face grew grim as she looked at me. “Holt, I know you had to overlook a lot of my flaws to become part of my life. You’ve stood by me, taken me in, and loved me. You’ve given me more than anyone in my entire life has.” Her gaze dropped to the floor, and my heart skipped a beat, sensing I wasn’t going to like what she said next.
“I know the past few days have been crazy, and my life is getting ready to take another major change if I take custody of Lily, if I’m even allowed.” She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know what this letter is going to say, if it will make things possibly even worse. I want you to know, I won’t blame you if this is too much for you.” I tried to interrupt, to stop her from thinking too much about the situation, but she kept on going. “You’ve already been hurt because of me, because of the drama that I’m involved in, even if I didn’t want to be. Now it would be asking you to take on another person. I don’t want to lose you, but I also know I can’t lose Lily.”
I took the envelope out of her hands and tugged on her hands until she stood in front of me. “Are you done yet?”
She stared miserably at me. “I don’t know. I want to list all the reasons to convince you to stay, but I don’t want to pressure you. I’m a lot to take on.”
“Then how about you let me list the reasons for you?”
She didn’t say anything, so I continued. “Madelyn, you came into my life when I was least expecting it, in the least expected way. At first, I resented that John made me give up half a day’s work to send me to meet you. I had better things to do, more work to get done. Now he’s one of two people I owe a debt I can never repay. From the very beginning, I knew you were different. I had my life all mapped out and organized. I thought I knew who I was and what my role in life was. And then you showed up and veered me off course. You didn’t fit into any of my nice little compartments I had for women. You blew the boundaries up. And now I get what makes you so special. I don’t want to fit you into my life. You are my life. You’re everywhere and everything to me.”
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