“I can’t.” He groans. He can feel what she’s doing, but his light and body refuse to obey, are having none of it. His fingers wind into her hair, trying to pull her mouth to his, but she resists, her other hand firm on his chest.
“You can. Do you want me?”
“Yes.” Pain overwhelms his light. “Yes. Gods, please––”
“Then retract. Or you’ll hurt me, brother.”
“I can’t.”
“Retract, brother, or you’ll have to be content with my hand… or my mouth. You could get either from a human, so I suspect that’s not why you’re here.”
He is fighting to concentrate then, gripping her arms.
Her light slides through his, showing him, coaxing him into a thinly contained calm, showing him what to do with his light. It takes another endless stretch of minutes, then he feels that part of him pulling back. It doesn’t lessen his erection any; it almost hurts as the harder end pulls back into softer flesh. He is panting then, sweating as she moves further up on his body, still holding him with her light, her hand on his chest.
“Don’t move, brother,” she cautions him.
He fights to hold his light, to keep from losing it again… and then she has maneuvered him inside her. He cries out, his voice weak as she grips his hair.
She is talking to him though, coaxing him calm once more with her light.
“Not yet,” she says, caressing his face and chest. “Not yet, brother.”
He realizes there are others in the room, that they are not alone. He feels their light in his, their eyes on his face, and he holds Lena over him, his arm clamped around her waist, pulling himself deeper inside of her. He is fighting her then, fighting for control, when she begins sending to him more sensually once more, using her light to control his.
He has his face against her shoulder, half sitting up, when she is showing him what to do, where to angle his body inside hers. He groans when she helps him arch his way into the correct slot. He is panting then, closing his eyes against her skin, sick with pain.
He grows conscious of the others once more, but he doesn’t look at them.
“They wanted to see,” Lena says. “I told them it was your first. It is all right?”
“Yes,” he manages.
“Are you all right, brother?”
“Yes,” he manages again, his face against her neck.
He sinks his teeth into her shoulder when she angles him further against her, pressing down on the end of him deliberately. She still won’t let him go all the way in. She holds his light, controlling his body through his aleimi, and he is sweating, half-lost in her. Currents of pain spark through every vein in his light, and he is groaning almost without realizing it, half-begging her again. When he looks up, her fingers clench in his hair.
For an instant, he sees her eyes, sees his own reflected in hers. His back is to the others, but he sees the rings of jade in her hazel, and it confuses him.
Shock filters rapidly over her expression. It takes him another beat to recognize what it is from. Fear glides through his light, the realization that it is him.
His eyes are glowing.
Before he can move away, or even think, she lowers her face to his, speaking softly into his ear, lower than a whisper.
“Close your eyes, Illustrious brother,” she says softly. “Close your eyes, or they will see, too. I won’t tell them. I promise I won’t tell…”
He lets out another groan, but does what she tells him.
He barely has time to think about this, even to fear what he’s done, before she wraps her legs around him, and slides down hard on him, pressing against the end of him again, and releasing her stranglehold on his light.
He is fully extended before he knows what she’s done.
He lets out a thick groan.
The hard end slides out of him and into her, and then he is clutching at her, crying out as his arm clamps roughly around her back. He arches deeper into her involuntarily, but she is still teaching him, still trying to show him. He cries out again, half-fighting her even as he tries to do as she says, gripping her tightly as she starts to move over him, sliding her body differently for how they are connected.
Within moments, he is sweating again, and he feels the other seers watching him, their light coiling into his.
“Don’t let him come,” says another voice.
He didn’t feel her approach. When he looks up, he sees the blue-eyed seer looking at him, her arm around Lena’s waist. Another seer stands next to her, with dark auburn hair. They are both looking at him, and he clutches the woman on top of him tighter.
“I want him, sister,” Elan says. “Let me have him before he finishes.”
Nenzi feels another low pull of pain. He looks at Lena.
“I want to come inside you,” he says. “…Only you.”
Lena’s eyes react to his words; a softer emotion reaches her expression. They kiss until he is sweating, holding her tightly again, fighting to get deeper inside her.
When they part, she looks at him, her eyes a question.
“My sister Elan wants you, brother. There are others here who want you, too.”
He looks at the blue-eyed woman, feels pain on her, sees desire in her face.
“Yes.” He gestures with one hand, feeling another surge of pain as he looks back at Lena, fighting a different pain in his chest. “Yes… but…”
“I heard you, brother. We all did.” Elan smiles, but he sees her give the other woman a faintly irritated look. “I won’t let him finish,” she assures Lena. “Do not worry.”
She kisses Lena, using her tongue. As she does, she starts pulling her up off of him gently, just enough that he groans. When Elan looks back at him, her eyes are predatory, assessing his face.
“I think he has a crush, Lena,” she says.
Lena acquiesces to the other’s hands, sliding off him completely and he cries out, clutching at her as she goes. When she is gone, the other one, Elan, is in his light, forcing him to retract again. Her light is stronger, more insistent, and he finds himself doing as she says.
When he tries to touch her, she forces his wrist back to the couch, until he lets his body go soft under hers. He lies back, and she massages him, her eyes on his face.
“He is pliable, this one,” Elan says, still exploring his body with her hands. She continues to stare at his face as she touches him. When he cries out, she closes her eyes, holding his wrist.
“Are you going to do as I tell you, little brother? All of it?”
“Yes.”
She smiles, glancing up at Lena. “I like this one. Is his cock sharp, too?”
“Yes,” Lena says.
He looks over at her answer.
Lena meets his gaze, her own faintly hard.
Then Elan is tugging at his hair, pulling him up off his back. He winces a little from the new ink on his shoulder, but follows her hands willingly enough.
“I want you to go down on me, first,” she says. “Come on, brother. You’ve likely done that with your humans?”
“Yes.”
“Show me.”
She lays back on the couch, and he follows her, putting his mouth on her before she’s fully resting on her back. She is specific at first, directive, but he gradually gets her to let that go, until he can feel her starting to lose control of her light. He brings her to an orgasm––slow, pulling on her, experimenting when she isn’t telling him what to do.
She is clutching his hair then, crying out when he uses his fingers.
“Stop,” she says finally, when he starts to build her again. “Stop… little brother… stop.”
Lena is pulling him back then, holding his hand, and he turns, kissing her, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him from where he kneels on the couch. When they part, she is looking at him, her eyes glazed.
Elan slides her arms around him from behind.
“Your boy knows how to give head,” Elan says to her
, massaging him until his eyes close. “Won’t need to teach him much there.”
Tugging him away from Lena, she guides him back to the couch.
Once he is lying on his back, she climbs on him, and he finds himself looking up, focusing on Lena’s face. He sees her react when the other woman positions herself over him. He is still looking at her when he arches up at Elan’s light’s request––until he extends fully once more, letting out a startled cry.
“Gods…” Elan cries out.
Lena clutches his wrist. Still leaning over him, she kisses him, putting light into her tongue. He loses himself in the kiss, groaning against her mouth as the other woman fucks him. Lena helps her calm him down when he starts to lose control again, kissing his throat, caressing his arm above the bandage.
He closes his eyes. When he opens them again, Lena is watching his face. He sees a flicker of pain in her. It takes him a moment to recognize the look as jealousy.
The understanding brings another low groan, then he is kissing her again.
When they part, she looks at him, then points at her own eyes, briefly, right before she kisses his, using her tongue to close them. He closes them tighter as it occurs to him why she’s done it. Both women are pulling at him again, hard enough that he loses control, nearly yelling when the Asian seer climaxes, grinding against his hips.
He is kissing Lena again, even as Elan climbs off him.
The red-headed one gives him head until he is begging her, too, then another one is on him as well, and by then, he is so close to orgasm he is literally crying. The minute the last one finishes, Lena is pushing her off, angrily now, pulling him up by the arm.
She lies on her back on the couch, guiding him to follow until he is on top of her.
When he enters her that time, she cries out, digging her nails into his back. He nearly hurts her, starting to extend before he’s all the way against the right part of her. He manages to stop it, mostly, then he is so far in her he nearly blacks out. She is still controlling his light, still holding him back even as she urges him harder, until he is barely aware of where he is.
The first time she climaxes, he is so far in her and the Barrier all he can do is cry out, feeling her legs tighten around him. When she finally lets him do the same, he loses awareness completely, unable to make a sound as his body convulses in a hard angle against hers. He is whimpering as he continues to let go, gripping her hair, his forehead pressed against hers.
She is still talking to him, but he can’t understand her words, can’t do anything but throw his light and body into hers, gasping in pain. He feels pain in her too, along with something else, a kind of bewildered emotion as she feels his light, as she remembers who he is.
“Gods,” she murmurs, pain winding into his light. “Gods… Illustrious Sword. I want you again. I want you again…”
He comes a second time.
His back arches violently; he calls out her name. She digs her hands into his lower back, and he forces his way as far into her as he can, nearly losing his mind when he feels her climax with him.
For a long moment, he hangs there, his mind lost in hers.
It isn’t until moments have passed, until he realizes they are alone once more, that the others left, that he finally lets his arms relax, resting his weight on her heavily. He realizes she is naked then, that he can feel her belly and her breasts and thighs; the robe is gone, but he doesn’t remember taking it off her.
She is caressing his back, his hair, his face, and he realizes he is sweating on her, still fighting his breath back to normal. He is still gasping a little, still trying to slow his heart rate, when he laughs, kissing her mouth.
“I owe brother Wreg,” he says, kissing her throat. “Gods. More than he owes your mistress. Perhaps I should come to work for her. Pay off his debt for him…”
Lena smiles at him, kissing his face, then his mouth.
Her kiss deepens when his does, until he can feel himself hardening again, his light coiling desperately into hers. Her light affects his more than he can catalogue with his mind, more than he can think past. When he breaks off the kiss, he is gasping again.
“I’m going to need all of the money he lent me,” he says, softer, kissing her ear, then her face. “I think I’m going to need a lot more money from now on, sister.”
She caresses his face, using light in her fingers. When he raises his head though, smiling, her eyes are serious. She frowns at him while he watches, biting her lip.
“What?” he says, worried. “Did I say something?”
She shakes her head, eyes brighter than normal. “The Sword’s money is no good here.”
He tenses, staring down at her.
She kisses him. Her voice turns lulling, lower than a whisper. Her hand massages his chest, working her way down to his stomach, then below it, to just above his groin. He closes his eyes as she massages him there, her fingers sliding light into his skin.
“You can have me whenever you want, Illustrious Syrimne,” she says, her voice soft. “I want you again now. I’ll want you for days, if you’ll let me.”
His face hardens, even as his body reacts to her words, and her fingers. He opens his eyes, frowning as he looks at her, but he is touched too, so much so he can’t answer her at first. When he finally does, he has to look away from her liquid gaze.
Even so, he already knows. He can’t come back here. He can’t come back here ever again.
Even Wreg seemed to have known that.
“You can’t tell anyone, Lena,” he says, soft. He caresses her face with his. “You should not use that name, even if you are shielding us… even in jest. You cannot tell anyone who I am, that I have been here. You should forget what you saw tonight.”
“Forget that I just deflowered the Sword?” she whispers back, smiling. “I do not think that is likely to happen anytime soon, brother.”
She kisses his neck, using her light until he softens, letting his body rest back into the curve of hers. She smiles at him, caressing his chest.
“You’re going to be an amazing lover, brother,” she says. “You already had half my house wanting you. I thought Elan might actually fight me for you. And you aren’t even to your full height yet. Or your full size.”
He feels his face tighten, even as his body reacts to her words.
“I only did what you told me,” he reminds her.
She laughs, kissing his mouth lingeringly.
“You will make her a good mate, brother,” she says, teasing him in a softer voice, caressing his arms. “She will be so grateful for you. She will pull on you all the time. She will do everything she can to coax you into her bed…”
Realizing who she means, he closes his eyes, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. It is more than he can handle briefly, and he grips her hair, resting his face on hers.
“Don’t talk about that,” he says.
“Why not? Is that not why you waited? Weren’t you waiting for her, brother?”
He doesn’t answer this, either. Pain eclipses his sight as he thinks about her words, making it hard for him to see her, to even think about where he is.
Then he shakes his head, clicking softly.
“You must forget who I am,” he insists. “I mean it, Lena. It is very important.”
He looks down at her, remembering his uncle’s words about this, about what he is doing. Understanding the old man’s warning now, in retrospect, isn’t enough to make him regret any of it. Not yet. But he knows that could change.
“It’s not… safe,” he says. “Knowing this. You must realize.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” she assures him.
“You cannot,” he says. “Please promise me, Lena. Promise you won’t even think of it. Not once, after I am gone.”
“I promise, Illustrious Sword.”
Before he can answer, she moves her hips up, spreading her legs so that he is further inside her again. He groans weakly. His eyes close, longer than a blink.
“Lena, gods… sister.”
“You can trust me, Syrimne. I will help get you ready for her.”
Pain envelops him when she slides her body under his, changing the angle. It nearly doubles him over when she pulls at him harder, her light overtly possessive. He realizes she is pulling at him with that part of her body, as well, until it feels like her mouth is on him there.
He groans louder, letting his weight grow heavy on hers. He is begging her again in seconds, his arms clasping her back.
At the same time, he thinks of her words, and the tight feeling in his chest worsens.
“Please, sister. Please, don’t tell anyone.”
“You can trust me, brother,” she whispers.
“Promise me,” he says. “Promise me you won’t…”
42
FINISHED
I COULDN’T MOVE.
I lay on my back, staring up at a green-mirrored ceiling. I didn’t remember coming out of it. I couldn’t think about how long I’d been in that place with him. I couldn’t make myself think about what I’d seen. Nothing was clear, conscious.
The feeling was pure animal, not a thinking kind of feeling at all.
My heart hurt, more than I could suppress, or keep out of my light.
I remembered other pains, similar pains––but this particular ache in my heart was new. Maybe it was the newness that threw me, that made it so much worse than other pains I’d been forced to bear. I clutched at my chest protectively, fighting to breathe, unable to see.
I lay like that for what felt like a long time, not looking at him.
I told myself I’d known part of that story. I’d known about Gretchen, about him getting beaten up, the tattoos. He told me that at the Rebel base. I told myself I’d seen worse things, that this was nothing.
It didn’t help. Nothing I told myself made any difference at all.
I didn’t look at him.
I felt his eyes on me, though. I felt his pain as he looked at me, but I couldn’t let myself think about whether it was aimed at me, or what it meant. I remembered how he felt with that other seer, and the pain in my chest worsened.
Elan had been there. Elan Raven, Maygar’s mother, had been there when he lost his virginity in a whorehouse. She’d practically molested him.
Shadow (Bridge & Sword: Awakenings #4): Bridge & Sword World Page 40