by Sarah Cole
“Are you family?” she asks.
Without hesitating we all answer in unison, “Yes.”
She eyes us doubtingly but her nails click on the keyboard regardless.
“Ah, looks like she’s in surgery at the moment, but I’m afraid that’s all we know. You’re welcome to wait in waiting room three. It’s just down the hall and take a right.”
“Thank you.” I say.
Why is finding something in a hospital never as simple as, down the hall and to the right? Why don’t they tell you, it’s down the hall, to the left, take a right, spin in place seven times, then find it two floors up?
We finally find a small sitting area that we think might be waiting room three, but there is no sign. I tug open the door, there’s only one person in there.
“Excuse me, ma’am? Do you know if this is waiting room three?” I ask in a hushed tone to the back of the woman’s head because now I can see she’s got a little kid draped across her lap. When she turns to look at me, my world stops spinning and my heart beats out of my chest.
“Leni?”
“Jay.” She breathes, her gray eyes wide with surprise.
Her hair is no longer the vibrant shade of pink it once was, but now a glossy chestnut brown that is knotted messily on top of her head, but nonetheless she is the most beautiful site I’ve ever seen.
“What are you guys doing here, and how did you get here so fast?” she whispers with tears in her eyes, and I realize I’m just staring at her with my mouth hanging open.
I cross the room, dropping to my knees in front of her where she holds a sleeping Fallon in her lap, and I bury my head in her lap and cry as her fingers run through my hair soothing the ache that is always present when she’s not by my side. I’m not even ashamed. I don’t know if it’s OK, or if it is too soon, but when I raise my head, I take her face in my hands and plant a soul searing kiss on her lips. The moment my lips touch hers, I know I’m home. I’m where I’m meant to be. Finally.
Chapter 21
Leni:
I pull away with my heart pounding and mind racing, looking down to make sure Fallon is still sleeping. I want nothing more than to sink into him, but it’s all too much right now. Aaron, Chase and Brenden have settled into the seats across from us and are all wearing matching smirks.
“Jay…” I start giving him a look, but he cuts me off.
“I know, baby. I know and I’m sorry. It’s not the time, and I know there are a million things to say and things to fix. Just let me tell you this. I love you, I missed you with every part of me, and I need you. Just you, me, us.” He pleads, still cradling my face in his hands.
“I know. We’ll talk, but you’re right. Now isn’t the time.” I say looking down at the sweet little girl in my arms.
He brushes the stray dark curl away from Fallon’s face, and looks at her a beat and then places a few kisses to her cheeks.
“How’s her mama?” he asks looking up at me.
I feel my eyes start to fill with tears and I shake my head as his face pales.
“It was bad, you guys.” I say to all the guys.
“I went up to run some budgets by her and she just started having pain and telling me she was going to be sick, but it wouldn’t stop. As I was getting her back into bed, we noticed the blood. There was just so much of it, so I called the ambulance, but since we’ve been here I haven’t heard a word. Andrew was about ready to lose it when he ran off to find her, so I’ve been sitting here with Fallon since then. That was about two hours ago now. With the roads, no one else can make it here until the plows start again.” I say, glancing down at my phone. Then I realize that no one has clued me in on why or how they are here.
“So how are you guys here?” I ask, looking at them as Jay gets up settling into the seat beside me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. The warmth that I missed so much for the past four months fills my body, reviving all of the parts of me that died when he left.
“There were a few terrorist attacks, and then some subsequent unrest. Local governments were kind of on edge, so Voltage pulled the plug and cancelled our last three shows.” Brenden tells me.
“I must have missed your call at the airport, but right before we got in the car I checked my phone and got your voicemail.” Jay adds.
“Well I’m glad you guys are home safe and sound.” I say, but my focus is on Jay as his is on mine. That instant connection I always felt with him is still there, as present as ever, but somehow stronger despite our long separation.
“What the hell?” We hear as the door behind us opens, and Andrew enters looking like he’s been through the wringer.
“How is she?” Jay asks, anxiously and Andrew smiles. I feel a hundred pounds lighter with that one simple smile.
“They are doing wonderful.” He says with a tired smile as he gently lifts Fallon out of my arms, snuggling her into him as she starts to wake up.
“We have a new addition to the family. Jade Marie Montgomery. Even though she was a month early, she was still pretty chunky at six pounds, nine ounces, and nineteen inches long. She’s doing pretty well, all things considered, but they need to keep her in the NICU for a bit.” He says. “You’re a big sister now, baby girl. Do you want to meet your new best friend?” He asks his daughter and she nods shyly, burying her face in his scrubs.
“How’s Charlie?” I ask, still concerned after what I saw.
A shadow flickers across his face briefly, but its quickly replaced by a weary smile. “She’s doing alright now, thanks to you Leni. If you hadn’t been there and called for help when you did…” He shakes his head. “Thank you.” He reaches out and grabs my hand giving it a firm squeeze.
“What actually happened, though?” Chase asks, looking super confused.
Andrew switches into full on doctor mode, “When Charlie had her accident, there was severe scarring to her uterus which in and of itself can make it difficult to conceive or carry to full term, but we’re certain that due to the scarring and how big Jade was that the placenta became detached and ruptured which caused distress and severe hemorrhaging since the placenta is largely fed by a grouping of blood vessels. Unfortunately, due to the previous injuries and the damage caused by this, the surgeon determined was necessary to perform a complete hysterectomy, meaning Miss Jade will be our last.”
“But she’ll be ok, right? I mean, she’ll make a full recovery.” I ask.
“Yeah, she should be fine. It may take several weeks for her to feel up to par, but she’ll be fine. God, I was so fucking terrified when they paged me about her...” he trails off and I can see he’s completely shaken.
“Can we see them? Jay’s chomping at the bit.
“Well, she’s still coming out of the anesthesia, but I’m sure I can get everyone in, considering. What are you guys doing here anyways? Charlie said you had another week before you’d be back.”
“Long story…” Aaron says, and Andrew just nods accepting that answer for the time being.
“Well, come on. We need to introduce Jade to part of her crazy family.” Andrew says.
Jay:
Leni and I never got the chance to discuss anything of importance with all of the excitement going on around us. I could see the hesitation in her eyes every time I would reach for her or pull her close to me and I don’t blame her, but I will do everything I can to erase that. I will spend the rest of my life making up for the time we lost, and the hurt I caused by deserting her the way I did. I only hope she understands that it has absolutely nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me.
“You can go home now, you know.” Charlie says, her voice low and raspy with exhaustion.
“I know… I’m about ready to head that way. I just called a car. Can I bring anything back for him in the morning?” I ask, eyeballing Andrew who is passed out cold face down on Charlie’s bed. He’d already worked a twelve-hour shift prior to all the excitement. Everyone else left a few hours ago, but I just couldn’t.
&
nbsp; “Nah, he has his office here and he keeps stuff, so he should be ok.” She says and we just sit in the quiet, holding hands. I don’t know what it is about Charlie, but she’s always been my constant, my best friend, my sister, my voice of reason so I just needed to be here for her like she’s always been for me.
“Hey…” she says, drawing my attention back, “You good?”
I smile, “Yeah, Thumper, I’m good.” And for the first time in nearly three years, I actually mean it.
“Go get your girl.” She says, and I know that is exactly what I’m going to do.
***
I stop by home to drop off my bags and shower. As I pack an overnight bag I stare longingly at my bed, but those thoughts are quickly pushed aside as I think about Leni being just down the street. With any luck, I will be sleeping with her in my arms tonight, and it doesn’t matter if I’m in my house or my bed because if she’s by my side, I’ll be home.
I drive my truck slowly down the snow packed street to Andrew and Charlie’s. The houses in our neighborhood stand like castles lit up with twinkling Christmas lights. I’m beginning to wonder if this is a bad idea. Their house is completely dark save for the glowing white Christmas lights that line the towering roofline, but as I make my way up the snowy stone sidewalk, my breath causing billowing clouds in the frosty air, I can see a dim glow of lights coming from the backside of the house, and the glow of the lights from the large Christmas tree inside. I decide to knock rather than ring the doorbell so I don’t wake Fallon. Lord knows that child is the lightest sleeper.
The porch light flicks on and I squint against the brightness as the door opens.
“Jay! What are you doing here? It’s nearly midnight!” Leni says standing in a flannel pair of reindeer pajamas, looking insanely adorable.
“Can I come in? Its freezing out here.” I say, holding up my overnight bag.
“Sure, come on.” She steps aside and opens the door wider to allow me through. It smells like cinnamon, Christmas, and home in here.
“You weren’t asleep, were you?” I ask, following her through the large entry and out into the great room.
“No, I was just cleaning up and doing some laundry from earlier, but I think I might just throw them away buy them new sheets.” She sighs, flipping on the kitchen light.
“Have you met Charlie? She’d shoot you for that. She’s seriously capable of getting stains out of anything. Laney dropped a deep-dish pizza face down on their white sectional and she managed to get it out.” I laugh remembering how Charlie bitched about it for three days, but damn it, she got that stain out.
“So what brings you here?” she says, unplugging the lights to their Christmas tree that looks like it was made for the White House.
“You, but would you also buy it, if I said that I didn’t want you and Fallon to be here alone… and that I didn’t want to be alone?”
“Well, Charlie’s sister came and picked Fallon up a few hours ago to spend the night with them. So… it’s just me.” she sighs and opens the fridge rummaging around. I know she’s just using it as a diversion.
“Leni… stop.”
“What?”
“Checking the dates on the pickle jars… they’re good, I promise.” I laugh and she shuts the fridge, her cheeks red with embarrassment. God, she’s beautiful.
“I like your hair.” I say.
“Thanks. I decided to go back to my natural color; much less maintenance.”
“Well, it suits you.”
“I think I just spent too long trying to be the complete opposite of who I am because I thought that girl was stupid and weak, but I realized regardless… I’m still that girl, only I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ve grown up, and it’s up to me to love myself. Only I control my future.”
“Does that future still have room for me in it?” I ask, circling the large island to where she stands.
“There are a lot of factors that play into that, Jay. I want to say yes, but I know what I want and I don’t want someone who is going to run off when things get difficult. I want a future, not a relationship of convenience. Real love isn’t always easy or romantic. It’s accepting each other’s pasts, present and future and having the willingness to fight for it, to fight for each other. It’s until death do you part, not until you get tired of trying. I know I love you with all of my heart and soul Jay, but are you willing to fight for us?” She asks me, slumping in defeat. She’s tired. I’m tired, and I’m lost without her; more so now than I ever thought possible.
“I can’t promise you a perfect life, Leni. I’ve learned that real life doesn’t work that way, but I can promise that I will always love you, that I will always be here for you, and that I will do anything in my power to make you happy. I will fight for you every day, every minute, every second until my heart stops beating.” I say taking her face in my hands.
“Look at me.” I say, urging her to meet my eyes.
She reluctantly looks up with tear filled eyes, and it kills me. I can tell she is still on the fence about me… about us still. I can see it in her eyes. I have hurt her and let her down in so many ways, but damn it I will spend the rest of my life worshipping the ground she walks on just to have another chance to make it right… to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
“I have completely fallen for you; head over fucking heels. You’re my first thought in the morning, the last one before I fall asleep at night, and you’re in every single thought I have about the future. I love you, Leni. I love everything you do, everything you say… everything you are, and I’m not going anywhere. Not without you; never again. Living life without you in it is not a life worth living at all. You’re it for me.”
She nods and I pull her into my arms, hugging her close, inhaling her scent and basking in the warmth of her nearness. I know that there is still so much more to discuss and work out, but right now that doesn’t matter. This love, this connection is what matters. We have forever to figure out the rest…together.
“Don’t leave me again.” She says into my sweater.
“Baby, I can’t make that promise. But I can promise you that if I ever leave it won’t be by choice.”
She looks up at me, and I’m blown away by the feeling that my world was just finally kicked back into orbit and she’s my sun. It may have taken me longer than most to realize it, but I’m still alive. Now it’s time to really start living.
EPILOGUE
SIX MONTHS LATER…
Jay:
“Do you think she’ll like it?” I ask Charlie, holding out the hot pink electric guitar I had made for Leni.
“She’ll love it!” Charlie squeals, bouncing Jade on her hip which elicits a huge baby giggle, and I love it.
Charlie, Aaron and I have been trying to teach Leni guitar for several months, and bless her heart she sucks. I mean really sucks. She’s got an awesome ear for music, but when it comes to playing or singing it… forgedda bout it. Still it doesn’t stop me from encouraging her to try something she loves, even if it means I have to wear earplugs around our house.Yeah, our house. I asked her to move in with me on Christmas after I returned, and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, well besides for asking her to marry me.
Yeah, I guess I should explain the purpose of the guitar. My proposal is airbrushed on the back, entertwined in the custom artwork. The guy that does my tattoos drew it up for me. We have an unplugged concert tonight downtown, and Leni has been practicing From the Dark, the song I wrote for her, to sing with me. I hope the audience won’t hate me too much for that. I think they may forgive me though when the song is shortlived and replaced by my proposal.
I’m sure I’ll have to rectify it by singing the real version, though. That song ended up going double platinum and was the first single released off our new album which is holding strong at the top of the alternative rock and metal charts. It’s insane to us that just a few years ago, we were playing side stages at Warped Tour and at bars, now we’re selling out are
nas and playing with bands that we only ever dreamed about.
“Did you tune it?” I ask Charlie.
“Like that would make a difference?” she snorts, and I roll my eyes, even though I know she’s one hundre percent right.
“Where is she by the way?” I ask.
“Oh she took Fallon to grab an ice cream. She promised her that if she didn’t have any potty accidents all week, she’d get her all the mix ins she wanted.” Charlie smiles.
“Are you ok with that level of bribery?” I look at her under raised brows.
“You will learn one day soon my friend… by any means necessary. I always said I’d never be the mom that bribed her kids or gave them cookies in place of an actual breakfast, but I waved my white flag. You choose your battles.” She laughs, taking off her necklace and handing it over for Jade to chew and slobber on.
“Yeah I suppose you’re right.” And she is, I can’t wait to be a father. I love spending time with Charlie and Andrew’s girls, and seeing how inseperable Fallon and Leni are solidifies everything in my mind; Leni is my forever love. I can’t wait to see her round with our children and singing them horrible, off key lullabys.
“Oh my gosh! Turn that up!” Charlie say’s pointing towards the entertainment news that is on.
I press the volume button and the host’s voice fills the office.
“Cash Noland, lead singer of Bleeding Vengeance, was arrested last night on domestic assault charges of his rumored on and off again girlfriend, Kara Kingston. Upon his arrest, he was also found to be in possession of illegal substances with familiar markings. This raises some eyebrows, and leads to more questions considering the recent disappearance and murder of the band’s manager, Warren Pearce. Just to recap, Warren Pearce went missing last February. The investigation produced some disturbing evidence of his participation in a large drug ring and some black market dealings. The remains of Warren Pearce were discovered late last month in an abandoned Los Angeles warehouse with the same unidentified markings branded into the body. Investigators are looking into possible connections between Mr. Pearce’s murder and his former client, Cash Noland. We will keep you apprised of any updates on this case as they are provided. Back to you, Larry.” She finishes and Charlie and I stare slack jawed at the screen.