“It would be hard for me to believe that he would walk away, but time will tell. Thank you for staying with us last night. I enjoyed talking and reconnecting with you last night.”
“I look forward to more times with you, Char. And Jaxon. Do you mind if I come back tonight after work?”
“I don’t mind, but I have to work tonight.”
“Where are you working?”
This, I think, is the first time that I’m ashamed of what I do. “I still work at the club.”
“As in the gentlemen’s club?”
I nod my head, not looking in his eyes. Zain takes my chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting it to look me in the eye. “You know, Char, I might not like what you have to do to make a living for you and Jaxon, but I have no say in the matter. You are trying to be a responsible parent. Maybe one day someone will come into your life and sweep you off your feet and make it to where you don’t have to do that anymore.”
My heart skips a beat with what he says. “I look forward to that day.”
“I’m going to leave to get to work. Thank you again for last night.” He looks me in the eye, almost as if asking for permission as he brings his hands to my face. Cradling it, he slides his thumbs over my cheeks as he leans forward, taking my lips in his. My breath hitches and my heart is beating so fast I hear it in my ears, as he brushes his tongue over my bottom lip. I take a deep breath inhaling his scent, and I get dizzy. I close my eyes and bring my hands to his hair as I tangle my fingers into his curly locks, pulling him closer to me. I open my mouth to him as our tongues tease, tangle, and taste each other, and my body remembers what he does to me. He places one of his hands at the small of my back, pulling our bodies closer as a small moan escapes from the back of my throat. Then his other hand leaves my face and both of his hands cup my ass, lifting me. I wrap my legs around his waist as I flex my hips. A deep growl originates from his chest and I feel myself losing control, as soft mewls now continually escape my lips, his erection growing longer and harder under my grinding sex. I’m seeing stars from not breathing. We pull ourselves from each other, panting as we try to suck air into our lungs. Tears stream down my face. “Oh fuck, Char. I’ve missed you so badly, did I hurt you?” he says, concerned.
I can’t speak, I shake my head and so many memories flood my mind of Zain, me, us.
“Baby, why are you crying?”
Still straddling his waist, I look into his eyes. “I never thought I would ever see you again, never thought I would be in this situation again. I’ve missed you so much; this has stirred up so many emotions and feelings.”
I release myself from around his waist and stand on my shaky legs, as I still try to regain my breath. “Zain I think we need to talk. Can we talk this evening?”
“Yes of course.”
“I won’t be real late.” I hear a car horn.
“That’s my cab, we’ll talk tonight.” He kisses me on the forehead and walks out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Zain
I GET INTO the cab, my head is reeling. If someone had told me a day ago that I would be face to face with Char again, I would’ve laughed in their face, and what she’s been through, and all over a misunderstanding.
There’s so much I need to consider. Do I want an instant family? Is that something I am ready to do? Will I have to compete with a ghost? I wouldn’t ever expect her to forget him, he’s Jaxon’s father after all, and from what I have heard of him he was a great and caring man. I do feel alive with her; she’s awakened everything that was dead inside me. I feel hopeful for the future and I can see what a wonderful mother she is.
Once at home and take a shower and drive to the office. Beckett is walking to his office as I walk through the door. “Raven won’t be in today.”
“I know, I was at her house all night.”
“What happened? What’s wrong with her?”
“Mitchell found her mother and wanted to surprise her. Raven was shocked and blew up at Mitchell. He got his feelings hurt, told her goodbye and left. She was up all night crying. She realized what she did afterward, and he hasn’t answered any calls or emails, but I’m concerned about Raven too.”
“I’ll see if I can contact him too. I know he loves her and she loves him, they just need to learn how to communicate with each other.”
“There’s a lot of that going around.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s kind of a long story; I can tell you later if you have time.”
“Let’s go into my office.”
“Well, it started six years ago, I was in Tennessee.” I told him about Char and how Raven wanted to put us together. She never told me that she was fixing me up on a blind date, but I knew. I told him of the miscommunication and part of her current history with Braydon and his death and Jaxon and my feelings for Char.
“I know it would be hard raising another man’s child, but Jaxon is young, he doesn’t know anything about his father. If you were to consider this relationship, your number one priority needs to be the relationship with Jaxon. Obviously you love Char …”
I interrupt Beckett. “How do you know?”
“The same way I know that you would be a great father. You light up when you talk about either of them. You’re a completely different person than the one we hired a few weeks ago. Don’t get me wrong, you were the best man for the job, but there was a sense of sadness to you. I didn’t know if you were fully committed to working here.”
“I can understand that. I’ve been traveling the states for the last six years. I won’t lie, the idea of sitting in one spot scares the shit out of me. I know that if Char and I get together again, she and Jaxon will need a stable lifestyle. I don’t want Char to work unless she wants to. I also know that she needs to finish her career to feel complete. The one thing I don’t want is for Jaxon and our other children to be raised by a babysitter or daycare.”
Beckett is chuckling.
“What?” I ask. “What did I say that was so funny?”
“Well, other than you see yourself already married with several children, nothing.” Now I start to laugh. “I think you already know what you want to do, you just needed to say it out loud.”
“You might know this already, but Char doesn’t know I have a trust fund; I don’t have to work if I don’t want to.”
“So then why are you?”
“Because I want to make it on my own; my parents … my parents had priorities. I wasn’t one of them. I was raised by a nanny, she was my mother. I don’t believe you have to be blood to be a parent.”
“Believe me I know that from my own experience.”
“By the way Beckett, I want you to know I’m not going anywhere, so I don’t want you to worry about that. I just wanted you to know where I was coming from.”
“Thank you, Carson. I know I hired the right man.”
I walk out of Beckett’s office feeling confident in what I want to do; I just hope it’s the same thing Char wants.
I busy myself at work trying not to think about tonight and what could ultimately be my future. I want to do this right, I wanted this six years ago, and unless Char doesn’t want me, I won’t let it slip through my fingers again. This time I will fight for what I want.
I stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner. I know that she is working, but I don’t know if she will have eaten.
Katie lets me in when I get to the apartment. I set the groceries on the countertop. “Katie, if you have other things to do or if you want the night off, I’ll watch Jaxon for you.”
“Really, you don’t have a problem watching a baby?”
“Nah, we’re best buds.”
“That would be great. I need to study for a test.”
“Consider yourself relieved.”
As she gathers her things, I grab the vase that is on top of the refrigerator. Cutting the ends off the stems of sunflowers that I picked up, I place them in the vase.
“Char loves sunflowers, so I thought I would surprise her with them.”
“That’s so sweet, Carson.”
“Thanks, Katie.”
“I’ll see you later, Carson.”
“Bye Katie, thank you.”
Katie gives a small little wave as she walks out the door.
I pull the chicken out of the grocery bag along with the rest of the food that I bought to fix for dinner. I set the table so when Char walks through the door she’ll see it.
Jaxon is playing on the floor as I am organizing dinner for the evening, when out of nowhere I hear a loud wet explosion and giggling coming from Jaxon. It didn’t take too long before the smell took over the room. I was afraid the fire from the candles was going to cause the apartment to blow up. I walk over to Jaxon and pick him up. I don’t know what crawled up inside of him and died, but my God! I wonder if I could call Katie back … but since I don’t have her number, I guess this is up to me.
I go into the bedroom and grab some pajamas, another diaper, and a towel. I start the water in the sink. It’s a good thing I had already cleaned it out. I add a little soap to the water and start the adventure of stripping Jaxon down. I think these clothes have seen better days and it might be a total loss. There is green slime all the way up his back to his hairline. UGH!
I turn off the water, wrap him in a towel, and carry him with me to get another towel and a washcloth. Laying him on the countertop in the towel he’s wrapped in, I start the process of removing his diaper. It’s a good thing I don’t have a weak gag reflex. Once I get him naked, I wipe as much slime off him as I can and place him in the sink. I hold him with one hand and wash with the other. It looked so much easier when Char did it. I finally get him clean, all fresh, and smelling like baby magic. I lift him out of the sink to the clean towel. As I start to dry him off I feel wet, then I see a spray of water, shit! It’s not water, it’s pee, and it’s spraying everywhere. I quickly cover him with the towel and look at him. He’s lying there with a big smile on his face, as he kicks his legs in unison. “You think this is funny, do ya?” I pick him back up in the towel, drain the sink, clean the sink, and start to fill it up again. I trek back to the linen closet and grab another towel.
It’s a good thing I have finished cooking the chicken and have it in the oven, or at this rate, I wouldn’t get it done in time.
I unwrap the little man from the towel, put him back into the sink, and rewash him. I grab the towel and put it in between my teeth, drain the sink, and sit him on the edge, his back to my chest. I hold him with one hand, as I wrap the towel around him on one side, then do the same for the other side. I pick him up and lay him again on the countertop. This time I put his diaper on first then I start to dry him. I put his pajamas on him and as I step into the open living area, I see Char on the couch with a big smile on her face.
“Are you serious? When did you get here? How long have you been watching me?”
Char is giggling now as I hand Jaxon to her.
“I got here when you went to get the second towel. I heard you talking to Jaxon and thought I would listen to what you were saying to him. You were so preoccupied by everything you just didn’t see or hear me.”
“So you saw him spray me?”
“Yep and he did a good job at it.”
“What are you feeding this kid? Something died inside of him.”
Char starts laughing now.
“If I were you, I would just throw everything he had on away; I think it’s a lost cause,” I say, laughing and shaking my head in disgust.
“Take your shirt off and I’ll wash it for you.” She walks into the kitchen and makes a bottle, then takes Jaxon into the bedroom to rock him to sleep.
While she is rocking him, I place the towels, his clothes, and my shirt into the washer and start it, then I take the bleach wipes and wipe off the countertop. I had tossed the diaper into the garbage bag, and when I am done sanitizing the countertop, I take the garbage sack out to the dumpster.
As I walk back inside, Char is standing there looking at me. “What?” I ask, looking at myself.
“You have tattoos, and your nipple is pierced.”
“Yes, I do. I guess we both needed to express ourselves.
“Will you tell me if they mean something?”
“I will, if and when the time is right,” I say. I walk into the kitchen, get the food out of the oven, and bring it to the table. “Are you hungry? Sit down while I get everything.” I light the candle on the table, turn on music from my iPhone. “Would you like some wine?”
“I would love a glass.”
I open the wine, pour it into a glass, and hand it to her. I help her scoot her chair in as I get the rest of the food on the table.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask.
“Of course.”
“If things in Tennessee would have been different and you hadn’t received the video of me, where would you see us?”
“Probably the same place you see us.”
“So do you believe me about not selling or doing drugs?”
“I do, I think I knew deep down, but with everything that happened that day, my mind wasn’t thinking right. Then when I got home and my parents were so upset with me and the coach wanted me back … I was so confused and hurt. I was homeless and I needed to prove that I could care for myself. I think I was a little like Raven is now, by the time I realized what I had done, I felt like it was too late. What about you?”
“I was hurt that you would think that. I didn’t think you would have told the coach, but when you didn’t answer my calls and texts, I thought maybe you did. I tried so desperately to find you, but you had disappeared off the grid. Your parents didn’t know where you were and if they didn’t know, where else was I to go to find you. After a week or so of leaving messages and texts I just gave up. I figured you lied to me, that you played me to get to the girls.”
“If I wanted to get to the girls, what would that accomplish? I wanted a winning team. I wanted to be a part of a winning team, not a team that had no players. If I had wanted information, Ericka and Brandy gave it all to me when they took me to the party. When I saw that video and the accusations in the text, I thought you were using me.” She looks down at her hands that where in her lap. “You knew I didn’t have any experience.” She shakes her head. “I loved you so much, Zain. I never got over you. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Braydon, but it was different. The connection you and I shared was something I hadn’t ever experienced before, and I doubted that I would ever have those kinds of feelings again.”
“So where does that leave us, Char?”
“Zain, I have so much baggage, it would be selfish of me to say I want to be with you. But my feelings have never changed. But I also have a child, and again, I don’t think it would be fair for me to ask you to help raise someone else’s child.” She looks from her hands to my eyes. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
“Isn’t that up for me to decide? I’ve thought a lot about this in the last twenty-four hours, and I’m not going to give up without a fight. The only thing that would stop me is if you didn’t care for me and your feelings for me were gone. But as you just said, they aren’t and never will be gone, so to me that leaves us one option. We will make this work, as long as we talk to each other, nothing will stand in our way.”
I stand and step over to Char, taking her hand to stand. I run my index finger over her bottom lip as I look into her eyes. “I love you, Char, I always have, and always will. I want us to be together. Without you in my life these last six years, I was like a caged bird; I had lost the ability to fly. I was just surviving, but since we’ve found each other again, the cage door has been opened and I’m free to soar once again. I’m not just surviving, I’m living again. I can see color and smell the flowers and that’s because of your love. I never thought I would ever feel this way again, because you were the one with the key to free me.”
I slide my hand up her cheek as my fingers wrap the back of her head. I pull her to me, taking her plump full lips with mine, as our tongues touch and dance with the joy I feel.
I jump when the buzzer of the washer goes off and we both pull away from each other. “I guess that’s our signal to slow down,” I say. “We need to think about Raven right now. As much as I want to be with you, I’m sure the walls here are thin, and I really don’t think she needs to hear us right now.”
Char is panting trying to catch her breath. “I know, this whole thing with Toby has been real hard on her.”
“Let me throw the things in the dryer and we can eat.” I walk to the closet where the washer and dryer are, throw everything in the dryer, and turn it on.
I sit back at the table and we eat. I had already loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the dinner mess with the exception of our dishes we ate off. I clear the table and start the dishwasher, then we sit on the couch and talk until we both fall asleep.
On the way back to Char’s apartment after work, I stop and get some chicken noodle soup at a little deli by their place and a loaf of fresh French bread. When I get to the apartment, Katie answers the door and lets me in. “Has she come out of her room since you’ve been here?”
“No, she’s still crying in there.”
“Okay, I’ll get her out if it’s the last thing I do.” I walk into the kitchen, pour some soup into a bowl, and warm it in the microwave. While it’s heating, I cut the bread and place a few pieces on a large plate. I place the bowl in the middle of the plate, grab some paper towels and a spoon, and stride to the bedroom.
I softly knock on the door. “Raven, it’s Carson, I’m coming in.”
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