Lost Without You

by Yahrah St. John

  * * *

  The drive to Marietta, along with a week of unemployment, gave Gabrielle plenty of time to reflect on what she had to do. She’d avoided doing this because she’d hoped that her parents would have the courage to face her, but since they were both acting like cowards, she would have to confront them.

  She knew her parents’ Sunday routine and, as expected, found their car in the driveway. She’d timed it perfectly. Clearly much hadn’t changed in all these years.

  Gabrielle used the front-door key she’d kept with her out of nostalgia and found that it still worked. Her parents were seated in the parlor having a cup of tea and biscuits after church, as they’d done every Sunday for as long as she remembered.

  “Mama, Daddy,” she said from the doorway.

  Startled, her mother dropped her teacup and it crashed into tiny pieces on the floor. Her mother rose to clean it up, but Gabrielle stood in her path. “Leave it! You’re not going anywhere.”

  “Excuse me, young lady?” Her mother’s eyes were wide with indignation.

  “I said sit down,” Gabrielle repeated. She glanced over at her father, who was doing his best to be invisible and silently looking down at the floor. It wasn’t working.

  Reluctantly, her mother sat back down in her chair. “What are you doing here, Gabby?”

  “He knows exactly why I’m here.” Gabrielle pointed to her father.

  “What did you do, James?” Her mother looked at him questioningly.

  “Don’t act like you don’t know, Mama.” Gabrielle sighed. “It’s why you haven’t returned my calls.”

  “I didn’t return your calls because your father said you’d had enough and wanted no part of us,” her mother responded. “Ever.”

  Gabrielle nodded. So her father was even lying to her mother. Figures. She folded her arms across her chest. “I came here to say my piece and then I am leaving, for good this time. And I’m not ever coming back.”

  “Gabby, don’t be overly dramatic,” her mother said.

  “You don’t get to dismiss me like I’m unimportant, like you have for all these years,” Gabrielle snapped back.

  Her father shifted in his chair but still remained silent.

  “You have nothing to say, huh?” Gabrielle asked, coming from behind him and crouching down to look him in the face. She dropped her purse to the floor. “Not after you rifled through my briefcase and took photos of my company’s prototype, so you could sell it to Andrew Jackson? Why don’t you have the courage to admit what you did?”

  “James!” Her mother sounded genuinely shocked, as if she hadn’t known what her father had done.

  “Oh, yes.” Gabrielle rose so she could face them both. “Daddy came to my apartment like he wanted to reconcile with me and finally have a father-daughter relationship, even hugged me for the first time in twelve years to seal the deal. Hmm… Now wasn’t that a little over the top?” Gabrielle laughed bitterly. “You stole from your own daughter, for what?”

  “I needed the money,” her father finally spoke. “And in return, Andrew agreed to pay off my gambling debts.”

  “Gambling?” her mother asked. “Since when?”

  “Apparently for some time,” Gabrielle answered. “So much so that Andrew Jackson came and asked me to spy at Adams Cosmetics, and when I refused, he sent Daddy to do his dirty work. And if that wasn’t good enough, Andrew snapped a photo of us together so it would appear like I’d been working with him all along. Brilliant, huh!”

  “I… I had no idea about that,” her father replied nervously. “Andrew never mentioned a thing.”

  “Well, you don’t have to worry now, do you, because your debt has been paid. While I, on the other hand, have been fired and will probably be blacklisted at every reputable cosmetics company! So I’ll have nothing. Are you happy, Daddy? Are you happy that finally I have nothing?”

  “Of course not,” he said.

  When Gabrielle looked over at her mother, she was crying in her handkerchief.

  “What are you crying for?” Gabrielle hissed. Everything she’d been bottling up for the past fifteen years came tumbling out like a tsunami. “You’ve never cared about me, the one child you have left since Seth died.”

  “Don’t you speak his name,” her mother cried. “Don’t you dare!”

  “I have every right to speak his name. He wasn’t just your son. He was my brother! And I lost him, too, but you two—” she pointed to her parents “—couldn’t see through your own grief to comfort me. You forgot I existed. I might as well have died out there in that ocean with Seth!”

  “Why are you saying such hurtful things,” her mother cried. “It would have killed us losing you both.”

  “I’m saying it because it’s true. You fed and clothed me, but you forgot to love me.”

  Silence ensued for several moments before her father finally said. “We have always loved you.”

  “Always,” her mother cried, but her words sounded hollow.

  “You’ve never shown it.” Now Gabrielle was crying, too, even though she’d vowed she would hold it together. She didn’t want to let them see that they’d broken her, but they had. She’d finally snapped, and she had nothing left to lose. “Up until last month, you hadn’t hugged me in fifteen years. And I was so desperate for your love and happy that you were ready to start anew and be a father again, that I didn’t see you were just using me to get out of debt.”

  “I’m sorry, Gabrielle.” Her father hung his head low. “I should never have done it. I was just so desperate. But things are better now. I’m going to AA and Gamblers Anonymous, and they are helping me work through my issues.”

  Gabrielle laughed bitterly. “I’m so glad you can move on, Daddy. Because I’ve been stuck here, stuck here in the past, unable to move forward, because I’ve been waiting for the moment when you guys would love me again, like you did when Seth was alive. But no more.” Gabrielle shook her head. “You are not worthy of my love, neither of you.” She bent to pick up her purse. “That’s why from this point forward, I consider myself an orphan. I have no parents.” She rushed toward the door.

  “Gabby, no!” Her mother jumped up and grabbed her arm to stop her. “Please don’t leave. We can’t lose you now.”

  Gabrielle shook her head. “You lost me a long time ago.” And with a clear conscience, she walked away from her parents forever.

  * * *

  Her next stop was Shane’s apartment. She didn’t relish going over there to pick up her things, but there was no way around it. She was going to have to face him one last time.

  Shane wasn’t home, but the doorman was kind enough to let her in. Gabrielle began to pack up the few things she’d left at his place: a jogging suit, slippers, lingerie, toothbrush and hair dryer. She was just bringing a few odd toiletries back to the bedroom to finish packing her gym bag when she heard the front door slam.

  Fear knotted inside her and Gabrielle prepared herself to face Shane. He’d had some time to think it over, and she hoped he wasn’t as angry with her as he had been several days before. But when she saw him, she knew it was worse.

  Shane’s eyes were cold and aloof as they surveyed her pushing the toiletries in her bag. His vexation at seeing her was evident, but he didn’t yell. Instead he walked out of the bedroom and back into the living room. If he had screamed at her, it would have been better, because it would show that she still meant something to him. But this cold treatment meant he felt nothing for her.

  She zipped up her bag and came into the living room. Shane was sitting on his supersize leather sofa looking straight ahead. The TV was directly in front of him, but it wasn’t on. He was intent on ignoring her.

  “Shane…” Gabrielle dropped her bag to the floor and walked toward him. She sat down on the ottoman in front of Shane, but when she reached for his hand, he retreated farther onto the couch.

  He refused to look at her and she nervously bit her lip. A stab of guilt went through her because she could have p
revented this if she’d been honest with him from the start. “I can’t leave here with you believing the…the worst about me.” Her voice broke as she continued. “I did not betray your family.”

  Still Shane said nothing.

  “I would never hurt you or Courtney. Courtney has been like a little sister to me, and she’s treated me with the utmost respect. And Kayla and Ethan have both been wonderful bosses. I couldn’t ask to be part of a better family company than Adams Cosmetics.”

  It was then that Shane finally looked up at her. His eyes were cloudy with something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Disappointment? Disgust? Or was it regret that they wouldn’t get the chance to explore the feelings they’d developed for one another?

  When Shane continued to remain silent, Gabrielle decided to speak honestly. She tried to hold her tears in, but her eyes bordered with them. “Being around your family has reminded me of what I lost. I had a family once…” Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice. “And I lost them when we lost Seth.” She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. “…And I never got them back. So being with you and your family made me feel like I belonged again, like I was part of a family. And that meant the world to me. I just can’t leave here without you knowing that what we shared was real and special to me, and I’ll never forget it.”

  A slight vestige of hope lay in Shane’s eyes. Gabrielle reached out to stroke his cheek, and this time he didn’t pull away. “I would never steal from you or your family. Please tell me you believe that.”

  Shane caught the inflection in her tone and finally spoke. “So you didn’t do it, but you know who did?”

  Her surprise that Shane had heard the inflection in her tone registered on her face, and she stared back tongue-tied.

  “Well? I’m waiting for an answer.” He looked at Gabby and the anguish he saw in her eyes made him want to believe every word she was saying. If she hadn’t done it, then she knew who did. And the fact that she wasn’t revealing who had sabotaged his family’s company, that she was protecting them, hurt even more.

  Despite everything that her father had done, Gabrielle didn’t want him to be thrown in jail. When she continued to remain silent, Shane turned his head away. Slowly, Gabrielle rose from the couch and picked up her bag. “I’m sorry you think so little of me,” she said, opening the door. Shane’s back was still to her, but she decided to finally say how she truly felt. What did she have to lose? “But I do care for you, Shane. I think I always have, and I always will.”

  Shane heard a long pause. Had Gabrielle changed her mind? Was she going to stand and fight? Was she going to reveal who’d really done it? He quickly jumped up from the couch, but when he turned, he found the front door swinging open. He sunk down on the couch and clutched his head in his hands. Gabrielle, who’d been lying to him all along, was out of his life for good. So, why did it feel as if someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest?

  Chapter 14

  “I honestly can’t believe the man’s nerve,” Kayla said when Shane came to her office. She’d just received her mail and was shocked to discover an invitation from Jax Cosmetics to attend its annual party that Friday. She’d immediately called down to the lab and Shane had rushed right up and found her on the couch. He’d thought she was going into labor, but she’d assured him she wasn’t.

  “Dad always said he had balls of steel,” Shane commented, coming to sit beside her on the couch.

  “Such language, Shane,” Kayla chastised. “You are in the presence of a lady.”

  “Sorry, sis.” He attempted a smile, even though he didn’t feel like one. He hadn’t felt much these days. He’d been walking through the haze that was his life for the past week. Even though he had the proof, it still hadn’t sunken in that Gabrielle had betrayed him. And then there was that last comment of hers that she hadn’t stole from them. It was clear that she knew who had, but she refused to give the person up. She was protecting someone. So why was he still trying to think the best of her? Gabrielle hadn’t even tried to defend herself.

  “How are you doing, anyway?” Kayla asked. “I know that photo must have come as quite a shock to you. I had never seen you that close with a woman before. And at Château Élan, if I hadn’t known any better, I would have sworn you were in love with the woman.”

  “If I was or wasn’t, it’s inconsequential now,” Shane said, “because what we had, or what I thought we had, is over. It was a lie.”

  “But your feelings weren’t, Shane,” Kayla said, grasping her brother’s hand. “You always thought you weren’t capable of real love, but you are. I saw it.”

  “And look where it got me,” Shane said, “Looking like a fool. Love isn’t worth this kind of heartache.”

  “So are you finally admitting it? That you love Gabrielle?”

  “I admit nothing.” Shane rose from the sofa. “Now that I know you’re not in labor, I can go back to the lab.”

  “What did you tell your staff about Gabrielle?”

  “I haven’t yet,” Shane said. He’d lied and told them she’d had an unexpected emergency and would be out for several days. “But I will, soon.” He headed to the door.

  “Wait! What are we going to do about this?” Kayla asked, holding up the invitation.

  “We should go,” he responded. Not only was he curious to see what Jax Cosmetics was up to, but he wanted to look that slimy Andrew Jackson in the face and tell him he may have won a round in the battle, but Adams Cosmetics would always win the war.

  * * *

  “Gabby, you don’t have to do this,” Courtney said when she arrived at Gabrielle’s apartment midweek and found her friend packing.

  “Yes, I do. I need to get away.”

  “What are you going to do?” Courtney asked, pacing the floor. “This is all so out of control. I really can’t believe this is happening. I wish I could do something.”

  “This is not for you to fix, Courtney.”

  “I know, but I still feel bad. Where are you going now?”

  “My friend Mariah is dating this flight attendant who gave me a free buddy ticket, so I’m going to fly back to Paris on Friday night and use the time to clear my head and figure out what my next step is.”

  Courtney turned up her nose. “You’re going to fly standby?”

  Gabrielle laughed because Courtney made it sound like a dirty word. “It’ll save me money while I figure out what to do.”

  “Absolutely not!” Courtney said. “You’ll use the family jet.”

  “Courtney!” Gabrielle sighed at her extravagance. “I couldn’t possibly. Your family already thinks I’ve stolen from them, and now you want me to fly on the family jet? I can’t.”

  “It’s my jet, too,” Courtney said with a pout. “And I should be able to say who can use it.”

  Gabrielle stopped packing and turned to her newfound friend. “I doubt your family would agree.”

  “Who cares what they think,” Courtney said and grabbed both of Gabrielle’s hands. “I care what I think, and I know you didn’t do this.”

  Gabrielle smiled warmly. “How can you be so sure? You never even asked if I did it.”

  Courtney squeezed her hands. “I didn’t have to. I know you didn’t.”

  Gabrielle’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you for believing in me. I just wish Shane did.”

  “Shane is running scared,” Courtney replied, “scared that you’re the first woman to make him feel something. It’s easier for him to think the worst, because then he’ll be able to deny his feelings…which are that he’s in love with you.”

  “You think so?” Gabrielle wasn’t sure she could believe that. He may care for her, but love? That might be a stretch.

  Courtney noted the hopeful sound in Gabrielle’s voice. “I know so. I know my brother. Just like I know you. You’re meant to be together.”

  “I wish I could believe that,” Gabrielle said, “but I don’t see how we can overcome this.”

  “P
erhaps some time away will make my brother see the error of his ways, but if I were you, I would come back and fight for my man.”

  “Is that what you would do?”

  “Hell, yes!”

  * * *

  The night of the Jax Cosmetics party, Shane felt a void, and it wasn’t because someone in the family was missing. His father and mother were both waiting in the living room attired in their fancy duds—his dad in a tuxedo and his mother in a simple two-piece gown with a satin skirt. Kayla and Ethan had arrived a few moments before, and his sister, although nine months pregnant, looked radiantly beautiful in a one-shoulder chiffon gown that flowed out from her increasing bosom. Then of course, there was Courtney, Ms. Fashionista, in her four-inch high heels. She was stunningly glamorous in a lead-colored mesh gown with silver and gold sequins down the bodice. Everyone would certainly see his little sis from a million miles away with all that bling.

  Deep down, Shane knew why he felt a void. It was because Gabby wasn’t there with him. He’d been trying to banish her to the far recesses of his mind, but it wasn’t working, even after a two-hour workout with his personal trainer. She was ingrained in his thoughts and in his memory. Everywhere he went he saw images of her in his mind.

  “Shane, you okay?” Courtney asked, walking toward him with her hand on her hip. He was standing by the mantel looking dour.

  “I’m fine,” he said testily.

  “Do you understand why we’re going to this fiasco?” their mother asked, as she walked over and gently squeezed his arm. “Because I sure don’t.”

  “We’re going there to show Andrew Jackson that he can’t keep us down and that we Adamses stick together,” Kayla answered.

  “And Grahams,” Ethan added.

  “Of course, baby.” Kayla kissed her husband’s cheek.

  “Personally, I’d like to wipe the floor with Jackson,” their father responded.

  “There’s not going to be raucousness tonight, Byron,” his wife said. “Promise me.”

  “Oh, Elizabeth.” Bryon waved his hand. “I’m just blowing a little smoke.”