"Understandable, but I get the sense there's more to it than that."
Berk hadn't planned what he'd say to the general, or how he could ever manage to apologize for everything he'd done if the opportunity presented itself. He honestly didn't want to think about it, even now, and tried to talk himself into keeping his tongue still.
"If there's something you need to say, have out with it," the general said, not unkindly.
Berk drew in a quick breath and wet his lips. "About what happened on the wall that day--" He rubbed the back of his neck, cold sweat prickling his flesh. So much for not talking. "If anyone had told me I'd ever raise a weapon to you, I would've told them they were crazy. I hold you in the highest possible regard, and the truth of what I did, what I could've done, what happened up there because of my actions--" He broke off, looking away and fighting to rein in his emotions, thinking he should have stuck with saying nothing.
"No one holds you to blame for anything, or the Emperor wouldn't have seen fit to exonerate you."
"And you?" Berk met the general's light eyes, hard and cold as steel. "No disrespect to the Emperor, but he's not the man I tried to kill."
"Had I felt you were at fault, I would've asked for your head, and the Emperor would have given it to me. You've no cause to carry guilt for anything that happened that day. There was no way you could have fought against the hold on you. I hope you understand that."
"I don't, actually," Berk said. "Magic isn't anything I've much familiarity with." Until lately.
"You'll have to trust me on that, then. For you to fight it as much as you obviously did was quite remarkable. A lesser man wouldn't have hesitated to gut me, let alone offer me a blade to defend myself."
"If I hadn't taken Ciara up there, none of it would have happened." Berk blew out a breath, and forced himself not to look away. "It's because of me you're making this trip, under these circumstances."
The unflinching intensity of the general's gaze pinned Berk, holding him as surely as chains. A flicker of anger had Berk tensing, but it vanished as quickly as it appeared, chased by sorrow before being schooled into a more neutral expression.
Bolin shook his head. "You're in no way responsible for Nialyne's death. That is not your burden to carry. Not even in part. Donovan used you. One way or another, he would have gotten Ciara to that wall. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else, and things may have gone far worse."
Berk couldn't contain a scoff. "I'm not sure how much worse they could have gone."
"I could be dead. Or you. Or Ciara. Donovan could have succeeded, and what that would have led to we can only guess." He stepped closer and laid a hand on Berk's shoulder. "I can't make the guilt you've taken on any less by anything I say. Only you can do that, and I suggest you try. Given the odds you faced, you held yourself well. If you're looking for some sort of absolution from me, if that's what it's going to take to put your mind at ease, you have it."
"I'm not sure I deserve it."
"Something else only you can decide." He dropped his hand and gestured back toward the Emperor's tent. "If there's nothing else, then, the Emperor would like a word."
"Sully and I already gave Captain Everyn a full report."
"And the captain shared it with us, and now the Emperor would like a word with you. Is there a problem?"
"No, sir."
"Then I suggest we not keep him waiting."
***
By the sharp upward rake of General Bolin's brows, it came as much of a surprise to him as it did to Berk, when the Emperor dismissed him from the tent. For several long moments he studied the Emperor, eyes narrowed as though he considered disputing the order. He flicked an undecipherable look Berk's way, shifted his attention back to the Emperor, then inclined his head slightly, pivoted, and strode out. As the tent flap closed behind him, Berk let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.
"He certainly knows how to pull the air out of a room, doesn't he?" The Emperor's gaze lingered on the flap, his eyes going soft. Then he blinked and turned Berk's way, holding up the commander's message. "How much do you know of what this contains?"
"Nothing of a certainty, Your Majesty," Berk said. "But I can guess."
"You were with Lady Ciara when she was arrested?"
"I was."
"You stood with her before the Council?"
"I did."
He nodded, lips pursed in thought. "I will need to share this news with the general eventually. I prefer to do so after he sees Danya Nialyne to her final rest. I have absolutely no doubts as to what his reaction will be. He's had enough thrown at him recently, and deserves to get through the rest of this in relative peace."
"He won't hear anything regarding the situation from me, Your Majesty," Berk said.
"Good. There is another matter we need to discuss, then." The Emperor tucked the missive inside his tunic. "Lieutenant Sully informed me of your meeting on the road after the marauder attack. You told him you believed the woman was the same one who was aiding Donovan?"
Berk nodded. "It was her. I'm sure of it."
"I need to examine the encounter more thoroughly. To do so, I will require your permission to sift through your memories. I give you my word, I will look no further than those events involving her."
Berk's mouth went dry. "May I ask why, Your Majesty? If Sully's told you what happened, and you have questions in that regard, I will gladly answer them."
"Memories are tricky creatures," the Emperor said. "They can be skewed by perception as much as by time."
Berk fought the urge to bolt from the tent. His entire body trembled on the edge of flight, and he thanked the Goddess the Emperor continued to stand very quietly outside of arm's reach. If the Emperor so much as twitched, Berk couldn't be sure he wouldn't run. "It's just… I don't know much about magic. I've been tended by gifted healers but I was generally unconscious for that. What that woman did to me in Nisair, what she made me do…"
He scrubbed a shaking hand across his forehead, and paced the three strides to the far side of the tent. He trusted the Emperor, he had no doubt of that whatsoever, yet something urged him to deny the request.
"She came to me in Broadhead as well," he said, not turning. "I don't understand why. She's planning something. She told me that much. Said she has a task for me. She must have found me easy to manipulate in Nisair, so intends to do the same again. In which case I'd rather face the block."
"As long as you are in my company, and once we are within the Greensward's borders, she will not be able to touch you. I will personally guarantee that. I need to ascertain her true nature, Berk. I need to know who and what she is. Looking closer at your memories might help me find some of those answers."
Berk closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had pledged his life to the protection of this man and the empire. He wouldn't back down if someone came at the Emperor with sword drawn. If he had to choose, though, Berk would have preferred facing that enemy over the one haunting him.
He turned and nodded. "What do you need me to do?"
"Just sit and relax."
"I can sit," Berk said, and lowered himself into a nearby camp chair with a crooked attempt at a smile. "I can't promise I can relax."
"I'll make this as quick as I can."
The Emperor sat across from him. As soon as Berk met the clear cerulean of his eyes everything else faded. He lost himself for a moment in the deep swirls of color, then jerked suddenly back in a moment of sheer panic. A soothing wave of reassurance coaxed him from the edge, and his pulse slowed to something more like normal. He did his best to ignore the sweat trickling down the back of his neck and empty his thoughts. That proved to be a mistake because an image of Ciara flitted across his mind. Berk tried to stop it, then realized the Emperor had gone all the way back to his first meeting with the woman in Nisair. The scenes flashed behind his eyes quicker than he could register them, which proved to be a blessing as Berk really had no desire to relive them.
The barrage slowed when the Emperor got to the woman's visit in Broadhead, and he picked through those memories much more slowly. When he finally turned to the most recent events, they weren't completely as Berk recalled them. He watched the scene unfold as a voyeur. Most of it seemed familiar, but when he got to the part where Berk managed to free his dagger and drive it into her, the woman vanished. Something else slammed Berk backwards, a dark featureless shape that pinned him until the woman reappeared. And there were words being whispered. Berk didn't recall hearing them before. He didn't know the language, but they seemed to curl around him like cords of rope.
The Emperor's voice overlaid them. Hot, slick bile rose up in Berk's throat, and he forced it back down before it gagged him. The Emperor's voice continued, demanding something of him. Berk tried to tell him he didn't understand, but his mouth refused to work. It became a moot point when a thousand, searing, needle-like stabs of pain tore through bone and muscle alike. Berk clenched his jaw to keep from screaming.
Thankfully, as quickly as it began, it ended.
"Look at me. Berk."
He blinked. Hands cupped either side of his head. The Emperor's face appeared in his line of sight, blocking his view of the tent's roof. Berk licked his lips and found forming even a single word too much effort. In fact, the very task of keeping his eyes open seemed insurmountable.
"Berk!"
"What in the Goddess's name? Get him to his feet."
Berk rolled his head toward the second voice, surprised to find General Bolin had rejoined them.
"I'm a'right," he whispered, and flopped his arm loosely in an attempt to wave them off.
"I can see that," the general said, his tone flat.
Hands clutched his arms, hoisted him up until he found his feet beneath him, at which point he promptly doubled over and threw up.
"Goddess's blood, Dain, what did you do to him?"
"We need to talk."
"You need to tell me what happened here. I felt the shock of it half-way across the camp."
Berk wedged his palms against his thighs and stared at a spot on the ground. "I's a'right," he managed, before a shudder ran through him. He tried to push off the hands holding him up. "Iken stan."
"Of course you can. Help me get him back in the chair."
Berk sat, head lowered, and pressed the heels of his palms against his temples to ease the pounding behind his eyes. Someone offered him a mug but Berk shook his head. "What happened?"
"That's what I'm trying to find out," the general said.
"The Dominion priestess isn't dead, and she seems to have taken an interest in Berk. She's come to him at least four times in the--"
"Four?" Berk lifted his head, but this time stopped himself from shaking it. That wouldn't have done his stomach any good. "No. Just twice. Broadhead, and on the road."
"Those are the ones you actively remember," the Emperor said. "There have been others. Some disguised as dreams. One in the form of someone else."
"Kort," Berk whispered. He looked toward the general. "The night before we left Nisair, I thought I saw Kort like he was at Broadhead. I knew it couldn't be but…" He dropped his head back into his hands. "Goddess's blood, what does she want from me?"
A hand rested on his shoulder. By the tingling coming from it, Berk knew without looking it was the Emperor's. He tried not to flinch under the touch, but magic of any sort was fast becoming something Berk would rather distance himself from. Commander Garek called it 'spooky stuff', and had little tolerance for it. Berk could now understand why he felt that way.
"I don't know what her intentions were," the Emperor said. "We can only guess at that. I do know that something of her touch has lingered in you since your first meeting in Nisair, connecting you to her. She strengthened that when she found you on the road. I removed it. I apologize for the manner in which I did so. I admit to not being as skilled as others in that regard. I'm certain one of the mages could have made it less uncomfortable for you."
Berk nodded dumbly, only half of what the Emperor said actually made sense to him. He latched on to the one bit that did. The tiny glimmer that gave him hope. "So, the nightmares, the visions, they were her doing?"
"Most likely, yes. A great portion of them, in any regard." The Emperor paused long enough to draw Berk's look. An apologetic smile curved his mouth. "I couldn't help but get a sense of the turmoil you have been experiencing since Donovan's attack on the wall. I was also able to witness those events from your perspective. Do not doubt for one moment that you acted with honor. You carry a heavy burden of shame and guilt that is not yours to bear. The priestess used that against you, feeding it like a fire to keep it smoldering, to weaken you and make you easier for her to manipulate. She would not have found it a simple task otherwise. You have an awareness not generally found in those without power. You knew the moment I began to read you, and even made an effort to resist. Futile in this regard. Had I been someone of far lesser power, I would not have found you as easy a target as others would be. I believe that is one of the qualities that drew her interest."
"It's a relief, in some regards," Berk said. "At least I know I'm not going crazy."
"I believe you will owe Commander Garek your thanks on our return," the Emperor said. "Had you stayed in Nisair, things would have gone differently."
Berk stood abruptly. "Your pardon, Majesty, I'd rather not think about that, if you don't mind. It's been enough of the hells these past weeks without dwelling on what might have been. I'll gladly buy the commander as many drinks as he can handle if his sending me here results in being free of those nightmares."
The Emperor surprised Berk with a burst of laughter. "I've seen Garek drink. I'm afraid you'd need to purchase your own brewery to fulfill that promise." He tipped his head toward the tent entrance. "You're dismissed. I believe you'll find you are able to get a better rest than you have in some time."
"Thank you, Your Majesty." Berk bowed, low and formal, awarding the same to the general as he turned to leave.
The general gave a curt nod in return, his expression closed. For the briefest moment, Berk thought he saw something dark and terrifyingly familiar flash though the general's eyes. When he looked again, it had vanished, and Berk decided to blame it on his imagination.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The escort reached the Greensward the following afternoon, and the natural wards surrounding the land wavered as soon as the carriage bearing Nialyne's body passed through them before beginning a steady keening. It unraveled the carefully constructed barrier Bolin had spent the last fortnight building around his grief, and renewed the dread he felt at having to face the elders. Danya Maurar in particular.
He felt Dain's eyes on him as he sat unmoving on Sandeen, watching the phalanx of riders from Galys Auld approaching them. The Galysian riders drew to a halt several lengths off. The filtered sunlight glinted sharply off the polished surface of their pale green and gold armor. The three foremost riders detached themselves from the rest, and Bolin nudged Sandeen forward to meet them, the Emperor beside him, the standard bearers following behind. As soon as they had neared the border, Dain had ordered the banners to be unfurled with the Greensward's taking the place of honor in the center, flanked by the blue and silver of the empire on the right, and the burgundy and green of Bolin's on the left.
"Your Royal Majesty, you honor us greatly with your presence." The woman in the center of the group inclined her head respectfully in Dain's direction. She, alone, wore her plumed helm with the visor up. The rest of the riders showed nothing of their faces. "I am First Rider Thea, given authority to speak for the elders of the Greensward. On their behalf, I welcome you."
"I would that it was better times which brought us," Dain said.
Thea's gaze shifted to Bolin. He expected anger, or perhaps even hatred, but received neither. Only sincere sorrow showed in the First Rider's brown eyes.
"Danya Bolin, I cannot express the heaviness in my heart for our loss,
but for yours more than any. Danya Blyth sends her personal greetings, and bade me ask you to keep Danya Nialyne's memory foremost in your thoughts over the coming days."
Bolin tipped his head in understanding. He had just been tactfully cautioned. Not all the elders would welcome him back to Galys Auld with open arms. In truth, he had half expected to be barred from even entering the Greensward. It certainly wouldn't have surprised him. Though the details of Nialyne's death hadn't been included in the Emperor's message, Bolin had no doubt Maurar would lay the blame on him.
Thea turned and signaled the phalanx, and they fell in around the carriage, replacing the Imperial honor guard. Bolin motioned the center standard bearer forward, and took the Greensward's from him. He coiled the banner around the staff, tying it with a black and gold cord. Settling the butt of the staff in his own stirrup, he joined Thea at the head of the procession, leaving room for Dain. The Emperor, however, dropped back to replace the rider guiding the carriage horses, giving Nialyne the highest honor he could.
The citizens of the Greensward flanked the escort's route well before they reached Galys Auld. Most wore their sorrow openly on tear-stained faces as they tossed woven wreaths of late summer flowers beneath the horses' hooves, or placed them reverently on Nialyne's shrouded carriage. Some of those who recognized the Imperial banner or Dain himself, dropped to one knee, heads bowed.
The first person to step out and drape a flowing garland over Sandeen's neck caught Bolin by surprise. The stallion dipped his head obligingly and attempted to nibble on the woven strand of flowers the woman settled over his withers as she offered Bolin quiet words of condolence. Many more well-wishers followed the closer to Galys Auld they got, and Sandeen's neck grew thick with fragrant streamers.
"There is little we have ever had in common," Master Healer Konly said as she took her turn. "As cold and hard as you are, your love for Danya Nialyne shone like a star in the dark. There are none here who doubt that. Nor is there any doubt as to the place you held in her heart. The depths of my own grief are nigh unbearable. I can only guess at the enormity of yours."
Edge of Darkness ~ A Darkness & Light Novel Book Three Page 20