Follow the red arrows when they finally came to tell us that he was badly concussed, but had been very, very lucky.
Mary had already visited with Fergal. Toby had got through to her while she was tearing a strip off Fergal after catching him at it with Clara in one of the bedrooms. While Ciaran slept, his father told him he’d found her wandering around near the bedrooms, probably looking for someone else, and had taken that as a direct invitation to thank James Sawyer once again for attending. To show he had no hard feelings towards them.
He was shameless, but I couldn’t bring myself to frown on anything that had killed two gold-diggers with one stone. Besides, I was hardly whiter than white.
And what would my comeuppance be? I was an imposter here. I had no right.
But I couldn’t leave.
I’d been here all night, watching him, waiting for him to at least groan, or wake up even and tell me to leave. But there were only the sounds of monitors, bleeping away the hours. There were none of these sounds when I’d been at the hospital with Charlie.
Just nothingness.
I moved around the bed to look at his face again. The airbag had taken most of the force from the front, but the deer had impacted the roof just over Ciaran’s head. He’d had only one gash, two inches long, up into his hairline. It had bled so much, I’d thought he’d been killed. The glass everywhere, the blood...all over again.
Toby said I’d started to have a panic attack, which was when the paramedic had given me oxygen at the side of the road.
All that blood from a single cut. It had been stitched, but he’d have a good headache when he finally woke up.
I traced the line of his eyebrow where the last cut I’d caused him still shined a little pink.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. But it was so inadequate. I’d messed up. I’d poked my finger in it until it popped. He would wake up, and it all would be over.
I slipped my fingers around his.
“But first you have to wake up, Ciaran,” I said in a tiny voice. “Wake up and tell me to go, back to my life with Dave. Where there’s never any laughter, or fighting or fun. Where your crazy father doesn’t rub me with his beard and Mary doesn’t warm me with her kindness. And you. Where you don’t give me butterflies in my stomach, and make me feel as though I could fall all the way to the bottom of your eyes. Tell me to go back to all that, Ciaran,” I whispered, “and I will. I’ll go because I know how extraordinarily lucky I was to have found you, and that I can’t expect to get to keep you as well. Wake up, Ciaran. Wake up and tell me to go back to that life...where I didn’t love you.”
* * *
The night sky was beginning to soften through the blinds. It would be morning soon. I’d leave before he had any visitors, probably for the last time. I kicked off my ballerina pumps and tucked myself into the chair beside Ciaran’s bed, drifting off for a few hours’ sleep before the dawn.
* * *
There was more commotion out on the ward when I woke up again. It took me a few seconds to place where I was. I turned my head to check on him and was met by those beautiful brown eyes. I watched him for a few seconds, not sure that he was okay, then the eyes began to smile at me.
“Cold feet?” he asked, looking at my shoes discarded on the floor.
“Never.”
chapter 37
Ciaran and I haven’t moved in together. Not yet, anyway. Although now the shop has really taken off, thanks no end to Jesse’s new girlfriend, Nat, Ciaran seems to be at the cottage more than I am. He likes to watch the sun on the reservoir. It brings him peace between the chaos of his work commitments, which in the last few months have gone through the roof since work started on the new super-development.
Argyll Inc.’s successful bid on the Lux Foundation land was granted on Ciaran’s proposals to include a state-of-the-art cancer-research facility as part of the land development there, in Grace’s name of course, with all construction work to be, most generously, funded by the company. This was understandably welcomed by the trustees, and once Ciaran had made the proposal there was no way James Sawyer could compete with a counter-offer. By his own admission the man isn’t in the market to make money just so that he can give it all away again.
Ciaran’s still deciding what to do with the smaller pocket of land the trust sold him. He said the site isn’t so great but there’s still money to be made so close to the intended infrastructure. Rumour has it that James Sawyer has been hoping to get in on that action, but Ciaran’s playing it all close to his chest.
When he’s not giving the Sawyers the brush-off, he’s running around after Fergal, who, despite the occasional slip, finally appears to be calming down. He’s been spending more time with Mary now that he’s not at the offices, pretending to work. She has a sobering effect on him and, let’s face it, his behaviour can’t surprise her. Between the Argyll boys, Mary’s already seen it all.
Ciaran’s formed a new friendship, too. He and Mrs Hedley seem to both benefit from each other’s company. I think she has a little crush on him, but so long as he doesn’t disappear around there for too many meals, I’m letting them get on with their love affair in peace. Mrs Hedley keeps him in eggs and soldiers, and Ciaran keeps her in tulips, and like most unconventional relationships, it works.
She’s suggested he rig Daisy a swing in the garden. Ciaran’s planning on tying it in the apple tree we planted for Charlie, although I think Daisy will be dating by the time the tree’s grown enough. Rob says that Daisy won’t be dating until she’s forty, though, at least, so we’ll see.
We’ll measure her up when we get back there later. Ciaran’s dragged us all out for a walk over the forest. I drove, of course, seeing as of the two of us, I’m the only one who hasn’t driven into an animal the size of an armchair.
Ciaran also insisted that at least one of us has a flashy sports car to show off in, and we couldn’t all fit in that. He has the sports car, obviously. I have whatever people carrier it is that I’ve got...something shiny, and very comfortable to drive. But he’s on a ban now—no more unauthorized spending. I do miss my little burgundy van, but it has its own parking permit now, and lives outside the front of the shop. It’s cute advertising and catches attention, just as Charlie said it would.
Nothing, however, catches quite so much attention as our troop, battling for order in the visitor centre car park.
“Martha, are we taking the full pushchair, or just clipping the car seat on top?” Rob called as Martha trudged for the ticket machine.
“Daisy’s car seat, Rob! So Dave can’t slobber all over her outfit again!”
“No slobbering on Daisy’s outfit, Dave.” Ciaran laughed, holding steadily on to Dave’s lead. It was easy to steal a kiss when Dave was anchoring him to the spot.
“You taste of egg and soldiers!” I laughed, snuggling under his free arm.
“What can I say? My other girl treats me like a king.”
“Fergal! That’s someone else’s car bonnet you’re sitting on! Stand up!” Mary scolded, pulling Fergal up by his jacket collar.
“You’re not cold, are you, Fergie?” I asked. “It’s a lovely April morning!”
Fergal stood scowling at Mary next to him. “Aye, but am getting frostbite from Mary’s cruelty. She’s a cold woman,” he said, before cuddling her into him affectionately.
“Right then,” Ciaran said, locking the car, “are we all set? Has someone got the cake?”
“Check!” called Rob, feeding the white box into the bottom of the pram. There was something weird about making your own birthday cake, so Ciaran had got Jess to do it. I’d already peeked—it was a simple cake, star on top with my name and twenty-eight. So no big upset if Dave got at it before we did. I wasn’t sure where that was going to be, though—we were walking away from the picnic tables. It was a balmy day, but it wasn
’t warm enough to pitch on the floor of the forest, even for chocolate cake. But, Ciaran was adamant that we go for a walk on my birthday, together, as a family.
We hadn’t been here for almost six months. It had upset me the last time, seeing all those fence panels claiming the woods as their own. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing them again today, or worse, the eyesores Ciaran said Sawyers’ would have built here by now. I was trying not to think about it, but when we rounded the path there was nowhere else to look than at the hideous teal panels.
“Why don’t we go on up through the birch forest?” I asked hopefully.
“Because there’s nowhere to eat cake up there,” Ciaran said, drawing us all to a standstill. “And I have something to give you, and it’s too big to carry all the way over there,” he said, grinning.
“Come on, boy, get on with it. A want some of that cake!” Fergal scoffed.
“Yeah, thanks, Dad. That really sets the mood, cheers.”
“Get on with what?” I asked him, recognising the shiftiness in his eyes. I looked behind me at Martha.
“Don’t ask me—he wouldn’t tell us anything. You’re so guarded, Ciaran.” She scowled.
“Right. Can I have everyone, bar Holly over there, by the bracken, please?” As was often the case, everyone did as he asked. Ciaran, content with our merry men’s position, turned back to me.
“Holly...I’ve brought you here today, with our family, to ask you something....”
I felt my eyes widen.
I can’t believe it! Not yet—it’s too soon! I never thought that he would do this, here. But then, why not here? Here would be perfect, in a way...but not under the Sold sign on the holly forest, surely, and—
“No!” Ciaran said abruptly. “I can see your brain ticking, Holly. It’s not that! Not yet, anyway.”
I took a deep breath of relief and let it out slowly. Not yet, anyway sounded about perfect to me.
“What I wanted to ask you was if you’d like to come to Hollywood with me? I know we spoke about it once, and you said you wouldn’t be impressed by all that. That you weren’t even sure it existed, remember? That Hollywood would have to come to you?”
Fergal raised his eyebrows at that.
“In my defence, I was drunk at the time of that particular conversation. But Hollywood? Wow, Ciaran, that’s quite a gift.”
“Well? Will you come, then?”
“Er...when?” I asked, stunned.
“Now,” he said, smiling at me. “Right now.”
“Right now? As in now now? I can’t, Ciaran.... I have work, and Dave and—”
Ciaran stood grinning at me. “Holly, I want you to close your eyes.”
What was he up to? It was going to be a helicopter, or something equally outrageous swinging in to take us to the airport. I did as I was told and closed my eyes tightly.
“Take it away, boys!” he called, and from behind the fence I heard machinery thrum to life. Something tall and loud began to bleep over our heads, then the juddering of timber on metal, and dragging through the earth. A minute or so later and the machine engines all died away.
Martha whispered to herself, “Oh, Holly.”
“Right, Holly, before you open your eyes, I want you to know that technically this is a birthday present, and not unauthorized spending.” Eyes still tight shut, Ciaran planted a soft kiss on my mouth and whispered to me, “I know how much this meant to him, Holly. And now you can rest easy that it came to be. Happy birthday, darlin’. Open your eyes.”
Beyond the missing fence panel in front of me was a mini-utopia, nestled in between the holly trees, still in there, untouched by Sawyers. A long cabinlike structure with a play area and greenhouses, a rope bridge, a firepit, a totem pole, chunky timber tables and benches. It was unbelievable. It looked like a holiday resort, but of the forest. Clean and natural and wholesome.
“The classrooms can take forty children if it rains. There’s a second cabin through the trees. Toilets and kitchen facilities are around there, too.”
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
“But? But how? How has this happened?” I asked, staggering into the transformed woodland.
“Sawyer wanted some of the Lux site. I wanted this. I took him and Clara to lunch at Atlas the day after we’d won the Lux bid. I knew it was best to get in with Sawyer before he had too much time to think of terms.”
I couldn’t take it all in. “I don’t know what to say, Ciaran. It’s incredible, what you’ve done here.”
“I did the easy bit, Holly. Charlie did all the negotiating. This couldn’t have gone ahead without his vision.”
“Thank you, Ciaran. So much,” I said, holding back the deluge I could feel rising in my chest.
“Never mind that. You can thank me later,” he said mischievously. “Now, what do you think of that sign up there?”
I looked up into the trees, at the great big star seemingly held suspended in the air. I recognised the depiction immediately.
“I love it, Ciaran. It’s perfect. Everything is perfect.”
And it was perfect.
“Let’s eat cake!” Fergal cried, dancing in through the entrance with Daisy in his arms. Mary kissed Ciaran and followed Fergal in, Rob wheeled past with the pram in one hand, trying to keep Dave out of the cake with the other, and Martha walked by us, squeezing my arm on the way.
“Are you coming in?” Ciaran asked. “Fergie won’t save you any just because it’s your birthday.” He smiled.
“I’m coming. I just want to look at the sign for a minute,” I said, shooing him in.
I watched Ciaran go to join the others in the cabin and read the words to myself again.
Holly Wood Forest School—Where Futures Grow
* * * * *
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ISBN-13: 9781460330265
SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GONE
Copyright © 2013 by Anouska Knight
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
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