“You think leaving will solve all your problems?” He asked with a shaky breath, still rooted deep in her body, trying to control the shudders that raced through his blood, afraid this would be the last time he felt connected to her in this way, perfectly, wholly, and entirely. She was looking him directly in the eyes, her breaths panted out through her mouth which was still open in a wide “O” from his penetration.
“I’m not discussing this right now, Porter. You either make love to me or I leave. It’s your choice,” she said as she used her hips to grind into him, causing his breath to hitch in this throat. If those were his only choices, love her or watch her leave, his decision was already made for him. He walked her over to the bed, cupping her ass to keep their connection solid, and gently laid with her on the bed.
He smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her lips. He was hungry for her, wanted so badly to take everything she had to give, but he was afraid that he’d never get the chance to show her again how much he loved her. So he took the slow route, the kind of love that had won her over in the beginning. His mouth wound trails up and down the contours of her body, pressing slight and feathered kisses all along her skin. He reached behind her arched back and removed her bra, using his hands to knead her breasts. His mouth worshiped the spot on her neck that would, regardless of what the future held for them, always belong to him.
“Please, Porter, I need more.” She wiggled beneath him, trying to gain some friction from their connections. As much as his body wanted the same thing she did – to feel himself inside of her, the slow rub and grind of entering her over and over again – his mind just wanted him to burn the feeling of his body aligned with hers into her memory. She pleaded with him with her eyes, begging him to give her more, and he was stalled just watching her breathe in and out.
“Promise me you won’t leave. Promise me you won’t run.”
“I’ll never leave you, Porter. I’ll never run from us.”
He knew what she was saying, knew what she wasn’t saying. Either way he wasn’t satisfied with her answer. The only thing he had left to do was love her.
When he woke the next morning, he wasn’t surprised when the spot next to him in bed was empty and he wasn’t surprised to see her bags gone. It killed him, but he knew she’d be gone. When he finally braved a world without Ella in it, he noticed an envelope sitting on the bedside table.
Dear Porter,
It’s funny, before I met you I never wrote anyone letters, yet here I am, writing one to you again. This letter is different, Porter, and let me explain why.
The last letter I wrote to you, I wrote it knowing that somewhere in the future we’d run into problems, that I would have doubts and fears, and that I would need you to come for me – to fight for me.
No one has ever fought for me like you did, Porter, and no one ever will. But now it’s my turn to fight. This will never end as long as we’re together, because you are so good at protecting me. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me and this is something I need to do on my own. I know you’re hurt and possibly sad, but don’t be.
I love you. Forever. I will never not love you. Never.
Give me an opportunity to fight for us. Trust in me, in us.
I will come back to you and everything will be fine. You’ll see.
No one’s ever loved anyone as much as I love you, except for you and how much you love me.
Wait for me. Never stop loving me. I love how you love me.
~Ella
Chapter Twenty
Ella
Megan picked Ella up early that morning. Ella gave her no explanation, just told her that she needed to go back to Portland, and to drop her off at her house to get her car. She never went into her apartment, but continued on to her parent’s house, guessing that her childhood home would probably be the safest place for her to be.
Leaving Porter was excruciating, but necessary. It tore her up that he was repeatedly put in danger over and over again because of her. It made her feel helpless and fragile. She was tired of feeling like a victim. The only thing she thought she could do to regain some control was to take back the reigns and try to keep her loved ones out of harm’s way.
She had a solid plan. Stay out of trouble and stay busy. The police had told her to stay away from Poppy, but at this point she figured if she had personal security at the store anyway, she might has well go to work. If Kyle showed up, at least he’d be caught and arrested.
She showered at her parent’s house and tried to keep her thoughts away from Porter and how he must have reacted when he woke to find her gone. Hot water ran down her back, her head bent down so that her chin was resting against her chest. She hoped the hot water could release some of the tension that was building up inside of her muscles. She wondered about whether Porter would even want her after she pulled this stunt. Her plan, all along, included their happy ending. Kyle would be caught and they would be able to build a long and stable relationship. But she also had to consider that fact that after she left him, he could make the decision to be done with her.
She felt a tear spring from her eyes, but it washed away with the water from the faucet down the drain, swirling and circling until it was gone. It was hard for Ella to feel anything but sadness as she felt the ache that came with Porter’s absence in her belly. They had promised each other they wouldn’t be apart anymore, but now she had to stay away to make sure they had many more nights together. She was confounded by the thought of how much her life had changed in just three months. Ella got out of the shower, got ready for her day at Poppy, and made her way to the store.
It had been a while since Ella had been to Poppy, and while pulling up to the store brought, in one sense, a feeling of relief and normalcy, it was coupled with the constant flashbacks and panic that usually came with them. She took a few deep breaths in and when she felt like she had calmed herself down, she got out of the car and walked up to the store front. Once she made it inside the store, she turned off the alarm system and switched the lights on. She felt a wave of apprehension leave her body as she fell into the routine of opening the store. She threw herself into the familiarity of the tasks: checking stock, folding tops, returning emails. Everything was as it was supposed to be and as long as she kept herself busy, she could pretend that everything was fine.
Thirty minutes after she arrived, a very large and bulky man in a suit knocked on the front window of the store. Ella startled at the knocking, her hand flying to her chest trying to calm the raging beat of her heart. The man held a plastic id badge up to the window and as she approached she could see he was from the security firm she’d hired. She exhaled, silently berating herself for getting so worked up over nothing. She opened the door for him and he slid in, very stealthily which, for a reason she couldn’t pinpoint, made her smile. She had a legitimate James Bond in her store.
“Hello, Ma’am. I’m John, the hired security guard.” He reached out to shake her hand.
“Yes, nice to meet you. I’m Ella. I own this store.”
“Nice to meet you too. I trust you had a good fourth?”
“Actually, John, I could have used you at the beach,” she said as she sent him a faint smile.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Ma’am. But you’re here now so I assume everyone is safe?”
“That’s what I’m hoping for,” she said trying to stay positive but feeling drained already by the presence of another person. Perhaps she should have just stayed in bed at her parent’s house. Ella’s eyes raised to the door when she heard, yet again, someone at the door. Sarah stared at Ella through the glass with a smile as she put her key in the lock and let herself in.
“Ella, I didn’t know you’d be in today! I’m so glad to see you. I had such a good time last night at your cookout.”
Ella smiled at Sarah’s bright and cheery disposition; nothing ever got her upset or made her angry. She was perpetually happy all the time.
“I’m so glad you had a good time. I
just drove up this morning, hoping to get back to work and back to normal,” Ella said, hoping that would dismiss the topic. No one but Matt and Tilly knew what had happened with Kyle the night before, and she didn’t want anyone else to.
Ella and Sarah worked in companionable silence. Every once in a while Ella would catch Sarah giving her a pitiful look, but Ella knew she was just worried about her and tried to let it go. By midday Ella felt claustrophobic in her own store. With Sarah giving her concerned looks and John sweeping his eyes around the store constantly, Ella was sad to think that she couldn’t be at the store anymore until everything was cleared up with Kyle. There was no way to forget what had happened when John the man-giant roamed around the store reminding her that nothing was safe anymore. Ella was about to leave when she heard her phone ring in her pocket. She saw the number of her real estate agent and answered as she walked into the backroom.
“Hello?”
“Ms. Sinclair, this is Rachel from Salem City Real Estate. I wanted to call you and let you know that the repairs to the rental house are complete and the landlord agreed to let you move in immediately. The house is ready for you whenever you want it.”
Relief washed over her as she thought she had a place to go to just disappear.
“That’s fantastic. Can I get the keys today?”
“Absolutely, I have them in my hand right now.”
“Great. Can I stop by the office in a few hours to pick them up?”
“Yes, I will be in the office any time after noon.”
“Thanks so much.” Ella hung up, grabbed her purse, and informed Sarah that she would be leaving for the day.
“Ok, well, I hope you have a good rest of your day, Ella.” Sarah was looking at her like she had so much more she wanted to say, but gave her a small smile instead. Ella returned the smile and gave a small wave too, not wanting to give her an opportunity to say anything more. She made it to her car and let out a frustrated breath as she rested her forehead against the steering wheel.
She tried not to think about the fact that everywhere she went caused her to panic. That everything in that store reminded her of Kyle and what she was starting to believe he did to her. She tried to pretend that none of it bothered her and that was more exhausting than she could have imagined. She sat up, pulled her phone out again, and dialed Porter’s number. It rang a few times and she was afraid he wasn’t going to answer. The thought that he could be angry enough with her to not pick up his phone made tears well in her eyes and that uncomfortable sting appear in the back of her throat. Finally, he answered.
“Ella,” he said as a greeting. She couldn’t determine if he sounded scared, frustrated, irritated, or perhaps a mixture of all three.
“Porter.”
“Where are you?” He asked softly, sadness now the most prevalent emotion in his voice.
“Portland, sitting outside of Poppy.”
He was silent for a moment but she could tell what he was thinking. He was upset that she was at the store when they all knew it wasn’t safe for her.
“The real estate agent called and said that the keys for the house in Salem were waiting for me, so I’m going to go there for the night and try to relax.”
“Can I meet you there?” He asked her after a long pause.
“Porter, you know I’d love to be with you, but until Kyle is caught we need to be apart.” He was quiet again.
“There isn’t even any furniture there, Ella. Please, Baby, come home.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat of her car. She took in a deep breath, trying to control her emotions.
“I have an air mattress. I’ll bring it with me.”
“No. Ella, I know what you’re thinking. You cannot go back to your apartment.”
“I’m just going to run in and get a few things. It’ll be ok. It’s the middle of the morning.”
“God damnit, Ella! Are you trying to get yourself killed? You run away from me, you leave me pretending it’s for my safety, and you're spending all your fucking time taunting that fucking bastard by going all the places he knows where to find you? What was the point of all of this?” She heard a loud thud from his end of the phone and then the sound of metal crashing down. The sound was deafening on her end of the phone and she could only imagine the noise on his.
“You know what the point is, Porter,” she said quietly, trying to combat his anger by staying calm.
“You expect me to just sit around while you’re out there baiting him?” She almost flinched at his words, his anger now seething. She could feel his anger radiating towards her, even from two hours away. She’d never heard him so mad and it pained her that his anger was directed at her.
“I just called to tell you where I was going. I’m not asking you to do anything, Porter. And I’m definitely not asking for your permission. I need you to trust me and let me fix all of this. Everything will be ok.”
“I won’t be ok if anything happens to you,” he said, almost a whisper and that affected her almost as much as if he’d yelled it in rage.
“And I won’t be ok if anything happens to you because of me,” she replied. He was quiet after that and she knew he tried to accept the fact that she was making the decisions, even if he didn’t agree with them.
“Please let me come see you tonight. I don’t want to be away from you,” he said quietly. His rage she could almost handle, but the sad and dejected Porter was more than she could take at the moment.
“Oh, Porter,” she cried. “I don’t want to be away from you either. I will call you later and we’ll talk until we both fall asleep. Just read my letter and, please, stay in Lincoln City. I need you to be there. I need you to be safe.”
She’d made it in and out of her apartment in record time. The last thing she wanted was to spend time there at all, so she hurried through the apartment quickly, gathering the things she needed for a few nights. She was surprised when her panic wasn’t an issue, but she figured that her determination and purposeful plan helped to ease her nerves. She knew what she was going in for and she had a plan. Once she had loaded her car and has everything she needed, she pointed her car towards Salem.
Ella was never really a fan of camping, but that’s exactly what she felt she was doing at the new house in Salem. She’d set up her air mattress and made a little nest of pillows and blankets she’d brought from the apartment in Portland. She had a little lamp plugged into the wall and after everything had been situated, she laid on the air mattress and read for the majority of the evening.
The house was, as expected, entirely empty which only illuminated her loneliness. She tried repeatedly to push the thoughts of Porter alone at his house out of her mind. The ache she felt from the need to be with him was physical and real. She’d gotten use to always being with him and now that she was trying to keep him away from her, his absence was overwhelming. She waited as long as she felt she could before she called him, wanting to hear his voice but not wanting to spend a lot of time rehashing their earlier conversation and argue. She wanted his voice to wrap around her like his arms might do if they were together.
She dialed his number and at the same time heard a car door shut just outside the house. The phone started ringing and she got up to look out of the front window in hopes that she could see the car. As his phone kept ringing, her heartbeat sped up. She couldn’t help but half wish that Porter was there. As if she expected it, her head snapped around to the front door as she heard a knock. She froze, unsure of what she should do. Something inside of her, a small voice or instinct told her not to open the door.
She breathed heavily and all she could hear was her lungs pushing air in and out, and then Porter’s deep and sexy voice as he asked her to leave a message. Then she jumped and was startled by the pounding on the door.
She ran back into the bedroom, all of a sudden cursing herself for not having anything to protect herself with. She huddled in the corner of the room, turning the lamp off as she passed it. She heard
a beep in the distance and realized that she had heard the tell-tale sound letting her know she should leave a message.
“Porter,” she whispered into the phone. “I don’t think I have much time. I think he’s here.” She heard another large bang, but this time it sounded like someone was trying to bust through the door, not just bang on it. “Oh, Porter, I’m so sorry for everything,” somewhere along the line she started crying. “I love you so much and I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything that’s about to happen to me. I’m so glad that you’re not here and that I could protect you this way.” Her voice immediately ceased when she heard the distinct sound of the door finally giving in and breaking open. She cupped her hand over her mouth to keep herself as quiet as possible.
Footsteps could be heard roaming through the front of the house and all she could do was wait until they found her.
“I love you, Porter,” was what she whispered into the phone before she placed it on the floor, readying herself to run as soon as she got the chance. She saw her door creep open and she knew before he said anything that it was Kyle. His silhouette so perfectly outlined by the light cast in form the hallway and she knew it was him.
“There you are, Ella,” he said, his voice making her stomach roil.
“What do you want, Kyle?” Ella said, her voice sounding more strong and sure than she had anticipated.
“The same thing I’ve always wanted: for you not to be a problem for me anymore.” He lunged at her and she tried to dart past him. He reached his arm out and grabbed her around her waist. As she yelled and screamed for someone to come and help her, she couldn’t help but think that she’d made this too easy for him.
Never Far Away Page 27