by Rachel Cohn
“Let’s talk about them,” said Akemi.
“Let’s not,” said Ryuu. “The benefit of being iced out should mean being invisible. It should work both ways.” A blue-streaked piece of his hair fell over part of his eye, and I wanted to put my hand on it and tuck it behind his ear so badly.
“These chicken nuggets are good,” I said, biting into the cafeteria food that I was enjoying for the first time. No more cool girl konbini bento boxes from 7-Eleven for me. What a relief to eat normal student food again.
“I want to try the nuggets,” said Akemi. “I love American food. I’ll be right back.” She got up and returned to the serving area.
“You like fried chicken?” Ryuu asked me.
“Sure. Who doesn’t?”
“Vegans.” I laughed.
Then Ryuu asked me, “Do you have plans on Christmas Day?”
“Doubt it. My father said the hotel and Destiny Club will be extra busy at Christmas even though it’s technically not a day off here. Expats having parties and stuff, and Japanese people who like to celebrate the holiday.”
Ryuu looked to the ground. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous. Finally, he asked me, “Want to go to KFC with me that day? It’s, like, a tradition here.”
OMFG! Ryuu Kimura had just asked me on a date! Seriously!
“I’d love to,” I said, like it was no big deal even though my heart was about to explode with happiness. Ryuu grinned, looking both pleased and relieved.
I could feel a stare coming at me from the center of the cafeteria, and I couldn’t help but look over to the Ex-Brat table again, where Nik Zhzhonov was giving me the evil eye. This time, I flipped him the bird.
“So what really happened between you and Arabella Acosta?” I asked Ryuu that afternoon on our post-swim practice bus ride back home to Minato. Apparently, setting up a KFC date had gotten me to the point where I felt comfortable asking him this intimate question.
We no longer sat separated by the bus aisle. Lately, I always sat next to him, and we huddled together at the back of the bus, rows away from the other kids, creating a private sanctuary for ourselves.
“You really want to know?” Ryuu asked.
“Yes.”
“You might not like it.”
Oh no. It probably wasn’t just a rumor that he’d gotten her pregnant. Was it a terrible idea to go out with a guy with that kind of baggage, even though I really wanted to?
“I can handle it.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I guess I’m asking because I’m surprised you went out with someone like her. You’re so quiet and independent. Arabella struck me as . . .” I was about to say how she was really arrogant and mean, then decided I shouldn’t trash his ex to him. “She struck me as not like that,” I said as diplomatically as I could.
He looked right at me and spoke genuinely. “Arabella’s not that bad. She just has a really messed-up family. Too much money and no one looking out for her.”
Like you? I wondered. “Did you love her?” I asked quietly.
There wasn’t anyone sitting anywhere near us, but he still whispered. “We were never really a couple. We, you know, explored things but realized we liked each other more as friends.”
“Really? Then why’d she leave Tokyo? Imogen said you broke her heart.”
“Imogen makes up stories to fit her un-reality. She needs a villain. But the rumor that Arabella went home to Bolivia because she was pregnant was true. Only I wasn’t the father.”
“Then who was?”
“Nik Zhzhonov. She suspected he put a roofie in her drink. There was a party at his house when his parents were away. She woke up in his bed with him but didn’t remember how she got there.”
“Holy shit.” I never thought I’d feel sympathy for Arabella Acosta. I wanted to violently choke Nik Zhzhonov. I hated the Ex-Brat girls even more for not believing me—and my bad experience with Nik wasn’t even that bad in comparison to what Arabella went through. I didn’t like Arabella, but I seriously wanted to hug her and tell her she was going to be okay. Jesus. “She didn’t want to press charges against him?”
“She had no proof it was forced, and her loyalty was torn. Her brother Oscar is Nik’s best friend. She was too embarrassed to tell Imogen and the other girls. So she went home to Bolivia to take care of it privately.”
“And you took the blame.”
“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or what they say,” said Ryuu.
I couldn’t believe my boldness, but I reached my hand closer to his, and let our pinky fingers touch. My hand never felt so warm. “I like that about you,” I confessed. “I want to be more like that.”
He turned his head to look at me. He latched his fingers into mine. I waited, hoping.
My hope was not in vain. It lingered in the air for maybe half a minute, filling me with anticipation, knowing by the look he gave me that everything was about to change between us.
Finally, Ryuu leaned over and kissed me, his lips soft but firm, and sweet, so fucking sweet.
This was the real first kiss I’d waited a lifetime for. The one with fireworks and a true prince.
I wasn’t ready to let him go. He felt the same.
“Come with?” Ryuu asked me just before the bus stop where he usually got off.
“For sure.” I didn’t care where we’d go. So long as I got there with him.
We stepped out of the bus near an entrance to Shiba Park. “I want to show you my favorite place in the park,” said Ryuu, and I couldn’t contain my smile, giddy that he wanted to share his spot with me. With red-and-white Tokyo Tower looming over the green grass, the air chilly and crisp, and trees offering vibrant displays of late autumn leaves in reds and yellows, it was a perfect day for a walk with gorgeous views (and an amazing boy who asked me to KFC and who just kissed me!).
We stopped at the park entrance, where there was a beautiful gate that looked more like a temple, a red four-sided structure with lacquered pillars and gold trim on the domed roof. Ryuu said, “This used to be the gate to a mausoleum for one of the ancient shogun rulers. There were more, but this was the one that survived the bombing during World War Two.”
“Who are those guys?” I asked, gesturing toward two statues nestled in the gate. The burgundy statues made me think of samurai monsters; one held up a hand as if to say “stop” and the other held up a gold knife, ready to strike. “They look like fierce warriors.”
“They’re guardians. They represent strength.”
Ryuu took my hand, and I clasped on. With him, I felt protected, but also independent—my own best version of strength. We walked, surrounded by trees and gardens, as other couples strolled by holding hands, and I felt a part of some secret society of sweethearts.
“How far do you live from here?” I asked Ryuu.
“About a fifteen-minute walk. I usually come here after school. If the weather’s good, I sit on a bench or in a café and do homework.”
“I notice you don’t hang out with friends at school.”
“I like being on my own.” He paused, then clenched softly on my hand. “Till now.” Swoon.
“You’re not like other boys who just want to get home and play video games?”
“I am like that. But it’s better if I can get home with my homework mostly already done. Then I can be ready to show my father my work is complete when he yells at me for being online when really I’m just trying to avoid him.”
“Why do you avoid him?”
“He hates everything I do. My ukulele. My drawings. He says there’s no future in anything I’m interested in.”
“That sucks. I’m so sorry.” Kenji’s indifference to me seemed so benign in comparison to Ryuu’s dad’s unkind nature.
“Don’t be. I’m used to him. Two more years and then I can go to college in America and not deal with him.”
“What about your mom?”
“She’s okay, but she never stands up for herself. M
y father is a bully about what she should wear and how she should look and behave, and she goes along with it.”
“Maybe she’s scared not to.”
“That’s exactly what she is. Since his business scandal, they hardly go out. Our house is like a private prison, but with maid service and excellent meals.”
“Sounds like Tak-Luxxe.”
“Is it okay if I ask about your mom?” I’d never told him about her, but he must have heard gossip about where I came from.
“Yeah.”
“How much longer is she in jail?”
“She was sentenced to five years. She’ll be eligible for parole next year.”
“Then what?”
“I have no idea honestly. It scares me to think about that just as much as it scares me to think about her being there.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know where I would go if I had to make a choice. Do I go home and be with her, or—”
“This is your home now.”
“Is it? Sometimes it doesn’t feel real. I’ve been here two months and . . .” I hesitated to say what I really felt, then realized Ryuu had just confessed to me about his father and I shouldn’t shy away in return. “I still hardly know my father. And the Ex-Brats seem to think . . .” I hesitated again. Could I speak the word that had brought Ryuu’s father and their family down? I looked into Ryuu’s trusting eyes. I knew I could. I said, “They think that my father might be yakuza. I don’t know what I would do if he went to jail, too.”
It was amazing how much lighter I felt just speaking my fears aloud to someone who cared.
“If he’s anything like my dad, he’ll have good lawyers to make sure his prison stays private, at home.”
I stopped walking. “Do you think Kenji Takahara could be yakuza?”
Ryuu must have seen the concern on my face because he rubbed his hand against my cheek. “I have no idea. But you should know, yakuza is just part of business here. Being yakuza doesn’t mean your father’s a criminal. It means he’s . . . doing business like many Japanese businessmen.”
Ryuu made it all sound so normal. No big deal. Maybe for him, it wasn’t. His father was indicted and let go. Ryuu’s privileged life went on, despite the Japanese “shame jail” the family existed in. But if my father went to jail, then I’d never get to know Kenji at all. Plus, I would have two jailbird parents who were also addicts, and oh yeah, I’d be left homeless again. Or would Kim and Mrs. Takahara allow me to stay? Would I even want them to?
Ryuu must have sensed my anxiety. He took my hand again, silent and content just to keep walking. I had all these fears, but I didn’t necessarily want to talk them out. I wanted someone to be there for and with me while I let all these scary thoughts settle.
A few minutes later, we reached a café in the center of the park. At the same time, we both cried out, “Hot chocolate!”
We ordered two hot chocolates. While we waited for the order to be prepared, I admired a gorgeous Shiba Inu puppy sitting on the ground next to her human. The dog had a collar with a nametag in English that said “Kicho.”
“Is it okay to pet Kicho?” I asked Kicho’s human, who looked American.
“Sure,” she said. “She’s very friendly. Loves everyone.”
I crouched to the ground and Kicho immediately rolled over to allow me to rub her tummy. When Kicho had decided she was finished with the belly rub, she got up, and trotted off with her owner. “Bye, Kicho!” She barked an enthusiastic good-bye as her human waved at us.
“Do you like animals a lot?” Ryuu asked me. We returned to our walk on the footpath with our supremely delicious hot chocolates.
“I love animals. I used to have a cat back in Maryland who was pretty much my best friend.” Ryuu draped his arm over my shoulder, like he knew without my telling him that my cat story did not have a happy ending. “I’ve asked Kenji for one, but he said no.”
“Have you—”
“Been to a cat café?”
Ryuu smiled at me. That smile! I’d never seen the expression of his face turn so bright. My heart flip-flopped. “Yes, that’s what I was going to say.”
“I went to one. It creeped me out. The cats seemed like zombies.”
“Do you know about the Japanese cat islands?”
I stopped walking. “Are you kidding me?”
“I’m not. There are a couple remote Japanese islands with cat colonies roaming freely. The fishermen feed them. The cats basically rule these places.” He also stopped walking and googled some photos on his phone. “Look.”
“Whoa,” I said to the images of the packs of island cats wandering, playing, fighting, eating, and of course, sleeping, pressed up against one another for warmth and obscene cuteness. “Now that would be my kind of desert island.”
We resumed walking. Our hands immediately latched together again, like magnets.
“Right here is my favorite sanctuary in Tokyo,” said Ryuu. “It’s called Momijidani. It means ‘autumn leaf valley.’ ”
We’d reached an artificial ravine with a waterfall tumbling down from a high rock formation about three stories tall, surrounded by a variety of rocks, and maple trees with red autumn leaves. A stream ran below the waterfall, with a picturesque bridge path over it. The effect was spectacular, like being deep in a valley surrounded by mountains—serene, private, magical—but with Tokyo Tower looming over it, a reminder of the bustling city just beyond.
We sat down on a bench, the only people there at this moment. “Can I kiss you again?” Ryuu asked me.
“Please do,” I whispered back.
His lips met mine. This time the kiss was longer and deeper, without that tension of wondering if the other person would be into it, and the excitement of knowing there would be so many more kisses in our future. Instinctively, I knew. This was the life I wanted. With Ryuu. Simple. Easy. Joyful. I wanted to build this life in Tokyo with him. Suddenly, I felt less angry with Reggie. I totally understood how, after everything he’d been through, he’d want to dive deep, and quickly, into a relationship with his girlfriend even though she was a bad swimmer. When I kissed Ryuu, I felt flooded with a sense of pride that he chose me, and delirious with happiness.
Please don’t let this be a dream, I thought.
No way, no how was I going to stay away from Ryuu Kimura.
It wasn’t hard to keep our new relationship secret from Kenji. He might have passed down an edict for me not to associate with Ryuu, but he was never around and took no active interest in my life. When I first arrived, that was frustrating. Now, it was beneficial.
I could share secret kisses at the back of the after-school bus with Ryuu. I could hold hands with him under the water in the ICS hot tub after swim practice. When Ryuu and I weren’t physically together, I could spend every waking moment texting with him. Kenji would never know.
I enjoyed this private little bubble Ryuu and I had fallen into since our first kiss two weeks earlier. Having a boyfriend I adored was amazing. Having a boyfriend who was all mine because we’d mutually decided to keep our relationship to ourselves for the time being was surprisingly sexy. Every shared glance, every text exchange, every secret kiss felt like a delicious bond—us against the world, only the world didn’t know.
Ryuu and I ate lunch together every day at school, but we didn’t walk around ICS like we were a couple. We didn’t want to flaunt it. Not because we were scared of the Ex-Brats, but because we loved the illicitness of keeping our relationship to ourselves, without the chatter of school gossip.
“I want to take you somewhere besides Tokyo once school is on holiday,” Ryuu told me as we rode the Ginza line train through central Tokyo, on our way to Ueno Park. It was a half-day at school with no sports practices in the afternoon because of teacher meetings, so Ryuu was taking me sightseeing. The train wasn’t that crowded, but I still pressed up close against his side as I sat next to him.
“Like where?” I asked him. I traced my thumb over the inside of hi
s palm.
“Kyoto is one of the most beautiful cities in Japan. We could start there. Then we could go somewhere far from the city where it’s quiet, like an onsen ryokan—that’s like a Japanese-style inn where there are hot springs. There’s so much more to Japan than what you see as an expat in Tokyo. There are mountains and lakes and—”
I pressed a kiss against the top of his arm. “And lions and tigers and . . .”
“Oh my!” we both said, and then laughed.
It was an awesome fantasy, to go away somewhere with Ryuu, but we both knew it was just that—a fantasy.
We exited the train at Ueno station and began walking toward the park, holding hands. It was a brisk day with the feel of early winter. Buildings were adorned with Christmas decorations, the leaves on the trees were mostly gone, and the air was chilly but not yet so cold that I could see my breath. The weather was just right for wearing my boyfriend’s jacket over my school uniform, and loving that public showcase of mine-ness here where no one knew us, but all the people strolling the park would also have no doubt Ryuu and I were a couple.
“How come you know your way around so well?” I asked Ryuu as he expertly navigated us across a big street and then through the park entrance and on to a path across which I could see a pond at the end. “You never look at a map.”
“I had to learn to be independent when all the bad stuff started happening with my dad. My parents were totally checked out. I was always on my own. I decided to explore, rather than sit in the house and wait for the news to get worse and worse.”
I had noticed that young kids took public transit alone when they were still elementary school age. “It’s nice that Tokyo feels like such a safe city. My mom never let me take DC Metro alone until I was fourteen. Of course, by then she was so checked out, I could have taken the train to New York City and she wouldn’t have noticed. And Kenji couldn’t care less where I go now.”