"Happy birthday, pretty girl!" He set me down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, handsome. Glad you could make it."
"Wouldn't have missed it for the world. And let me tell you something else, you are smoking hot tonight. I don't know what is different, but, God, you look great."
"Thanks, Mike. That means a lot." I got turned into a different direction and there was Bryan and Dave. "Hey there, boys, are you working tonight or did you come up for this?"
Dave spoke up first. "Both, we might be working but if we weren't, we would still be here for you."
"Wouldn't have missed it," Bryan said as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you both. Has anybody seen Jason?" I looked around as I said it. This was a big place, much bigger than it looks from the outside.
"You lookin’ for me?" I was spun around and fell into the arms of Jason. It has felt like forever since I have hugged him.
"Sure was."
"Well, look no further, your knight in shining armor is here."
"I believe that would be my job." I knew he was there before I even heard his voice. I can always just feel him. When eye contact was made, it was like the very first time we met all over again. Colt was the definition of gorgeous.
"I don't remember assigning that position to anyone lately." As I said it, I walked up and kissed his cheek.
"I believe it’s also my job to be kissing the birthday girl" he took my face in his hands and kissed my cheek. He moved to the center and paused at my lips but never made contact. He just sucked in a breath and moved to the other side to kiss that as well. I think I gasped for breath myself. He held onto my face and looked into my eyes a little longer than I guess my parents deemed appropriate for a friend, because there they were, introducing themselves. Colt handled it with the utmost respect. He held his hand out to my father and my dad took it kindly.
"Colt, these are my parents, Bill and Linda Warren. Mom and Dad, this is my friend, Colt."
"It is a pleasure to meet you both. You raised an amazing daughter." When my mother was done checking him out, she finally looked up and said thank you. She was flushed and apparently my dad picked up on it as well. He just cleared his throat and excused them from the group. That was too funny for words. When they moved out of eye sight, I laughed hard.
"Looks like you even have that effect on the elderly."
"Ha, ha, very funny, and I can see where you get your looks from. Your mom was probably just as stunning when she was your age."
"Wow, you want me to hook you up? My dad might beat your ass, but you could try."
"You’re on a roll tonight aren’t you, funny girl." He leaned down to put his lips to my ear. “I have never in my life seen an angel. But I'd swear if one walked the earth, it would be you. Breathtaking doesn't even describe you. I always feel like I'm spouting all these corny lines, but there just isn't anything I can think to say that would do you justice."
I have never felt so special. I understood what he was saying though when it came to words, because thank you doesn't seem to be appropriate enough either, but it is all I got.
"Thank you, Colt. What you said was just perfect."
I leaned back so I could look up to kiss him but just as I was going to, he turned his head. What was up with that?
Colt excused himself and walked away.
I didn't want my night to turn into me analyzing him. I was here to have fun.
I walked over to my coworkers next. Liz, Christy, and Susan were working on a round of shots for us. I loved these girls. Working side by side with them made a day at work fun. Two shots in, I walked over to the high school group. Three shots later, I went to find Heather. Five shots down and sixteen more to go, according to the boys. When I found her, she was at the bar talking to Megan. Well, at least the part of her being here was not a lie. I walked up between the two of them and wrapped my arms across their shoulders.
"What are we drinking, ladies?"
Megan noticed me first. "Well, there's the birthday girl."
Heather signaled Bryan over, who was bartending. He didn't even ask. He just came over with three shots for each of us. We determined that for each count, we would take a shot.
"One," we slammed it.
"Two," went the next one.
"Three," the last shot went down. And then I gagged. I didn’t throw up, but I certainly felt like I could. Then my dad’s head pops up in front of mine.
"With that, I believe it's our time to go. We understand why you are doing this, but neither your mom nor I want to bear witness. We love you, Sadie girl. Happy birthday, be careful and call us in the morning or whenever it is you wake up."
My mom came over next. "Please be careful and I love you."
"I love you two so much. Thank you for everything. I know you helped plan this. I truly was surprised. You guys did awesome. Thank you... "
"Sadie. Shh, you’re drunk and rambling. Have a happy birthday, girl. But be careful, you hear me?" She kissed my cheek and then her and my dad left.
I came back to the conversation between Megan and Heather. Heather could not let the topic drop.
"Who is he? Is it Bryan, the bartender? Jake? Geoff? Dave? Who?"
"It’s not a big deal, Heather. Leave it alone."
"Okay, I'm done. Sadie, what are you ready for? Another shot, or the dance floor?"
"I pick dancing for now. Let’s go show them how it’s done!" Megan led the group. Heather and I just followed. I love to dance. I closed my eyes and just let the music move my body. It started to get uncomfortably hot so I lifted my hair up off my neck. But then I felt someone wrap one arm around my waist and the other looped through my arm. I can't see who it is because they are behind me, but this felt good. I closed my eyes again and leaned back against him. His hand started to move lower and then, he was gone. Gone! I turned to see where whoever it was went, but there is no one. That's some crazy shit. I'm not so drunk I make people up, that I do know. So I just started to dance again. Men sure do like to grind when they dance, that is for sure. I got so hot at one point, I told Heather I needed a break. Her and Megan came off the dance floor with me and walked back over to the bar for a drink. We slammed four more shots of I don't know what, when it hits me. I know who Megan likes. I grab her by the elbow and spin her in my direction.
"It's Colt, isn't it?"
Heather’s eye brows shot up. "Holy shit! It is! Holy shit!"
“Are you both fucking crazy? I would never let him touch me! Look around. He's been with over half of the chicks here tonight. If you don't believe me, wait until he comes out of the office and see how many fall at his feet."
This information sobered me. Well, maybe some. There is no way I am even close to sober. Sure enough, just as I am processing all this, here comes Colt from his office and he does not look happy. But I don’t care what is up his ass. I just had to watch bitch after bigger bitch jump to hang all over him, just like Megan said. So I walked in to the bathroom where I knew he couldn’t follow me. It was there that I got the chance to overhear two girls talking in the bathroom about his dick! I was done. I walked out of the bathroom and ran smack into a chest, of a man, a sexy man, that smelled good, so damn good and I could feel an 8 pack on his stomach. I looked up and saw yummy. He was tall, tan, dark brown hair, with the most sultry blue eyes. I put my hand in his and led him to the dance floor without saying a word. It was my turn to have fun. It is my birthday after all. I had no idea what this dude’s name was, even though he had told me more than once. He even looked kind of familiar. He started dancing behind me and as I began to feel the music, I got lost in it again. My hips moved, while my arms went up. I grabbed the back of his neck and could feel him becoming aroused. This did even more for my esteem. I am her again, Sadie. The girl who loves what she can do to a man. I hold the power in this moment. I control what happens and I will not feel broken again. He wanted me, I could feel how much. That meant I was worth something. But then Colt’s words crept in
my head. "You’re better than you think you are, Sadie". Wow! How does he affect me even now? I realized then that sleeping with this guy was not going to make me feel better about the fact Colt is fucking half the bar. I started to lose my balance and felt nausea setting in, so I excused myself from the guy and stumbled over to a bar stool. He followed me to make sure I got there okay. He even ordered water for me to drink. Dave came over to see how I was holding up and the mystery guy introduced himself as Ash. He told Dave that he was helping me out. The more he talked, the more familiar he seemed, and then it clicked. He graduated three years ahead of me, but Ash was Asher. Asher Williams was a stud in school. He dated a cheerleader named Tina all four years, so no girl ever got a chance with him. He graduated when I was a freshman, so I have no idea if he even knows who I am. I was too drunk to even care really. Dave was acting a little territorial towards me but this is the very reason I love these guys. They will always make sure I am taken care of.
Heather came off the dance floor and then was at my side talking about Jeff. Apparently, she cracked Megan's code after all. At first I thought it was Geoff she was talking about, but then she points to the other Jeff and I know which one he is.
"Eeewwww! Really? I know Colt is probably carrying a thousand diseases from the pool of skanks in here, but I'd fuck him over that dude any day."
"Of course you would say that. You’re already fucking Colt, so I wouldn't be so judgmental about that pool you’re included in. But I totally agree about Jeff. He is ugly. No wonder she didn't want to tell me." We both laughed hysterically, until....
"So I have bad taste, huh?"
Oh shit! Megan was standing there behind Heather and I didn’t see her.
"Well, you guys can make fun of me all you want, but at least Jeff is only with me. Sadie, if you think you’re special, you’re wrong. Colt tells a girl whatever she wants to hear, if it means he gets to fuck her. Remember that when he's whispering in your ear next time, okay?”
And then she was gone. I looked over at Heather and she had a blank expression on her face like she was waiting for me to freak out. But she didn’t expect what came next for sure.
" Hahahahahaha, oh my God! That was fucking crazy! I feel awful for making fun of Jeff but did she seriously try to hurt me on purpose? Nice try, but I'm using Colt just as much as he is using me. Heather, we need a couple more shots to move past that one, what do you think?"
"I'm totally in. Hey Bryan, we need your services over here."
However many shots it took to get me to twenty one later, I was trashed with a capital T. Heather wasn’t much better off. The bar had closed a while ago but according to the guys, we were not allowed to leave until they cleaned up and got us home safe. That was fine by me. Heather stayed on a barstool where she could lay her head down on the bar and pass out. I wasn’t ready to call it a night quite yet. The music was still on, which meant I was still dancing, if you can still call it that when you have no balance. I didn’t care though. I was in my element of numb. What a crazy, fun night it ended up being. Eventually I felt arms wrap around me from behind and a smell I could identify in my sleep crept up my nose.
"Hmmmm, you still smell absolutely amazing. It reminds me of when you’re cuddled up next to me after sex. It’s my favorite smell in the world. You know that, Sadie?"
"Oh, really?"
"Don't question that. There's a lot you can, but not that. So, did you have a good birthday, beautiful?" He continued to rock with my body as he spoke in that deep rasp only he could pull off.
"It was the best birthday ever! I wish you could have been more a part of it but I understand you had to work."
"I couldn't agree more. That's why you are coming home with me. The night’s not over yet, baby girl."
"I'm not a baby and more, I'm a woman, and who says this woman wants to go home with you?" Even though my insides are screaming, "me."
"Well then, listen here, woman. I've had to sit back and watch every dick head here tonight talk to you, touch you, dance with you. Eyeball you like they are going to fuck you. It is my turn. I need you, Sadie. It’s past want. Please, come home with me. I'm not asking for sex. I just need you tonight. Please."
I turned around to face him. I wanted to confront him about all the girls I had to see, and hear tonight. All the awful things Megan said to me. But what good would it do? He is who he is. And I think I am falling in love with him. How fucked up is that?
"Sure. I will come home with you."
"Let’s get the hell out of here then, beautiful."
CHAPTER 17
Colt drove us to his house and like he promised, he wasn't attacking me, he was taking care of me. Getting up all those stairs was not the easiest task, but once we enter the apartment it just felt safe, like home. First things first, the zipper on the back of my dress was being pulled down. I had to get that thing off.
"I've wanted to do this all night. I don't think you have any idea what you do to me, Sadie."
I was now standing in front of him in my black lace panties and shoes only.
"I think I actually do, Colt, I can see it in your pants." There was no way I could not change this serious moment into a funny one. I was too drunk for serious. I started to laugh, but that just caused me to lose my balance. Colt reached out to catch me by reflex and only then did it register to both of us that he was holding me naked. As I righted my balance, I found myself looking up and we just stared into each other’s eyes. That moment alone could have lasted my whole life. Megan was wrong. I didn’t have to be there while he was with those other girls to know that he didn’t look at them the way he looked at me. We drown in each other. We always have.
"Sadie, I wish you could know what you do to me. I'm trying my hardest to hold back, girl, but I am falling so hard for you. Tell me how to fix this. Tell me what I'm supposed to do now and I'll do it. I just need this to go away. I'm not ready for this and you don't want me the way that I am right now."
"Colt, I want you any way I can have you, haven't you figured that out yet?" I grabbed his face and crushed my lips to his. He was always trying to fix me and I was slowly starting to see that he was just as broken. My poor, broken man. I would like to tell you that we had the craziest sex you could ever possibly imagine, but what we had was way more pure. I truly believe we were just two lost souls trying to find some clarity in our own reality.
I woke up the next morning because my phone was going off like crazy with notifications. I sat up and grabbed it to find mostly it was just everybody texting me that they had a great time, but the one that stood out was from Susan, from work, telling me that she took care of all my clients today so that I could recoup. That chick was something awesome. I set the phone back down on the nightstand and laid back down in bed. Colt instinctively wrapped his arms back around me and pulled me to him. It was a couple hours later when we finally decided to wake up. I rolled over so that I could look in his direction. But the first thing that came out of his mouth shocked me to the core.
"What happened between you and James?"
"What? Why?"
“I'm just trying to understand the complexity behind ‘Who is Sadie’. If it's too hard to talk about it, we don't have to."
I attempted to roll back over so that I didn’t have to face him, but he would not allow it.
"Hey there, where are you going? Don't ever feel like you have to run from me. I will always be here to protect you, never will I hurt you."
I didn't know how to respond. I knew what he was saying was true, I just wasn't sure I wanted to go there yet. At some point I knew talking about it would make it easier to move past it. Colt had not judged me yet. There was a chance he might not now, but it was slim.
"Colt, honestly, it was a really fucked up time in my life." I looked at the wall as I began to tell him the story. I could not see any judgment from him, it would crush me. "I met James my freshman year in high school. If you haven't already been able to tell, I tend to surround myself more w
ith guys than I do girls. Girls have always come across more caddy to me than boys ever have. Anyways, he and I became instant best friends. We did everything together and I trusted him with my life. One day, in the beginning of our sophomore year, he kissed me. Neither of us knew how to act around each other for at least a week after that. But then he kissed me again and it felt so perfect. We decided we would try to start dating, but promised we would never lose our friendship. It was a full year after that that we decided it was time to move forward with our relationship. Sex was inevitable. I was scared to death. My biggest fear wasn't the one you'd think it was though. Too many girls had said that the pain just lasted for a second. My fear was about respect, I didn't want him to lose his for me. The day finally came that it happened. After we were finished, he got up and went to the bathroom to throw away the condom, it was the look he had on his face when he came back into the room that will haunt me forever. I asked him what was the matter? His response was ‘I'm sorry. But I did lose respect for you. You can go now.’ I've never ran so fast and I don't think I'll ever cry as hard as I did in my life again."
"Sadie, that is so fucked up! No guy should ever say that to a girl, ever!"
"But Colt, you have to let me finish so that you understand. It’s not that he lost his respect in me, it's that he knew that by saying that, it would hurt me. He knew my biggest fear and he used it against me. He did that again and again throughout our entire relationship. One time, he was mad and I honestly believe all he was doing was talking with his hands, but one hand came too close to me and I flinched instinctively. The look of shock on his face, to see me scared, he vowed he would never hurt me. But the next argument we got into, several weeks later, he grabbed me so hard and shook me that I broke up with him. He cried. Telling me it would never happen again. That if he couldn't have me as his girlfriend, he needed to keep his best friend. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. People can change if they really want to, right? So that's where the vicious cycle started, but it only got worse. He would be great for a short time period and then it would all start over again. I never stayed. It wasn’t as if I said, ‘Oh that felt good’ when he would hit me and then say ‘please do it again’. I always left. But somehow, he pulled me back in with promises that were so empty. He was always smart about where the bruises were. No one knew about what really was happening. To the outside world, we were the perfect couple. We were fucking prom king and queen, for Christ’s sake. I found out he cheated on me and still forgave him. Who the fuck does that, Colt? James called me every name in the book. I was so convinced that he was just saying those things because he was mad, not because he meant them. All of it set in though. My self-esteem went to shit. I pulled away from everyone that was close to me. He told me no one would ever love me like he could. That no one else would want me. He became my world. One day it all came to a head when his mom came home and heard us. I was screaming and crying for him to stop, but he wouldn't. She ran in to his room and grabbed him, but not soon enough. I had been lying on the bed, so the punch intended for my stomach hit me in the face because I moved when I saw his mom. He broke my nose. She screamed for me to run and that's exactly what I did. When I got home my mom was waiting in the driveway. That day everything ended. My secret came out and I couldn't hide behind it anymore. His mom had called mine and told her everything she saw. She even said if we wanted to press charges she would back us against him. She swore she didn't raise him to be like that. I didn't want to live that nightmare any more than I had already and because we had already graduated, I could just move on without having to involve the police. And that brings us to the person in front of you. You wanted to know the complexities of me, there you go."
Finding Solace Page 9