"Fine, I went to meet you after practice tonight. I saw you with that girl and I know she's pregnant with your baby."
"Sadie, keep your voice down and listen to me. I don't know how you know about that, but you’re wrong. You have it all wrong. Wait, how did you hear our conversation?"
"I was parked and my windows were down."
"The only cars left were Liz's, mine and a Charger that I think belongs to the physical trainer they keep on staff. So how did you know what we were saying?"
"I was in the Charger. I bought it today. I came up there to show you, and then Liz jumped out of nowhere."
"You bought that? Today? Is it outside? Let’s go see this bad boy. I know how much you wanted it." He was already up and out of his chair. I didn't budge. He looked at me funny and said, "You don't want to show me?"
"Liz?"
"Keep your voice down, please."
"Are you going to tell me or not, Colt?"
"Come to my office. If I have to tell you, it needs to be in private."
I followed him into his office and then he closed the door behind me. I folded my arms and waited.
"Sadie, this is not my place to tell you. So please don't say a word. Liz was with Mike, not me. She's claiming Mike is the dad. She has been looking for him and thought he might be with me tonight. That's why she was up there."
"Holy shit!" I said it so fast, it came out as one word. "No way. Where is Mike? Are you going to tell him?"
"That's why I am here. I know I said that I was looking for an employee, but I came to see if Mike was here."
"I haven't seen him."
"Well, I need to find him. That girl’s name is Liz and from what I've heard, she is a skank. If Mike really did mess around with her, he's a fool. Sadie, you need to pretend you don't know any of this. It’s Mike's business, not ours."
"I'm just so glad it’s not yours."
"Beautiful, I would never be that careless. I already have Maddie. I don't need another mouth to feed just yet."
I leaned up and kissed him. "Good to hear!"
“I can understand why you would have been upset, considering you thought it was me. But Sadie, you need to know that I am always protected outside of our situation. I would never risk your health like that."
"That's all I have the right to ask. Thank you for not making me. I can say the same. I always make sure you are as safe as well." I didn't need to do that but a small part of me hated hearing that I have to share him. So why not make him feel the burn if I have to, right?
He looked like I slapped him. "Sadie, I don't want to talk about this anymore. It’s not mine and that's all that matters. Now let’s go get you another drink."
Colt had been texting Mike all night and got no response.
"Sucks when people don't get back to you, doesn't it?" I had to get that little dig in. He is horrible at this himself.
"Ha, ha, funny girl, I am surprised he isn't texting me back by now."
"Your guess is as good as mine."
Heather and Jason came in through the door and I ran up to greet them. I miss the hell out of my girl, but I know that they are happy. If she is happy, then I am for her.
"I'm so glad you guys are here. I thought you had a class tonight, Heather?"
"I did. They just wanted to update us on the new system they are moving over to in the office. Pointless, if you ask me. The old one worked better anyway."
"Well, I'm glad you’re here. Come over to the bar. Colt and I were just talking. We can pull over some stools."
Heather and Jason followed me to where Colt was. They did the bro handshake and then Colt asked Jason if he had heard from Mike tonight.
"Nope, I was working out and then I met up with Heather. Why, what's up?"
"I just needed him to answer a question for me, nothing important."
"I can text him, if you want?"
"Don't worry about it. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, I'm sure."
I excused myself to go to the bathroom and Heather came with me. Of course she asked what Colt wanted to talk to Mike about. I just played stupid. Not my place (see I remember).When we were done we walked back over to the boys, only mine had a tall redhead on his lap, backwards. As in straddling him, seriously? I paused long enough in my step that Heather looked up.
"Oh, no. Sadie, what do you want to do? I'm here for ya whatever you decide."
"I want to make her feel ridiculous when he shoves her off. That's what I'm gonna do."
"That's my girl!"
We walked up to them and Heather greeted Jason with a kiss. Colt was saying something in her ear and hadn’t noticed we were back yet. That was when I cleared my throat. It was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. She hit the floor. He stood up so fast she actually hit the floor on her ass. He was gracious enough to help her back up at least. When she came to stand over me like an amazon, she looked me up and down like she was sizing up her competition. Right! I do not play, I win.
I walked past her to Colt, grabbed his face and kissed him like only I do when we are having sex. He moaned in my mouth and it was all over. He forgot where we were or who he even was with that kiss. I made sure of it. She huffed and walked away. It was only then I was willing to stop. Colt was not. He grabbed me and pulled me on top of his lap. He continued to kiss me until I realized I was sitting on him on the same position redhead was. I jerked away and jumped down.
"Where are you going?" He said as he grabbed my arm to pull me back over to him. I wasn’t going to be bitchy, but I could not be that girl either.
"I need a drink. What about you?" I waved Dave over to order a beer when he said, "Nice show. Terri is nasty and thinks she can do whatever she wants to Colt. It was nice seeing her be put in her place."
"I don't know what you are talking about. Colt here can do whatever he wants or whoever he wants." I glanced at Colt and then back to Dave.
"Sure, Sadie. As long as you’re not there to see it, I guess."
"You pretty much got it. Now can I please have a Bud Light?"
"I will take one too," said Colt.
"That was fucking awesome!" Leave it to Heather to not let things go. And then there is Jason to add to the fire. "Colt, man, you dropped her on her ass! Priceless, dude. Fucking priceless."
I grabbed my beer and went to the dance floor. I can always block out drama when I dance. I love music, plain and simple. I had been dancing for a while when someone bumped in to me. I was sure it was an accident, so I ignored it. Then it happened again. This time I was hit harder than the first. I turned to see Terri and her friend laughing. You have got to be kidding me. "Grow up" just fell out of my mouth. I started to walk away but Terri wouldn't let me.
"I liked your little show. You proved nothing. Well, unless you wanted to let me know he's yours. If that's the case, he cheated on you last night with me, in the boy’s bathroom. So see, you’re not so special."
"In the boy’s bathroom, really? You must be special. I was wrong. He's all yours. How could I ever compete with the bathroom of a bar? Forgive me."
I walked back over to Heather and asked if she could take me home. I had enough girl drama for one night involving Colt.
CHAPTER 26
Colt followed us back to our apartment with my car, lovely. I wanted space and I got a sleep over. Dave was pissed off that I didn’t wait for him but I promised he would get to drive it soon. As I was washing my face, Colt came in to brush his teeth. We worked around each other like we had been doing it for years. Well, technically it had been about a year. It was crazy how comfortable things at home have gotten when outside of home we still were dealing with things like tonight. When I climbed into bed he was right there to scoot me into place. We laid there for a while before the silence was just killing me.
"Colt, are you awake?"
"Hmmm"
"Can we talk?"
"Sure, beautiful. What's up?"
"I just want to try to figure some things out. Terri is just one of t
he many girls I'm going to have to deal with. I know this. What I am trying to wrap my brain around is how to deal with it all. "
"I'm sorry, Sadie. I hate that you and that part of my life ever have to coexist."
"I hate it too. Can you imagine walking out of the bathroom and seeing me straddling some dude? Or having him tell you he just fucked me 50 ways from Sunday the night before. Tell me what you would do, and then maybe I can cope better."
"No way, I honestly don't want to have this conversation. There isn't a proper way to handle things like that because this is unconventional. This is about the biggest double standard I could throw out there, but I would kill any mother fucker that even thought about bragging to me about what he did to you the night before. I couldn't handle it. The thought makes me furious. Sadie, you need to do what's best for you. If that is the shit that is happening to you, then you need to stop what we are doing. It would kill me to lose you, but I never want you to have to put up with that shit. You don't deserve it. You, my beautiful, are single handedly the most spectacular person I have ever met. The idea that not only do I get the opportunity to know you, but I get to experience what we have together with you. I am one very lucky man, Sadie. I don't take for granted what I get to share with you, but you need to take care of you first."
I laid there next to him letting it all sink in. I didn't respond for a while. When I did, I was even shocked by my words.
"Maybe you need to leave. Maybe we need some time apart. This is getting crazy and I just think I need space."
Colt sat up and looked at me. He was hurt. I could tell. It was the first time I hurt him and it broke my heart.
"If that's what you need, I'm proud of you for seeing it. You have come so far. You are not the same meek girl I met." He leaned down and kissed me. A tear slid down my cheek and then another. And then they were flooding my face. The idea that this could be the end for us awoke something inside of me. Fear, bone chilling fear. I needed him. I loved him. Why was I letting him go when I wanted him to stay more than anything? Colt felt my tears and sat up to look at me. Tears were in his eyes as well and I lost it. I grabbed him and slammed my mouth to his. I was not letting him go anywhere. He was mine. I stopped kissing him long enough to shed my clothes. I grabbed his shorts and pulled them down and then put him in my mouth. He grabbed the back of my head and let his own fall back. I gave everything I had to give and then I pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Colt locked eyes with me and I could see the want in his stare. He held on to my hips as I rocked him into me. We never broke our eye contact, not once. Tears continued to fall from my eyes. He flipped me over and rested his weight on me slowing down the pace. What happened was, we went from sex, to for the first time in my life I experienced making love. Truly making love. Soft, sensual, gripping, incredible love. I may not be able to say the words but I was pouring them out all over him. When we finished, we held each other. No more words. We just gripped as tight as we could to each other and fell asleep.
I did not hear a thing from Colt for a month. I called, I texted and got nothing in return. He was gone that morning when I woke up. It broke me. All I could do was cry and cry. One day I was driving to work and had forgotten that I had put Colbie Caillat’s CD in the player the day before. I was singing along, trying to smile through my day like usual, when ‘I never told you’ started. Music has always meant something to me and songs had been hitting me harder than anything lately. This particular one crushed me. My eyes began to swell with tears again and I couldn’t bring myself to turn them off. When the song came to an end, I found myself in my work parking lot. I didn’t even remember how I got there. I had become a walking zombie.
Functioning at work was not an easy task. Trying to come off as polite and professional to clients when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball and die is not an easy thing to do. Everyone was right. I was not protecting my heart, not at all. And now I was not even living, I was functioning. Heather kept trying to get me out of the house, but I wouldn’t budge. One night, I came home from work and had just sat down to eat when there was a knock on the door. I answered it and could not believe my eyes. Tony was just standing there, sexy as ever.
"Well, are you going to invite me in?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. Please come in. I was just surprised to see you."
"Don't lie. It was my good looks that knocked you speechless."
"You got me there. So what did I do to have them rally the troops?"
"Do you really need to ask? What did I tell you? I said I would be there when you fell, didn't I? I can tell ya one more thing though, I never thought for a second that when you would fall that you would have been the one to jump."
"English ,Tony"
"Metaphor ,Sadie. It is English"
"Get to the point. Is that better?"
"I am. Man, you need to go back to school. What I'm saying is you broke Colt. I've never seen him mope around like he has been. What did you do?"
"I thought I couldn't take the other girls anymore. I thought I needed space, but I changed my mind. That very night, I changed my mind. He left me anyway. So don't put this on me. I don't need it."
Tony sat down on the couch while I remained standing.
"Yes, you do and you did. Everyone has been sitting back just waiting for you to blow. No one knows but me, what happened between us. I saw a strong, amazing woman that day. Who had total control of what she wanted. No one else has seen her. They see a girl sitting back accepting scraps being thrown at her. You did the right thing finally. You stood up for yourself. Now, if what you want is to have Colt be a part of your life again, you have to decide on the terms. If you are really okay with the lifestyle he is leading, then get your ass up and go get ready. I know where you can find him and I will take you there myself." I was up the stairs in no time. I didn’t change my clothes because I was still dressed from work. I did redo my makeup though and fluffed my hair. I sprayed some perfume and was back down stairs in no time. Tony looked me over and said, "You look great. I wish all girls could get ready that fast. You want to do this right?"
"More than anything"
"Then let’s go do this."
We drove for about twenty minutes until we pulled behind a warehouse.
"What are we doing here?"
"This is where Mike trains. Colt has been hanging out here in his off time."
"Oh, okay, so are you coming in?"
"Nope, it’s up to you to secure a ride home. I know you can do this. I have faith in you."
With that I leaned over and kissed Tony on the cheek and then I was out of the car and on my way to fix this, however I could.
I walked in through the huge metal doors. When they shut, they slammed, causing eyes to follow the noise. At first I did not see anyone I recognized. Cat calls and whistles were coming out of men, but not one of them was the one I was looking for. Eventually I saw Mike. When he realized it was me, his face lit up. He ran and scooped me up. "Hey there, little one. What brings you here?"
"Hi there, handsome. I need to find Colt. Is he here?"
"Sure is. He’s in the back corner. There is a mat back there that he and some guys have been using."
"Thanks, Mike. Uh, could you possibly put me down so I can go talk to him, please?"
He set me back on my feet and said, "Come and find me again when you’re done. I have something to tell you."
"I will."
I walked over to the mat Mike said I would find Colt on. There was no Colt. I looked around and he wasn’t anywhere. I decided to give up when I heard the most incredibly sexy voice that now haunted my dreams.
"You looking for me?"
"Did you do that to me again on purpose?"
"Nothing is better than every man knowing you’re with me." He smiled. God, did I miss that smile. "I'm just kidding with you. What did you come all the way down here for? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure. Let’s go o
ut back where we can get some privacy."
I followed him through the back door into an alley. It was my turn and I didn’t know what I needed to say. So I just started rambling.
"Colt, I miss you. I miss you so much. Can't we just start over? Please. I understand the way it needs to be. I can handle it. I just want you. I need my best friend."
"Sadie, my beautiful girl, I wish we could. I really do. But I can't do that to you again. I won't." That made me mad.
"You don’t get to decide what I can or cannot handle! You don't get to tell me how to feel! I said I can do this and I can. If you don’t want me, then admit to that. But don't make me sound like some pathetic girl who can't take it. Never mind. I don't know what I was thinking coming here."
I started to walk down the alley toward the street when he picked me up, spun me around and kissed me. Ah, those lips. I needed this so badly. He pulled away and said, "Come with me. I need to grab my stuff and then you’re coming home with me." Hallelujah!
We walked back through the gym and while Colt was grabbing his things, I went to look for Mike. He was still where I left him. I walked over to the ring and stood next to the ropes to watch. It really was an art, what he did. I was in a trance thinking when Mike snapped his fingers in my face. Then he sat down on the mat and let his legs fall through the ropes.
"So I see all is better in la-la land."
"If that’s what you want to call it."
"So how was Tony doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was the one who called him and told him about you. I was getting worried. You weren't being you anymore. I didn't like it. For some reason you and Tony click on a different level. I knew he was going to be the only person to get you out of that funk you were in."
"Thanks Mike, really. I mean that. I needed a push and Tony knew just what to say. What did you mean how was he?"
"He has been under so much stress with that case. He isn't eating much. We never see him. He won't do anything but work. My parents are worried. I knew the only thing that could get him to take a break was if it had to do with you. So I called him."
Finding Solace Page 17