"It doesn't hurt that these are some of my best friends."
"You made your best friends from coming to a bar? You might have a problem that we need to work on, Sadie."
"Leave me alone. I am not an alcoholic. I like to spend time with my friends and have a good time while doing it."
"Sounds good to me. So, I'm glad you came."
"Really? What were you expecting? Me, to not be here?"
"I wasn't sure. But I'm glad all the same."
Dave walked over and butted right in between Ash and me. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Good to see ya, girl. Anybody else coming up?"
"Hi Dave. Nope, I came up here to meet Ash. You met him at my birthday. He just got back from San Diego. He was in the Navy there."
That changed everything. Bye bye went over protective Dave and in came, I'm the dude from Huntington Beach.
They started talking about California and Tijuana, Mexico. Bryan over heard them and then he was in the mix as well. I just sat back and listened to them laugh and joke about what’s really in the tacos they ate and the beaches. Dave had to go back to work and Bryan needed to help Geoff, who was getting swamped, which brought it back to just Ash and me.
"Your friends seem really nice."
"That's because they are. Why do you think I'm here so much, and don't even think about saying the alcohol again, smart ass."
"Speaking of asses, I have to be honest, yours was all over my dreams last night."
"Nice to know, you never did make an appearance in mine. Well, unless your face somehow morphed into Adam Levine's." He laughed and then called Bryan over for a shot and a beer.
"Wait, what shot are you getting?"
"Why, is there a bad one or something?"
"No. I will have whatever you have. As long as it’s not that stuff that tastes like black licorice. It’s nasty."
"Well then, I will have the black licorice whatever it is.."
"No, he won't. Bryan can you please bring us two shots each of Alabama slammers."
"What are you trying to do, Sadie? Get me drunk and take advantage of me? Cause I might just let ya."
"Not a chance. I'm not that kind of girl."
We took both shots and continued to talk and drink. Dancing came after a while, and just like I remembered, this man can move. Our hands were all over every spot we could touch on each other, without being deemed inappropriate. At one point he went to dip me to be silly and dropped me, that’s when we called it quits on the dance floor. We both were walking back to get another drink when Ash surprised me by saying, "I totally forgot to tell you. I'm going to the school tomorrow to talk about getting signed up for the fire academy."
I jumped in his arms. "That's fantastic! Good for you."
"Thanks. I'm pretty pumped about it. That's why it’s crazy I forgot to tell you."
"Not so crazy. You walked in, saw me, your mind went blank due to my beauty and then nothing was there to remember. It happens a lot with men, don't worry. There's nothing wrong with you."
"Your head is going to pop you know. Like explode."
"Not a chance. There's plenty of room for more compliments if you want to give them away."
Ash grabbed me and spun me so my head was at his chest. My hands once again settled on his sexy abs. This time he put his thumbs under my armpits and picked me up, over his head. I felt so high. I trusted him not to drop me so I wasn’t wiggling as much as I’m sure he thought I would be. As he lowered me back down, he did it slowly while saying, "I thought I could bring you back down to reality." By this point our eyes were level and he was still holding me off the ground, not shaking at all. "But I think you might be right after all. You are that beautiful." He pulled me close enough for his mouth to reach mine. His lips felt smooth, the kiss was so soft and then he pulled back and it was over. He set me back down and grabbed my hand to pull me back to our seats at the bar.
I was having an amazing time. We talked and laughed for hours until the bar called out last call. I looked up at Ash in shock. We closed the bar. How did we do that?
"You ready to get out of here?" He asked.
"Yeah, let me grab my stuff." I grabbed my phone and put it in my purse. I threw a couple $20s on the bar for a tip but Ash immediately grabbed it and shoved it in my purse.
"You will never pay around me. Don't argue. I can see it in your eyes."
I closed my mouth. He threw a $100 bill down and took my hand to leave. I thought about telling him I drank for free. But then I would have to tell him how and why. Those were things I didn’t want to share yet. So I continued to walk with him outside the bar. When we reached the parking lot, he lightly pushed me until my back was against the wall. Ash put one arm on the wall behind me and the other one around my neck. He used his thumb to tilt my chin up enough for him to kiss me. And oh, did he kiss me. Pretty soon our hands were digging into each other and moans were escaping our mouths between breaths. At one point he picked me up so my legs could wrap around his middle.
My arms went around his neck and my pelvis started to grind into him. I wanted him. I wanted him badly. We continued to attack each other until he grabbed me and pulled me off of him.
He was panting when he said, "I am not a fifteen year old boy who is going to shoot a wad in his pants. Although two seconds longer, and I might have been. You are so incredibly sexy, Sadie. It’s going to take work to stay away from you."
"It will be worth it though."
"I have zero doubt about that, princess. I had a lot of fun tonight. Thanks for meeting me."
"Me too." I was still light headed from the kiss.
"Do you think you can drive or should I call a cab?"
"No, I'm good. I chilled out hours ago. Talking to you made me forget to drink. Who would’ve thought?"
"Same here. Well then, good night, Sadie. Maybe we could do this again sometime?"
"Absolutely."
"Then I will call you and we can work something out. Be safe on your way home."
"You too!"
I got in my car and then he got in his superhot, fucking sexy Camaro. I pulled out of the parking lot and then he pulled out after me. I thought maybe we lived in the same area and that was why he was behind me the whole time. Until I parked my car, got out and he was right there behind me. I walked over to his car expecting him to roll down his window. He instead got out and said, "I just needed those lips one more time before I was willing to call it a night."
He grabbed my ass and lifted me on to the hood of his car. I spread my legs to give him room to get closer to me. When he started to kiss me, it was like ‘holy shit’ was all that was in my head and it was on repeat. He pressed my back down to the hood, so I was laying spread out for him and he was right there, taking full advantage. His hips began to grind and I went ape shit. My legs trapped him and my kiss became desperate. He moaned once and then pulled back screaming “Shit!"
I was lost. What just happened? Are we going in my apartment to finish this?
"I can't believe this. I gotta go."
"What do you mean, you have to go? Come in. Stay for the night."
"Sadie, I really need to go. I would love to stay with you, but not tonight. And definitely not after I started to cum in my pants. I'm going home.” He kissed me a quick kiss and left.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text
Me: IF U THOUGHT THAT FELT GOOD, LETS SEE IF U CAN EARN THE REAL THING. I KNOW I'M GOING TO BE IN SOMEBODYS DREAMS TONIGHT. DON'T WORRY, U WILL BE THE MAIN FEATURE IN MINE
The next day I had to work, but I did hear from Ash. He was on his way home from the academy where he’s officially going to start training. I am so excited for him. He just sounded so happy about it. Nothing like the guy I remember talking about stocks or the Navy. When I finished up the day, I was grabbing all my stuff to leave when I walked by the reception desk. A huge bouquet of flowers was arranged perfectly in a cut glass vase on the counter. I checked my books for Wednesday b
eing that I was off the day in between, when Teagan our receptionist said, "If you’re not taking them home, then I sure am."
"They’re for me?"
"I told Susan to tell you they were up here a couple hours ago."
I raced over to the card and sure enough they were from Ash.
The note read: I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. BUT YOU WERE RIGHT. MY DREAMS WERE FILLED WITH YOU, SURROUNDED BY THESE. I THOUGHT IT WAS FITTING TO GIVE THEM TO YOU SO YOU COULD SEE THAT YOU PERSONIFY BEAUTY IN MY EYES
That man is too good to be true. And you know the saying, he probably is. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text
Me: I LOVE MY FLOWERS, THANK YOU
Seconds later a response came in
Ash: U R VERY WELCOME. ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY
I was giddy. I hoped Heather would be home so I could show her. I loaded them in my car and drove home. Of course she wasn’t there. I carried them into the kitchen and turned on the light. I took the paper off and got the vase out of the box. Standing proudly on my counter was hands down the prettiest flower arrangement I had ever seen. Every color of the rainbow with every type of flower I know was what made up this thing of beauty. And it was for me. I took pictures of it and sent them to Heather and Tony.
Heather: WHAT DID THE CARD SAY?
So I took a picture of it and sent it to both of them. Tony’s response came back next.
Tony: I LIKE HIM ALREADY
Then Heather again
Heather: KEEP HIM!
I smiled like the Cheshire cat. I wanted to. But a certain someone would be home tomorrow that would change everything.
CHAPTER 35
It was one o’clock and Colt should have been coming outside the airport any second now. I was so excited to see him. A week is too long, especially if you haven't spoken with the person the whole time. It took longer than I thought, but eventually he came walking out. All my doubts about him over the week vanished. I jumped from my car and ran and jumped into his arms. He gripped on to me so tight I thought he was going to squeeze me to death.
“I missed you. How was the birthday? Tell me all about it."
I started walking back to my car, assuming he would follow. When I got there to pop the trunk, I found Colt still standing in the same place I left him. What was going on? I walked back over to him and took in his expression for the first time. His eyes were swollen as if he had been crying. I refused to press the issue until we were in private. I placed his hand in mine and led him back to my car. I took his bags for him and put them in the trunk. He got in the car and shut the door behind him. As I walked around to get in I thought, did something happen to one of his parents? Oh God, I wasn’t sure I could handle if I lost mine. I could not go there, so I got in the car, started it and grabbed his hand. We drove all the way to his house without a word spoken from either of us. I helped him carry his bags inside. He just went straight to the couch and sat down.
"Colt, I'm just going to go to the bathroom, okay?"
No response came from him. I went in and closed the door behind me. The man I dropped off at the airport is not the same man I just picked up. What happened to him in a matter of a week? I needed to be strong for him. I washed my hands to kill time and pretended to flush the toilet. When I came back out, he was still in the same spot I left him. I walked over to the couch and sat down. I looked at him for no longer than a second before I grabbed him into my arms and hugged him. He began to shake, hard. I knew he was crying again. It literally broke my heart. My strong sexy man was so broken and it killed me. I held him while he grabbed me and continued to cry. We sat there for an amount of time I couldn’t tell you, because I don’t even know myself. He eventually said three words. Three little words that would rock anyone to their core.
"She isn't mine."
And then he cried again. I was so lost in his pain that it took me awhile to comprehend what he said. She isn't mine. He could not mean Maddie. No! He gave up everything to have her. There is no way that’s what he was trying to tell me. I couldn’t process someone being so cold as to do that to a man. Surely I was mistaken. Eventually he settled down long enough to where I felt comfortable enough to ask questions.
"Who isn’t yours, Colt? What are you saying? Please talk to me."
“My worst nightmare came to life is what fucking happened. She has been talking about this guy, Matt, ever since I left. I always assumed Jamie was dating somebody and didn't want to talk to me about it. No big deal, right? Well, the mother fucker was at her birthday party. Maddie adored him. I was so fucking jealous of this dude and how much more time he got to spend with my own daughter than I did. But I kept my mouth shut. It was my choice to come here. I couldn't blame Jamie for dating. Look at what I do. The party went great besides my insecurities as far as being there for my daughter the way I would like. But all I kept thinking was, three more months. Three more months and I would be home for good. The doctor’s visit came next. Jamie wouldn’t budge. She did not want me to take her. I used your suggestion and said then all three of us could go but I was going to be there no matter what. She had no choice. She finally accepted that and we went. It’s not like the doctor walked in the room and said you are not her father. It was so much more fucked up than that. Maddie got her height and weight checked by the nurse and then the doctor came in to see her. She was beaming over at me when the doctor said she was as healthy as a horse. What was even cuter was when she said, ‘Can it be a unicorn instead?’ We all died laughing. After it was all over, the doctor went over her growth chart with us. She wasn't due for a checkup when she was four so after two years, a lot can happen. He explained how she had a major growth spurt in those two years. His guess was she would continue on this path and top out to be a very tall woman. I looked at him like he was on crack. Neither Jamie, I or anyone else in our family for that matter, had height on our side. We are all average at best. I didn’t say anything to him. We packed up our things and left. On our way back home Maddie asked if we could go to a park. We agreed to it and stopped at one close to the house. I made one stupid remark about the doctor saying she was going to be super tall and Jamie busted out into tears. The bitch had the nerve to cry. She started spouting off about how sorry she was and how she wasn't sure at first. Then Maddie got older and started to look more and more like Matt and that’s when I stopped her rambling. Matt! Can you believe it? The same guy I was jealous of, is Maddie’s fucking dad, and not me. I screamed at her. I asked her how she could know for sure. She said they got a DNA test done from Maddie’s hairbrush so she wouldn't have to know. Five months ago! That stupid bitch hid this from me for five months. Hell, she hid it from me for Maddie’s whole life. She had to know there was a possibility she wasn't mine. She let me quit school, give up everything I had. I never regretted it. I still don't. I got five years with the most amazing girl I have ever known."
"Colt, why are you making it sound like you don't still have her? She is yours. Maybe not biologically, but she's yours just the same."
"No, Sadie, she's not. I lost it all. I left the park. I left both of them there and drove to find Matt. I knew where he worked from a story that Maddie had told me once. I drove straight there, walked into the place and beat the living shit out him. That asshole let me pay for his responsibilities. He lived in my mother fucking house. Can you believe that? They convinced Maddie that he just had sleepovers every night. That’s why she never told me Matt moved in. I sent every God damn dime I made to support the two of them. Needless to say, I got arrested for assault. Then add the fact that I chose to move hundreds of miles away, I left them stranded at a park and beat the shit out of her "father", I lost custody. I hired my divorce attorney again. He is one of the best in the state and is telling me I don't stand a chance. I told him that I don't care how much it costs, I want my little girl. He had me talk to a counselor and a guardian ad litem that would represent Maddie. They both told me the same thing. I fucked up huge with my choices. I don't stand a chance. Not to mentio
n, her father is in the picture. It is best, according to them, to walk away and let them be a fucking family."
I didn't know what to say to him. Who wouldn’t react the way he did?
"I’m here for you, Colt. I will always be here." He grabbed me and crashed a kiss on me. He was desperately trying to feel a connection to something or someone. I was more than willing to play the part. I loved this man. I would give anything to make his pain lesson, even if it was only for a brief while. He came at me hard. Every touch was more of a pull. He picked me up and carried me to his bed where he literally ripped at my clothing to get it off me as fast as he could. When I was completely bare of all of it, he thrust himself into me. He slammed so hard against my pelvis that a tear fell from my eye. He was lost and I could feel him trying to take back the control he once had. If I didn’t know who I was with at the time, I would swear I was being brutally raped. Everything he did was with such force it scared me. He flipped me over and went back to hammering into me. I thought he was about to breach his orgasm but that was when he began to cry again. His movements slowed. They became more tender. He caressed my back side as he slid in and out of me, the whole time laying his head against my back. Then I was being turned over onto my back again. His mouth found my breast and his slow movements were hitting me on just the right spot. I began to build. Tighter, and tighter, until I squeezed him with everything in me. He released at the same time. He collapsed on me still weeping and we stayed there in that position until we both were sound asleep.
We woke up at dawn. Both of us could say we were well rested. That is, if both of us were talking. Colt chose not to speak to me this morning. I tried, but I treaded lightly. When he refused, I went ahead and left.
Driving home this early was not my typical routine. Traffic was awful. I had been sitting in it for thirty minutes already when a text came in through my phone
Ash: I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY SLEEPING STILL BUT I WANTED 2 TELL U THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT U AND I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT DAY
Finding Solace Page 25