How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ohh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me?
When all I can do is watch you leave
‘Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain we even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
and there's nothing’ left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Oh, take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.
I wish I could just make you turn around turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, ‘Cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, ‘Cause I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me against all odds
It’s the chance I've got to take.
Take a good look at me now.
I lowered the microphone and wiped the tears off my face. I finally got the courage to open my eyes and I saw and heard a standing ovation. I scanned the room but there was no Colt. To my right, a hand reached out and took mine. I glanced down and Tony had me. I gave the microphone to the man and said thank you. I let Tony pull me in to a hug and I lost it. I cried so hard and he kept telling me I did great. When I finally felt I was going to be okay, he said, "I'm so proud of you, girl. You laid what you were feeling out there. He heard you by the way. He watched the whole thing."
"Then where is he?"
Tony looked so sad. I already knew what he was going to say but I needed to hear it.
"He left."
My heart was officially broken.
CHAPTER 37
I walked with Tony back to the table where everyone just stared at me as I approached. Then when I took my seat all conversation reverted back to storytelling and laughter as if none of it ever happened. I sat there for a few minutes and started to really process all of it. Colt always taught me to do what was best for me even if it hurt him. Why couldn't I be just as fair with my feelings? If he was doing what made him happy, why would I want anything else for him? I needed space to think. I stood up and the only person to take notice was Tony. He looked at me as if to ask me if I wanted company. I shook my head no, and then walked away. My plan was to go outside for some fresh air. I was thinking about everything that had just happened when I ran right into the back of someone. I put my hands out to steady myself and apologize when a very attractive man turned around to see who just ran smack into the back of him. There was no shock or surprise when our eyes met. Ash stood in front of me with that beaming smile of his.
"Do you run into me on purpose or what, princess?
"I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"That is an obvious statement." He grabbed my shoulders to look me in the eye. "Are you okay, Sadie? Do you want to take a walk?"
"That would be great. Thank you."
He placed his hand in mine and led me outside to the parking lot. When we came to a place where we wouldn't be bothered he turned to me and said, "So, how is your friend?"
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Yesterday I would have said ‘I don't know’. Tonight, I don’t even want to answer the question.
"I will take your silence as not good. I have thought a lot about you. I want you to know that when you are ready, I will be willing to try this again. But not until you’re ready, do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
"I do. Ash, I've thought about you too. I can't get you out of my thoughts. You do something to me that I can't explain and I don't want to try. Just seeing you right now makes me want to start all over. Do things right. Can we? Can we just take it one day at a time and see what happens? I missed you." And then I leaned up and kissed him. All the alcohol had added up and I was drunk. Drunk enough, to put it all out there with him. If he refused me, I could take it. But he didn’t. He came back with a kiss that made everything go away. My hands started to venture to his abs. Oh, I missed that eight pack. His hands went to my hair. It was becoming feverish between us. He picked me up and pressed me to a brick wall and continued to devour me. I needed to feel him inside me. I needed him like I have never needed anyone before. And then he pulled away and set me down. What the fuck? Is he gay? Why does he always stop when we are so close?
"I heard you in there. He doesn't deserve you."
Holy shit! I was shocked stupid. I said nothing.
"I told you I wasn't done with you and I'm not. Not by a long shot. But that in there, you need to deal with it. You are so perfect just the way you are. Please don't change one thing about yourself. When you are mine, this is who I want."
I grabbed him and kissed him like he was my lifeline. He kissed me with just as much endurance. He pulled back once again and said, "My time to shine is coming, girl. You better be ready for me when it does."
"Can we get out of here and talk? I don't want to leave you yet."
"I wish I could, but I've got a date inside that I'm sure is wondering where I am."
"Oh, okay. Then we better get you back inside." I started to walk away when he pulled my arm back to him.
"I'm not ready to let you go again." His lips found mine and this time was different. He pulled my lower lip with his teeth and then drug them until he no longer had it. Then he grabbed my upper lip and he softly kissed it, his tongue swept my lips parting them. We walked backwards never leaving the kiss until he hit the wall. Ash’s body started to slide down and he brought me with him. He eventually was sitting on the concrete and I found myself straddling him. He undid the tie around my neck causing the straps to fall forward and leaving my breasts exposed. His hands fell to cup them while his thumbs brushed my nipples. My pelvis started to grind into him. I was feeling euphoric knowing my orgasm was seconds away. Wait. What?
I jerked away from him, tying my shirt back in place and coming to stand over him.
"You have a date inside and I'm not a street hooker that's going to fuck in a parking lot where anyone can see."
He stood up to tower over me. He lifted my chin and said, "My date will be over as soon as I walk through those doors. I'm sorry I let myself get carried away, but don't you ever for a fucking second compare yourself to a whore. You can leave with me in five minutes or you can go back to your friends. It’s your call. Either way, I'm leaving."
"I didn't, by the way."
"You didn't what?"
"Compare myself with a whore. I said I'm not a street hooker, get it right. I will meet you back here in five minutes. But remember one thing. Earning me is just the start. Keeping me is a whole other challenge."
"Challenge accepted."
We walked back in together but quickly took separate paths. His led to whoever he was with. Mine went straight to my friends. I walked up to the table and announced I was leaving. Tony got up and walked over to me to give me a hug. He whispered in my ear, "Are you okay?"
"Ash is here. I'm leaving with him." He smiled so big. "Good girl! Have fun tonight. Don't think, feel. I love you to pieces."
"I love you too."
"Bye, everybody."
The group all said goodbye at once and I was then on my way to find Ash. I was so happy, excited even. I practically skipped outside. When I got there, I came to a screeching halt. Ash was there, that was not the problem. The problem was that Cindy was standing next t
o him. Can I not catch a fucking break? I did an about face and started to walk back inside when she said, "You have got to be kidding me! Really Ash, Sadie?" I was so not going there. I continued to walk but was stopped again. This time it was Ash. He looked at me and said, "I have already said my goodbyes to Cindy. We can continue to let everything get in our way, or we can do this. It’s your call."
I didn't have to think twice about that. I wanted the drama to stop. I looked him back in the eye and said, “Let’s go."
"That's my girl."
We walked right past a scouring Cindy and got into his car. I didn’t care if I left mine and somebody stole it. I was ready to start this night over again. Ash took my hand as we drove out of the parking lot.
"Your place or mine?"
"Do you have one? You just got home a couple weeks ago."
"I never let it go. I bought it before I left."
"Stocks must have been in your favor, I guess."
"That and then some other stuff. So I guess it’s my place."
"Sounds good to me."
We drove for a little while in silence but I couldn’t keep the question that kept going through my mind in any longer. "Are you at all curious as to why Cindy reacted like that with me? Because, I'm dying to know what you saw in her."
"I didn't want to pry but of course since you've brought it up I do. As far as what I saw in her? She's cute and seemed like she would be fun to hang out with. Why else would I want to take her out?"
That struck a nerve but I had no right to say so.
"Cindy used to date my ex-boyfriend."
"Oh. So why does she not like you? Did you break his heart or something?"
"No. Let me clarify. She dated him while I was still with him."
"No shit. Well that makes a hell of a lot more sense."
"That and I puked all over her at Lindsey’s party."
"You did what?"
He was pulling into his driveway when the last question came out. I couldn’t answer him. I had been so focused on him and the conversation we were having that I hadn’t even noticed where we were. His house was huge. I mean mansion huge. This neighborhood is where my parents used to drive me through when I was a child to look at Christmas lights. Money always meant the best displays.
"You live here?"
"Yes, does that shock you?"
"More than you could imagine. Stocks must have really been good for you."
"That and the fact that I have a trust fund. I paid cash for it so I could do what I wanted and not have to worry about the payments if my income wasn't substantial. Enough about all that. Are you ready to get out of this car?"
I looked and we were in the garage already. The car was turned off and we were just sitting there.
"Yeah, we could do that."
He got out and walked around to take my hand. He led me through the garage door into the house. We entered a long hall that opened to the kitchen. I stopped looking around at how amazing his house was because I thought the most amazing part of the whole package was Ash himself. He continued to walk me into the family room and sat me down on the couch. I was disappointed only because the view of him from behind was one I could watch all day. I decided I needed more of him and went straight for what I wanted. I straddled him again. This time, my knees were able to be comfortable instead of having concrete beneath us. Ash took me in and rested his hands on my thighs.
"Whatcha planning there, girl?"
I answered with bending forward and kissing his neck. I licked and then I would kiss. I let my tongue drag across his Adam’s apple to bring me right under his ear and then I would kiss him again. Ash was definitely enjoying what I was doing to him. I could feel it between my legs. I used my tongue to drag up his chin and took his mouth for my own. We kissed passionately until I could feel his hands run up my back and to my neck. He undid the tie again, letting it fall back where it was an hour ago. This time he broke our kiss and leaned me back far enough to where my head fell between his knees. Ash leaned forward and took my nipple in his mouth. He lightly sucked on it and then let go to blow across it. My whole body had chills from the action. He then licked across my chest to take the other nipple in his mouth. I have never been so happy to have not worn a bra. He licked and sucked every inch of my chest. I loved the feeling of his mouth on me, but I needed more. I sat up and grabbed the bottom of his shirt to pull it off of him. He let me. His hands went up and then it was my turn. With both of us naked, we were chest to chest. It felt good to rest my naked skin against his. Not to mention seeing that stomach in person. My God, this man was chiseled. He took Abercrombie models and put them to shame. My hands had found their home. To feel each and every muscle was turning me on more than I can tell you. We continued to kiss and that is another place I could stay. The way his mouth moved with mine, it was like we were meant to stay this way. He eventually picked me up and started to carry me across the room. I broke the kiss long enough to ask, "This isn't where you cut me off again is it? If I were a man I would complain of blue balls."
"No, my dear Sadie, now is where I take you to my room and make you scream my name. I have every intention of showing you just how well you can use that beautiful voice of yours."
"Get going then. I would love to see you try."
I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him with as much passion as I could throw behind it. He continued to walk and eventually we reached the stairs. As we began the climb up I asked, "Wouldn't it be safer if you put me down? I don't want you to drop me."
"I'm never letting you go. Not unless you really want me to."
"I don't want to fall."
We were almost to the top by now. Ash must have tripped because we started to fall and I screamed like a little school girl. He cracked up laughing, righting us in the process.
"I've got you, silly girl. I would never do anything that could hurt you."
If only that were true.
"Maybe if you..." I couldn't finish.
"Don't you dare stop. That doesn't work for me." By this time we had reached the top and were still working on getting to the bedroom. The next question is which bedroom is his, there were fifty of them. Not really but, WOW! He eventually got us to the end of the hall and opened the door. He threw me, literally threw me, on to his four poster bed.
"Now speak, woman. I'm serious. Don't stop when you need to say something."
He jumped on top of me.
"Let me refresh your memory. I said I would never do anything that could hurt you."
"I just thought maybe if you could keep me from falling for you. I always seem to get hurt when I care for someone. That's what I was going to say. And now I'm embarrassed."
"I told you that I wasn't looking for a wife and that was true. What I didn't tell you was from the second I saw you on your birthday, I have wanted you. We joked about the whole stalker thing so I took a step back. A big one since I left for over a year. I lived on a ship, Sadie. A person does a lot of thinking. I thought about the last night I got to have with you. A lot. Never did I think I would see you the day after I got back. The stalker thing kept going through my mind. I don't want you to think I am infatuated with you. I just feel like there is something stronger than me pulling us together. I have no intention of ever hurting you, but I was dead serious about you leaving what was going on tonight in your past, before we even start this. Because once we do, I don't share."
“The only promise I will make to you is the fact I won't break one. I can't tell you that I don't still have unresolved feelings for him. What I can say, is that I'm ready to try to move forward with you. That has to be enough. If it’s not, then I should go."
“I want you so bad, that like a fool, I'm tempted to take what I can get, but I won't. I have pulled away every time we have gotten close to making it this far and there is a reason for that. I want what happens between me and you to mean something. I’ve had plenty of one night stands. I don't want one night with you. I'm not ready to let you
go. But you need to make this choice. Knowing what I want, are you ready to start this? I won't give you up once I have you."
I wanted to scream YES but I just couldn’t. When I did say yes, I want it to mean something. So I sat up, that way he would take everything I said seriously, even if I didn’t have a shirt on.
"Ash, I have to stick with what I said. What you’re asking from me is something you have every right to get. I just can't give you that yet. Would you want me to lie to you? I have no doubt that I want to see where this is going. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that I want to sleep with you. Badly. But if what you want is all of me, I don't have that to give yet. When I can, if I can, I want it to mean something too. Am I making sense?"
"Shit, Sadie. Blue balls again?" We both started laughing hysterically.
"Unfortunately, I feel your pain. Hopefully one day we can make it happen. Is it wrong to tell you I really want to scream your name?"
"It is, if you want me to stay away from you tonight, you’re everything that I want right now. I can't look at you without picturing you wrapped around me." My panties melted again.
"That's not fair."
"Now you know how I feel." We laughed again.
We sat there and still had no shirts on and now it felt awkward. I put my hands up and started to cover myself when Ash said, "Don't take away all my fun" and then he removed my hands. He stood up and took off his pants. Asher Williams was standing in front of me in nothing but his black boxer briefs. Holy Shit! I might reconsider this commitment thing after all.
"Come on, take yours off."
"Uh Ash, we decided to not go there, didn't we?"
He reached down and grabbed my pant legs. Then he jerked and pulled until they pooled on the floor. I was left in my white lace thong.
"I know we aren’t going to go there but that doesn’t mean the fun has to end. Let’s go make a pizza in our undies? Doesn't pizza sound good?"
"Did you just say cook in our undies?"
"Yep, sure did. Now get that fine ass up, and let’s go make some pizza."
Finding Solace Page 27