CHAPTER 44
With the new school year starting at the University, business was going to increase, as it does every year to replace the loss of the graduates from the end of spring. Students were just getting into town and that meant every coffee shop had a line out the door. It always cracked me up how the kids felt it was a rite of passage to drink coffee. What also came with the new round of students was the one girl I was looking forward to seeing again. What I didn’t expect was her big brother to escort her. Bryan came down with Marissa to help her get settled. All of us received a text from him this morning.
Bryan: IN TOWN WITH MY SISTER. WANT TO MEET UP TONIGHT?
My phone started going crazy immediately with responses. Group texts can be annoying, but in this case I was smiling with every notification coming through.
Jason: ITS ON!!!
Mike: CAN’T WAIT DUDE
Heather: I'M SO EXCITED TO MEET MARISSA
Me: I AM SO EXCITED PERIOD
Colt: WOULDN'T MISS IT.
Wait, WHAT?
Colt is coming back in town. Tonight? Oh my God! I had to stop and think. Ash. I need to call Ash.
"Hey Sadie. How are you doing today?"
"I'm having a crazy day, how about you?"
"Crazy is a good word for me too. I have school, then drills and cleaning at the house all night tonight. I probably won't get to go home or sleep until tomorrow night."
"I hate that you go so hard at this. You need to take care of yourself."
"And I love it that you care that much about me, you know. Sadie, this won't last forever. I'm almost half way through school. Just think, someday the schooling part of all this will only be a memory."
"I look forward to that day. I miss you sometimes something fierce."
"I feel the same way. So what are your plans for tonight? Lying in bed dreaming of me, I hope."
"That will absolutely be happening regardless to what time I get home, but it will be a late one tonight. Bryan brought his little sister to school so he's in town for the night."
"That sucks for me. You guys are going to have a blast."
"Well, except Colt is coming also."
Ash got quiet. When I couldn’t take it any more I said, "I love you, you know that, right?"
"I do. To be honest, I just never felt that you got the closure you needed from him."
"I don't know what you want me to say? I'm madly in love with you, Asher Williams. You are just going to have to trust me."
"I already do. And I love you too. Go have fun tonight and call me when you get home. No matter what time it is. I want to wish you a good night."
"I can and will do that. Talk to ya soon."
"Love you, Sadie"
"Love you, Ash, goodbye."
It would be so much easier if he could have come with me. I needed to call Heather. Like always, I just got her voicemail. I sat there in the break room of my salon shaking from nerves. What do I say? What do I do? I mean, am I supposed to hug him and say it is good to see you? How can I be this freaked out, it’s Colt, not some weirdo. Besides, this night should be about Bryan and his sister, not Colt. The receptionist, Ally, came to tell me my next client was waiting for me. Thank God for distractions.
When I finished my last client and was walking out the door, I remembered I left my phone in the break room hours ago after taking to Ash. When I saw it laying on the table the light was blinking again. This time when I checked it was a private text from Colt.
Colt: I'M GOING TO ASSUME U STILL WORK THE SAME SCHEDULE. PLAN ON ME WAITING OUTSIDE FOR U WHEN YOU’RE DONE.
No way! I walked back out and sure enough, there he stood. I walked slowly over to him thinking, wow he looks so good. And he did. Very, very good.
"Hello, Sadie."
"Hey."
"I'm glad you came back out."
"What?"
"You saw me, and turned around to walk back inside."
"No, I forgot my phone."
"Well, that makes me feel a lot better. You look good."
"Thanks, you too."
We stood there staring at each other for forever with no words. Finally, Colt broke the silence.
"You didn't respond to my message. I know you read it, Mike told me."
"I hadn't heard a word from you and then I was supposed to act as if that didn't happen and just pack up my stuff and come visit you. The only reason I'm seeing you now is because of Bryan being in town. You’re not here for me. You can talk big on a computer but in person I get nothing. What did you really expect me to say?"
"Wow, you really are mad at me. My beautiful Sadie has finally grown to respect herself. It really looks good on you, ya know?"
"I have you to thank for that. Ironic, isn't it? The one person who made me feel I was worth something, threw me away."
He grabbed me so fast. One second I was standing my ground, the next I was wrapped in his arms.
"Don't you ever, for one single second think I threw you away. I saved you. "
"How did you save me, Colt? You crushed me! The last time I saw you.... I can't even go there it hurt so much. Can't you see that what you thought I needed was the very thing I didn't."
"Sadie, did you want me to break your heart? That is what would have happened."
"I can't do this, Colt. I'm with Ash now. I'm in a great place. I don't want to re hash all this baggage. Can we just accept that we are still friends and go see Bryan?"
"We can go, but I'm not even close to being done with you, beautiful. Not by a long shot."
"Well, we need to get going. I will see you there?"
"You don't want to ride together?"
"I think it’s best if we don't."
"If you say so."
I walked away with my head held high. When I got in my car and drove away, all that confidence went to shit. Tears fell from my eyes as flashbacks took over my brain. He is the same man I loved. Nothing has changed. Yet, everything has. What do I do now? Nothing. That's the answer. Nothing. He was going back to where he lives and I was staying here with Ash. I pulled in to ‘51’ and Colt pulled in right behind me. It really was stupid to take two cars. I needed this time alone though. I wiped my eyes before he made it over to my car. Colt offered his hand to help me out and then closed my car door for me.
"You ready to go inside?"
"No Sadie, I need to talk to you."
"We’ll talk inside then. We have friends waiting on us."
I walked away from him and went inside, not turning around to see if he followed me. I spotted Mike immediately. His size made it nearly impossible to miss him. I walked over and gave him a hug.
"Where is everybody?"
"Back table, as usual. I am just waiting for Colt. He texted me he was on his way here almost an hour ago."
"Oh, I just saw him outside. He's here."
I walked away before any questions could come at me. Walking to the back I got to see a group shot of my friends. It was nice to add Bryan back in it. There was Marissa standing next to him. She was just as cute as I remembered. As I got closer, she was the one that noticed me first.
"Sadie, you made it!" She grabbed me into a hug. I wondered how many strings they had to pull to get a minor in here. I hugged her back and said, "It’s good to see you too."
"Where is Colt?"
"Huh?"
"I figured you guys would come together."
Bryan must not have told her. Then again, why would he? Her last time seeing us was at his house. Of course she would think we were still together.
"Colt is....."
"Right here. How are you doing, Marissa? It's good to see you again."
"I'm awesome. It’s so exciting coming here to go to school. Having you guys here only makes it better."
"He is not here anymore. Colt moved away a while ago. Didn't you?" After I finished saying that I walked away and over to Bryan. He looked so much more tan than he ever got being here. It must be California.
"You look g
reat, Bryan. California looks good on you."
"Thank you, Sadie. You’re just as beautiful as ever."
"Isn't she though, I don't think I have ever seen her look so good."
Colt was right beside me again. This was going to be a long night.
"Thank you both. I'm going to go grab a drink. Would either of you like something?"
Bryan held up his beer and said, "No thanks, I'm good."
Colt on the other hand said, "Sure. I will go with you."
We walked a couple of feet away when I turned to him and said, "Are you going to follow me all night?"
"That depends. Are you going to be mad at me all night?"
"I'm not mad, okay? I just need space."
"Don't you think we have had enough space lately? I want to spend time with you. Please Sadie, stop being like this. I missed you so much."
I couldn’t help but understand where he was coming from. I missed him too. Having him here, in front of me, kept me from denying it any longer.
"I missed you too."
"There's my girl. Let’s go get a drink."
I didn’t correct him on that comment. I missed so much about us. He and I walked up to the bar and ordered three shots a piece. I was desperate to numb some of what I was feeling. After we drank all three, we walked back over to the group where Heather and Jason were now sitting. The look on Heather’s face was scary. She stood up and walked over to me and said, "Sadie, I have to use the restroom, will you come with me, please?" She didn’t form it as a question at all. More like a command.
"Sure."
I followed her into the bathroom and as soon as the door closed, she was on it.
"What are you doing?"
"What do you mean?" I had to play stupid. Of course I knew what she meant.
"Sadie! You’re with Ash now. Do you remember him? Your boyfriend?"
"Don't be a bitch, Heather. I can't forget about him and you know it."
"Which one are you talking about right now?"
"That's not even funny."
"It wasn't meant to be."
"I was just talking to him. When did Colt become the bad guy I needed to stay away from?"
"He isn't and never was. Everything he went through justified his actions. Yours on the other hand, never did. Sadie, I love you and I want you to be happy no matter what. I just don't want to see anybody get hurt any more than they already have been. If you think you’re ready to open up to him finally, you just might get that forever after with him that you have always dreamed of. If not, don't play with fire, because you’re going to get burned."
"It’s just so hard."
"No one said love is easy. Just follow your heart, girl. I love you unconditionally."
"Same here, Heather. Thank you."
"Now if you will excuse me. I really did need to pee."
"Do your business. I'm going back out."
I walked back to the table everyone else was sitting at and noticed the only chair left available was of course, next to Colt. I sat down and noticed my buzz was kicking in strong. We all sat around, drank and talked for a while. Then my need to dance kicked in. I went out on the dance floor and did my thing as usual. After a couple more drinks, I was officially wasted. So closing my eyes, and letting my body take over, felt natural. It was so freeing to not think for a minute or two. Marissa and Heather came out with me after a while and the three of us had a blast. Doing the man pull that has traditionally been mine and Heather’s game with little Marissa was classic. She didn’t even know how to react to all the yucky guys getting up on her. Bryan watched from the table, but he knew she was in good hands with the two of us. As the night progressed, I felt more and more comfortable with Colt. It was as if we morphed back to a year ago when things seemed perfect for us. The only thing different was then, he would have hidden his affection toward me. Now he was not hiding anything. The touches, the flirting, he was putting it all out there. Bryan left earlier than I wanted, but he had to catch an early flight and Marissa was drunker than drunk. I think we all were, but he wanted to get her safely back to her dorm. Everybody hugged and said we would have to get together again sooner than the wedding. I hoped we could, but with everyone. Heather and Jason called it quits not long after because they were ready for some alone time. That left Mike, Colt and me. We stayed until the bar closed. Laughing and joking. Just like old times. I couldn’t help but get wrapped up in all my old feelings for this man. I loved him. He gave me so much. Mike announced he was leaving and said he would see Colt back at his place. We hugged and gave kisses goodbye and then it was just me and Colt left.
"So you’re staying with Mike while your here?"
"Just for tonight. I have to get back tomorrow. Why don't you come with me?"
"What? No way. I have work and Ash and....."
"Please Sadie, can we not talk about him. I don't want to think about you with anyone else ever."
I had to respect that. I couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to hear he moved on.
"I want so badly to change my choices from back then."
"Me, too."
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But I don’t think I could have seen what came next, even in a sober state. One minute we were talking, the next his mouth crashed against mine. I didn’t have time to think about why I shouldn’t do this. This was Colt. My Colt. And he was back. I missed the feeling of his lips and tongue. Of his body as I slid my hands over him. I missed all of it. He was so much of the good that came from my life. He brought me to such a great place. His kisses always brought me to my knees. This one was no different. A moan came from me when...
What the hell am I doing?
"Stop, Colt, Stop."
He wasn't stopping. He wanted more.
"Stop!"
I pulled away from him, and ran out of the bar. With way too much to drink in my system, I should never have gotten behind the wheel. But I had to get out of there. I peeled out of the parking lot before he could catch me. I didn’t live that far from the bar, so when I went to pull into the gas station to park and call a cab, I changed my mind. My phone immediately started to ring, but there was no way in hell I was answering it. It wouldn’t stop ringing though. I turned the radio up as loud as it could go, just to drown it out. With my focus being awful, everything in me was trying to concentrate on the road. The radio was too much of a distraction so I was forced to turn it down. Then there was that God awful ringing again. I had to turn my phone off or I was going to go insane. I reached over to grab my purse when it fell on the floor board of the passenger side. I looked up to make sure I was still on my side of the road. Thank God I was, because a car was coming from the other direction. I waited until it passed and then reached down again to grab my purse. Only this time when I bent over, I must have taken the wheel with me. Seconds later I crashed into something hard and then I was asleep.
The ringing woke me up. The God forsaken phone needed to shut up. Then it dawned on me where I was. My car! Oh God, Oh shit, what did I do? I have been drinking. I was so fucked. I got out to see what I hit. Everything was dark. I felt like I was going to pass out again. My head hurt so badly. I walked to the front of the car and saw I hit a guard rail head on. Holy shit! What do I do? What do I do? I jumped back in and tried to start the car. It sounded awful, but it started. I backed up and prayed that nobody saw me. My head was still pounding, but at least my phone had shut up. I drove straight to Ash’s house. I don’t know why, but at that moment, I needed him to fix this. Fix me. We had long ago exchanged keys. I even had a garage door opener. When I got there, I parked in his space in the garage. As I got out of my car I thought I was going to throw up. My head was pounding harder than it ever has. I walked in, closed the door behind me, climbed the stairs and went straight to bed.
CHAPTER 45
My head was still killing me and that fucking phone, I was going to throw it away. My head wouldn’t stop pounding. I forced my eyes to open but the light was too bright, I couldn�
�t do it. Then it occurred to me that my phone didn’t beep. It was not a ring I was hearing at all. I tried again to open my eyes when I heard my mom say, "Oh my God! She's awake. Somebody get in here, please my baby is awake, please!"
She was screaming and needed to stop. Wait. Why was my mom here and freaking out? What is going on? I still couldn’t open my eyes. Every time I tried, the light felt like a knife going straight into my brain. Someone else came in the room. I could hear the shoes, they were different. And then, "Hi Sadie, my name is Rhonda. You had an accident and are at the hospital. I am your nurse and I just need to run a few tests, okay? Can you open your eyes for me?"
Oh my God, what did I do? I tried to open my eyes again and could not.
"It’s okay, sweetheart. Let me turn the lights down, that might help a bit."
I felt my Mom’s hand take mine. The nurse was back. I could tell by the shoes again. "Now let’s try this again. Sadie, can you open your eyes?"
I opened them as much as I could, but I couldn’t see anything. I guess the pain in my head was really messing with my brain because I thought I had opened them already. I tried again but the same thing happened.
"Sadie, can you follow my finger?"
What finger? I couldn’t see anything. Why would she ask me that unless she was trying to figure something out? What the hell is going on? I started to panic, but Nurse Rhonda grabbed me and held me in place. I tried to speak, but my throat hurt so bad that I couldn’t.
"Sadie, you need to calm down. Your throat is going to hurt, okay. Don't try to talk yet. Can you follow my finger for me, Sadie?"
This time I shook my head no. I did not understand what was happening to me. Why could I not see? Tears started slipping down my cheeks. How the hell did I get to a hospital and how did my mom get here so fast?
"Okay, thank you for trying for me, Sadie. Don’t cry, honey. It’s alright. Your pupils are dilating properly. This just means the message is misfiring to your brain. It is very swollen still, so none of this is surprising. Please just try to get more sleep and let your body heal itself."
Finding Solace Page 36