He was gone after that. I laid on the table feeling numb inside and out. If I don’t make it, will my babies still be okay? Ash having to take on the twins by himself would be so hard. We never named them. They do not even have names! I started to panic again when a nurse came over and pushed something into my IV. I fell asleep seconds later.
I started to wake up and heard Ash. My eyes flew open to see if I was dreaming. No, I was not. He was right next to me, but he was dressed in hospital scrubs with the mask and all.
"Sadie. Can you hear me?"
My mouth was so dry, but I managed to say “Yes" and shake my head up and down.
"Your placenta, it tore away. That's what all the blood was from. Dr. Weiss is a miracle worker and got everything under control. You’re still in the operating room because they are going to take the babies out now. That's why they pulled you out from the anesthetic they had used. You get to remember, princess. This is big. Dr. Weiss said he could have delivered them while you were under, but he felt like you had gone through enough and needed a light at the end of this nasty tunnel."
A tear fell down my cheek. I needed this. Thank God, for the doctor I had.
"How did you get in here?"
"A nurse came and got me. It’s almost time, Sadie. In a couple minutes, we are going to see the babies."
He ran a thumb across my cheek to wipe the tears that were falling. We stayed just like that, me on the table and Ash in the chair beside me.
"I love you so much, Sadie."
"I love you too, Ash."
Shuffling started at the other end of the room and then I heard gloves snap on.
"You guys ready to meet these two?"
I couldn’t see anything because there was a sheet or something like it, hanging to block the view. But with the sound of Dr. Weiss, I knew it was time. Ash held my hand and we waited to hear what came next. All of a sudden, I felt something. I looked at Ash with wide eyes. He could tell something was going on, so he asked, "What is it, princess?"
"They are cutting me."
"You can feel that?"
"Yes, but it doesn't hurt. It’s just uncomfortable."
"That's crazy."
"Not as crazy as right now. Oh my God, I can feel them pulling me open. It kind of hurts but not bad. Ash, this is insane. We are going to meet our babies."
I was smiling from ear to ear and so was he. All of the ups and downs had led us to this very moment.
Then I heard Dr. Weiss's voice again.
"Ash, would you like to stand up? There is something I think you would like to see."
Ash looked at me for permission. I shook my head yes and then he stood.
Seconds later, I heard the most beautiful sound ever to hit my ears. My baby was crying.
"This one is your son, and he is a big guy."
"Oh my God, Sadie, he's amazing. This is incredible."
Even though I was jealous that I couldn't see, I was filled with a euphoric sense of love. My family had started. My son had a set of lungs on him and boy, could he scream. Then Dr. Weiss said it was time to get our daughter. She came out wailing as well. Ash burst into tears. Sobbing was more like it. I hoped that it didn't mean something was wrong, but when he turned to look down at me I knew those were happy tears and then my eyes matched his.
Ash was allowed to cut the cords, something I wasn’t sure he was going to want to do. Then he came back to sit by me while they examined them.
"Sadie, they are perfect. Just perfect! We are parents, Sadie. Oh my God, thank you. Thank you for giving me the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for."
"You gave it to me too. We did this together, you and me."
"Yes, we did."
A nurse came over and grabbed Ash again. Dr. Weiss was suturing my incision closed while the babies were being cleaned and weighed. Once I was done, the doctor came up to me. He looked down and then in my eyes and said, "That was a close one, dear. Everything is going to be just fine now. You’re going to have to take it easy for a while though. Congratulations by the way. Those are two good looking kids you've got, and big too. You’re one hell of trooper to carry all that as long as you did. You did great."
"Thank you for everything, doctor. You did so much for us. Thank you for keeping my family healthy."
"It was my pleasure and an honor. There are two little ones who would like to meet their momma now. Take a look."
I turned my head and on the other side was Ash. He was holding one in each arm. They were perfect! I found myself balling again. Ash looked so natural holding them. He laid our daughter down on my chest and held our son so I could give him a kiss.
"They are so beautiful! How big are they?"
Dr. Weiss answered and said, "Your son was seven pounds nine ounces, twenty inches long. Your daughter was six pounds ten ounces, nineteen and a half inches long. That makes two very big babies when you consider they are twins."
"That doesn't surprise me at all. I felt every inch of them. So are they healthy?"
"They are perfect. The only thing they need are their names."
I looked down at our daughter and said, ‘Kendal Grace Williams’."
Then I looked at Ash and said, “Are you okay with that?”
He looked at me, smiled brighter than the sun and said, "Absolutely! So we are going to do it, huh? Well then, hello there ‘Kaden Michael Williams’." He looked down at our son with pride.
"I think it’s perfect. Kaden and Kendal Williams. We did good, Ash, really good."
"Yes, we did. I never knew I could love this much, Sadie. My heart almost feels like it’s going to burst."
"I couldn’t agree more.”
Dr. Weiss informed us that the paparazzi, also known as our family and friends, were waiting outside the OR doors for our first debut. It was time to show off our family and get me to a normal room.
They positioned the babies on either side of me, making it look like I was holding them. I wish I could say that I could, but truth be told my body did not have it left in me.
The double doors opened and the nurse pushed me through. Dr. Weiss was on one side and Ash was on the other. Flashes from cameras and ah's from adoration were constant. My mom and dad stood so proud. Next to them, Michael and Maria looked like mirror images of my parents. Kate was there next to Tony, Heather, Jason, Mike, Kaleb and Lindsey. The party was here. Oh my God, the party! I forgot about the party! I turned to Ash, "Your surprise, Ash! It was a party. I forgot all about it."
Everyone started laughing. Ash looked down at me and said, "You surprised me for sure today, party or not."
They pushed me in a room and placed the babies in a bassinet so everyone could take turns looking and getting pictures. Both of them had full heads of black hair. There was no way to tell what color eyes they were going to have, or who they looked like yet.
We announced Tony and Kate as Kaden's God parents. And Kaleb and Heather as Kendal's. All four of them were ecstatic they got which one they secretly wanted. The grandparents loved the names we chose. Obviously, Kaden got his middle name from Ash's father. My mother's middle name is Grace, so that made our decision. As far as the first names, Ash and I fell in love with them but liked Kale and Arianna also. It really did come down to the delivery room, but I am so happy with our choices.
Each person took turns holding them and taking pictures. I looked over to Ash, who was now standing there holding both of our babies in his arms. I yelled over everyone, "Share our babies with me, please."
He looked over at me, smiled that million dollar smile and then walked over to me.
"I will gladly let the mother of my children have her fill. Would you like one, or both?"
"I want both. Did everyone else get their chance?"
Everyone answered yes, taking away any guilt I would have had for hogging the babies.
Heather said something about the party which reminded me, "How did you find out we weren't coming?"
Tony answered for her.
/> "We didn't. Everyone was at the house waiting, for forever. When you never showed up, I called your cell phone and got nothing. Then Ash's, and the same happened. Your party went on without you guys, I'm afraid to say. People got hungry and thirsty. Eventually, I figured you probably went into labor and thought to call Kate. Sure enough, she answered. What I didn't expect was her to tell me you were in surgery for excessive bleeding and not that you were in labor."
"That's when he grabbed me and said we needed to get everyone out of there and get to the hospital. My loving husband here, stayed behind to get all of those people out of your house."
I looked over at Jason and said thank you. Mike apparently stayed behind too, but Heather wanted to give all the credit to her man. That caused a laugh for sure.
Everyone started to leave one by one. The day had been long, so each of them promised to stop by again over the next few days. Eventually it was down to the new grandparents and us.
The first feeding was a little awkward with a room full of people, but most turned their heads, thank God. Nursing was not part of my plan, but I felt I had to try for the sake of our babies. We will see how well that goes.
I started to get extremely tired and Ash was ready to call it a day with the family. They all said they would be back in the morning. Not surprising at all. Kisses and hugs were given and especially a lot of I love you's. We said goodbye and Ash walked them all to the elevator. When he came back to the room, he stopped at the door and stared at me holding the babies. His eyes filled with tears again.
"Today was so fucking scary and yet it is by far, the best day of my life. Losing you would have killed me too, but meeting them gave life a whole new meaning." He walked over to us and sat on the end of the bed. "I have never loved anything before as much as I love you and our babies."
"I woke up this morning thinking your surprise was a party. I had no idea I was going to ruin your graduation ceremony more or less require surgery to give birth. But with all of the things that got us here, we are the most blessed couple on earth. Look at these two, Ash. We made perfection."
"Yes, we did."
Ash took the sleeping pair, one by one, and placed them back into the bassinet. He then turned the lights down and climbed into bed with me. He wrapped his arms around me as I settled back down into my spot and began to drift off. After I heard the sweet sound of Ash being asleep, I glanced over at our children and started to reflect. I was so grateful for how my life turned out. I got the man of my dreams and the most beautiful reflections of our love in a pair of healthy children. Everything I have been through so far has set me up for where I am now. I would not take back a thing. Mistakes can be the best learning experiences. The most important lesson I believe I have learned is to never be afraid to fail or you can never reach the goal you were trying to achieve. I could not be happier with how this chapter of my life turned out. Ash and I, together, can face anything.
My last thought was of our babies sleeping next to us. This day marks the start of a whole new chapter of our lives. We now embark on a mission to teach versus just learning. Wish us luck, we are going to need it.
So, all of you might have differences of opinions as far as who I should have chosen. I can admit, both men meant something to me. Both men gave me the chance to love. But in the end, Colt got to hold my heart for a little under 2 years. Ash will own it for a lifetime. I did not make that choice easily. But I did make it wisely. The extreme ones, they can love you like nobody else, but they can hurt you like nobody else. The good ones, they just love you completely. I can never say what would have happened if I had made a different choice, but I can say with certainty I am happy with the choice I made. You just have to remember, what is meant to be, will be.
It all works itself out in the end.
DEDICATION
This book is for every girl who has ever had someone important in their life try to convince them that they are not worthy. Each and every person deserves to be cherished, and not beaten down, whether by verbal or physical abuse. Climbing out of the hole (once thrown in) is a battle waged internally. When you gain the empowerment to respect yourself, only then can pure true love be achieved. It’s yours to have. You deserve it!
Affliction
Released February 14th 2014
Colt is ready for you to hear his side of things.
Available on Amazon only
Finding Solace Page 47