by Leigh, Mara
I put the bacon in the oven and turned on the heat under my cast-iron skillet so it would heat slowly and be ready for the eggs. I wiped the bacon grease off my fingers with a cloth, taking longer than I needed to, gearing myself up for my apology and rehearsing what I was going to say.
Slowly I turned, and when I looked up, he was leaning against the island part of the counter, watching me. He let his gaze drop, like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I felt so freaking guilty.
I’d done that. I’d made this big strong man think the floor, even the air around me, was covered in eggshells—more like land mines. I’d made him think he’d done something wrong when all the wrong was on me.
“Nick…” I cleared my throat. “What I said before, about keeping things casual between us.” I swallowed, my mouth parched. “Do you want a beer? I could use a beer.”
“Sure.”
I went for the fridge, but he did, too, and our hands landed on the handle together.
His flew off mine like I’d burned him.
I reached for that burned hand, and as I threaded our fingers together, his gaze rose from our hands to my eyes. Unable to bear the magnetic heat, I lifted onto my toes, pulled his head down with my other hand, and kissed him.
Action-based apologies were more my style.
I felt him groan more than I heard it, the sound rumbling through his lips to mine and spreading through my body. But all too soon he pulled his head away, breaking the kiss and dropping my hand.
“Before we do any more of that”—he opened the fridge and grabbed two beers—“we need to talk.”
“You’re right.” I took the beer he’d opened for me. “Better to keep dessert for last.” I shot him a knowing look, but he glanced away quickly.
A few short hours ago, that line would have gotten at least a grin or a laugh. I was screwing this up, and— The pan was smoking. Crap. I was going to ruin the food, too, maybe burn down Shady Oaks.
“Maybe we should talk after we eat?” I was such a chickenshit. “So I can concentrate on cooking?”
“Yes,” he said quickly. “Let’s talk after breakfast.”
After taking the skillet off the heat, I checked the bacon, then took the eggs and butter out of the fridge.
“Who taught you how to cook?” he asked.
“I taught myself. Read some stuff in the library. Watched YouTube.”
“Really? Wow. What about your mom?”
I grabbed a knife and the loaf of bread I’d baked earlier in the day, setting it on a wooden cutting board. “She was out of the picture, left for good when I was seven. After that it was just Dad and Crystal and me.”
“Crystal’s your sister?”
“Yeah.” I sliced a third piece of bread. “Two slices? Three?”
“Two’s good.”
I checked the bacon again and it was coming along fine, so I set the three slices of bread on the rack above the bacon to toast it. A toaster had not made the cut for the list of what I’d hauled to this new pad.
“Crystal’s in community college. Foothills. Down in the South Bay. She’s studying biology. But you know that, right?” Nick had arranged for her tuition and rent payments.
“She older or younger?”
“Younger by three years. She just graduated high school last spring. After Mom left, I pretty much took care of us both.”
“What about your dad?”
“Frank?” I shook my head as I dropped a pat of butter into the heated skillet. “Don’t even get me started.” I laughed. “Frank never figured out how to take care of himself, never mind two little girls.” I lifted the heavy pan, letting the butter slide around to coat it.
“I’m sorry.”
I cracked an egg into the pan, then turned around to face him. “What are you sorry about?”
“That you had a shitty childhood.”
“You know, it wasn’t shitty.” I added more eggs to the pan. “It was actually pretty great. Sure, if some social worker had found out about me and Crystal, how often we were left alone and all that, we would have ended up in the foster care system in a heartbeat, but no one found out. We took care of ourselves, took care of Frank… And it was mostly pretty great. Crystal and I—we figured it out.”
“You keep saying ‘we,’ but sounds like it was you.”
“Well, Crystal was a baby at first.” I took the sheet of bacon out of the oven and checked the toast.
The eggs were done, so I slid them onto plates and then retrieved the toast. I handed Nick his plate of breakfast, and he carried it to the table.
I followed. “How about you? You have brothers, right?”
A warm feeling spread through me as I dug into my food. This was what people in relationships did, right? They didn’t just fuck and leave. They learned about each other. Talked over meals. I liked it. And I wanted to know everything there was to know about Nick.
“I’m the youngest of five boys.”
“Five? Wow.” I tried to imagine four more Nicks. His poor mom.
He finished chewing a huge bite. “We grew up without a mom, too.”
“Really?”
“She died.” Sadness flashed in his eyes, but then he seemed to drown the sadness with two slices of bacon and a huge bite of toast.
“How about your dad? He still around?”
He nodded as he finished chewing. “Dad raised us. Except for when he was in jail.” Nick shook his head. “Which is where he is now.”
“Our dads have that in common.”
“Jail. Yeah. How’d you know I have brothers?” He licked bacon grease off his fingers.
“Angel mentioned one of them.” I shook my head. “Might have started with a K or a C?”
“Keagan?” Nick finished chewing another huge mouthful as I nodded. “He’s the oldest. Lives in unit 104.”
“Your brother lives here in Shady Oaks?”
“All the Downey brothers live here at the moment.”
“That must be nice.” I missed Crystal and Frank so much. Even though I knew Frank was better off inside.
Chewing, he shrugged, like it was a mixed bag.
I’d eaten all I could, so I carried my plate to the sink, resting there for a moment, leaning on the cool tiles as I gathered my courage. It was time to make my apology.
I turned and leaned back against the sink. “About what happened earlier… I want to explain what was going on in my head. I must have seemed like a nutcase or something.”
Nick raised his eyebrows as he folded his remaining strips of bacon into a piece of buttered toast, then chomped down.
“When I said I was scared”—I took a sip of my beer—“I wasn’t scared of you, per se. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want, and I know you’d never hurt me…” I don’t know how I knew this, but I did. “It’s just that I’m not a relationship kind of person. I don’t know how…” I shook my head. “I just. While we were doing it, it seemed like you maybe wanted something more to happen between us, beyond the sex and…”
He wouldn’t look at me now. Shit, this was hard. I was making it worse.
I walked to the edge of the island, only a few feet from where he sat at the table, looking so hot and manly as he finished his bacon sandwich. On top of everything else, watching him eat my food was a massive turn-on.
“What I need to say.” Looking down, I licked my dry lips. “I want to say, to tell you… I mean, you looked hurt when I said I wanted to keep things casual and, um—” Shit. Here goes. “I want to take that back. If you’re in, I’m in, too.”
His head lifted like he wasn’t quite sure what he’d heard, but he still wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
I went all in. “I like you, too, Nick. Like a lot.” As the words released, I felt alive, free. I stared at the toe of my sneaker, fighting off a giggle that was bubbling up from inside me. I didn’t know why I’d been so nervous. Nick clearly liked me. He’d made that obvious. He’d even said it, hadn’t he?
Exp
ecting to see that adorable smile, or better yet, lust in his eyes, I glanced up.
He looked uncomfortable, maybe horrified.
It was a punch to the gut.
I staggered back into the fridge, and the handle dug into my back.
“Jade.” He rose from the chair.
“Shit.” I shook my head. “I totally misread things, didn’t I? Casual sex is fine.” I’d take anything he’d give at the moment.
“You didn’t misread me. I want the same thing. I do. I want it.” He stepped forward. “I want you, Jade. So fucking much.”
I exhaled, feeling lightheaded, deprived of oxygen. “Thank god,” I said. “The expression on your face just now?” I walked toward him. “You fucking scared me, you asshole.” I playfully punched him in the chest.
He grabbed my arm. “But Jade.” His expression was serious again. “I need to tell you something first.”
“Okay.” My fluttering stomach started to churn. “Are you married? Dying of terminal cancer?” My chest froze. “Shit. You aren’t, are you?”
A short chuckle erupted from his broad body. “No. Not dying. Or married. But. Well. I need to just come out and say it.”
“Say what, Nick? Spit it out, because I want to fuck.”
His cheeks pinked, and his eyes darkened with lust.
I lifted my eyebrows a few times. “Ever do it in a bed? Or is that too kinky for you?” Chucking at my own joke, I pulled off my T-shirt, revealing my bare breasts.
His eyes widened, staring straight at my chest, but instead of taking me in his arms, he moved back. A forced-looking grin appeared on his face. “You know, it’s actually kind of funny when you think about it.”
“Then share the joke.” I circled one of my nipples with the lip of my beer bottle, and my bud turned even harder against the cold glass. “’Cause I’m ready.” I moved the base of the beer bottle between my legs, the coolness contrasting with my heat. “Or maybe you just want to watch?” I pressed harder with the bottle, putting much-needed pressure against my clit.
He shifted, and my eyes went straight to his package. That part of him was ready and willing, even if the rest of him wasn’t.
“What is it?” I set down the beer bottle. “Enough already. Spit it out.”
“I’m not the Nick you think I am.” His words shot out like a bullet.
“Isn’t that a line from Star Wars?” I asked. “I’m not the Nick you are looking for.” I grinned. So what if his name wasn’t Nick? “You undercover? In witness protection?” Grinning, and cupping my bare tits, I stepped toward him.
Then I stopped.
I blinked.
Pain and guilt took over his eyes and he nodded. “I don’t know anything about your dad except what you’ve told me. I don’t have a clue about the deal he worked out. When you showed up with the brownies, I had no idea what the fuck you were talking about. I didn’t know why you thought you owed me something. Not a clue.”
I froze. I couldn’t move as I processed the information.
Nick was a liar.
“I tried to tell you,” he continued, “but you cut me off. Plus, I was a little pissed off. You accused me of stealing your stuff when I was trying to help, and you were acting so tough and I figured, why not screw around with this girl who thinks she’s so tough? And then I got to know you and… And I realized how much I liked you.”
“Exactly when did you realize you liked me?” I spat out. “Before or after I cleaned your apartment, cooked your food, sucked your dick!”
“Jade, I—I’m so sorry.”
“Get out! Get out of my apartment, you fucking liar.”
“I didn’t lie, Jade. Not exactly. I just… You assumed something, and I didn’t correct—”
“Out! Get the fuck out of my apartment! Now!”
Sixteen
Nick
“Earth to Nick.”
“Huh?” I turned toward my brother Cormac as we climbed the hill toward Shady Oaks. “What did you say?”
Lifting his shades, Mac stared at me. “Have you heard anything I said?”
“Nope.” I didn’t want to be involved in the job Keagan and Shane were planning.
“Come on,” Mac said. “You know you’ll eventually cave.”
I ran up the last half of the hill, regretting the last few slices of spicy pizza I’d just devoured.
“What’s going on with you?” Mac asked when he caught up. “Problems in sex-slave paradise?”
I shoved him.
He stumbled off the edge of the sidewalk, laughing. “Seriously, man. What’s wrong?”
We reached the Shady Oaks gate, and I dug out my keys to open it.
It had been ten days, seven hours and—I checked my phone—twenty-four minutes since I’d told Jade the truth and she’d thrown me out. The same amount of time since she’d talked to me.
We worked at the same place, so we’d seen each other every day except Mondays when the club was closed, but Jade hadn’t said a word to me. She wouldn’t even look at me, and I’d never felt so invisible. I’d also lost my easy lift to the club, letting Jade go with Melodie.
“She’s not talking to me,” I said.
Mac walked through the gate first. “Talking isn’t typically what you want from a sex slave.”
“Fuck you, Mac.” I stomped past him and into the courtyard. “Fuck! You!”
He caught up with me just before we passed the pool. “Hey. You actually like this girl, don’t you?”
I headed for the stairs, wishing Mac would just leave me the hell alone.
“Come on,” he called after me. “Hey, man. Wait. Sit. I’ll grab us some beers.”
I stopped. Of all my brothers, Mac was the one who might actually be able to give me some solid advice. Keagan had women lining up to be with him; I’m sure he never had problems like this. Dillon knew more about gadgets than girls, and Shane… Well, these days talking to my next-oldest brother was a non-starter.
But Mac—Mac knew people, what made them tick.
Already dragging two chairs over to the side of the pool, he looked toward me and grinned. “I’ll grab those beers.”
Instead of heading to the two-bedroom he shared with Dillon, he made a beeline for Keagan’s.
I glanced up to the third-floor balcony, thinking I’d caught a glimpse of Jade, but she wasn’t there. Wishful thinking.
I leaned on one of the chairs. This pool was such a fucking joke. When I’d moved in, there were signs up saying the pool was undergoing maintenance and would reopen soon, but over the past four and a half years it had gotten worse, not better. The signs had eventually faded, then fallen down. But given how cheap the rent was, no one complained, and the hilarious thing was: the Oaks residents—including the Downeys—often hung out around the pool as if it were a feature instead of a pond scum factory.
I walked to the edge. The shade of green was actually pretty when the sun hit it this time of day.
I saw the flowers. I tipped back my head, looking up at the sky.
“What?” Coming up beside me, Mac handed me a beer. He’d grabbed a six-pack from Keagan’s fridge and set the rest of them under one of the chairs.
“She’s not down there, is she?” he asked with mock worry. “Need me to do mouth-to-mouth?” He glanced into the pool. “Hey. Someone tossed out a bunch of flowers.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” I dropped hard onto a chair, its legs scraping on the concrete as they took the load. I drank about half the beer in one go.
Mac pulled his chair closer to mine. “They were your flowers? For her?”
I chugged down the rest of the beer, then settled the bottle with a clank on the deck.
Mac handed me a second. “Shit. That’s cold, man. What the fuck did you do? I guess even sex slaves have limits.”
I glared at him.
He held up his hands. “No more jokes, I promise. Tell me.”
“That’s just it. I told her. I told her the truth.”
“That you
’re gay?”
I kicked him.
“Sorry. Jokes over. Promise. What did you tell her?”
“The fucking truth. That I wasn’t that Nick. That she didn’t owe me anything.”
“Oh, man. That was dumb.”
“Was it?” I rubbed my head. “I mean, how could I keep lying to her, especially once we—”
Mac tipped his beer toward me and winked. “I’m at least glad to hear you fucked her.”
I stretched out my legs, staring across the pool at the scraggly, neglected palm tree. A dead frond fell, no breeze to carry it anywhere but straight to the ground.
“Come on, little brother,” Mac said. “Cheer up. So she didn’t like your shitty flowers. No big shocker there.”
“Shitty?”
“Dude, they’re carnations. Tacky.”
“You think she tossed them out because they were the wrong kind?” So much for Mac being helpful. “Jade’s not like that.”
“Of course she’s not.” Mac leaned over and clapped me on the thigh. “Of course not, buddy. What else have you tried?”
“Everything I could think of. Chocolates. A card. I’ve been holding doors open. Complimenting her. I’m running out of ideas.”
“She won’t even talk to you?”
“She won’t even look at me.”
“That’s cold, man. You sure she’s worth the trouble?”
Jade was so worth the trouble. “She hates liars. Pretty sure someone did a number on her.”
“Okay. So you like this girl. Sounds like you’ve got to do something big. Something to make things even. No more of this cliché apology shit.”
I nodded. If it were that easy, I’d have already done it.
“Remind me.” Mac tipped his bottle toward me. “Why did she think she owed you in the first place?”
“Something about her dad doing someone else’s time.”
“Could you find out whose time he’s doing? Make that right?”
I drew a long breath. It was actually a solid idea, but— “You know, she doesn’t seem that pissed off about her dad doing time.” From the way Jade talked, it wasn’t his first run in jail, and with him inside, she had one less person to take care of. “Plus, his deal includes protection. I get the sense she’s relieved he’s inside. Safe. Out of trouble.”