by Leigh, Mara
And even more than that, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d opened up to him last night. Sure, I’d been tired, but I’d never talked about Grandma to anyone, not even Crystal, and fatigue couldn’t fully account for the way I’d let my guard down.
Who hurt you? he’d asked me, and the answer was: nearly everyone.
With the exception of my sister, everyone I’d let into my life had either hurt me or left me, or both. And while those experiences had made me into the woman I was today—strong, independent, ferocious if need be—Nick seemed to see the squishy-mess truth of me. He’d seen past my outer badass and found the hurt little girl underneath.
* * *
Jade
A guard led Frank into the visiting room where Crystal and I were already sitting at a table. We rose to each give him a guard-supervised hug, then sat.
“My girls!” He grinned, showing off yellowed teeth, which made him seem way older than forty-seven. “So nice for you to find the time to visit.”
Crystal leaned forward. “I wish I could get here every weekend, Dad. But I don’t have a car.”
“BART too good for you?” He scowled, but it quickly disappeared. “It’s okay. I know you girls are busy.”
He was right. Both of us could easily take public transit to get up to the prison, but I was not about to let Frank lay a guilt trip on me. By rights, all the guilt should flow in the other direction, but I’m not sure Frank knew the definition of guilt.
“Everything going okay?” he asked me. “Keeping Nick happy, I hope?”
“Funny story,” I said. “The guy who lives next door to me isn’t the Nick who arranged your deal after all.”
Frank’s brow furrowed. “No? But I thought he got you your job.”
“He did, but I guess it’s not the job I was supposed to get.”
“You’re shitting me.” Frank twisted in his chair and worried his bottom lip. “But you’ve talked to the other Nick, right? Made nice?”
I shook my head. “I don’t even know how to find him.”
Frank looked like bees had invaded his orange jumpsuit. “I guess if he’s pissed off, I’d have heard… I hope…” He glanced around the room, paranoia in his eyes, then shook his head from side to side. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You can fix this, Jade. You gotta. The Nick who arranged my deal is someone you don’t want to mess with.”
In the two weeks I’d known the truth, I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that there was another Nick I was supposed to keep happy. But Frank was clearly worried. Sounded like I should put things right.
“Guess what, Dad!” Crystal piped in. “Jade’s dating the Nick who lives next door to her. Sounds to me like she’s keeping him plenty happy.”
I shot her a look. I’d never admitted to dating him, and seriously, even if I had, Frank did not need to know.
“Is that right, Jade?” He started drumming the metal table with his fingertips. “Tell me about your new young man, then. I’d started to think you were into girls.”
I sighed. At least Nick gave us something to talk about. No way would Crystal spill all the stuff she’d told me on the drive up. Frank thought his youngest was still a virgin. Ha!
“Nick’s nice,” I said. “He’s the bouncer at the club where I work. From a big Irish family. Five boys. All his brothers live in Shady Oaks, too. Can you imagine?”
Frank’s eyes got wider. “What’s his last name?”
“Downey.”
Frank’s back straightened. “Those boys are trouble. Stay away from them.”
“You know the Downeys?” This was an unwanted development.
“By reputation.” Frank leaned toward me. “Just promise you’ll stay away from the big one, at least. The muscle man. The killer.”
“What?” I almost started laughing. “The big one? That’s gotta be Nick.”
Frank turned white and grabbed my arm. “Jade. I’m not kidding.”
“No touching,” yelled a guard.
Frank released me. “Stay away from that guy. The Downeys’ muscle man is a monster. Even guys in here are afraid of him.” He leaned forward. “Has he hurt you? Please tell me he hasn’t hurt you.”
“No, Dad. He’s actually a real sweetheart. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but it can’t be about the Nick Downey I know.”
“Ask around. You’ll see. Don’t go getting yourself killed.” Frank shook his head. “Where would that leave me and your sister?”
Twenty-One
Jade
Nerves vibrated through me as I stood in the wings waiting for my music to begin. This was a mistake. A huge mistake. I was going to fall flat on my ass. What had made me think I could be an exotic dancer? What made me think the money was worth the almost certain humiliation?
The candy-floss-pink wig I’d picked out didn’t disguise my identity any more than the shiny strips of lime-green fabric hid my body. I don’t know why anyone bothered to call this a strip club. The dancers went on stage already stripped.
My music started, and I instantly had the urge to run to the ladies’ room. Tensing, I stared at the scuffed hardwood floor, wondering how many other girls had psyched themselves up on this very spot. Melodie had suggested I do some shots before going on. Angel had suggested something stronger, but it was going to be hard enough to remember my routine completely sober.
Go, I told myself, but my limbs wouldn’t move.
“Jade!” A voice pushed through the pumping music, and I lifted my gaze. Melodie was standing on the other side of the stage and shot me an encouraging smile. “You’ve got this,” she mouthed.
And she was right. I did. With a deep breath, I stepped on stage, strutting on my sky-high heels, trying to forget I was pretty much naked.
The heat of the lights stroked my skin and blinded me to the crowd. All I could hear was the music, so I decided to forget there was an audience. For all I knew, there wasn’t. Maybe they’d gotten impatient waiting for me to appear.
Raising my hands above my head, I circled my hips and swayed, then sashayed to center stage, where I ran my hands up my body and cupped my tits. My nipples instantly turned hard. Following the cues from my music, I turned and bent, ass to the audience, hands on the pole.
A few whistles and cheers broke through the music. Running my hands slowly up my thighs, I straightened, then snapped around to look over my shoulder. More cheers.
Emboldened, I went for the pole. Really went for it. Building up momentum from my walk, I grabbed high, hooked one leg around and spun, head back, tits high.
Dancing naked in front of these mostly sad men might be gross, but the actual dancing part was fun. I felt strong, sexy, and beautiful as I spun around the pole, then gyrated my hips and ass, tossed my head back, stretched my legs.
I got so into the dance I almost forgot that I wasn’t doing this for fun. If I wanted to cash in, I’d need to walk the edge of the stage and gather some tips.
Mimicking the other girls, I danced along the edge of the stage. When I saw a customer, I did a few moves directly in front of him, then crouched.
In this lower position, the lights weren’t directly in my eyes and I saw visible lust in the expression of the first man as he tucked bills into the band of my G-string. His fingers brushed down my thigh after depositing the money.
I twisted away, shooting him what I hoped was a hot, scolding look. It was hard not to seem irritated, but Melodie stressed that showing any kind of anger would significantly decrease my tips and probably get me fired.
I skipped over the next few men, acting uninterested in their offered cash and walked to the end of the short runway. Gyrating my hips as I squatted down, I looked up—and saw Nick.
His expression sucked the air from my lungs. His hunger. His lust. The heat in his eyes was unmistakable, and I was instantly wet.
Frank’s warnings about Nick were so hard to believe, and I looked forward to having a good laugh about it with him after work. A good laugh followed by a seriousl
y good fuck.
Maybe we’d even try a repeat of that sleeping-over thing. It was scary, but I was a badass.
A man grabbed my ankle. I pulled it away quickly, and almost wound up to kick him before I remembered where I was.
Kicking the customers. Not good. I shimmied down, teasingly shook my finger at the man, and he responded by putting a small stack of bills in my G-string. These guys knew the rules. Flirting with the boundaries was part of the game, as long as the lines weren’t crossed.
When I turned back the other direction, I discovered Melodie’s advice was spot-on. More bills had joined the ones I’d ignored, and once each customer held a big enough stack in his hand, I rewarded him with close-up view and collected my pay.
My skin heated as I worked the stage. The heat didn’t just come from the lights or the effort, but from the unmistakable electricity of Nick’s gaze—from knowing he was out there watching and wanting me.
With every sway of my hips, I felt Nick’s presence caress my body, with every arch of my back I felt his lips on my tits, and with every pump of my ass I felt the promise of his cock between my legs.
I bent to give the men a view from behind and pulled out some of the bills and stashed them at the back of the stage like Melodie had taught me. I was so turned on, I feared my arousal might be a little too much on display, glistening for the crowd.
But I didn’t let that thought stop me from getting more tips.
A balding businessman I’d never seen in the club before reached up with some bills, at least one of which was a fifty. I danced for him briefly, then crouched to give him better access to my G-string.
He stood as he tucked in the bills. “Meet me out back. I can’t wait to ram my cock up your wet little twat.”
I turned to give him a flirtatious reprimand, but the look in his eyes gave me chills. I started to straighten my legs, but he grabbed my wrist, holding me down.
“Don’t turn away from me, you little cunt.” He ran the fingers of his other hand over my ass and hit the wetness between my legs. “I paid for this.”
Fuck that.
I yanked out of his hold, staggered back and wound up to slam my stiletto into his chest.
But my heel nearly connected with Nick’s back.
Nick tackled the man to the ground, taking the chair with him. He wound up and slammed his fist into the man’s sweaty face, breaking his nose. The next punch landed on the man’s ribs.
Dom, the other bouncer, grabbed Nick’s arms, but Nick barely had to shrug to toss Dom off. He punched the asshole customer again and again.
“Nick!” I yelled. “Don’t kill him.”
With a gasp, Nick stopped himself and turned toward me. Rage filled his eyes.
Leaving the customer on the floor, Nick helped Dom to his feet.
Melodie ran out and put her arm around my shoulders. “Grab your tips. Get off stage.”
“But…”
“Now.”
I did what I was told, and Melodie hustled me into the dressing room.
“You okay?” she asked as she leaned back against the closed door. “I’ve never seen Nick lose it like that. Not with a customer. Ever.”
“I can’t be the first girl who’s been grabbed.” Shaking, I leaned against the makeup table.
“Of course you’re not, but Nick’s a pro. Normally he steps in and gets the customers out of the club without physical damage.”
“Do you think…?” My hands shook. My whole body shook, and I collapsed onto one of the folding chairs. Had Nick killed that man? Even if he hadn’t, surely he’d be charged with assault. Maybe Frank had been right…
“Honey, calm down.” Melodie handed me my bottle of water and I took a few sips, barely able to make the cool liquid pass through my tight throat.
She leaned back against the counter at her station, which was scattered with makeup. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?”
She shook her head as if she’d made a mistake. “I should have warned you about that guy.”
“How could you have known?”
“Sometimes they’ve got a look, you know? With some of them, you have to keep your distance and hope they throw the tip on the stage for you to pick up.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then they don’t. Some things aren’t worth the money.”
“Anyone else out there I should avoid?” I was supposed to go on every ninety minutes.
“Honey.” She took my hand. “You aren’t doing another set. Not tonight.”
Twenty-Two
Jade
Nick knocked on my door. Right on schedule.
Stan had sent me home after “the incident,” but Nick had to stay. We’d texted to arrange his coming over, and I had questions that neither texts nor a phone call would cover.
I opened the door to the gloriously greasy smell of hamburgers and fries.
“Breakfast.” He thrust the bags forward. “Or dinner? I don’t know at this point.”
“Thanks.” I set the paper bags on the table.
I was about to offer him a beer, but he engulfed me in his arms, pulling me tightly against him.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine, Nick. Are you?” I pushed back so I could see into his eyes. “Is that asshole okay? Is he pressing charges?”
All the fears running through my mind continued to race. Not the least of which was the fear that Frank had been right about Nick. That Nick was a dangerous guy. Violent.
“Guy’s fine,” Nick said. “Not pressing charges. Stan said the owner would take care of it.”
I pushed out of his arms and got a couple of beers from the fridge. He caught me from behind before I could open the bottles, hugging me tight, pressing his face into the hair at my neck.
“Nick.” I bucked at him. “Let go.”
His arms flew off me instantly. “You are hurt.”
“No, but I want to talk before we get… distracted.” I set the beers on the table. “And let’s eat. The food will get cold.”
We tore into the greasy goodness Nick had picked up from an all-night diner near the club, and I was about halfway through my burger when he started to unwrap his second. I took a long swig of my beer and studied him as he ate, trying to decide whether he looked different to me after that violent outburst.
“How many people have you killed?” I asked.
He looked up from his food and stopped chewing mid-bite. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“None.” He chewed and swallowed quickly, chasing it down with beer. “What the fuck, Jade? Why would you think I’d killed someone?”
“You went after that guy pretty hard.”
His back straightened sharply. “He was groping you.”
I backed away from the table, my chair scraping the floor. “So, any man who touches me gets a beating?”
“No.” He shook his head. “The asshole, he had his hands on your ass. Your naked ass. One more second and he’d have had a finger inside you!”
“And that’s the first time a customer’s touched a dancer like that?”
“No.”
“So you’ve beaten up a lot of customers, then.”
He looked scared, unsure how to answer. “I—”
“Melodie said she’d never seen you like that.”
He wiped his hands on his jeans. “I don’t know… I guess I usually just kick them out of the club. Twist an arm behind their back if they put up a fight.” He shook his head. “Fuck. Stan did not look happy tonight. I’m probably going to lose my job.”
“How about outside the club? How many men have you beaten to death?”
He tipped his head to the side. “Where is this coming from?”
“I’ve heard things…”
He looked up to the ceiling for a moment, then shook his head. “Rumors.”
“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
“Listen. I’ve told you about my brothers, rig
ht?”
I nodded. This didn’t sound good. Frank was right.
“It helps my family’s business if… If I’ve got a certain reputation.”
“A reputation,” I repeated coldly.
“Yeah.” He pushed back his hair. “As a tough guy. Someone to be feared. If there are rumors that I’ve killed people, then my brothers planted those rumors. It’s nothing.”
Didn’t sound like nothing. “What kind of business are your brothers in, anyway?”
He drew a long breath. “Nothing that bad. Honest. No drugs or guns or anything like that, they just, you know, take things off some people’s hands and you know, sell them to other people.”
“Thieves.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
Disappointment permeated my body, landing inside me with so much weight it took me by surprise. This was what happened when you raised your expectations. I was totally blindsided by my reaction.
I hadn’t been looking for a long-term thing with Nick, or with anyone, but I’d let myself hope he was different.
Turned out Nick was a criminal, dashing the possibility of us ever being together, crushing my hope for something I didn’t know I wanted until the option was gone.
I couldn’t believe the wound the letdown had opened.
“Listen.” He leaned forward. “I’ve left all that stuff behind. Gone legit. That’s why I work at the club. I don’t work with my brothers anymore. I’m done with all that.”
“Really?” I wanted to believe him, so badly it hurt. “Then why do people say you’re a killer?”
“Like I said. Rumors.”
“What I saw tonight, that wasn’t a rumor. That shit was real. And fueled by anger. If you can’t control your temper, how do I know you won’t hurt me?”