by Leigh, Mara
“What if we had a hundred grand?” I asked her.
“Like from the lottery or something?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“That’s a fun game.” She kissed my neck and pumped, fucking me faster.
Taking her hips, I stilled them. “Seriously. What would we do if we had that kind of money?”
“See what I mean?” She grinned. “You’re all about the talking.”
I laughed. “Answer me. Then, more fucking.”
“You’re resorting to blackmail? Holding your cock hostage in exchange for serious conversation?” She gave me the finger as her insides tightened around me.
I grinned. “The way I see it, you’re the one holding me hostage.”
She smiled and tried to move, but I held her down tightly, our pelvic bones hard together.
“Okay, if we’re playing this game,” she said, “I know exactly what we’d do.”
“Tell me. Then you can move.”
“We’d open our own place.” She kissed my neck. “We’d serve breakfast, close for the middle of the day, then do dinner, and after that maybe dancing. I’d run the kitchen—”
“And I’d be the bouncer.”
She shook her head. “You’d be the manager. Run the place. Everything but the kitchen.”
“Now you’re really in fantasy land.”
“Don’t think I could do it?” she asked.
“I’m sure you could.” I slid one of my hands up to fondle her tit.
I flicked her nipple and she arched back.
“The fantasy part was about me. A manager? Come on.”
She put her hands on my face. “Nick. You have no idea how smart you are. You know how to treat staff, how to manage the bar. Everyone at Solid Gold relies on you more than you realize. You think they go to Stan with their problems?”
She was serious. I could see it in her eyes, and I loved how she saw me for more than I was. More than life, I wanted to live up to her expectations, to make her happy.
“What if I could get my hands on a hundred grand? For real.”
“You promised.” Her hips stopped circling and she frowned. “No more shit with your brothers.”
“I know.” I stroked down her back to my favorite spot at the bottom. “But it would be the last time, and the payoff is huge. Plus I owe them.”
Shaking her head, she tried to back off my cock, but I held her tight. “What, Nick? What do you owe them? From everything you’ve told me, all your brothers have ever done is use you. Make you do things for them against your will.”
“They don’t use me.”
“Come on. They use you for your size, your strength. They treat you like you’re an animal, not a person.”
“That’s not fair. Plus, my strength is, well, my strength.” I tugged her against me to make my point. “It might be what I’m good at, but we all have our things. Do we use Keagan for his planning, Mac for his knack at making deals to fence things? Use Dill for his ability to disable security systems and hack into shipping manifestos? Fuck, even Shane has his role.”
“Doing drugs?”
I frowned. “No. Shane sees opportunities and he’s fucking brave and loyal.”
She’d gone completely still on top of me, and I realized I’d raised my voice. Her expression was hard to read, but I wasn’t finished. “You don’t get it, Jade. You can’t. You don’t have brothers.”
“No, but I have a sister and—”
“Yes!” I nodded. “Tell me that Crystal doesn’t use you! That your dad doesn’t. Fuck, Jade, you do way more for them than I do for my brothers. You must get how hard this is for me. They’re my family.”
“I get that you love them.” Her expression softened a little. “And I love how you’re loyal. Really.” She shook her head and looked up to the ceiling for a few moments. “I won’t stop you if this is what you want, but just know—You know where I stand.”
“You want me to choose between you and my brothers.”
“No, Nick.” Her eyes pleaded with me. “I’m not asking you to choose between your brothers and me, I’m asking you to choose between your brothers and you. Put yourself at the top for a change. Do what you want, not what they want, or even what I want. I want you to choose you.”
I kissed her, taking her head in my hands so I could fully consume her. I loved this woman so much. Loved how she believed in me, believed I could be more than just muscle, and I wanted to do everything for her, to be everything for her. I wanted to fulfill all her dreams.
As we kissed, her hands slid to my shoulders and she started to pump on my cock.
I flipped her onto her back and, moving one of my legs to the floor, I drove into her with long, hard drives. But still I wanted to take her more deeply. I wanted my entire body inside of Jade. I tucked her legs up by her ears, trapping them there with my arms as I looked into her eyes and thrust.
How the fuck did I get so lucky, finding a woman so flexible and strong, so funny and sensitive, so independent and fierce, plus—bonus points—she could cook. I’d never felt so cared for, so needed, so loved—so seen.
We were both close to the edge, her cheeks red, her lips open and panting. My brain told me to slow down, to make the fucking go on forever, but my body took control of my hips, and I came, shouting her name as she exploded around me, milking my cock, the insides of her cunt the only part of her body able to move as I had her trapped beneath me.
Thirty
Jade
I woke alone in Nick’s bed. It was still dark.
“Nick?” I half whispered. He must have gotten up for a pee, but the sheets were cold beside me.
Starving, I realized we’d never gotten around to eating. Exhausted from the sex, we’d stumbled into bed and fallen asleep in each other’s arms.
Maybe he’d gone out for food?
Grabbing my phone, I saw it was 4:30, and I texted him. No response. So I went to my place. He wasn’t there, so I plopped down on the couch.
His brother’s plan had been for tonight. Fuck. That’s why he’d brought up the money. He’d tried to persuade me—using my restaurant fantasy against me.
He’d gone. He’s done it. He’d chosen his brothers over me, over himself. He’d gone ahead with the plan.
My throat tightened, and I went back to his place, looking for clues, wondering whether I was just being paranoid, hoping he’d walk through the door any second to put me out of my misery.
I texted a few times. Then phoned. Nothing.
At five a.m. I decided to knock on Keagan’s door. Too bad if I woke him. If he was home, that meant my assumption was wrong.
When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Jesse was coming through that strange door in the corner, the one with the big no admittance sign.
The big man startled when he saw me.
“Hey, Jesse,” I said. “It’s just Jade.” The lights were off in his back corner of the ground floor, making his secret door even more mysterious.
He nodded. “You okay?”
“Just going to see if Nick’s at Keagan’s.”
Jesse shook his head. “The Downeys? They’re all out. Got a job tonight, so I heard.”
My throat finished closing. “Thanks,” I croaked out on my last bit of air, and then turned away from him, terrified I might cry.
Nick, you fucking idiot. What if he got arrested or hurt, or killed? If he lived through this, I’d kill him.
I sucked in a ragged breath. Disappointment, my devoted friend, entered along with the air, greeting me and trapping me in her heavy arms.
Ever since I’d realized I loved Nick, I’d been living in a fantasy, believing he was someone he wasn’t. That I was someone I wasn’t. I should have known better, should have expected this. Sooner or later, everyone disappoints you.
I could not, I would not be with a criminal, or a liar, and Nick was both. I wouldn’t let that stuff back into my life. Never again.
Time for another moving day.
I sigh
ed as I lugged myself back up to the third floor. I didn’t have a new place lined up, so I’d have to be even choosier than usual. Even fewer of my belongings would make the cut.
I should be grateful that this thing with Nick had ended quickly. At least we’d gone out on a bang instead of letting the relationship fade into something pale and wan.
Yes, as much as this hurt, it was better to take all my disappointment in one hard slam—like being knocked down in one punch—not like with Frank who I’d let raise my hopes over and over with his occasional contributions to the family income, his upbeat way of telling us about a great new apartment rather than admitting we’d been evicted yet again.
I’d never let any lovers disappoint me this badly; I’d never given any of them the chance. It had been hard for any of the men and boys to drop below my very low expectations bar.
But Nick. Like a fucking idiot, I’d let that bar rise. I’d let Nick see me, really know me, and I’d let hopes—even dreams—bloom beneath that bar. They were crushed now. Trampled into the dirt. The bar had crashed down to pulverize every plan I had for the future.
I packed my cast-iron pan first, putting it at the bottom of my only functioning suitcase. I’d thrown out the broken suitcase and the boxes—another sign I’d let my guard down. I packed my clothes and a few other things on top of the pan quickly, choosing only the essentials. I shook my head, thinking of all the furniture I’d bought and would have to leave behind. How could I have been so naïve? Had my life taught me nothing? Possessions were pointless. Trusting people even more so.
My few photos of Crystal and me as girls went in, along with my toothbrush and a few of the smaller cooking utensils—my good knives and the sharpener, the lemon zester, a whisk.
If I left now, I’d have everything I cared about. I considered stuffing the big backpack, too. I’d miss my bread tins and baking sheets, the good mixing bowls, but if I had to stay on the streets a few nights, or in a shelter, it was dumb to bring more than I could protect in my sleep. Possessions would just weigh me down.
I checked under the bed, spotted a paper, and pulled it out. I collapsed onto my ass and stared at what I found—that damned card Nick had given me when he’d tried to apologize. The one with the big-eyed kitty.
Fuck him. Fuck him for making me feel this way.
Leaving my packed suitcase inside my door, I stomped over to Nick’s place, tore the card into pieces and threw them onto his bed.
I turned around to find him standing in the doorway.
I couldn’t even speak. Didn’t want to. Better to rip this bandage off in one go.
“Jade.” He tried to touch me, but I ducked around him, escaping the bedroom.
Sadness draped over me as I brushed past his hard body. Never again would I feel Nick’s cock move inside me.
I tried to tell myself that was all I’d miss.
“Hope I didn’t worry you,” he said. “I needed to think. Clear my head. My phone’s dead. Did you try to call?”
I stopped, barely believing my ears. Not only had he done the job with his brothers, he was going to lie about it, too. I should have known. We’d met on a lie.
I could give him a dose of that medicine.
“Wanna fuck?” I pulled down my jeans as I turned toward him. “Still got anything left in that cock?”
His eyes widened. “Now?”
“If you can’t…”
“Oh, baby, with you I always can.”
“Good.” I stepped out of my jeans and panties, and bent over the end of his table. “Lube’s by the chair.”
“Lube?” he asked. “You sore?”
“I want you to fuck my ass.”
“Really?”
“Do I sound like I’m kidding?” I pressed my chest against the table and spread my legs.
“I’m too big for—”
“Fuck my ass. Now.”
I heard his belt hit the floor as he took off his pants, then the tear of a condom package. We’d stopped using protection, but the backdoor was different. Or maybe he wanted to keep his precious cock clean.
One hand on my lower back, his fingers traced through my cunt, and as my body responded, I grew more impatient. I would not enjoy this. Enjoying this wasn’t my plan.
But his fingers pushed inside, fucking my pussy in the way that I loved, and I choked down a moan.
“Not there.” I grabbed the edges of the table, and pressed my breasts into the surface, hard. “In my ass. Get on with it.”
He laughed. “You are so horny, baby. So demanding. I like it.”
He grabbed the bottle of lube. “You want to grease me up?”
I shook my head. No way was I touching that thing again.
One of his fingers landed wet on my asshole. It circled, then pressed gently inside. His finger was smaller than my butt plug, but still, it took me by surprise.
He fucked me with his finger a few times, and it felt so good.
Not the plan.
“Your cock. Now.”
I spread my legs farther and felt his hands parting my butt cheeks. I felt pressure, then a searing stab. I gritted my teeth as my fingers turned white at the edges of the table, gripping against the agonizing pain.
He stopped. I couldn’t be sure, but I sensed only a tiny bit of him was inside.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded, vigorously, turning my face toward the table’s surface, in case he spotted the truth.
Gripping my hips tightly, he pushed forward.
All the air rushed from my lungs. Agony sparked behind my eyelids.
Perfect. This was what I needed. I’d thought I’d fallen in love with Nick, but I’d only fallen in love with his cock. His thick, super-hard cock. That’s what I’d loved, and having his cock hurt me would break its spell.
To go on, to survive, I needed to hate Nick’s cock as much as I hated him.
He pushed in farther, and tears trailed over the sides of my nose to wet the table. I couldn’t do this. He was being too careful. He’d see my tears.
“Enough,” I said.
He pulled out immediately.
“In my pussy. Take off the condom.”
“Let’s go to bed.” He reached for my shoulder to turn me.
“No. Here. Like this. Take me hard.” I stayed facedown, my feet braced on the table legs.
“You sure?” he asked. “Table’s hard.”
“What have I always told you?”
“You’ll tell me when I hurt you.”
“So get on with it.” He was such an asshole. He’d lied, acted as if he hadn’t done the job with his brothers, even though it was so fucking obvious he had. I hated him. Hated him with so much fury.
His cock pushed inside me, way too gently, and he worked his hands under my hips to cushion my body from the table’s edge.
“Put your hands on my tits.”
He did as I asked.
“Fuck me, Nick. Fuck me hard.” He started to pump like I knew he could. Like he did whenever he lost control.
The table bit into my hips with each drive. But still the pain wasn’t enough.
I pushed back on the table.
He backed off. “Bed?”
I shook my head and moved over to the wall, spreading my legs, sticking back my ass.
“Baby, I want to see you.” He started to turn me, but I shook my head.
He pushed inside again, and soon he was nailing my body against the wall with each thrust, but it wasn’t enough. His cock was being too fucking nice, and I wanted to hate it.
“Pinch my nipples,” I said.
His hands grabbed my tits, and he massaged them gently as he thrust inside me.
“Harder.”
He rolled my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, and I moaned with pleasure. But pleasure wasn’t my objective. No matter what Nick did, I wanted more. Except when he’d been in my ass.
I bent deeper, pushing back, until his fingers left my tits. I bent fully, hands on th
e floor, and his cock slipped out.
I braced my hands on the floor. “Take my ass, Nick.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Bending my legs, I wiggled my ass, knowing that my cheeks were spread and my asshole exposed, still slick with the lube.
He grabbed more lube, then braced one arm on the wall, leaned over my fully bent body, and pressed the tip of his cock inside me.
My body yielded at first, opening for his girth as he pressed further inside.
“You’ll tell me when—”
I nodded my head, gritting my teeth and bracing for the pain. He wrapped one arm around my waist, securing my doubled-over body, and then pushed in farther.
His cock slid, testing the shallow penetration, and the pain yielded to pleasure. It felt good, as good as the butt plug had felt. Better. Bending my legs, I pressed up to meet his next thrust, pushing him in deeper. The sudden pain stole my breath.
“Shit, Jade. You feel so fucking good. So fucking tight.”
I mumbled something and he plunged slowly. “Sure this is okay?” His voice was strained, deeper than usual.
I nodded and he kept pumping, each thrust going deeper. He grunted as he drove, until I felt his balls slap me with each thrust. He was fully inside, speeding up, taking my ass as hard as he often took my pussy.
All the blood had rushed to my head and my legs were tired, but his arm across my belly pulled me up to meet the power of each thrust. I was a puppet in his arms, a rag doll, my body fully yielding to his cock’s demands of my ass. And it felt so fucking good.
I came in a violent orgasm, but he didn’t seem to notice, not slowing or easing the force of his thrusts.
Tears trailed down my forehead and into my hair. My rash plan had been to poison my memories of Nick, to turn myself against this man and his cock, but the reverse had happened.
I’d never see him again—I wouldn’t stay with a criminal, a liar—but try as I might, neither my cunt nor my ass, no part of my body would let me ever forget him.
His grip on me tightened and he lifted me, pulling me hard against his thrusts, all but my toes off the ground as he drove even harder. He lifted me right off the floor and yelled my name as his body jerked behind mine, convulsing as he shot his load into my butt.