“I fucking warned you.”
My body tumbled to the floor due to the force of the punch that Liam threw at my face. A blind pain shot through my head, and I began to sob from all the pent up fear and pain that I had been trying to hold back the whole time. I could sense the coppery taste of blood that began to fill my mouth, causing my stomach to go queasy.
“Now, why don’t you and I have a little chat?” he grasped my arm, hauled me to my feet, and gestured to the couch in the living room.
“Liam… I… you…” I spluttered, unable to complete a simple sentence. My head was pounding painfully and I found myself spitting up some of the blood on myself.
“That’s disgusting.”
I heard him mutter under his breath as he glanced at me. I whimpered uncomfortably as he dragged me to the couch, and roughly pushed me into a sitting position. Then, my eyes focused on Anna’s still unconscious form, and I felt more tears stream down my face as I stared at her. She might have done some bad things to me, but no one deserved to be beaten senselessly.
No one, that is, except Liam.
Sensing that I had no choice, I sat in front of him, hopelessly vulnerable.
“Why are you doing this?” I found myself asking. That one was certainly the clichéd “why me?” question, but it was one that I badly needed an answer to.
Liam chuckled, his eyes raking over my body. “I guess you could call it an obsession.”
My heart faltered, and black spots invaded my vision as I quickly gasped for breath. “An obsession?” I asked, my voice barely audible, as if I no longer had the strength to conceal my weakness.
“Yes,” he replied. “When I first met you, I knew I liked you. Hell, I loved you, and everything about you,” he paused, his eyes trailing over me once more, “So fucking perfect.”
I opened my mouth to object, to say anything. What could have I said though? I had nothing. His raised hand silenced me, and his eyes glinted.
“I followed you here, Bella. So yes, it is an obsession.” He grinned, his crazed eyes meeting my fearful ones. “I know everything about you, and I love that. I love the power I have.”
“You’re sick,” I muttered as I forced myself to stand up.
His smug smile disappeared and a sneer graced his sickening features. And my body tensed as he stood up and took a couple of steps forward so that he stood directly in front of me.
“Yes, I am sick,” he murmured, his arms wrapping around my waist, drawing my body close to his. “Lovesick,” he added.
Normally, I would have scoffed, shoved him away, and left. But this was a different situation.
“Please, don’t hurt me,” I pleaded, placing my hands on his chest in a weak attempt to push him away.
“But, Bella,” he cooed sickeningly, “I like hearing your screams of pain.”
With that, a hand landed on my cheek with a loud cracking noise, causing me to collapse to the ground, hitting my head on the edge of the couch. A bloodcurdling scream escaped my dry, chapped lips as my body hit the floor. Then I felt a warm liquid trailing from the top of my head, down my forehead, and towards the back of my neck.
“I can see why Sam liked hurting you so much,” Liam said, towering above me. His eyes were dangerously dark, and his hands were tight fists.
My eyes widened when he mentioned Sam, and my lips parted slightly, feeling stunned.
Then his sinister chuckle caught my attention. “Like I said, my sweet Bella, I know everything about you.” His hands then grabbed my limp arms, and he hauled me to my feet, ignoring my shrieks of pain.
I felt myself collapse against his body, my vision fading in and out.
“Now, now, Bella, don’t you pass out just yet,” he whispered into my ear. “I want you to be awake for this.”
I felt my body get thrown onto the couch, leaving me in a highly uncomfortable position. I struggled to remain conscious as he climbed on top of me, roughly straddling my waist.
“Now, for the part that Sam never got to.”
That was when it all clicked.
rape |rāp|
noun
the crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will
~ Oxford University Press, (oxforddictionaries.com)
You could scream, you could struggle, but you couldn’t get away.
My body thrashed against the couch, inhuman-like noises coming from my mouth. Tears flooded my face, but I wasn’t going to give up. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself be a victim.
Liam’s animal-like growls and snarls pounded into my head as he ripped off my pants, which allowed me to kick violently, but uselessly.
Do you know how it feels to be completely and utterly useless? That was exactly how I felt. I felt useless as he tore off my shirt, leaving my struggling body in only my underwear.
“Don’t pretend you don’t want this, you slut!” he spat out.
Slut. Some say words hurt the most, but because of the situation I was in, everything seemed to hurt a whole lot more.
“Don’t!” I wailed, my chest heaving with sobs. “Don’t do this to me.”
Sometimes, something miraculous will happen. A person will change in front of your eyes, realize their wrongdoing, and try to make it right.
Well, guess what? That didn’t happen to me.
His large, rough hands groped me mercilessly, and his eyes darkened with lust. I tried to use my hands to push him away from me, but within seconds he had both of my hands pinned above my head using only one of his.
“Weak,” he spat out.
He was right. I was weak.
Screams echoed throughout the house. My screams. But it felt as if I was just lying there, not doing anything. I cried, I sobbed, I begged, I pleaded, but it was useless. I was useless.
Arriving at the realization that I wasn’t going to get out of it, I felt my body shut down. My struggles became weaker, my breathing calmed down, and my eyes glazed over.
I gave up.
I had given up so easily. It was like I didn’t even put up a fight to begin with. But I did, I fought damn hard! But sometimes your damnedest just wasn’t enough.
Sometimes nothing is enough.
The series of events that followed was a blur. The front door seemed to just fly off its hinges as men in uniform entered, holding guns—guns that seemed to be pointed at me.
A sharp, cold blade was placed on my neck, but I didn’t react. An icy feeling filled me as a loud bang went off, and the body on top of me collapsed. The knife grazed my throat, but someone pulled it away just before any real damage could be inflicted.
Ha! Who was I kidding?
Damage had been done. And now, I was left all alone to drown in the misery of it. So yes, everything that followed was a blur. The screams, the crowded street, the police officers, the EMTs, and the firemen. I was utterly numb. And there were the bystanders—who all watched in horror.
And Matt, James, and Connor.
And then there was me. Or what was left of me, for that matter.
darkness |ˈdärknis|
noun
the partial or total absence of light;
wickedness or evil
~ Oxford University Press, (oxforddictionaries.com)
Darkness was what I woke up to. I couldn’t see anything. I was stuck in the void. My body shook as my eyes looked around, only to be welcomed by more malevolent shadows. Panic rose from within me, and I flailed my limbs in an attempt to break away from whatever nightmare I was living in.
“Help!” I wailed, thrashing violently.
A flash of light appeared, and a rush of voices echoed through my head. I felt my eyes open, and was nearly blinded by the bright lights that came from above. A loud beeping noise deafened me, and I winced.
Where am I?
My eyes shut once more, and it took me a couple of minutes before I could reopen them. When I did, they were able to adjust to the lights, and t
hen I took in my surroundings.
A hospital. I was in a hospital.
As if on cue, pain flooded through my body, causing me to ache and hiss in discomfort.
“Bella?” The voice was soft, almost cautious. “Bellatrix Brown?”
I cringed at the sound of my real name, but doing so only caused the throbbing pain to grow worse. I tried to respond, but all that came out was a short, scratchy noise. I swallowed slowly before I tried again, but the nurse stopped me.
“It’s alright, honey, I want you to just rest. I just needed to confirm your identification before I could notify your parents.” The nurse was sweet and kind, but the obvious pity in her voice made me feel sick to my stomach. She must have noticed my nauseated expression because she quickly spoke once more. “You’ve been through a lot,” she murmured, “I’ll talk to Dr. Kelleher and see if she can give you anything for the pain.”
Yes, I thought to myself, drug me up. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. My eyes trailed after her retreating figure, until she came to a standstill by the doorway.
“By the way, there are three boys in the lobby… claiming they’re your friends.”
My brows furrowed in confusion before I realized who they were—Connor, James, and Matt.
“One of them seems worried sick about you,” she continued. “And he keeps saying it’s his fault that…” she paused and looked at me. “You may be questioned about that later.”
At that, she briskly left the room, leaving me completely and utterly alone.
I leaned my head back on the bed, watching as the heart monitor moved at a steady pace. An IV protruded from my left elbow, something that made me look away immediately. I’ve always hated needles, and hospitals, for that matter. To me, hospitals smell like Purell and death. A wave of fatigue washed over me, and I found my eyelids slowly but steadily drop before they completely shut, sending me back into the darkness. But this time, it was comforting, and only sent me into a peaceful slumber.
I felt warm fingers graze my freezing hand. It was a show of affection, one that I easily recognized to be coming from my mother. And indeed, when I opened my eyes, it was her warm brown ones that gazed back at me. The worry creases around her eyes disappeared when she saw me, but as I lay there in silence, they began to fill with tears once more.
“Mum,” I whispered. It was a statement, a plea, a cry for help, but I kept my voice devoid of emotion.
She burst into tears, collapsing into a kneeling position at the side of my bed. My dad, whose eyes were red-rimmed, lifted her up and held her. With his free hand, he grabbed my limp one and gave me a shaky smile.
“You’re a fighter, pumpkin,” he told me softly.
My heart ached in my chest, and I felt the tears building up. But I refused to let them flow. Maybe, I thought to myself, maybe if I could convince them that I am strong, I would start to believe it, too.
“My baby!” my mother wailed, throwing her head back as more sobs escaped her stress-ridden body.
I wanted to tell her I was okay.
I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay.
I wanted her to be okay.
But I couldn’t. All I could do at that point was just stare blankly at my parents. We had gotten into a fight before this all happened. I had stormed out on them, told them I hated them, and then ended up in the hospital, with them wondering if I was still alive.
How could I have done that to them? They didn’t deserve the shit that I put them through. Yet, there they were, by my side, probably with no intention of letting me out of their sight. But I had to get them to leave.
I was suffocating, I needed to breathe.
“Mum?” I croaked out.
Her head turned to me as she muted her sobs.
“I… I need some time.”
She looked at my dad, and they both looked back at me.
“Connor’s here,” she stated. “So are Jess, James, and Matt.”
I looked down at the tiled floor, the pounding pain inside my head causing my eyes to shut.
“Could you talk to the doctor?” My voice was small, barely audible. “It hurts.”
She nodded quickly, and grabbed my dad’s hand. Right before they exited the room, I found the strength to speak again.
“I love you, Mummy. I love you, Daddy.”
Pathetic, right? But it was the only way I could express my feelings towards them. Their eyes filled with tears again, but this time they were of happiness.
“We love you, too.” My dad’s rough voice was brimming with compassion and affection.
My eyes closed as the door shut quietly, and I focused on trying to ignore the pain, which didn’t work all too well.
Several hours later
I heard whispers outside my room. I prayed that they were from my parents with the doctor. The pain was beginning to get a bit overwhelming.
The door creaked as it slowly opened, and I raised my eyes to the doorway.
“Mum?” I choked on my own voice as my eyes locked with the intruder’s dark, red-rimmed ones.
A moment of silence passed between us as we stared at each other, taking in our tired, broken expressions.
After a couple of seconds, I managed to build up the courage to speak. “Connor…” I croaked out, not even forming a complete sentence. My chapped lips trembled and I shook.
He stared at me, his eyes looking over my frail form. My heart jolted as his lips parted and he drew in a small breath.
“Bells.”
I could have spent the rest of my life lying there, staring at Connor. He looked weary and upset. Realizing he was staring at my face, I became self-conscious, and I tried to cover the hideous bruises and soon-to-be scars that spread across my exposed skin.
I directed my eyes downward as he approached me, gasping slightly in surprise as he lightly tugged my hands away from my face.
“Your mum told me that you might push me away. The doctor said that it’s a common reaction for someone who has gone through what you have,” he said, watching for my reaction.
I just stared back at him, waiting for him to continue.
“Bella, you’re so much stronger than you think,” he whispered to me. “Everything’s gonna be alright. You will be alright. I’ll be here for you. I’m not leaving.”
I remained silent.
“Liam’s dead,” he stated, his eyes glazing over with a look that could only be described as anger.
“I know.” My voice surprised us both.
“Anna’s going to be okay, but she’s going to need a lot of surgeries.”
My chest tightened as I thought of her. Anna was nearly killed because of me.
“Bella, I saw you earlier.” He was watching me again, waiting for a reaction.
I looked away, my hands still captured within his.
“Have I lost you? It’s alright to grieve, Bella. But you need to take down these walls. And you should know, none of it was your fault,” he pleaded, his eyes full of emotion.
“Why?” I choked out, pulling my hands from his grasp. “Why should I allow myself to feel this pain?”
“A person is dead. A friend was near death. And you, Bells, I almost lost you,” he whispered.
It was like a train had hit me.
Liam was killed because he tried to kill me. I touched my neck lightly and winced.
Reality hits hard. And when it does, you better have someone there for you, who will put your pieces back together and mend your shattered being.
“Connor…” I whimpered, tears filling my eyes. “Connor, it hurts.”
He climbed onto the bed, cradling my bruised and broken body into his strong arms, rocking me back and forth.
“Let it all go,” he whispered. “I’ll be here for you.”
And just like that, I truly let myself go.
Why? Why take a risk like that?
Because I knew that he would be there for me.
I knew.
Chapter 22
A freezing wind drifted around me, chilling me to the bone. I stared at the girl in front of me. Her hair was a dirty blonde. And her dark brown eyes bore into mine. Her lips were shaped into a sneer, and her stance was intimidating.
The girl was me.
“Pathetic,” she spat out, looking me over as I helplessly cringed away from her. “You’re disgusting!”
I refused to show the pain I felt, so I held in the tears and whimpers, and continued to stare at her.
“What? You’re not even going to try to defend yourself?” she hissed and advanced towards me. “Just like how you didn’t defend yourself from Liam.”
She struck a nerve with that one, and she knew it. A small, malicious grin appeared on her face as she watched the tears pool in my eyes, a few actually escaping.
“Shut up,” I whispered weakly.
“Awww, did I hurt baby Bella’s feelings?” she mocked, her eyes glinting with excitement.
“Shut up,” I managed to say it louder than last time and began to take courage from that. “I couldn’t fight him off! I tried! B-but I wasn’t…”
“Strong enough?” she asked, finishing my sentence. “Of course you weren’t.” She looked me over with distaste. “You’re weak.”
A broken cry escaped my lips and I felt tears began to trickle from my eyes.
“Shut up.” It seemed like that was all I could say back to her.
“Make me,” she challenged, taking another step towards me. “You wanted Liam to fuck you. You wanted to play the victim. You liked…”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” I screamed, covering my ears as tears flooded down my face.
A taunting laugh came from her, and she looked back at me, straightening her posture. The worst was just about to come.
“What about Connor?” she asked. “Does he know that Liam succeeded?”
I hesitated. Did Connor know? I didn’t tell him. And I know my parents wouldn’t.
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