by Shayla Black
“What’s wrong, honey?” A nasty suspicion took root in his head. “Did Hayden come back? Because if he did, I’ll—”
“What’s your last name?”
The out-of-nowhere question made Jesse freeze. Was she onto him? “Does it matter?”
“You know it does.”
So she’d figured him out. And she was pissed. Most of the women he’d known in his adult life would be thrilled to learn his identity. They’d be ecstatic to realize they’d been screwing a star. Not Bristol.
On soft footfalls, he headed in her direction. “Let’s sit down and talk about this.”
“I don’t want to sit down.” She gritted her teeth. “I want an answer. Did you or did you not lie to me about who you are?”
He rubbed at his forehead. He would have liked to brush his teeth and have some coffee before this confrontation. That would buy him some time so he could figure out what to say. The usual charm with his rock star smile and a flash of dimples wasn’t going to cut it. He wanted her to understand that he’d never meant to hurt her. He couldn’t let her think for an instant that he’d used her or didn’t give a shit.
Because as far as he could tell, Bristol was the first woman he’d cared about in a long fucking time.
He took her shoulders in a light grip, his head racing. “I’m sorry.”
She shook him off. “Maybe after we’d shared the sheets a time or two, you might have bothered to mention that I’m not sleeping with Jamie No-last-name, but Jesse freaking McCall. Were you ever going to tell me?”
Her eyes filled with tears, and the guilt gouged his heart.
“You kept hinting that we were merely hooking up.” He shrugged. “At first, that was fine. I thought you were interesting and I needed a place to lay low. You’ve heard about my bandmate and the awful tragedy last week?” When she nodded, he reached for her again. “I wasn’t there. I had nothing to do with it. My publicist told me to go underground while she worked on communicating that to the public. It made sense.” He tried to smile. “Besides, she’s scary. I tend to do what she says.”
The quip fell flat. Hurt crossed her face. “So I was a way to pass the time while you hid from everyone? Great.”
“No.” He got serious again. “It would have been better for me if I didn’t care about you so damn much, but from the beginning something about you grabbed onto me and wouldn’t let go. It’s why I jumped in to help you back at that barbeque dive. I couldn’t look at your sad eyes and not want to make you happy. I still can’t.”
“So you feel sorry for me? Gave me a few pity fucks?”
“God, no! I like you. Remember?” Jesse more than suspected his feelings for Bristol went deeper, but he wasn’t sure she would hear him now—or believe him. “But being famous, I have to be careful. People have sold me out before. Folks I’ve hired or I thought were my friends have taken pictures of me or prowled through my personal information and sold it. You’ve seen the pictures of me in the shower?”
She nodded sheepishly. “Everyone has. Didn’t some girlfriend of yours take them?”
“Supposedly. Five weeks into the relationship, she chose half a million dollars over me. So you’re not the only one who’s felt used.”
“That’s terrible. I would never…” She shook her head.
No, she wouldn’t violate his privacy like that. He might not have known her as long as he had Sierra before she’d betrayed him. Bristol wasn’t a fame monger. She knew what being used felt like.
“I get that now,” he assured. “At first, I wasn’t sure, and what I did know of you… I really wasn’t sure whether you wanted revenge sex so you’d have something to shove in Hayden’s face or if you actually liked me.”
Her expression softened for a moment, and Jesse hoped that meant he was reaching her. “I do like you.” Then she toughened up again. “ Or I did. If you thought I was only using you, why did you come home with me?”
“Honestly? I wanted you too much to pass you up. I meet a lot of women…”
That full mouth of hers pinched and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Of course you do. You’d said that. Now I understand.”
And Bristol’s expression said that she felt stupid. When she closed her eyes as if castigating herself, Jesse couldn’t stand there and not touch her.
He closed the distance between them and crushed her against his body. When she struggled to break free, he held her tighter and set his lips against her ear. “Please let me hold you. What I’m trying to say is that I knew you were different immediately, and I liked you so much that I couldn’t walk way. I’ve spent a decade with people who didn’t mean anything to me. You’re different. But I had to know you before I could risk telling you who I am.”
She didn’t say a word for the longest time, merely crossed her arms over her chest as if protecting herself. But he could see the wheels turning in her head, examining the situation. He thanked god she was too polite not to listen and too logical for his rationale to escape her.
“I hear what you’re saying,” she said finally. “In your shoes, I probably wouldn’t have told me, either. I shouldn’t be upset that you had to protect yourself from a near stranger because you didn’t know if I would sell you out. But that doesn’t make being lied to hurt less.”
Jesse felt guilty for not believing in her sooner and coming clean, but grateful she understood, at least on some level. “Hurting you was never my intention, so I really am sorry for that. But I think you also never expected to care about me.” He curled a finger under her chin but she resisted meeting his gaze. “Are you this upset because you do?”
Her eyes widened to big green pools of confusion and contrition. More tears shimmered, threatening to spill. “I swore off relationships. I’m bad with romance.”
“You’re bad…or you’ve tried it with the wrong people? I’ve made the same mistake.” He took a deep breath, diving head first into the already deep conversation. “I’m going to put the truth out there. I’ve never felt this way with any other woman.”
Instantly, she shot him a scathing, skeptical stare. “You don’t have to let me down easy with a lie.”
“I wouldn’t bother.” He anchored his hands in her hair and clenched his fists. “If you were anyone else, after the sex I would have already shrugged and walked away.”
“So you’re saying all those celebrities and groupies you’ve screwed don’t hold a candle to me? Right…”
Her sarcasm bit, and he tugged on her hair. “They didn’t. Everything about you makes sense to me. And let me tell you, nothing in my life has made sense in a long time—especially not relationships. You’re pretty without artifice, kind even to the people who have wronged you, smart, ambitious. And you’re refreshingly not narcissistic or mercenary. You admitted that we click.”
Agreement crossed Bristol’s face, though she didn’t say it aloud. “So?”
“I’m going to ask again, are you this upset because you didn’t want to care about me? Or because it shocks you that you do?”
She pulled away from him with a huff, her little fists clenching. “Why can’t I be normal? The rest of the free world can find someone and hook up for a day or two without getting involved emotionally. The first time I try, what happens? Yeah, I wind up being all giddy and excited. You walk in the room and I feel something in my stomach flutter. I can barely wait to touch you. Or even talk to you. I have to remind myself not to fall in love. And now I’m making an idiot out of myself with one of the most famous people on the planet.” She shook her head. “I was already aiming high with the prince of Lafayette County because he was nice to me once upon a time and—”
“Don’t beat yourself up about Hayden. He’s the deficient one. He broke apart from you to be with your sister because he can’t equal you in intellect, ambition, or character. He found someone more his speed. If he’d stayed much longer, you would have realized he wasn’t for you.”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“He left y
ou before you could beat him to it. He probably felt outdone by you. But don’t for one second think that small-town prick split because you weren’t good enough for him, so therefore you’re nowhere near enough for me. It’s bullshit, and I’ll argue with you all day long.”
“Hayden doesn’t matter anymore.”
“He doesn’t, but we do. And I’m sorry I wasn’t on the up-and-up, but you know why. I’m not letting you go over this crap.” He shrugged as if his mind were made up. “I’m seriously not.”
She took a shuddering breath, tears still threatening to spill. “How did I come in to confront you about lying to me and wind up feeling like the dysfunctional head case?”
He laughed. If Bristol could tell even a sideswiping sort of joke, then he must have said something that reached her. “Well, I usually feel like a dysfunctional head case and I didn’t want to be alone.”
She gave him a watery grin. “You suck.”
“Not yet, but if you lose the clothes, I’ll be happy to find some part of you I can get my mouth on.”
With a playful swat on the shoulder, she sniffled. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know exactly why you were upset. No one likes to be lied to. Honestly, it’s a relief to me that you know the truth. And now you can stop calling me Jamie. Every time you cry out that name during sex, I want to punch my cousin.”
“Is that his name?” When he nodded, she giggled. “No wonder you grimaced a lot.”
“Next time, I want to hear my name on your lips. And don’t say there won’t be one.”
“I want there to be one, too.” She took a deep breath. “But you’ve got a lot on your plate and a career to go back to. My life is here. And really, where could we take this?”
Damn, she was fighting the relationship thing hard. She had no idea how willing he was to fight back. “I don’t know but I’m not giving up merely because it doesn’t look obvious or it won’t be easy. We’re going to take it one day at a time, okay?” At her uncertain stare, he tried to bite back his frustration. “What’s making you hesitate most. The fame? My crazy past? The newness of our relationship?”
She shook her head. “All of it.”
Her hesitation was understandable. That didn’t make him less impatient to be done with it. “First, you may not think you know me well, but I will never fuck you over like Hayden. I already know you’re not the kind of girl to sleep with a celebrity simply because you can or want to get pregnant for a payday. The getting-to-know-you thing will take time. So will total trust. But I’m willing to be all in if you are.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. Because I’ve tried everything else, so I know something good when I find it. The fame is fleeting and not real. I mean, yes, I have paparazzi chasing me and a monster social media presence. I’ve got screaming fans who don’t always know how to observe proper boundaries. But this also allows me to make a hell of a nice living and to do some good in the world through various charities. I try not to take it too seriously, especially since it could all be gone tomorrow.”
She gave him a shaky nod. “And the rest?”
“I can’t undo my past. There was a lot of booze and drugs. I did a bunch of crazy, off-the-chain shit. Because at seventeen, nothing sounds more awesome than living the ultimate rock star fantasy.” He shook his head at the waste of it all. “It took me a decade but I finally started questioning whether I should do any of that wild crap. So I sobered up, and that part of my life is done. Sobriety has given me a clarity about life I’ve never had. Losing Ryan has made me realize that life can be even more fleeting than I thought.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she murmured, reaching for his hands and giving them a squeeze.
Jesse clutched at her. “He was a friend. When I changed my ways, it pissed him off. We used to get wasted and tag team women together. I won’t lie; we did it a lot. Once I decided to change, he had no one to party with. He started using more, fucking random girls more. I couldn’t reach him. I couldn’t stop him.”
When he choked back his guilt, Bristol slid closer to him. “It’s not your fault.”
“No, he made his choices. Just like I made mine. But I’ll always wonder if I could have said or done something different to help him. If I could have saved him.”
“Don’t feel guilty for surviving. You did what you had to do for you.”
He nodded. “I knew if I didn’t, I was going to die. The morning I woke up on a hotel balcony puking next to Ryan, five naked girls passed out around us, hung over like a bitch with no idea what continent I was even on, I knew something had to change.”
Bristol withdrew her hands. “That’s a lot of women.”
“Yep. More than I even remember.” He shrugged. “But I can honestly tell you that I’ve never stood in front of any of them and truly tried to work out our relationship. I was engaged once to a friend years ago. She ended up marrying another guy and they’re expecting baby number two. That’s the most serious relationship I’ve had. Until you.”
“I’ve slept with three men in my life, including you. And obviously you’ve been with hundreds of girls.”
Probably more. “The number doesn’t matter. None of this is about genitals. It’s about feelings. I have them for you. I think you have them for me.”
For a long moment, Bristol looked afraid to be honest. Finally, she nodded. “Yeah.”
“So we’re beyond a hookup. It’s up to us to figure out where to go from here. Who’s watching the restaurant?”
“Jayla.”
“So…you don’t have to be downstairs again right away?” He sent her a smile rife with seduction.
Bristol hesitated, then pulled her phone from her pocket and dashed off a text. A ding came moments later. Then she met his stare with a challenge of her own. “Jayla says all is quiet for now, so I could probably stay another minute or two.”
He prowled closer, unbuttoning his pants and lowering his zipper. “How about an hour or two?”
She stood her ground, her gaze dipping down to where he peeled away his jeans. “I don’t know if I’ve forgiven you yet.”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you do,” Jesse murmured across her cheek as he grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and shoved it up. Before he’d whisked it over her head, he’d worked the clasp of her bra open, then peeled them both off at once. The second the garments cleared her body, he covered her lips with his own and sank inside her velvety mouth, stealing inside to claim her.
They’d spoken a lot of words to one another. She’d heard him…for the most part. But now he wanted them to communicate in a way he felt certain she’d understand completely.
“Shoes off,” he insisted.
Then he set to work at the fastenings of her pants while drowning in the taste of her kiss. As he slid them down her hips, she kicked her tennis shoes aside and wriggled her hips until the denim fell to her ankles and she stood before him in nothing but a tiny pair of white lace panties.
Jesse smiled as he released the messy pile of her brown hair shimmering atop her head. As the waves cascaded around her shoulders, heat settled in his belly. Blood rushed to his cock. Yeah, this woman did it for him, excited him in ways he hadn’t known a woman could. For the first time in his life, he wanted to be a better person—enough to do the hard work to improve himself, not use her for some quick fix to normalcy and improved self-esteem, the way he’d tried with Kimber years ago. He intended to be a better man for Bristol. He intended to keep her beside him, wake up every morning to her smile.
Heavy realizations. But Jesse couldn’t remember a time he’d felt clearer or more certain.
“Now lose the underwear,” he demanded. “Slide them down your hips slowly and let me see what I’m craving.”
She cocked her head. “What if I don’t take orders from you?”
Oh, now she was challenging him. He just smiled. “I can take what I want.”
“I dare you,” she breathed.
<
br /> He understood what she was playing at. If she gave in too easily now, it would bend her pride. Instead, she challenged him to take her body and push the issue of her surrender.
Game on.
Jesse anchored his hands around the fragile undergarment at her hip and pulled. The seam unraveled for him—precisely like he intended she would under his touch.
When she stood naked before him, she shivered. He watched the shallow rise and fall of her breast, the movement of her hard nipples as the midday sun slanted through her window. Her fair skin looked luminous and golden. No spray tan for her. No chemicals that made her reek or look like an Oompa Loompa. Bristol was classic and alabaster, appearing untouchable.
But he definitely intended to touch her—and more. She wasn’t leaving this bed until she knew she belonged with him.
Jesse bent and lifted her against his body, following her down to the mattress. He didn’t give her an opportunity to wriggle away, simply anchored his hips between her thighs and pinned her down. She felt so small beneath him, and he braced an elbow near her head to take some of his weight off her.
She met his stare. Those leafy green eyes of hers were a sight he’d never get tired of.
“Jesse,” she whispered.
The uncertainty on her face broke his heart. “Close your eyes. Yeah,” he commended as she did. “Take a deep breath. That’s it.” He bent to whisper in her ear. “Any doubts you have we’ll talk out later. Right now, I want to worship you.”
Bristol gave a low moan. Against him, she trembled. Then so slowly it made him sweat, she opened her eyes, her arms, and finally her heart to him. Given his past, he probably didn’t deserve her, but he intended to do everything possible to make her glad she’d chosen him.
She clung to his shoulders, and Jesse brushed the hair from her face and worked his lips up her neck. “Feel how good we are together.”
With a little shiver, she nodded. He fanned a hand over her breast, his thumb brushing her taut nipple. She arched into his touch and thrashed under him. He swallowed the sound with his kiss, aligning their bodies until he was flush against her, not merely covering but enveloping her. Jesse wanted to take all of her, make sure she knew that she was his. A sizzle shot up his spine when he thought about the pleasure of making love to her. But more than anything, he simply ached to feel her close.