by Bella Andre
“I like waking up with you in my bed.” He took her hand and pulled her over to her seat at his dining table. “I like watching you eat, too.”
But before either of them could take a bite, his cell buzzed. He quickly looked at the code on it.
Megan was frowning at him when he looked back at her. “Do you need to go?”
“No, not yet. In a couple of hours I’ll start my shift. It was just a reminder from one of the guys about taking over his shift, too.”
“How long is your shift?”
“I’m usually on for forty-eight hours. But this one is seventy-two.”
She looked shocked by the hours. “Do you sleep at the station?”
“When I can.”
She looked as serious as he’d ever seen her. “I wish things were different, Gabe, but they aren’t. Last night was great, but...” She took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye. “Nothing has changed.”
Her words settled like cement in the bottom of his gut and it wasn’t easy to keep his voice relaxed. “You’re having breakfast with me. That’s change.” A huge one, for the better.
She pushed away from the table, shoving her phone into her pocket and grabbing her bag from his couch as she headed for the door. “I need to go.”
Gabe wanted to beg her to stay, wanted to force her to confront their feelings for each other, wanted to make her admit those feelings weren’t going to go away just because she was scared about her past repeating itself with him.
Instead, he took her plate into the kitchen, pulled off a sheet of tin foil, and moved her food into the foil. He grabbed the keys to his truck. “I’ll take you home.”
“I’d like to walk.”
He could tell from the stubborn tilt of her chin that she was set on getting out of there—and away from him—ASAP. And, for all his male cluelessness, he knew better than to do anything that would push that stubbornness up a notch.
“Thank you for sharing New Year’s with me, Megan.”
She blinked up at him, looking almost surprised that he hadn’t insisted on taking her anyway. Or, he thought as her expression shifted again, had she been expecting him to kiss her again to try to get her to stay for breakfast? Was she disappointed that he hadn’t? And didn’t she realize he couldn’t force her to do anything? That he didn’t want her to resent him for pushing her too hard, too fast?
Finally, she said, so quietly he would have missed it if he hadn’t been so attuned to her every breath, “I had fun.”
She turned to go, but then, at the last second, she moved back toward him. This time, he was the one who was surprised as she took the warm foil packet from him, said, “Thanks for breakfast,” and went up on her tippy toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek.
* * *
Nothing made sense anymore. Megan was old enough to know right from wrong, to know when she was setting herself up for a huge fall. So then what was she doing, falling back into bed with Gabe whenever there was one nearby?
She could accept that there wasn’t a woman alive strong enough to resist his charm. She couldn’t imagine someone not liking him. Only, liking someone, appreciating someone for his good qualities, laughing with him, enjoying a meal together—all of that was very different from begging him for a kiss.
Worse, she’d taken it further than begging. Much further. She’d actually ripped her clothes off and then shredded his, too. And, okay, maybe making love on his rooftop had been unavoidable given a long week of wanting him, of thinking of him whenever her brain wasn’t otherwise occupied with work or Summer.
But what had happened in the bath...she lost her breath just thinking about it, remembering how boldly she’d asked to live out a secret fantasy with him.
And how wonderfully he’d complied.
Megan was walking up a steep hill, but in the stark light of a new day—of a new year—she simply couldn’t keep lying to herself. She wasn’t breathless because of the hill.
She was breathless because she was thinking about Gabe.
But that wasn’t the only thing she couldn’t lie to herself about.
She was falling for him, couldn’t seem to help falling deeper and deeper beneath the beautiful spell he was weaving around her body...and her heart.
Megan gripped the foil-wrapped breakfast he’d made her tighter as she climbed to the top of the hill. The view from this neighborhood never failed to take her breath away and as she stood to catch her breath for a few moments, she wished she could share her wonder at the sunlight sparkling on the blue water in the bay with someone.
With Gabe.
A fire truck drove by just then and she looked more carefully at the firefighters inside than she ever had before. Did they have wives? Children? Siblings? How did all those people who loved them deal with the danger, with the possibility of losing them to smoke and flames and falling beams?
When she was twenty and dating David, the big shock had been finding herself pregnant. She hadn’t known to fear the dangers inherent in his job as a fighter pilot. She’d been too scared thinking about her pregnancy, about giving birth, about having a little baby who depended on her. And, of course, she’d had to deal with the idea that she and David were going to be married. She’d assumed, like all twenty-year-old girls, that she had time to find her knight in shining armor, that she’d keep dating different men until she found him.
Nothing had turned out as she planned. She hadn’t expected to lose that unexpected husband. She hadn’t expected to find such joy in being a young mother.
And she’d never thought to find her knight in shining armor during the scariest moment of her life, huddled in the bathtub with Summer while flames raged around them, the last possible place she would ever have expected to find love.
Love.
Oh God. The foil breakfast packet fell from her fingers and landed on the sidewalk with a thud.
She’d known she was head over heels for the way Gabe laughed, the way he kissed her, the way his hands moved over her skin.
But love...
No, she thought as she bent down to pick up the food from the pavement. She didn’t want to lie to herself, truly wanted to start the year with a fresh, clean slate of truth. Only, she now knew something else, something she could never have understood as an innocent twenty-year-old who’d been getting ready to grab life by the horns.
Sometimes, when things were too difficult to face, the best thing to do was to stuff them away.
Because sometimes, pretending was the only way to keep moving forward.
Chapter Twenty-three
It was one thing to pretend when she was alone. It was another thing entirely to keep it up around Summer. Especially when her daughter’s favorite question seemed to be, “When can we see Gabe again?”
Fortunately, she knew he was busy with his multi-day shift. Each day, when Summer asked for a trip to the fire station, Megan held firm. “If he isn’t working, he’s probably sleeping. We can’t bother him.”
Summer was back in school when Sophie called Megan to meet for lunch. Of course she wanted to see her friend. But she was worried that the pretending that had been difficult with Summer just might prove to be impossible with Gabe’s sister.
Fortunately, Sophie’s wide smile of greeting outside the little bistro was all it took for Megan’s nerves to disappear.
“You look great.”
“You do, too.”
Yet again, Megan wished she could pull off Sophie’s simple chic. Instead of wearing jeans and a sweater like everyone else in the bistro, her friend had on a long wool skirt that swished around her ankles as they walked over to their table. She thought back to their conversation in the potting shed when Sophie had been upset over someone. A man.
Well, whoever he was, Megan thought, he had to be blind not to notice her sweet, pretty friend.
As soon as they ordered, Sophie asked, “Did you do anything fun during Summer’s winter break from school?”
Megan barely kept her ey
es from widening in alarm. She couldn’t possibly lie to her friend, but at the same time, she didn’t know what she could say about Gabe to his sister. Not when her feelings were currently twisted up in a tight knot.
“We spent some time in the snow for a few days and then came back home and did a few hikes, some craft projects, and memorized most of the iCarly episodes on cable. And of course she got way too many presents from her grandparents. What about you? How were your last couple of weeks?”
Sophie pulled a booklet out of her purse. “I finished putting this together. It’s the proof copy before they send the final order to the printer.”
Megan read the title aloud. “The Greatest Love Stories of All Time: An Annotated Bibliography. Now available at your local library. Compiled and edited by Sophie Sullivan.” She grinned at her friend. “This is fantastic. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Sophie made an unexpected face. “I’m really pleased with it, although I feel like the title is a little misleading.”
“Why?”
“Not all of these stories have a happy ending. Of course, it doesn’t make them any less compelling.”
“Just more real,” Megan said softly.
Sophie slipped the book back into her bag. “You must miss him.”
This time, Megan couldn’t stop her eyes from going big. Oh God, Sophie knew about Gabe! She opened her mouth to say something, to try to get Sophie to understand that she wasn’t trying to hurt her brother, but before she could find any words that made sense, her friend was saying, “I wish I had gotten to meet your husband.”
Relief knocked through Megan so quickly she actually slumped back in her seat.
But Sophie misread her reaction. “I’m sorry. I should know better than to bring him up. After all, my mother never loved anyone but my father.”
Megan frowned. “Didn’t your father pass away when you were a child?”
Sophie nodded. “I was two.”
Megan quickly did the math. More than two decades. That was a long time to be alone. Too long, especially since the last of Mary Sullivan’s kids had grown up and moved out a good five years ago.
“Surely your mother has dated, right?”
“She’s dated a few men over the years. Some of them were really nice.” Sophie shrugged. “But I honestly don’t think she ever let herself get too close to any of them.”
“Why do you think that is? Would your father not have wanted her to find love again?”
“I don’t know,” Sophie said softly. “But from the way Marcus and Smith talk about him, I don’t think he was that kind of man.” Her friend looked up at her with an expression so similar to Gabe’s that Megan almost dropped her fork. “I think she was afraid. Afraid to love and lose again.”
“But she seems so fearless with all of you. Even with Gabe, whose job is so dangerous.” But even as she said it, Megan understood why Mary Sullivan let her children live the lives they chose. “I used to watch Summer on the playground and cringe as she’d shimmy up a pole to the top of the play structure and fling herself onto the roof. She was so much smaller than the other kids, but she had no fear. She still doesn’t—and every day I prepare myself a little more for when she tells me she wants to be a sharpshooter or a race car driver.”
Sophie laughed at that, and while Megan knew she was at risk for showing her hand regarding her growing feelings for Gabe, she needed to know. “How do you deal with the thought that Gabe might not come home from a fire one day?”
Her friend thought about it for a moment. “Marcus could probably grow apples instead of grapes. Chase could paint instead of taking pictures.” Sophie shook her head. “But when we were kids, all Gabe ever wanted to be for Halloween was a firefighter.”
Megan raised an eyebrow at that. “Seriously? Every single year?”
Sophie grinned. “He’s nothing if not focused.”
Megan felt herself blush. She knew firsthand just how focused he could be. And how wonderful it was to be the woman he was focusing on.
She looked up to see Sophie giving her a rueful little smile. “And, honestly, this might sound bad, but I try to remind myself that, statistically, he’s more likely to get hit by a car than die on the job. And we all get into cars knowing the danger, right?”
“I suppose so.”
All of Sophie’s arguments made sense. Still, there remained a disconnect between what Megan’s mind understood...and what her heart believed.
Sophie’s eyes hadn’t left her face. “Can I ask you something this time?”
Megan tried not to tense. “Of course.”
“Have you seen Gabe again? Since the party, I mean.”
“Yes,” she said honestly.
Sophie smiled. “Good.”
Megan braced for her friend to ask more questions, to try to get the whens and hows out of her. Instead, Sophie simply said, “Want to split a piece of chocolate cake?”
“Of course I do.”
The two women grinned at each other and as soon as Sophie raised her hand in the waiter’s direction, he sprinted over to see what the prettiest woman in the restaurant needed. And yet, Megan had the sense that Sophie was totally clueless as to the amount of attention the men around them were giving her.
For a few moments she debated keeping out of her friend’s love life. But, then, what kind of girlfriend would she be? Besides, Sophie had already waded into things with her and Gabe, hadn’t she?
The cake came quickly and as they both picked up their forks to dig into opposite sides, Megan asked, “Any luck with whatever sent you into the potting shed a couple of weeks ago?”
Sophie looked up at Megan in surprise. “The potting shed?” A moment later, her cheeks flamed. She shook her head. “No. I don’t think luck is ever going to be in the cards on that front.”
Megan frowned. “Are you dating anyone?”
Again, Sophie shook her head. “Not really. A couple of guys keep calling, but I’m not really interested.”
Obviously, her friend was saving herself for someone. Again, Megan knew the easier thing was to back away from this discussion. It would be safer to talk about the weather or their plans for the weekend.
But Megan was tired of having acquaintances. She wanted real friends, women she could share tears and laughter with, women she could confide in.
Maybe it was time to step out on a limb.
“Is the guy you’re interested in worth it, Sophie?”
Her friend covered her eyes with her free hand and made a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob .
She looked at Megan with such sad eyes that her stomach clenched. “Sometimes I’m sure that he is, but then other times...well, I have to wonder if I’m just fooling myself because I don’t want to see who he really is.”
Megan was heartbroken for Sophie for having fallen into what seemed to be unrequited love with a man who might not deserve it.
But even as she pushed the slice of cake a little closer to Sophie, and the two of them fed their careening emotional states with chocolate and carbs, she couldn’t help but think about Gabe.
And the fact that he definitely was worth it.
* * *
Summer was bouncing on the playground as she waited for Megan to come pick her up from school .
“Glad to be back at school, huh?” she said as she ruffled the top of her daughter’s blond hair.
“Guess where we went today for a field trip?”
Megan tried to remember what it had said on the permission slip she’d filled out a few months ago. But before she had a chance to guess, Summer opened her backpack and pulled out a plastic firefighter’s hat.
“Oh,” Megan said, her mouth suddenly dry. “Wow, how exciting.”
“Gabe was there and he was so awesome showing us everything. We got to slide down the pole from the top bunks and hang out in the ambulance and sit in the seat s at the back of the truck.”
During the short walk back to their apartment, Summer regaled Mega
n with firehouse stories. And as she started slicing cheese and apples for their afternoon snack, she couldn’t stop thinking about one word.
Fate.
She’d never been a big believer in things like that, had always believed that solid decisions and hard work were what paid off. And they had.
But, really, it was getting to the point where it felt like the universe was screaming at her to pay attention!
“And, Mommy, he asked if you like roller coasters as much as I do.”
Megan surfaced from her strange thoughts as she realized what Summer had just said. “And what did you tell him?”
“I said of course you do. That you aren’t afraid of anything.”
Megan put down the paring knife and went to put her arms around her daughter. “Thank you, honey.”
As Summer hugged her back, so hard that her little arms shook with the force of it, she lifted her green eyes and said, “What for?”
“Just for being you.”
And for believing in me when I sometimes forget to believe in myself.
A few minutes later, while Summer was eating her snack and coloring at the kitchen table, Megan picked up the wireless phone and walked into her bedroom, closing the door.
She forced herself not to hang up when voice mail kicked in. “Hi Gabe. It’s Megan. I know you’re still at the station working, but when you’re back home and rested, I’d—”
She had to stop, had to take a breath, had to remember Summer saying, You aren’t afraid of anything .
“I’d love to see you again. Maybe we could meet for lunch sometime during the week?” She added, “Sometime soon, I hope,” before hanging up.
Chapter Twenty-four
The next day, Gabe knocked on Megan’s door. He’d been on a medical call when she’d left her message. As soon as he got back to the station and made it through his paperwork, he’d quickly started planning a surprise for her. One he hoped she’d love.
He’d missed her like crazy these past few days, had wanted to call her a hundred times. But he knew he couldn’t push her, couldn’t risk having her run, possibly for good this time. As he waited for her to contact him, he kept reminding himself that she hadn’t said goodbye.