So on Christmas Day I’ll know how it feels to have had the boys and to have lost them.
“Do you wanna understand, Robyn? Be my fucking guest! Do you guys have some kind of bet? Or what the fuck’s going on? Until a month ago, you didn’t even acknowledge my existence and before the school year started you never so much as said hi to me at school or if we crossed paths in town. Then after that rehearsal session at Jewels Cafe, you all started to like me. Can you explain why?”
He looks confused.
“A bet? There’s no bet, Onyx. We like you, sweets. More than that actually. I love you ...”
I shake my head.
“Ok, then it isn’t real.’
“What do you mean it isn’t real?”
And then I come clean and confess what I did, that I tossed that coin into the Magic Spring and wished for their love.
“So you see? This is why you love me. It’s the spring’s magic, it isn’t real.”
He smiles and it rubs me the wrong way: is he making fun of me?
“Don’t you dare laugh at me, asshole! How else would you explain your sudden change toward me?”
“Onyx, you’re not thinking clearly ...”
“Am I not? You were my fucking first kiss, Robyn. And after you kissed me, you walked away, never to speak to me again.”
I accuse him and like in a bad dream, he leaves.
He walks out of the changing room without another word.
12.
Confused
Robyn
“SHE’S CRAZY. BATSHIT fucking crazy! We’d just done making love and I told her that I love her and she accused me of being in love with her only because she made a wish at the Magic Spring. And then she started yelling at me for walking away after giving her her first kiss.”
I run my hands through my hair in an exasperated gesture and the guys have opposite reactions to my revelation.
Dylan smirks and pontificates that ‘all girls are crazy’, while Allan sets his hardest gaze on me.
“Is she the crazy one? Dude! She accused you of walking away after you kissed her all those years ago and what the fuck do you do? You walk away from her after you fucked her?”
“Made love to her! Not just fucked her!”
I snap but Allan won’t let go.
“Same difference, dude! You walked out on her.”
And then I lose my shit, so maybe Dylan is wrong, it’s not just girls that are crazy, guys are too.
“I walked out because she wouldn’t listen to reason, she spiraled down into a crazy paranoia and wouldn’t listen to anything I said. She wouldn’t let me touch her or go near her. I thought if I walked away, it’d give her a chance to calm down. And if you remember the correct version of the events of four years ago after the party, I walked away because you freaked out about me kissing her.”
Allan sighs.
“True. But what did you expect? I friended Onyx on Facebook after agonizing for months over asking her out and when I finally had the perfect excuse to hang out outside of school and to tell her that I liked her, you fucking kissed her!”
“Yeah, but in my defense, you never fucking told me that you liked her.”
He immediately retorts:
“Neither did you!”
Dylan’s the one to interrupt our spat.
“All right, all right, assholes! I thought we’d already been over that. You got all jealous and made that stupid pact to stay away from her. I don’t blame Robyn entirely for walking away, though. If Onyx was as upset as he said, she probably wouldn’t have listened to anything he could have said.”
Allan nods.
“Perhaps. But we need to make her listen, we need to tell her that we’ve always been in love with her. That there’s no magic or sudden love. I get how it can seem that way to her but she’s wrong. I’ve wanted to act on my feelings for her for years and the only thing that changed, after that night at Jewels Cafe is that I couldn’t stay away anymore. That the spark I felt when she doused us in Pumpkin Spice Latte, made me decide that I’d do anything to be with her, including share her with you two.”
I sigh.
“Yeah, I feel the same way, dude. And I’m sorry for having made a mess of things with Onyx ... again.”
Allan claps me on the shoulder in solidarity.
“I get it, bro. When I’m with her my heart takes over too. But what about you, Dylan? Robyn and I have been in love with her forever, you’ve really just met her.”
My cousin nods.
“I don’t know if love at first sight exists. I don’t think you can love at first sight but you can definitely fall for someone with just one look. And while I might wanna wait before using the L-word with her, I know that’s where I’m headed. That every day my feelings for her grow. And I think I have just the idea to explain our feelings to her. She’s working at the cafe today, right?”
Allan and I nod.
“Do you have Jewels Cafe’s phone number?”
Onyx
I ALMOST CALLED AMBER to tell her that I didn’t feel well today but I know her and Julian count on me and I didn’t wanna let them down.
Plus Dad is staying with Mom today and they would’ve picked up on my upset feelings straight away and tortured me until I told them everything about it.
Maybe seeing people and keeping busy will keep my mind off the situation with the boys.
I approach the cobblestone road in front of Jewels Cafe, still lost in my gloomy thoughts.
Kakawww ...
Fred is perched on the upper edge of the old wooden sign right outside the entrance.
“Did you follow me, little guy?”
Kakawww.
If I didn’t know that it’s impossible, I’d say that Fred has a worried expression. His little black beady eyes are fixed on me and he walks back and forth along the edge of the sign.
I’m worried too: not only do I keep wondering if what the guys feel for me is real, but I keep replaying Robyn’s words in my head.
I love you.
And guilt makes my heart clench painfully in my chest.
I acted like a total lunatic, a complete psycho-bitch; right after what was arguably one of the best moments of my life.
I had been upset because of Valentina’s constant provocations but regardless of my doubt on the nature of Robyn’s feelings for me, I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did. Not after he declared his love for me.
Even if I doubt that his feelings are real, I shouldn’t have freaked out on him.
Now I’m pretty sure that I ruined everything and the guys will probably go back to pretending that I don’t exist.
I work side by side with Amber during a few busy spells: she makes the drinks and I take care of the register and of serving the customers who decide to drink in rather than take out.
When the afternoon rush dies down, I busy myself in the storage room at the back of the cafe, reorganizing the spice mixes and the exotic tea flavors that Jewels Cafe has to offer.
“Hey Onyx, there aren’t any customers right now. Do you want to try something cool? Since the Pumpkin Spice Lattes have been such a hit, I thought we could make a new specialty drink for the holidays. Candy Cane Hot Chocolate with a twist! I think it’ll be a huge success now that it’s almost December.”
I follow her back into the shop area and sit next to her at a corner table inhaling the minty aroma of the hot chocolate Amber puts in front of me and taking a cautious sip.
And I burst into tears: this drink smells like all my boys put together: chocolate like Robyn, mint like Dylan and something bright and orange-y like Allan.
Amber looks concerned.
“Is it that bad? Damn, I thought it was delicious!”
I keep sobbing while I try to explain that the drink is actually really good.
“No, Amber. I’m so sorry. It just smells so good it reminded me of—”
And to my surprise, I spill the whole story.
Not that Amber isn’t friendly an
d she’s only a couple of years older than me, but I didn’t think I was ready to open up about this with anyone other than my mom or Holly.
Amber doesn’t dismiss my feelings but listens intently to my story and to my doubts and fears.
I see understanding in her eyes, especially when I tell her how I’m worried that somehow this is all the result of my wish or some kind of magic and how I’m terrified to get my heart broken if things went back to how they were before.
Before that night we rehearsed here at the cafe.
“What if after the play, they go back to ignoring me?”
She covers my hand with hers in a comforting gesture.
“Onyx, the only real magic is love. Love can’t be made up or summoned unless it’s already in someone’s heart. Trust me, I should know. The hopes and desires you put in that wish at the Magic Spring are projections of your own feelings. And maybe the universe listens and gives you a spark, something to ignite what’s already there.”
I lift my eyes, suddenly hopeful.
“Do you mean that the wish could only come true if the guys already liked me?”
She nods. “I saw the way those guys were looking at you and trust me, it was obvious that they liked you from the start. So maybe your wish and our beautiful, romantic cafe provided the spark the guys needed to act on their feelings?”
“Like an aphrodisiac?”
Amber giggles.
“Maybe. What I mean is that you guys have been spending lots of time together. Being away from school and that rude girl that was here that night might have done the trick. You know, set the right atmosphere for those feelings to find their way out into the open?”
I hope Amber’s right and since she’s been so helpful, I confide in her about how mean Valentina is.
I tell her how she taunted me and fat shamed me earlier on and my boss shakes her head in solidarity.
“The best thing with people like Minerva ... I mean Valentina ... is to ignore them. Sooner or later, they’ll get what they deserve. Trust me. But watch your back, just in case, and you’ll be just fine. She’s only bitter because you got the role she wanted and the guys like you and not her.”
A few customers come into the cafe and another busy couple of hours go by really fast.
Before we know it, the sky is dark and the stars glisten on a cold end of November night.
Amber gets a text and smiles at her phone screen: it must be good news.
“Onyx, do you mind closing down for me? Julian, Wes and Chase just texted that they have a surprise for me. They want me to meet them outside Spell Library. I wonder what it could be!”
I tell her to go and enjoy her evening and begin cleaning and tidying up before closing.
13.
Three Ghosts
Onyx
THE LAST THING I HAVE left to do after wiping everything clean and sweeping the floor ready for tomorrow’s morning rush, is to collect my coat and bag from the storage room at the back of the cafe.
I kept mulling over what Amber said and I really want to believe she’s right.
If I have to be entirely honest with myself, I’m still worried that whatever the origins of the guys’ feelings for me, everything will go back to how things were on Christmas Day, after our final show either on the twenty-third or on Christmas Eve, if we get an extra show, since the tickets sold out in mere hours when they went on sale.
As I fasten my coat, the lights go out: the whole cafe suddenly plunges into complete darkness.
There’s only a very faint light coming from the streetlight outside the front door.
“Shit!”
I mutter looking for my cellphone in my coat pocket, so I can have some light to lock up and shoot Amber a text to let her know what happened and ask her if there’s anything out of the ordinary that she wants me to do, since the building has no power.
And then a bright light shines in the dark cafe: it creates a cone of brightness, like a theater spotlight.
A tall, blond figure in old fashioned clothing is standing in the light and I immediately recognize Robyn’s costume.
I don’t have time to react in any way because he starts reciting a line from the play.
Or is it?
Robyn’s voice is soft when he says:
“Onyx, I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past, your past. Rise and walk with me.”
I take in his blue velvet jacket and the same black slacks he was wearing earlier at school.
“Robyn, what’s this about?”
He takes a few steps toward me until he’s close enough to touch my chest.
“Bear but a touch of my hand there, and you shall be upheld in more than this.”
That’s a line from the play and I want to ask him again what he’s doing but he takes my hand and takes a couple of steps further from the cafe’s door and another spotlight comes on at the same time as ‘Girl Crush’ by Little Big Town starts playing.
I’ll never forget that this is the song we were dancing to at Allan’s party when Robyn gave me my first kiss.
He takes me into his arms and as we sway to the music, my body relaxes against his but it’s my heart that won’t stop beating furiously in my chest.
Robyn suddenly stops next to the furthest corner from the door and lifts his head, urging me to do the same by putting a gentle finger under my chin.
And then I see it: a sprig of mistletoe is hanging on the wall.
I don’t have a chance to react to the memory as his lips descend on mine in a sweet, almost timid kiss, very similar to the first one he gave me four years ago.
When his lips leave mine, I almost feel dizzy with love, hope and fear.
“Robyn, what—”
“Onyx, don’t you see? I love you and I always have. Since that night at the party. But I’ve loved you since fourth grade, when I found out that we had the same favorite candy. I don’t know what you think is going on but I’ve always loved you, and there’s never been anyone but you in my heart. Four years ago, the night I kissed you was one of the happiest of my life.”
I ask him why did he leave then: both after our first kiss and earlier today.
But I never get an answer from Robyn because another spotlight comes on, showing me Allan in his Ghost of Christmas Present costume: a pair of dark blue jeans and a thin grey sweater under a black blazer.
“Come in. Come in and know me better, Onyx.”
I take a tentative step toward him, Robyn doesn’t follow and Allan beckons me with another line from the play:
“I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me.”
“Allan, what—”
He takes my hand, pulling me toward him and his brown eyes have such warmth that I let him hold me against his chest.
“Onyx, the reason why Robyn walked away four years ago is that I walked into the room and he saw how mad I was when I found you two kissing. I felt the same way he did about you and I have for all these years. I love you Onyx, with all my heart. After that party, when we realized that we were both in love with you and that neither of us was prepared to back down, we made a pact. A silly pact to stay away from you, to protect our friendship. And that’s what we’ve been doing until that night here at Jewels Cafe. When I realized that I didn’t want to stay away from you, that I couldn’t anymore. So please baby, forgive me. Forgive us for all this. We’ve been watching you from afar for years, wanting to get to know you, to ask you out, to kiss you and dance with you but we were afraid that our friendship wouldn’t survive when you chose one. When you walked into the auditions and we were forced to spend time with you, it became impossible to continue to stay away. I love you, Onyx. And I’ve felt this way for way too long.”
When his lips touch mine, I can feel it: how much he cares.
And I realize in that moment, that maybe it doesn’t really matter if my wish has something to do with what’s happening between me and the guys.
Maybe Amber is right that you can’t create feelings out of thin a
ir and it seems that Allan and Robyn have liked me back for all these years but never had the courage to act on those feelings.
I can totally understand that, because I’ve been dreaming about being in their arms and being kissed by them for all this time too but I never tried to get closer, too afraid to be rejected.
Allan has the softest smile on his normally serious features and his warm breath causes me to shiver with anticipation when he whispers in my ear:
“I can’t wait to be alone with you, Onyx. To be inside of you and make you come and show you that we belong to each other in every way.”
I don’t have time to respond to his hot promises because another spotlight comes on, illuminating Dylan in his Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come costume.
He’s wearing a leather jacket adorned by chains and a hoodie underneath that hides his handsome features.
Dylan approaches me with one outstretched hand and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything.
Unlike the other two ‘ghosts’, he doesn’t follow the plot of our school play.
He lowers his hoodie to look at me and pulls me closer to him, his upper lip curves in his usual amused smile but what always draws me in is the light in his hazel eyes.
He has a warmth in his gaze that makes him look sweet and mischievous at the same time and I’m as attracted to it as a moth is to a flame.
“Onyx, all this shit is to tell you that we all want you. I’ve wanted you from the first day of school, when you almost ran me over coming out of Mrs Hamilton’s office. And I might not have been in love with you for years, but the minute our eyes met, I knew I wanted to know you and that you’d be someone important in my life. Every day that I get to know you, I know that it’s true and that my heart belongs to you. I’m falling for you, Onyx. And the only magic involved in it is that smile you have, that casts light on everything around you.”
I’m looking into his eyes and I know that he means it: he isn’t saying what he thinks I wanna hear but he’s baring his soul to me.
Onyx (Jewels Cafe Book 10) Page 8