by Alice Tribue
I try not to sound too flustered when I respond. “I didn’t realize you were coming.”
“I had some free time and Ivy said you’d be here. I’ve been looking forward to meeting your friends. I hope you don’t mind.”
Fucking Ivy. First chance I get, I’m calling her and firing her ass. They set me up and now he’s here orchestrating this scene knowing that there’s little I can do about it now. There’s only one way I can respond to him without coming off like a total and complete bitch. When did I become this weak-ass person? I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
“Of course, I don’t mind,” I beam with a forced smile.
“You two look so cute together.” I turn my attention to the table, and Sage is grinning madly at us while Jackson eyes us with curiosity.
“Well, look at you,” I say excitedly, trying to turn the attention away from Nathan and me. “You’re glowing.”
I leave Nathan standing there and move to give Sage a warm hug and Jackson a kiss on the cheek.
Nathan is there when I make it to the other side of the table, holding my chair out for me like a gentleman.
“I see you’ve met Nathan,” I say with the most genuine smile I can muster.
Jackson gives us a slow nod, taking Sage’s hand in his own.
“Sage mentioned you were seeing someone some time ago. It’s nice to finally meet him.”
“You know how I am; I’m nothing if not discreet.” The irony of that statement isn’t lost on me. I made a fortune on discretion.
“That’s an understatement.”
“I think Tori just wanted to make sure that we were the real thing before introducing me to her friends.”
“Tori?” Jackson raises a brow in confusion.
“How do you feel, Sage? Is the morning sickness any better?” Nathan reaches over and pulls my hand into his, making this even more awkward for me. I could probably get through a dinner, but you add hand holding to it, and I just don’t know.
“Now that I’m in my second trimester, I’m finally starting to feel human again.”
“Sage and Jackson are expecting twins,” I tell Nathan, careful to include him in the conversation.
“That’s amazing.” He smiles. “Do you know what you’re having?”
Sage beams at us, while Jackson rolls his eyes, keeping them glued to the ceiling in annoyance. “We’re having girls,” she cries in excitement.
“Wait, both of them? You’re having twin girls?” I bounce excitedly in my chair.
“Yes,” she squeals, looking at Jackson and smiling. “Of course, Jackson wanted at least one boy, but he’s coming to terms with the fact that it’s not happening.”
The humor in her voice is evident.
“Jackson, you’re going to be a great dad. Girls are a blast,” I reassure him, thinking of all the fun I used to have with my dad when I was growing up.
“Whatever,” he replies with a huff, and I can’t help but giggle. “Where did you two meet?
“At a charity event,” Nathan chimes in, and I look at him thinking that I’m so tired of the lies; I’m tired of living my life under a shield where nothing is what it seems. The entire point of closing the escort service down was so that I wouldn’t have to live like that anymore. So, I do the only thing that feels real and feels right. I pull my hand away from his and tell the damn truth.
“Yeah, Nathan, well… actually, it’s Eric. Eric is an undercover detective who was planted in my life in order to shut my business down and put me behind bars.”
“What?” Jackson booms.
Sage lets out an audible gasp, and Nathan just smirks and leans back in his chair. Asshole.
Jackson braces himself with both hands on the table “What the fuck is going on here?”
“I’m sure it sounds bad when she puts it like that,” Nathan chimes in, putting his hand on the nape of my neck and squeezing.
“That’s because it is bad.”
“Things worked out fine; you’re the one dragging this on forever.”
“You had me arrested.”
“I saved you from years behind bars.”
Our waitress chooses that very moment to make an appearance, and Jackson sends her away immediately, causing the poor girl to scurry back into the kitchen.
“Somebody better tell me what the fuck is going on here right now,” he booms, starting to draw attention to our table.
“Baby, calm down,” Sage says to him. I’m stunned by the steel and confidence in her voice when she makes a demand of him. If anybody else spoke to him that way, I’m positive that it would not go over well, but with Sage, it’s different. He actually listens.
“Victoria’s right; I was sent to investigate her. I was supposed to make sure that she ended up behind bars, but what she’s conveniently forgetting to tell you is that I love her, and whether she can admit it or not, she loves me, too.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do.” This comes from Sage, and I look at her with an icy glare.
“No. I. Don’t.”
“Sweetie, it’s clear as day that you love him.”
“Maybe I did once. Before the fucking vice squad raided my apartment and businesses. Before I was dragged down to the police precinct and interrogated like a common criminal.”
“You are a fucking criminal. What would you like me to do, rewrite history? I was in an impossible situation, and I did the best I could. I fucking risked everything to make sure you got off.”
“You did what?” Sage whispers, obviously stunned by that tidbit.
“He got a hold of the only evidence that could have been used against me before my place was raided.”
“You withheld evidence?” Jackson asks in disbelief.
Nathan looks down and shakes his head. “I’m not comfortable talking about this out in the open.”
“Well, then, you shouldn’t have come here,” I reply full of venom.
He glares at me for a moment, the awkward silence at the table deepening. And then I can see it, the shift that happens—the moment that Nathan gives up on me—and the utter look of disappointment is unmistakable.
“You know, maybe you’re right. Maybe what I thought was worth saving wasn’t so worth it after all.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“Right,” he says, tossing his napkin on the table. He reaches for his wallet, pulls out a couple of bills, and drops them on the table. “One day you’re going to look back and realize that you could have been part of something real, but you wouldn’t know real if it stood up and hit you in the face. You have based your whole life on lies and nothing has changed.”
“Nathan, there isn’t even a choice to be made, we would never work.”
“Oh, there’s always a choice, babe, always options you can take.”
“Maybe, but I’m just not the option for you.”
“No. You were my choice, not my option.” I feel his words like a slap in the face, like someone has taken hold of my heart and squeezed it so tightly there’s a physical ache in my chest. I watch in silence as he gives me his back. I know I should stop him, I know that I should not let him walk away, but I can’t. He takes a step but stops, turning back to me one more time and delivering his parting blow.
“You know, the truth is if I could’ve been with anybody, I still would’ve been with you.”
And just like that, he walks away, walks out of my life, because I don’t have the tools necessary to fight for him. I hate it. I hate myself for letting him leave because somewhere in my gut I know that I’ve just seen the last of him. This is how our story ends—neither of us wins, neither of us gets a happy ending.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I’ve opened Mirage every day this week. The normal morning manager is away on her honeymoon, and I didn’t want to uproot anyone else’s schedule. So, with Ivy focusing on Illusions spa, that left me. I’m just about to turn the last light on when my phone rings. Walking into my office, I sit down
at my desk, boot up my computer, and begin to rifle through my purse for the phone. It’s stopped ringing by the time I finally find it and when I check the caller ID, I see the missed call from Ivy. I’m just about to call her back when my phone rings again.
“Hello.”
“Are you at Mirage?” The sense of urgency in her voice puts me on high alert.
“Yes. Why?”
“You have to get to New York Presbyterian right now.”
“Ivy, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”
“Rick just called me. Nathan was in a car accident last night.”
All of the breath goes out of me at the sound of her words. The fear of something bad happening to Nathan is crippling. “Is he okay?”
“He made it through the night. He had to have surgery, but beyond that, I don’t know. Rick said that his family took the red eye, and they’re at the hospital now.”
“I’m going now.” I grab my purse and bolt from my office.
“I’ll meet you there,” I hear her say before she disconnects. I fumble with my phone, trying to find Parker’s number. I need him to bring the car back, but he’s long gone already. It could take him forever to get back here, so I run out to the street, and thankfully, I’m able to flag a cab down. I rattle off where I’m headed, asking him to take the shortest possible route and sit back and pray. Pray that Nathan’s okay, that he… What if he died? What if he didn’t make it? That can’t be possible. Nathan can’t be gone. I try to push the thoughts away, but they play over and over in my head like a song on replay.
When I finally make it to the hospital, I’m directed to ICU. That’s a good sign, I think to myself, because it means that he’s still here. It means that he’s fighting for his life, and if I know anything, it’s that Nathan is a fighter. I make it upstairs and to his room in no time. The curtains are drawn, and I’m terrified to pull them back, terrified of what I’ll find when I do. I muster up enough courage, and when I finally reach for the curtain, a young woman walks out from behind it. I’d know her anywhere; she’s Nathan’s sister, Jennifer. I think that’s her name anyway. I have no way of knowing whether he told me the truth about her.
“Can I help you?” she questions. She looks me up and down with her tear-streaked face, sizing me up. I’m sure she’s heard the worst about me. Whatever he’s told her, it’s probably all true.
“You don’t know me. I’m Nathan’s friend, Victoria.”
“Eric, his name is Eric,” she replies, her voice cold. It’s clear that she already doesn’t like me, clear that she knows all about me.
“Right.” I nod. “I heard about the accident, and I just wanted to come down here…”
There’s a momentary pause as if she’s trying to decide exactly what to say, trying to choose her words carefully.
“The last thing my brother asked me was to tell you how much he loved you.”
My eyes go wide, and I take a step back as my heart rate goes into overdrive. I search for something to hold onto, afraid I might fall when the room begins to spin.
“Wait, is he…”
“Oh shit, that didn’t sound good. I’m sorry. No. He’s… well, he’s just asleep, the medicine they gave him put him to sleep. He’s hurt, but they think he’s going to pull through.”
“Victoria?” I turn to see Ivy rushing toward us. “I got here as fast as I could.”
“It’s okay, Ivy, this is Na… Eric’s sister, Jennifer.”
They exchange pleasantries, and I try to calm my nerves, try to shake the feeling of anxiousness that’s taken hold of me.
“Jennifer? Is it all right if I see him, just for a minute?”
The look of pure venom on her face is unmistakable.
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
“What harm would it do? I just want to make sure he’s okay.”
“What harm would it do? You broke his heart.”
I glare at her, honestly ready to shove her out of my way because I’ve had just about enough of this girl and her judgmental attitude.
“Jennifer,” Ivy calls out a warning.
“My brother was out to dinner with you and your friends last night. The way he tells it, you had an argument at the restaurant and he left. He was angry because he said that he knew he had really lost you. So he hopped in his car and got into a really bad accident on his way home.”
“Oh, my God,” I whisper.
“It was scary there for the first few hours. When they took him into surgery, we didn’t know if he was going to pull through. We were lucky that we made it in time to see him before they took him in,” she says, looking at me with unshed tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jennifer, I am, but don’t you think he’d want to know that I’m here?”
“I honestly don’t care what you think he’d want; I want you out of here before my parents get back.”
“He loves me.”
“He loves you, and you’re the reason he’s here.” Her anger with me comes across loud and clear, but I honestly don’t give a fuck about what she thinks of me right now. Right now, there’s only one thing on my mind. I look at Ivy in disbelief and shake my head.
Ivy directs her attention to Jennifer.
“Just let her have a minute and then we’ll get out of your hair. We won’t come back.”
“Ivy,” I call, not wanting to agree to that, but she just shakes her head at me. Jennifer crosses her arms across her chest and with absolute malice replies, “I refuse to let her see him. She obliterated my brother.”
“Don’t speak about me like I’m not here. Your brother did lie to me,” I toss out defensively.
“He also protected you,” she yells. “Why would I ever let you see him? So you can just turn around and hurt him some more?”
“Fine, I’ll wait. I’ll go to his apartment once he’s released.”
“He won’t be there. We’re moving him to a hospital in Michigan as soon as the doctors clear him.”
She’s enjoying this a little too much. The bitch has me where she wants me. I let out a defeated sigh as I wipe away the tears that have fallen.
“I just need to make sure he’s okay. I need to see him with my own eyes, Jennifer.”
“And then what?”
“And then I don’t know. I don’t even know if he still wants anything to do with me, I just…Please, please.”
She thinks about it, contemplating whether she should tell me anything, and just when I think I’m about to get my way, she speaks up. “Just get out.”
“God, you’re such a bitch,” I say as Ivy grabs my hand, pulling me back.
“I’m a bitch? The man gave up his job for you. He quit, because of you, because his captain basically told him it would never be okay for him to be with you. You treated him like crap, but I’m the bitch?”
You were my choice not my option.
He chose me. Every. Single. Time. And I just let him down, over and over again. I screwed this up so badly. He was right when he said I’d realize that he was worth fighting for one day. I only wish it hadn’t taken an accident and a near-death experience to get me there. I hate that I had a part in him getting hurt.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, now you know.”
I give up. I let Ivy pull me back, let her take me away from here, because it doesn’t matter what I say. Jennifer is never going to let me see him. She hates me too much, and from what I can tell, it’s completely justified.
“Victoria,” Jennifer calls before we turn the corner for the elevators. “I notice you said that my brother loved you, but you never once said you loved him in return.” She’s gone before I have a chance to register what she’s said. I contemplate her words and come to the realization that I am by far the worst person I know.
***
6 Weeks Later
I finally understand what people mean when they refer to time dragging. It’s been six weeks since I’ve seen him, since I watched Nathan walk a
way from me in that restaurant. I felt it in my bones that I wouldn’t see him again; I knew deep down that I should have stopped him. I should have been honest with him, with myself, about how I really felt about him. Everybody has their list of if onlys… The things that we wish we could change. If only I had done this differently or taken that job; if only I’d have taken the risk, followed my heart. At the top of my list is Nathan. No, really, he’s the only thing on my list because of all the things I’ve ever done, letting Nathan go is by far my biggest regret.
I’ve been moping around, doing my work, running the spa, and finalizing construction at the second location. I’ve had dinner with friends, even started mending fences with my dad, but none of it feels good because none of it includes him.
I’m done moping. I’m done living in this permanent state of misery. If I don’t make the move now, then I’ll never know. Nathan will always be an if only, and I can’t live with that.
I was able to get Jackson to use his connections to look up the address for me, and he kindly offered me the use of his private jet. It’s nearly six in the morning when the plane touches down at Ann Arbor Municipal Airport, and true to his word, Jackson has a car waiting for me. I have no idea what I’m going to do when I get there because no one in their right mind would be up at this hour of the morning.
“How long before we get there?” I ask the driver, my nerves starting to get the best of me.
“Ten minutes.”
“Oh wow, that’s soon,” I reply, leaning back in my seat.
My heart begins to pound as we pull up to a picturesque blue two-story house with immaculate landscaping and a deep driveway with a detached garage. Any child would love growing up in this kind of house. I know it’s a house filled with love because it’s the kind of house I was lucky enough to have once my dad came for me. The driver hands me my bags when I get out of the car. When he pulls away, I’m tempted to run after the car.
Now what, I ask myself, looking around. Do I knock on the front door or try to find his window and throw pebbles? Yeah, that’s real fucking realistic, Victoria. I could always sit on the front porch and wait for signs of life. I don’t contemplate for long because the front door creaks open and out walks Jennifer, donning a pair of pink pajamas and an awful case of bedhead.