After breakfast, she kissed her parents goodbye and headed out the door, deliberately leaving her car keys in the house so she couldn’t duck out of walking. For the first time since her career began teetering on the edge, she felt almost normal – almost good, even. She even found herself humming.
She’d just settled in her chair when Louise appeared at the door.
‘Good weekend?’
‘Yes, thanks. You?’
‘Not bad. There were some voicemail messages – eight cancellations for the week. Three today. It’s a bit odd, because usually a cold going through means we get inundated,’ she mused before handing the phone message slips over with a shrug.
‘Thanks.’ Jacqueline went through the slips and updated her calendar. This can’t be good. It was now looking like a very slow week indeed, and just when she’d begun to seriously build her business. She tried to quell the rising panic by telling herself it was a coincidence. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that the cancellations were because word had started to get around the district about her position being tenuous. Disappointment settled in the pit of her stomach and began to gnaw.
And then panic gripped again. Had Tina put word out as well as dobbing her in? Ethel had said she’d written to retract her complaint straightaway, but she could have still told people of Jacqueline’s breach of ethics. Would she have? She was certainly spiteful enough to go bragging about it to make herself feel more important for knowing something others didn’t. That wouldn’t surprise Jacqueline at all.
Should she tell Doctor Squire about the cancellations? She’d really rather not. And he probably wouldn’t expect her to. He’d made it clear he wanted her to be a self-starter, to essentially run and build the practice on her own – he was too busy to hold her hand. She felt the slightest glimmer of relief at not having to front up and be the bearer of further bad news. She was damned lucky he was being so supportive of her; anyway, the last thing he needed when he was already so busy was for her to run to him with every little thing. He might already be close to losing patience where she was concerned.
Maybe she was panicking unnecessarily about the bookings. It wouldn’t surprise her – she had a lot going on and was feeling quite highly strung as a result. She hadn’t had any calls from the Hope Springs evening, though maybe some would soon start trickling in from that. And maybe some of the CFS crewmembers might start approaching her. People needed time to get their heads around the idea of counselling and then more time still to actually act. She tried to ignore the little voice that told her she’d seen a spike in bookings the day after her other talks.
Okay, so she wouldn’t tell Doctor Squire about dwindling numbers – that his side-business might be going down the tubes – but should she tell him that it was Tina McAllister who had dobbed her in to the board? Would him knowing make any difference? Hmm. Would it change what he wrote in his letter in support of her? She supposed that was the pertinent question. She tried to come at the problem from all angles. It wasn’t as if he’d put in a paragraph discrediting Tina. That would be unprofessional, not to mention verging on defamation. God, she could see an even bigger can of worms opening up before her. No, she would not reveal this either. No doubt he’d find out soon enough – as far as she could tell, not many secrets were kept for long around here.
All the toing and froing in her mind was making her head ache. She got up to make coffee, wondering as she did how she was going to find more clients and keep from getting bored in the meantime. She wished Ethel were there to provide some advice, but she was spending the day acting as tour guide for Eileen and Philip.
‘Knock, knock.’
Jacqueline turned from making a coffee to see Paul Reynolds leaning against her door frame. She lit up, despite her efforts to stay neutral; while she’d enjoyed her time with him, she had to be wary of leading him on. She took in his appearance and almost sighed with disappointment: he was still just as good looking as she remembered. Worse, she knew what he looked like under his clothes – well, sort of.
‘Are you going to invite me in or are you busy?’
God he’s smooth. ‘Sure, come on in.’
‘Fancy making me a cup?’ he said with a cheeky grin, nodding at the teaspoon in her hand.
‘How do you like it?’
‘Just a dash of milk would be perfect, thanks.’
Jacqueline half expected him to add, ‘I’m sweet enough,’ and was strangely relieved when the moment passed and he hadn’t revealed himself to be totally predictable – not to mention cheesy.
‘So, you’re out and about early. Ethel Bennett told me you live out past Charity Flat,’ Jacqueline said when they were seated with mugs in hand.
‘Checking up on me, were you?’
Jacqueline looked down at her cup and silently cursed, feeling the slight blush rising.
‘Sorry, that wasn’t fair. I’m only teasing. I’ve clearly been spending too much time alone out there and am forgetting my manners. Forgive me. So how are the muscles feeling?’
‘Sore. I didn’t realise just how unfit I am.’
‘Not necessarily. Surfing uses a lot of different muscles. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You just need to give it another go and work them out again – it helps.’
‘I’ll take your word for it,’ she said, taking a long sip of coffee.
‘I hope you don’t mind me dropping in unannounced like this – I was in the neighbourhood. But while it’s wonderful to see you again, my visit is sort of professional.’
‘Oh. Okay.’ Jacqueline felt her heart sink. Could a surfing lesson where he’d held her hands and waist to help her balance count as a breach of ethics if she took him on as a client? Why was she feeling disappointed, anyway? Was she hoping for there to be more between them? Or was she hoping he was free of emotional problems?
‘Not me, personally, as such. I was hoping I could convince you to come out to Charity Flat and talk to the community. Morale’s pretty low after the fire.’
‘I’d be happy to. I’m actually needing to build the practice and any opportunity for publicity would be good. I don’t know anyone out that way.’
‘Well, you do now – know someone out that way, that is. Sounds like a win-win to me,’ he said, beaming at her.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Sounds good. When do you think?’
‘One evening this week? You’re welcome to stay so you don’t have to worry about hitting a roo.’
‘Oh.’
‘All totally above board,’ he said quickly, raising his arms and holding out his palms. ‘If you don’t want to stay with me, I’ll book you into the pub. You’re welcome to bring your parents – it’s a nice little town worth a look. And maybe you’d like a chaperone.’ He grinned cheekily.
‘Very funny,’ she said, unable to stop herself rolling her eyes at him. ‘But, seriously, any night would work for me.’ She felt an overwhelming sense of relief that he wasn’t wanting to engage her services for himself, though she wasn’t sure why.
‘I’ll think about it, speak to a few people.’ He paused. ‘I thought you would be run off your feet after your debrief and other talks about the place.’
‘Unfortunately not. I had a stack of cancellations waiting for me when I arrived this morning.’
‘That must have been a bit disappointing. But don’t take it personally – people change their minds, get busy, feel better, I guess, too,’ he added, shrugging. She liked the easy way he did that. She liked him, full stop. She smiled warmly at him.
‘Thanks, but it might be a little more serious than that.’
‘Oh. What’s going on?’
When Jacqueline opened her mouth again, it was like floodgates had opened instead. She told him everything, right down to not actually having had sex with Damien. She couldn’t stop herself. How bloody embarrassing! Even worse, a few tears accompanied her account. She was pleased Paul stayed where he was. If he’d got up and comforted her, she might just have lost it completely.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul. What a thing to be going through, especially when you haven’t actually done anything wrong. Please don’t be embarrassed you told me. I’m honoured you opened up to me. And I certainly don’t think any less of you for having your own problems and needing to confide in someone. It shows you’re human, which is a good thing. I hope it’s helped.’
‘Thanks. I really appreciate it. And, it has. I’ve got my parents and Ethel to talk to, but …’
‘It’s okay, I understand. And I promise your secret is safe with me. You’d be surprised at the secrets I’m holding. I’m a very good vault.’
Jacqueline smiled at his attempt to be lighthearted and put her at ease. He really was being a good friend. She toyed with telling him she didn’t want them to be any more than friends to avoid any awkwardness down the track, but the timing wasn’t right. She just hoped he wouldn’t take advantage of her vulnerable state.
‘Would you mind if I made a few calls and arranged your visit while I’m here?’
‘Go right ahead. Use my phone,’ she said, pushing it towards him. ‘It’s not like it’s ringing off the hook.’
It took just two phone calls for Wednesday to be the evening Jacqueline would visit Charity Flat.
‘Every small town has a mover and shaker like Ethel Bennett,’ Paul replied when she expressed her surprise.
They shared a chuckle. Jacqueline felt better at having her talk to prepare to distract her for the next few days.
‘Right, I need an early lunch, then I need to go and see a man about some sheep,’ Paul said. Jacqueline watched as he checked something on his smartphone. ‘Fancy joining me or do you have other plans?’
‘No. No other plans.’
‘Excellent. Fancy being daring and accompanying me to my favourite secret spot?’
‘Oh, sounds intriguing.’
‘Well, it’s not really a secret. In fact, you’ve probably already been there.’
‘Where?’
‘The lookout just out of town. Stunning views. Quite breathtaking on a clear day like today.’
‘Sounds great. I haven’t been to any lookouts yet.’
‘You’re in for a treat then.’
*
‘So, what do you think?’ Paul asked. He’d backed his ute up to the safety barrier, undone the tailgate, and helped Jacqueline to stand in the tray.
She gasped as she took in the 360-degree view. Below them was the town and beyond that lay farmland in a patchwork of earthy colours. The sky was a brilliant blue above them. After a few minutes, Paul sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the open tray. Jacqueline followed suit.
‘It’s a perfect day. You can see right to the sea. Over there,’ he said, pointing.
‘It’s amazing,’ Jacqueline said, in barely more than a whisper. As clichéd as it was, the view really had taken her breath away.
They unwrapped their rolls and lapsed into an amiable silence while they ate, both staring at the view, lost in their own thoughts. Jacqueline was thinking about bringing her parents up here before they left. A trip at night to see the town’s lights twinkling might be worthwhile too. She thought it was probably the place local lovers came to ‘park’, but wasn’t about to say that to Paul.
‘You know they come here to make out – the local lovers?’ Paul said with a wink before taking a large bite out of his roll.
‘Really?’ Jacqueline tried very hard not to blush. ‘I suppose you did in your day?’
‘What do you mean, in my day? Do those days ever end? I sure hope not,’ he said wistfully.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean …’ She felt the heat rise under her shirt.
‘Hey, I’m just teasing,’ he said with a wave of his hand, and resumed eating.
Jacqueline wondered what he was up to. Was he flirting with her or as he said, just teasing – like a friend would?
‘And, no, the answer is no.’
‘The answer to what? Ah, if you came here to make out or not. Really? I don’t believe that for a second.’
‘I did, once or twice, but not that. That wasn’t what you were asking.’
‘I didn’t ask you anything else.’ Jacqueline’s heart beat very slowly.
‘But you want to.’
‘Do I now? And what, pray tell, is it I want to ask you?’ Two could play at this game. Her heart rate quickened.
‘Okay, so maybe it’s not actually a question, but a pondering.’
‘You’ve lost me,’ Jacqueline said, being deliberately obtuse. The heat was rising between her breasts and she could feel the prickle of tiny beads of sweat. Whilst it was thrilling and tantalising and fun, she wasn’t sure she wanted this to go in the direction she felt it was heading.
‘No, I’m not going to kiss you, Miss Jacqueline Havelock,’ he said, suddenly leaning across and kissing her on the nose. ‘I never kiss a lady on a first date,’ he added with a wink.
She was so taken by surprise, she let out a little, ‘Oh,’ which she thought might have sound ed very much like disappointment. She hoped not, though she wasn’t exactly sure what she felt, other than embarrassed and completely out of her depth.
‘You’re fun. I like you, Miss Havelock,’ he said suddenly, taking another bite of his roll.
‘I like you too, Mr Reynolds,’ Jacqueline said, shooting him a smile before resuming eating. I don’t have a clue what you’re about, but you’re fun and I like your company.
‘Look, wedge-tailed eagle,’ Paul said suddenly, pointing to their left.
Jacqueline turned and her mouth dropped open with awe as she watched a magnificent brown bird gracefully gliding through the air. ‘Wow,’ she said.
‘Largest raptor in Australia. But don’t worry, they don’t prey on humans.’ They watched as the bird hovered, dove and then rose again and began circling slowly again.
‘Sadly we can’t sit and watch him all day,’ Paul said a few moments later and started screwing up his lunch wrapper. Jacqueline was disappointed – it felt like they’d only been there ten minutes, but a check of her watch revealed half an hour had passed. She gathered her own rubbish.
‘I could have, you know, sat and watched that eagle all day,’ Jacqueline said with a laugh. ‘It was mesmerising.’ And so much better than having to go back and be reminded that my life is imploding.
‘Oh, well, all good things must come to an end. Work to do,’ he said jovially. Moments later he was out of the tray and had his feet back on firm ground. She reluctantly joined him, accepting his hand to help her down.
‘Thank you, that was really lovely,’ she said, when a few minutes later they were parked behind her office and she had her handbag in hand, ready to get out of his vehicle.
‘I’m glad. Thanks for joining me,’ he said, beaming.
‘Good luck with your meeting,’ she said, and got out.
‘Thanks. Good luck with drumming up business. And if you decide you want to stay over on Wednesday, let me know. No pressure, seriously.’
‘Thanks. I’ll see what Mum and Dad want to do.’
She stood and waved as he backed out and left the car park area. As she made her way towards her office, she began wondering if she was pleased or disappointed he hadn’t wanted to kiss her. As she put her key in the lock, she decided she was relieved. Paul was becoming a good friend. It would be a shame if it became awkward between them.
Chapter Twenty-six
Damien made his way quickly through the supermarket on his way back from the latest hostel visit. The last thing he’d felt like doing was heading into town in the middle of the day, but he’d had to visit with the oldies on the hill. It was only the second time he’d left the property since
finding the dead pups. If he left, he feared what he would find when he returned. The rational part of him would have said he’d come and gone for weeks before that incident and all had been well, that it was just one of those things. But that part of him was functioning well below full power. Worse, he was starting to wonder if it was a sign that his venture, his life, was doomed. But he couldn’t bring himself to let them down, no matter how shit he was feeling, no matter how much he wanted to be alone with his dark shadow. And he knew he had to keep moving, trying to outrun the black cloud threatening to completely suck him in.
He’d toyed with not washing the dogs, but one whiff and he’d realised they were putrid after being in the yards. And there was a thick layer of sheep shit stuck in between the pads of their paws. And while they’d given no trouble, washing them took longer than usual. Everything Damien did at the moment felt like he was wading through molasses. What should be quick and easy was slow and hard. And he was vacant in the head. He regularly found himself feeling bewildered and wondering what he was meant to be doing – it was almost like he was losing chunks of time. Over and over he told himself to get his shit together, get with the program, but it didn’t seem to help. He felt worse than useless. Tears would appear without warning.
And then he got angry with his mum – this was all her fault. Why the fuck couldn’t she have left everything alone? And why couldn’t she have married someone who wasn’t a complete loser? And why, Dad, did you bloody well have to die? He wished he could roll back time to a couple of weeks ago when he had life sussed and it all seemed so doable. For fuck’s sake, get a grip, Damo!
It was a relief that the supermarket was unusually quiet and he was finished in quick time without seeing anyone he was expected to offer more than a simple nod and grunt of hello to.
Standing Strong Page 19