“Okay,” the Bullfrog said. “Once again, thank you all for coming to the Big Dance!” The crowd cheered. “My boys are taking bets and the pot is the same. I repeat: the last man standing in this ring gets ten grand. Once they step outside of the circle, they’re out.”
The Inuk stood tall and was doing light stretches. Country stood beside him. The other men were finishing up taking bets and marking them all down on little notepads. And there was the box from the Northern. An egg box of all things, holding ten grand.
I looked up and there was a jet flying overhead. When I saw one I always wondered where they went. Someone in first class was ordering another round. Families were heading on vacation. I remember Sfen and I used to lie on the snow and wonder out loud where they were all heading. “Anywhere but here,” he’d say. “Maybe Hawaii.”
“When are we going again?”
“When I get the money,” he said. “I promise.” I’d always shake my head but secretly wish it could come true –
“Torchy,” Jeremiah said. “How ’bout that belt?” I looked at him. Shit, I tranced out. I looked around before whipping my belt out slowly and the crowd “oohh’d” because they saw that I had planned it as a weapon. I looked around and started towards Country and he backed up. The rest of the boys all looked at Jeremiah and he nodded. “Bets are over. Everybody get in that circle.” They did but not before handing him the egg box and the notepads.
“Come on, Torchy,” Jeremiah said. “Play fair.”
“What about the Inuk’s rings?” I called. “He’s gonna lose those, or what?”
The Bullfrog shook his head and I saw his fat quiver around his chin. “Nope. He’s a married man and that wouldn’t be Christian of me, now would it?” He held out his hand and covered the mike. “Come on, son. Ten grand and his rings stay. Now hand that belt over.”
“Up yours,” I said and shook my head. I was surrounded. I handed him the belt and my pants started to loosen. Being Dogrib, I didn’t have an ass at all. I was straight nuts and ribs. Without my belt and with my TB, my pants started to slide. Suddenly, I was surrounded by a warm wind. I thought of Stephanie and our monkey dance and I got me an idea. My pants fell to my knees and everyone started to laugh. I made a big show of being embarrassed and tried pulling them up. The Smith Squad was laughing. Jeremiah was laughing – even Country. Everyone laughed except the Inuk. I pulled them up but they fell down again. I looked around and acted all frustrated and this got the whole crowd laughing. The orangutan in me started to feel a little frisky.
“Boss,” the Inuk said. “It’s a trick. He’s gonna do the piss bomb.” Jeremiah and his crew stopped laughing.
“That’s right,” the Inuk said. “It’s a trap.”
“No trap,” I said and looked around. “No piss bomb. I got TB. I lost too much weight and that’s why I need my belt.”
“Nope,” Jeremiah said. “No belt for you. Now let’s get it on.”
“Wait,” I said as I struggled to pull my pants up. “I want to say something.”
“Too late,” the Bullfrog said.
“Oh come on, Jeremiah!” Stan the Man called out. “He’s got his pants around his ankles for God’s sakes.”
“Yeah,” someone else called out. “Let him speak.”
Before I knew it, people started to chant: “Speech! Speech! Speech!” Jesus Christ – for once this town was getting along.
Jeremiah looked at me and shook his head. “Okay okay,” he said and handed the mike to me. “Shit sakes,” he said all red-faced under his breath. I took the cordless with my right hand while my left held up my pants. Everybody in the audience leaned forward to listen.
“As you know, I have been very sick these past few months. I got TB.” The crowd murmured amongst themselves. I could see the Smith Squad warming up. Some were stretching. One of them was jumping up and down. Country was wrenching on his nipples and wincing, just twisting on them to get himself all jacked up.
“It’s okay,” I said. “Thank you for your concern. I’m on the horse pills and I’m slowly recovering.” People nodded and a few started to clap. “There are two side effects to these pills. First, I lost weight. A lot, so I’m not in the best shape.”
“You’ll get there, Torch!” someone called.
“Thank you,” I said and dropped my pants to my ankles. “But I wanted to tell you all that I have a love now. I have a family. And the mistake Jeremiah and his crew made was they put all of you and this between me and my home.” I stepped out of my shoes and stepped out of my pants before putting my shoes back on. I was now standing in front of a crowd of at least fifty townies in my gonch, shoes and Sfen’s shirt. “Because even a dying man will fight with his last breath to get home. To feel the love of his family.” I could feel the wind pick up as the crowd fell silent. All eyes turned to Jeremiah. Look at me, I thought: I was suddenly the Karaoke King of Fort Simmer. Give me a mike and I was practically Elvis. “The other side effect of these pills,” I said, “is they give you sweaty balls.” The crowd hushed. Somebody whistled. I dropped the mike and, with my right hand, reached in and started to scratch my bad boys, making a big show of it. The crowd hissed and “awww’d.”
“What the?” Jeremiah asked. I then held the offending appendage – my fingers – up for everyone to see as I dropped my gonchies to my thighs.
“Holy fuck!” Country said.
“Just like Jesus said.” I looked around. “Let the clean be clean, and let the filthy be filthy.” I charged all the men in the ring, fuckin’ homophobes. I did the monkey dance and wiggled my head back and forth with my arms out and I waddled towards them. I even made the “Oo Oo Oo!” sounds and started air humping as I waddled. I bruised my scrotum as I dry humped the memory of where they’d all been standing. And they started running. I chased those boys good and, before we made ’er one loop, the Smith Squad all scrambled out of the circle for the Suburban. They were out before they knew it was over – including Country, and before Jeremiah could warn them, it was done.
Well, almost…. I only had the Inuk to worry about. He hadn’t moved an inch.
“Fuck sakes!” Jeremiah started hopping up and down. “Fuck sakes anyways, you fuckin’ dumb assholes! She was a trick. Now you’re disqualified!”
I smiled and looked around. The crowd “ooooh’d” again and everyone started to clap. People started whistling. They’d just seen a Dogrib miracle – namely my peenee. It was ridick and majestic all at the same time. They knew that half the show was over, and the real show was about ready to begin – and it had just escalated in less than a minute. I looked at the Inuk and he was centered. I could feel it. How this fucker knew not to move was beyond me. I had to stay out of his reach. Five grand, mama. Now I was aimin’ for ten.
“Sorry, boss!” the men said. “Sorry, he fuckin’ tricked us!” I pulled my gonch back on as fast as I could.
“Yeah –” one of them started to say, but then we heard the screaming. We all looked. Even the Inuk. It was screaming all right, and it was coming from Country. He’d planted his feet wide and had his fists by his sides. He screamed with the fury of someone who should have known better. He screamed from the belly of a giant who’d been outsmarted and defeated. He looked like King fuckin’ Kong. All that was missing was the chest beating.
Oh. I take that back. He started beating his chest and hollering, “Fuck you, Torchy!”
“He’s never been put down,” Jeremiah yelled. “You all saw. That was a technical win, but he didn’t put my boy down!” I took the moment to look at Arnie, the last man in the circle, the last man in the way of ten grand. And he stood there calmly, biding his time, thinking of the fastest way to throw me over that line – if he didn’t want to punish me first.
He really wanted to hurt me, and, underneath this all, he had my respect. I wouldn’t give it any more room than that, but I had to stay away from that reach
of his. I couldn’t use my standard-issue chin music, but I had to get him out of that circle.
He nodded at me. “Smart.” I closed my eyes and nodded my head twice, letting the cocaine gland spill. I snapped my sockets open: Snake eyes. I stood there, ready to chuck some knuckles in a way they’d never suspect.
“Get him!” Jeremiah said. “Get him! That fucker just cost me five grand.” That would take care of my bills, but I wanted that full ten K to take care of my brother’s body. I had to stay and those fuckers knew it. The Inuk smiled with this knowledge and started to come at me. He used his thumbs to turn those silver rings over and they revealed a single polar bear claw as big as my ear on each ring.
Fuck! I’d been so busy staring at his legs that I missed his hands. “No fair,” I said. “Those are illegal.”
“Not where I come from,” he grinned. I moved away and we started to circle each other. I had one move. The worst move ever. It’d take all I had and I did not want to do it. I flicked my thumbs out and knew the daggers of them were strong. To my surprise, he did the same. He had claws either way, be it swipe or punch, backhand or bare-knuckle. This cocksucker could flat-line me if I wasn’t careful. He changed his breathing. Only now did he breathe through his mouth. This was so he wouldn’t overheat or power-out, and we circled each other.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said. “You can still walk away. Don’t make me do what I can.” He grinned.
“I’m warning you,” I said. “You’ll never be the same. Think of your daughter.”
He smiled. “That’s why I’m fighting. To be a legend, you gotta beat a legend.” Shit!
Jeremiah started to yell. “Get him! Don’t just dance around. Get him!” The Inuk glared to his left. He didn’t enjoy getting yelled at like a dog. I saw this and felt some hope. I had one shot.
“Come on,” I egged him. “Come and get me!”
Country saw this and built on it. “Yeah! Get him! Get that fucker!”
I called out to Arnie, “Split it with me. Split the pot. I’ll give you five grand. Think about it. Just walk out of that circle and you’ll be set. No lies.” The Inuk thought about it.
“Keep moving!” Jeremiah yelled. “Hurt him!”
“Come on,” I said and put a lock dot with my mind on his right thigh. “You could send that money home. Think of your daughter. This could be sweet for both of us. If you don’t win, you don’t get any money and I’m gonna fuck you up. You get nothing either way. Don’t make me do this. We’re talking complete disfigury.”
“You’re wrong,” he grinned. “I’ll have beaten you.”
“Fine,” I said and spit on both of my fists. “My TB’s still active and I’m gonna give it to you.”
“Already had it,” he grinned. “I’m immune.” Fuck! Who was this guy – Terminator 8, I guess! He started advancing.
“Get him, you fuckin’ cuggy!” Jeremiah yelled. “Are you gonna stand around and fuck a dead seal or are you gonna fuck him up?”
Everything stopped. Even time. The Inuk froze and somebody hissed. “Cuggy” was the worst thing you could ever call an Inuk and the crowd stood silent. Jeremiah stopped. The Inuk stopped and that was his mistake. I focused, inhaled and spun, and caught him with a knee stun: a swift, incapacitating blow with my sharp Dogrib knee into Arnie’s inside thigh. I heard a pop. With flying hands, I shot the heel of my hand into the bridge of his nose. Blood flew. It wasn’t pretty and I wasn’t proud of it, but when his body lifted, I seen the afternoon sun on the earth where he’d been standing before he slumped to the ground, I stomped those polar bear claw rings of his until they broke, and then I went to town on his hands, stomping on them over and over. Arnie never made a sound.
I gave it everything I had. My snake eyes burned to infinity as I dished out vengeance. I let the bad man in. I went Bazook. It felt, after a while, like I was stomping wet rubber until somebody cried, “Leave ’im alone, Torchy! Jeezus, he’s had enough!”
That broke the trance.
I cleared my head. The Inuk was out cold, and there was blood everywhere: he looked like a dead bear with his tongue like that. I didn’t feel anything physically, just a faraway throbbing in my right hand. I had somehow busted it on his big walrus head.
The racetrack was quiet. Nobody said nothing. There was half a tooth in the sand and it sure wasn’t mine. The townies had just witnessed a small town boot fuck and that was always a shocker no matter how many times you saw it.
I walked up to my jeans and picked them up. My right hand clicked and I paused. I’d torn some ligs. I had to use my left hand to get the jeans under my arm. I also walked up to Jeremiah and took my belt from him. How I wish I had a camera as both he and the entire Smith Squad had their mouths dropped open.
“Which grave did you bury my brother in?” I asked. Jeremiah was frozen.
“Hey, fucker,” I repeated. “Which grave is Sfen in?”
He looked at me with disgust. “The one to the left of your mother’s.”
I nodded. “Tell Gunner I did all you asked. Tell him to leave my family alone.” He nodded, his eyes buggin’.
“Do it.” I motioned with my chin towards his walkie-talkie.
He pulled it out and spoke into it, watching the blood drip onto my shoes. “Gunner, this is me. Leave the girl and the old man alone. It’s done.”
“Roger,” Gunner said. “Over and out, boss. Did they whoop him?”
“Just fuckin’ do as you’re told,” he said.
“Ten-four.”
Had I not been so suddenly tired from the adrenaline dump, I would have done something about this to all of them. I turned and motioned for Jam Can, the old road dog and brains behind Lucky 7 Cabs, to grab my clothes and put them in the box with the ten grand. “Good job,” he nodded.
He handed the box of cash and my clothes to me. “Time is it?”
He looked at his watch and we both saw that his hand was shaking. “Five thirty.”
I could still make supper. My head felt light and I started to sway. “Figure I can get a ride to the store?”
“Sure,” he nodded. “Don’t bleed on my seats.”
“Well let’s fuckin’ go then.” Someone started their truck, breaking the silence. Then everyone did.
I walked with Jam Can to his cab and I could smell my own sweat: high and dark. Rust. The blood on my legs was getting sticky. I started to smell wet pennies. It was a good fight, mean but necessary. Trucks started to pull away from the racetrack and I only glanced back once.
The Smith Squad started to lay the boots to the Inuk. I don’t know if he was swimming back to consciousness or if he was still out, but they were giving it to him pretty good. Well, I’d warned him….
“That was a good one,” Jam Can smiled in the rear-view mirror. “A classic.” I looked at my hand. It was busted all right, swelling fast and good. I couldn’t move my middle finger and my thumb was straight out.
“Where to?” I knew the waiting room’d take forever, and my meds were at Sfen’s trailer. If I could get those and pop two, I could wait forever until I got plastered up. “Trailer court,” I said.
“Need any booze? Cigs? I could get them for you.” I could see his eyes in the rear-view focused on my cash. “Drop me off at my brother’s trailer,” I said.
“I can wait. You better go to the hospital.”
“I can walk.” I didn’t want any lechery. I was rich, finally. I could get what needed doin’ done. In style, too. My body hummed. I was all out of steam. I needed my meds.…
Sfen’s trailer smelled a little stale. I opened the side window and went to the back bedroom. Oh, my hand throbbed. I didn’t even try to flex. There on the nightstand were my meds. I popped two and dry swallowed. I then went to Sfen’s closet and carefully grabbed his workout bag. I sniffed it and there he was: cologne, sweat, salt. His scent in the leather. I
used my left hand to scoop all the cash into it. Ten grand and then some. Today was my day: Sfen would be given a proper burial and I had the money to do it right. I looked at Sfen’s nightstand and there was his Bible. I grabbed it and tossed it in the bag. If I was going to the hospital, I’d be there for hours. Maybe I could read with my good hand. I was so suddenly tired and I couldn’t open or close my fist. I slowly pulled on Sfen’s favourite shirt and my track pants. This took forever with one hand. I then headed to the washroom for a drink and some peroxide. My main knuckle was busted, too swollen to bleed, but the fucker was deep cut and I had to disinfect myself. I knew I should be using ice, but I figured the doc would give me something better. Fuck, my hand looked rough. It was swole and shiny.
I grabbed the bag and was about to walk out the door when I saw Country walk into Sfen’s living room with a Molotov cocktail in his right hand and a claw hammer in his left. He didn’t know I was home. Before I could say anything, Country threw the cocktail at Sfen’s TV and it exploded on impact, spraying fire on the curtains and carpet. Country jumped back, surprised with the radius of the splash.
“What the fuck!” I yelled.
Country jumped when I yelled. When he saw me, he took the hammer into his left hand and yelled, “I’m gonna kill you, Torchy!” He then charged me. Busted hand or not, I knew not to tangle with him. I ran back into the bathroom, dropped the gym bag and immediately braced myself against the door. Country was huge and in a rage so I knew I couldn’t hold him alone. I crowbarred myself up against the door and the shower wall.
Godless But Loyal To Heaven Page 16