“Are you alright?” Rafe nudged me with his foot beneath the table and I nodded, snapping my head up again. I knew I had been quiet since we’d returned from the hunt, but that was just because I had enjoyed it so much and was worried that I would never get a chance to do it again.
“Yeah, I’m great.” I nodded, wrapping my hand around the hot toddy in front of me and inhaling the rich, spicy scent. It smelled so damn good, and the caribou we’d killed and stripped and prepared was in chunks in the freezer, enough to last us all a good long while. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I shouldn’t be getting too comfortable here.
“I’m still frozen.” Luke got to his feet and stretched, his shirt riding up a little to show off the tiniest hint of his perfect abs. “I think I’m going to get in the hot tub to thaw some.”
“Are you serious?” Ethan cocked an eyebrow at him. “It’s freezing out there.”
“That’s why it’s called a hot tub,” Luke shot back with a frown.
Ethan rolled his eyes, but smiled. “What about you, Arianna?”
I clasped my hands in my lap. I was actually pretty cold myself, and could use a good long soak like that to get the heat back into my bones and chase away the icy cold that had settled on me ever since we’d returned from the hunt. I suddenly realized that all four of them were looking at me, waiting for me to say something – I looked up and shrugged.
“I could probably use a little time in there, too,” I admitted. “Just to get myself feeling a little less like a popsicle…”
“I’ll join you.” Anton got to his feet at once.
“Me, too,” Ethan added.
“Well, if the rest of you are going.” Rafe stood as well, with a grin on his face. “Come on, let her go first. We’ll come out in a minute.”
I glanced between the four of them and wondered how it was that I could be attracted to each and every one of them at once. And for completely different reasons.
There was no question, this was crazy. I was tempting the shit out of fate right now, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop.
The thought of being in the tub with these four men had my ears buzzing and my pulse pounding.
I glanced away and headed outside to the hot tub, where I quickly stripped out of the men’s clothes I’d been hanging out in since the hunt and slipped beneath the water. The bubbles were thick on the surface so you could barely see what was going on beneath.
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back – oh, that felt so good. The biting, bitter cold of the air around me, matched with the warmth of the water as it coddled and cradled my aching body, was delicious.
Even more delicious was the fact that, moments later, the rest of them came out from inside the house, stripped down, and slid beneath the water, one by one – the hot tub was plenty big enough for the five of us but I was still so aware of their combined masculine presence. Of how close they were to me.
I did my best not to stare at any of them too closely, and the dim light outside made it hard for me to get too close of a look, but even just being this near to all of them, and knowing they were all completely naked, was distracting as hell. Nudity was such a natural part of being a shifter that, most of the time, I didn’t even notice it, but when I was as attracted to the nakedness as I was to them, it was hard to keep it from being written all over my face.
“How did you guys get a hot tub out here?” I wondered aloud. “I mean, if it’s just the four of you…”
“Brought it in from town and hooked it all up ourselves.” Luke shrugged, as though it should have been obvious. I had noticed that, despite his sharpness, he seemed to have toned down his coldness to me since the hunt. I hoped it wasn’t just wishful thinking on my part but it seemed as though he saw me differently since we had run together. It formed a connection between shifters, something intense and sharp that was hard to shake.
“I’m glad you did.” I smiled at him. “I feel so much better now.”
“Nothing like it for working out the kinks after a hunt,” Rafe piped up, ducking his head below the water and pushing his thick hair back.
I felt my breath hitch in my throat a little and did my best to pass it off as a cough.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, these guys and their dead sexiness was going to be the death of me.
“So, when are we going to get to hear your story?” Anton asked, and the other three fell silent – I wondered if they’d agreed that now was the time to get the truth out of me. I shifted back and forth, drawing my knees up protectively to my chest. The air suddenly felt colder than before.
“Uh…” I strongly considered lying about where I’d been before this, but they deserved more than that. They deserved the truth.
So, with a long, deep breath to prepare me for what I was about to come out with, I told them.
I told them everything.
They all sat there in silence while the story unfolded. For as long as I was speaking, I could have pretended it was just me, talking to the cold and the trees, recounting my story like it had happened to someone else. I still couldn’t believe I was describing my pack in the past tense, my life with them like it was a memory now.
It still hurt.
It probably always would. But the telling of it eased the cold ache in my chest just a little. Like these four men were somehow sharing a little bit of the burden for me.
I finished up and felt as though I had just literally spilled my guts to them; to my surprise, it was Luke who reached out and placed a hand on my knee beneath the rolling bubbles.
“I can’t believe you had to deal with all of that.” He shook his head, eyes flashing with grim sadness. “If I had been kicked out of this pack, I don’t know if I could ever…”
He trailed off, as though it was too horrible to consider.
“Yeah, it’s been pretty awful,” I admitted. “But, since you guys took me in it’s been less…” Lonely. “Scary. I know I can’t stay, but I really appreciate all you’ve done.”
“For what it’s worth, we like having you. And you should know that there’s no politics out here,” Anton assured me. “Just us. Mostly a democracy, and mostly drama free.”
His words and the intensity of his regard almost made me feel like it was a sales pitch. Was that an invitation to stay? “Seems like it’s working for you all.” I managed a smile in his direction despite my pounding heart.
Luke’s hand was still on my leg, and suddenly he shifted it a little, moving it further up my thigh; before I could think about how my reaction might look, my lips parted and I let out a gasp. Luke held my gaze, his throat working as he slid his hand higher.
And I didn’t stop him.
I found myself drawn towards him, even though I knew that the rest of them were still around us. I should have brushed him off or told him to back off while they were still right there, but I couldn’t seem to make myself do it. A moment later, I felt another hand. But it didn’t belong to Luke.
Rafe leaned towards me, his fingers trailing up my side. He moved slowly, deliberately, as he bent his head and pressed a kiss against my neck.
This was happening. If I wanted it to stop, the time was now.
But there was no stopping. I closed my eyes and swallowed heavily. I wanted this so bad that I could practically taste it, could taste the desire in the air. And when I opened my eyes again, I found myself looking at Anton and Ethan. Anton’s gaze was heated, the way it had been the night before, desire clear on his face and reflected on Ethan’s as well.
They wanted this, too. There were no recriminations. No judgment. Just desire. The last of my inhibitions slipped away as the hot water bubbled, steam curling around me in a sultry heat.
I turned to Rafe and reached for him, drawing him close, and our mouths met. It was a rough kiss, all gnashing teeth and tongues.
He grunted, shifting his hand to my waist. Luke’s hand moved further up and found my waiting heat to take its place. I gasped against Rafe’s mouth and he sank h
is fingers hard into my flesh, no doubt leaving marks. But I wanted it. I wanted to feel more, feel everything. When Rafe moved to kiss my neck once more, I arched my back and opened my eyes to find Anton with his hand beneath the water, his jaw tense. I realized with a shaft of hot need that he was stroking himself, his gaze locked on my breasts bobbing just above the waterline.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he growled.
Ethan was moving across the hot tub towards me, and when he reached me, he leaned down to draw one of my nipples into his mouth at a time, bearing his teeth and biting down a little, just enough to sting. I groaned loudly and let my head fall back as Luke pushed his fingers inside me, taking his time, twisting his hand around so he could massage my clit with his thumb at the same time.
Fuck, that felt good – I almost pushed the nearest male and mounted him right then and there. But I didn’t know if or when I would ever get the chance to do this again and I wanted to enjoy every second of it.
I lifted my head and looked at Anton; there was something so powerful about the way he was looking at me, about the intent in his eyes, like he could have moved towards me and brushed them all away and fucked me right there and then. I remembered our encounter the night before, the desperate way I’d pulled him inside of me, and my lips parted once more, as though I was trying to find the words to call him back to me. But before I could get them out, Ethan was in front of me, catching my chin in his hand and drawing me towards him. I slipped my arms around his neck and kissed him like a teenager, heart pounding at the freshness of his kiss, at how new this all was to me. I had never been wanted like this before, and the power of it all was intoxicating.
Rafe shifted to kiss down my side, ducking beneath the water once more; I felt Luke’s hot breath on my skin, next to my ear, like he was committing the scent of me to memory. I groaned against Ethan’s mouth and he pulled back to move lower. He kissed my chin gently, tasting me, and I was all at once overwhelmed by the scent of all of them mixing together in my head.
Too much. It was all too much…and not enough.
I couldn’t do this. As much as I wanted to, I knew if I did, everything would change. Being here and accepting this? Changing everything I’d ever thought about males and mating and sex?
Would mean giving up on my old life and my old pack. And as pathetic as it was, I just wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet.
I pulled away from the tantalizing feel of Ethan’s mouth…of Luke’s breath…of Rafe’s scent and shuddered. My body was still prickling and tingling from where they had been touching me, and I still craved more, but what was going on had finally settled into my brain. This was wrong, it was selfish, it would only make things harder when I had to leave. I would be out in the cold once more…
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I blurted out, but none of them said a word and I didn’t turn to look back and check if they were displaying any other reaction to my sudden rejection. I scrambled out of the tub and grabbed my clothes, the icy cold pinching at my skin, and sprinted towards the house.
I slammed the door behind me as soon as I was inside, my mind racing. Part of me wanted to go right back out there and pick up where I left off, but I knew I needed time – time to think, time to figure myself out, time without their hands all over me, distracting me from what was important.
I ran to the bedroom and leaned up against the door, sliding down to the floor and putting my head in my hands.
Okay, what the hell had almost just happened?
And, more importantly, why was my body one hundred percent certain that I wanted it to happen again?
Chapter 9
“You alright?”
I blinked and realized that I was standing just outside the cabin, cradling an armful of firewood and staring out blankly into the woods I’d just come from. I had no idea how long I’d been there, but I could barely feel the tips of my fingers and my nose felt as though it might drop off from the cold.
I turned and managed to plaster a smile on my face, even though I knew that he would be able to see straight through it.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded at Rafe. “Just a little cold, that’s all.”
“Come on, get that firewood in.” He gestured to the logs and branches in my arms. “We need to get the fire started.”
I turned and followed him inside, walking slowly, as though I could put off the inevitable a little longer. I knew I was acting standoffish with them, but after what had happened in the hot tub the night before, surely they understood?
I had lain in bed all night long, unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling and tossing and turning back and forth as I tried to figure out what the fuck had just happened. None of them came in to see me – I guessed they knew that I needed space, and no matter how badly I wanted to go out there and pick up where we left off, I knew that I needed time to think. I couldn’t just dive into this. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to.
No, that wasn’t true.
I knew I wanted to. I felt an attraction to each and every one of them for very different reasons, an attraction that the four of them seemed to return in kind and be all too happy acting on. In any other life, I would have considered this a fantasy come true, a dream life that had been dumped on my lap as a reward for the terrible things that had happened with my last pack. But this was hard. I was still so confused, struggling to get over everything that had happened in the last week, and now I had these four gorgeous, willing men making it clear that they wanted me in that respect and…shit. I just needed a little time, no matter how tempting it was to just give myself over to them and let them do their worst…or best, to me.
I had risen early that morning and headed out of my room to grab a glass of water, hoping that I wouldn’t run into any of them, but, of course, Luke was standing there in the kitchen preparing something for breakfast.
“Morning,” I’d greeted him, and he glanced up at me and grunted.
“Can I do anything to help?” I asked, and he jerked his head towards the door without looking up from what he was doing.
“More firewood,” he replied. “We need firewood. You could go collect some if you want.”
“I will.” I nodded at once, relieved that I would have an excuse to be out of this house for a while. Being surrounded by nature always helped me clear my head, and I knew that I couldn’t come to a decent decision when I was so surrounded by the four of them. I realized that I was staring at Luke as he worked on breakfast, remembering vividly how good his hands had felt on me the night before, and I quickly averted my gaze and went to pull on some warmer clothes. I knew I could shift out there, but the thought of any of them running into me naked was just too…dangerous. I wasn’t sure I would be able to restrain myself.
I headed out to collect some logs and found my brain whirring with activity as I tried to figure out what I should do next. Should I leave? That would have been the obvious choice – but it wasn’t like I had anywhere I could go to. The four of them were the closest thing I’d come to a pack, apart from the one I’d grown up in, and they seemed happy to keep me around for now. But maybe that was just because I had been hooking up with one of them? Maybe things would change now that I had fled that encounter with the four of them in the hot tub. I stood on tiptoes to snap off a large, snow-laden branch, the crack of the wood in my hand viscerally satisfying in a way that made me smile.
The life they lived, it was so far from everything that I had known before. So far from the reality I had spent my life growing up in. And yet, I liked it. I loved it, even. It had only been a few days, but I could already imagine staying here for a long time, hunting in the summer when the snow had cleared and the five of us could move through that forest easily and quietly. That was, if I chose to stay, which I still had no idea whether I would or not.
Because I felt guilty. Yes, that was it – guilt. Some part of me felt as though I was being greedy and desperate taking on so many men at once. I had spent my entire life believing that you got one par
tner and that was it, that you became part of a couple and then you stayed with that person and cut off all the desire you had for someone else for the rest of your life. These four men offering themselves to me, making it clear that they wanted me, it felt wrong to me because it was so far removed from the life I had lived before this.
I had stood, thinking about that, just outside the cabin for a while before Rafe found me and brought me inside. The place was filled with the warm, comforting smell of breakfast – the caribou we had caught the day before was sliced into pieces and cooking off in heavy oil in the pan, and there was a lumpy loaf of bread sitting on the table with a knife stuck in it. My mouth watered. I had tried to ignore how hungry I was the day before so I didn’t have to sneak out to the kitchen and potentially run into one of them, but now that I was here, I wanted nothing more than to stuff my face with food.
Anton glanced up from his spot at the table and smiled at me. I just about managed to return his grin. I still felt this fluttery nervousness around him – the way he had been last night in the hot tub, not laying a single finger on me but yet completely and utterly in control, had cemented his alpha status in my head and now I felt a little flushed and nervous when I found myself around him. I placed the firewood down next to the fireplace and perched on the edge of one of the seats around the table.
“Morning,” I mumbled, and he let his knees bump up against mine beneath the table.
“Morning,” he returned my greeting, his voice low. I felt myself flush slightly. I knew I was being a baby, acting as though my high school crush had noticed me, but I still wasn’t entirely sure what my feelings were towards everyone in this room – well, wasn’t sure what I should do about them, anyway.
Luckily, Luke chose that moment to place down the food in front of us, and moments later, Ethan and Rafe emerged from other rooms to join us.
We all paused for a moment once we were all sitting around the table, as though distinctly aware of what had happened the night before and the way it made us all feel. We had all been there, and they had all done that stuff to me, and they had all seen me scrambling out of the hot tub to flee back to my room before anything really serious could happen. Could we pretend that none of that had gone down and start again from scratch? I had a sneaking suspicion that they weren’t going to let that happen.
Her Howling Harem 1: A reverse harem fantasy (Arianna's Story) Page 6