by Blue Saffire
I keep asking her if something is wrong and she keeps denying it. I just know better. I fear the end of the tour because I feel like we are going to end when it does. It’s like I am watching her slip through my fingertips and I have no idea how to stop it.
“Rage,” Mandy grunts, breaking into my thoughts. “Are you listening to me?”
“What? No, sorry,” I confess.
“What is with you?” she fusses.
“Has Kitty said anything to you about us? Is something wrong, do you think she is having second thoughts about Linc?” I ask without thinking.
“Oh God, are you serious?” Mandy laughs.
“Yes, I’m serious something is wrong and she won’t talk to me.”
“Kitty is so not into Linc and she is crazy about you. Just give her time Rage, this is Kitty we’re talking about. She gets like this sometimes.”
“Mandy, she told me she loves me three weeks ago and she hasn’t said it again since. Not that I haven’t told her repeatedly. She just won’t say it,” I demand. “Something is wrong. She is spending all her time with him and avoiding me.”
“Well you probably scared her off with the love talk, after two weeks, Nolan really? Kitty gets freaked out easy. Look I have noticed something is going on with you guys but tonight is too important for the two of you to bring this on the stage. You guys have been great but it’s not the same and we need that magic tonight. So do us all a favor and suck it up for now. I’ll talk to her and see what’s up but please for tonight let it go.”
“Fine,” I hiss. She is right, Sam will be at this show and things have been off on stage. I haven’t been as focused.
Just then the sound of Kitty and Linc’s bikes roar toward us. It looks like they are racing and Linc is eating Kitty’s dust. I wish I would have brought my bike instead of insisting on bringing my car. I’d give anything to share moments like this with her.
“Here’s the happy couple now,” I say, my words dripping with sarcasm.
“Stop it, Rage,” Mandy warns.
Kitty pulls to a stop and hops off her bike doing a little victory dance. My heart tightens with dread once again. I can’t lose her. Linc pulls up beside her and swings his leg over his bike to walk over to her. She throws her head back and laughs as she points to his face. He is making a goofy pouty face at her. I lose it when he reaches for her hair she had braided over her shoulder this morning.
I had watched her braid it and wanted to touch it myself but she pulled away with some lame excuse. She isn’t pulling away from him as he fingers the tip. When he reaches to hug her I see red. She is giggling in his arms, my girl in his arms.
I start for them ready to rip him apart. Mandy is right on my heels grabbing the back of my t-shirt. “Let go,” I growl shaking her lose. Chris is Six – five, tall like my dad and me but Mandy is only five – six and a twig compare to the beast I am. She has no chance of stopping me.
“Don’t do this Rage, this is not helping,” Mandy hisses. “Please think about tonight.”
“Linc,” I bellow.
“Rage please,” Mandy panics.
Linc lets go of Kitty and turns toward me. Kitty looks at me confused, her face turning startled when she sees the look on my face. She steps in between me and Linc to shield him with her little frame. It is a joke. One, we both tower over her like two hell dogs over a small frightened angel kitten. Two, she is defending him from me. I am her boyfriend and she is defending him. If she wants to break my heart she is doing a great job.
“I told you to keep your hands off of her,” I snarl.
“Rage calm down, you need to keep a clear head for tonight,” Mandy hisses. “Linc, the guys are waiting for you to set up for tonight. Kitty, you. Me. Nova. Now! We need to talk.”
Mandy grabs Kitty and rushes her to my car. She shoots me a warning glare before ripping out of the lot. I turn back to Linc and glare at him.
“Stay the fuck away from my girl, bro. Last time I’m going to tell you,” I spit.
“You keep this up and you won’t have to worry about me. You’ll push her right into my waiting arms,” he laughs.
“How about I break those arms,” I growl moving to close the distance.
“Whoa,” Mitch calls as he rushes between us and pushes me back. “Let’s walk man. You don’t want to do this. Think about Kitty.”
I squeeze my eyes shut trying to think straight. I can’t think about Kitty. Thinking about her is going to make me kick his ass. Mitch herds me away from Linc but this is not finished by far.
~B~
“Okay, spill and don’t try to give me that BS Kitty. What is going on with you and my brother?” Mandy snaps as she peeks over at me.
I stare out of the passenger window chewing on my lip. I have left Linc and Nolan to tear each other apart. This is so wrong. I know Nolan is upset about all the time I am spending with Linc but I am still pissed Nolan hasn’t come clean with the truth.
How could he not see he lied? Was he so drunk he forgot about those girls? Could I be with someone that could just forget they had sex with someone? To me that is no different from what Chris had done to me pretending nothing happened. Maybe it is a Chaney brother thing.
“Kitty,” Mandy growls.
“Fine,” I give in, “Do you think Nolan would lie to me?” I ask.
“Are you serious? Where is this coming from,” Mandy gasps. “Nolan is like a love sick puppy. He is so in love with you Kitty. He would never do anything to hurt you.”
“Part of me wants to believe that, but I know for a fact that he did lie,” I explain.
“This has to be some misunderstanding Kitty and you have to talk to him about it. He is freaked out that he is losing you,” Mandy says sadly. “I’ve never seen him this way about anyone. You guys can fix this you just need to talk.”
“Can I ask you something?” I murmur.
“Of course,” Mandy retorts.
“What’s with Nolan and Jess,” I ask nervously.
At first I thought it was cool that the band had a fan that followed their tour. But in the last three weeks Jess has been getting under my skin. Nolan used to push her away, but lately he’s been talking to her more. I haven’t interfered because I’ve been putting distance between us.
My loving Nolan is not the problem. I am still in love with him I’m just afraid of falling for him any further. The deeper I fall the more he is going to hurt me. I don’t think I can handle that so I have been giving our relationship some space. Only thing is the space hasn’t helped because I am falling more and more in love with him because he has been so perfect when we are together. That is why I have been spending more time with Linc. Nolan can’t stand to be around the two of us together.
“I think you should ask Nolan that question Kitty,” Mandy huffs.
“But I’m asking you Mandy. Please,” I plead.
“Ugh, Nolan slept with her a few times. Once or twice, but she is not like the usual groupie. They went to high school or college or something together. She used to be cool but they hooked up and then she changed. She turned all band stalker. Nolan is too nice to tell her to get lost so he is nice to her. Unless he has too much to drink and she is being super annoying. She has been pretty good since you joined the band though.”
“So you think,” I grumble.
“What does that mean?”
“It means she cornered me at the last show. She was pretty shitfaced but she told me I was making Rage unhappy and if I couldn’t make him happy she could and would.”
“Are you kidding me,” Mandy shrieks her face turning bright red. “You have to tell Nolan he’ll set her straight. Only, you guys have enough going on right now so save that for after tonight. As a matter of fact, I need you guys to put a band aid on all these things tonight for this show. You guys are awesome when you’re not all love drama. I need awesome on that stage tonight.”
I laugh at my friend and her rambling. She is right though tonight is big and this thing with No
lan will have to take a back seat so we can do what we are here for. I’ll do my best to fix this before tonight. I just hope when we make it back Nolan and Linc are both in one piece.
“Mandy?”
“Yeah Kitty,” she answers and looks at me.
“I am so stressed out right now. Let’s go get our nails done or something.”
~B~
The girls have been gone most of the day and Linc hasn’t stepped back on the bus. I think he understands that right now it is best if we stay far away from each other. I grab a shower to clear my head for tonight but only managed to stress more about my relationship with Kitty.
No girl has ever had me so wrapped around her finger before. Girls have always been easy to handle. They want something from me, I want something from them. When both parties are happy we say pleasant goodbyes, but I don’t have a goodbye for Kitty.
I’m just tired of whining about it and I’m tired of watching her walk all over my heart without knowing what I did wrong. She hasn’t even given me a chance to fix it. If I knew what I did wrong I’d walk through fire to fix it. I love that girl so much.
I am deep in thought staring at the ceiling when I hear her enter the bedroom. I can’t look at her. I am so hurt that she would tell me she loves me then turn and rip my heart out and not even tell me why.
I expected her to at least come to me but she doesn’t. I hear the door open again and she leaves the room. I am gutted. Have I lost her already? Five and a half weeks is all I am getting with her? I want to hit or throw something. After twenty minutes I sit up getting ready to go confront her when the door opens again. She steps inside the door wearing a towel looking as gutted as I feel.
“Baby,” I choke out. “Can we talk?”
She nods but walks to the closet instead of coming to me. This is killing me. I stand from the bed and go to her wrapping her in my arms. “Can you tell me what I did wrong or how to fix whatever is bothering you?” I murmur into her hair.
Kitty sighs and puts her head back against my chest locking her fingers with mine. I wait for an answer feeling like I am dying with each second that passes. I kiss the top of her head needing the contact.
“Rage, I think it is better if we do this after the show. I promise we can talk. I’ll tell you everything and we can work on it then. I just want to get my head into tonight,” she says softly.
I am crushed. Kitty only calls me Rage when she is pissed at me. I tighten my arms around her because it feels like the last time I will ever get the chance to again. “I love you, baby. I don’t want to lose you,” I plead.
“I’m not going anywhere. We just need to talk about a few things. I promise when the show is done we’ll talk,” she turns in my arms to look up at me and stands on her toes as she pulls my head down to her.
This is the first kiss in weeks where I feel her love for me. I am like a man starved as I devour her mouth. I can still feel the chemistry between us. She is so perfect for me.
“I love you, too,” she breathes in my ear as she pulls away from the kiss. Three whole weeks since the last time I heard those words from her lips and they are like a fucking life line to me.
CHAPTER Fifteen
We look great and the energy is great in the venue. It is a little larger than the others we have played. It’s a night club with a lounge type feel. I see why Mandy decided to have the A&R come out to this show. The crowd is great. They are nice and pumped before we’ve even stepped on the stage.
I am a little pissed because Jess is here tonight and every time I turn my back she is trying to crawl under Nolan. Nolan is so focused on the performance he isn’t giving her much attention but it is still annoying.
Mitch seemed to have an eye on her tonight as well. None of us wanted to chance anything and having me royally pissed is not good for anyone. I saw Mitch whisper something to her a little while ago and she has been gone since, which works for me.
“Okay guys,” Mandy chirps. “He’s here and he brought one of the execs with him so you guys need to kill. No pressure.”
“How do I look,” I ask nervously. I had picked this red cat suit with a plunging neckline just for tonight. I have a chain belt around the waist with a few chains hanging from the waist and my back is completely bare. The black lace ankle boots are just the right cute little touch.
“You look fucking sexy as hell,” Nolan breathes against my ear and plants a kiss just behind it.
“Just a little refresh on the lip gloss and you should be great,” Mandy nods as I stand staring up at her brother. I love him so much and I want badly to be wrong about him. I just don’t see how I can be.
Nolan drops a kiss on my lips before I swipe my lip gloss on. It is now or never, time to make our dreams come true and hopefully after the set we can fix where this all went wrong.
~B~
I have never been this nervous in my life. I don’t know if it is because this could be our shot or if it is because things can fall apart with me and Kitty once this set is over. I know I am nervous as hell about Kitty’s opening solo drum set. She killed it in rehearsal yesterday, but most of us know what this means for her. She is chasing away her demons tonight.
The lights go out and my girl starts banging harder than I’ve heard any drummer do in so long. Crush stands next to me bouncing in his skin with excitement for her. She may not have his speed but she is pretty damn close. I bet they would be neck and neck if she never stopped playing.
The crowd is going nuts and I can feel that this is going to be an awesome set tonight. It is just in the air. The lights come up to reveal that it is Kitty playing and the crowd goes fucking insane. My baby has this smile on her face that is crazy beautiful and I can see that her cheeks are wet. You can hear in her playing that it is coming straight from the heart.
“Bro, you might need to fight for your spot,” I tease Crush.
“Never,” he laughs.
“Alright boys, show time,” Mandy beams as Kitty queues us up. “Bring it home.”
I kiss my sister on the cheek for all her hard work and run out on stage last as Kitty steps up to the mic next to mine. Instead of going to my mic I move my guitar to the side and pull my girl in to kiss her right in front of the crowd. I kiss her passionately like it is just the two of us. She is beaming and totally breathless when I let her go. The crowd is in an uproar and it feels like we are on top of the world.
“Good evening guys,” I croon into the mic and the crowd roars back. “Did my baby kill it or did she fucking kill it.” My ears are splitting with the responding roar. “Well we are just getting started. We have some new stuff Kitty and us guys have been working hard on and we know you are going to love, right baby.”
I look at Kitty and she is giving me that look I haven’t seen in weeks. She looks at me like I am the greatest thing she has ever seen. My heart squeezes in my chest. “Yes baby,” she gushes. You can hear the girls in the front sigh and coo up at us.
I signal to Crush and we jump into the best set we have ever done and Kitty sets the stage on fire. Our voices are amazing together tonight, fitting together like never before. I don’t think we could do better.
I won’t lie. I was worried a few times when Kitty got excited and started jumping around. I swore one of her tits were going to pop out and flash the crowd. I have no idea how that thing she has on stayed in place but I am sure there isn’t one guy in the house that didn’t have at least a semi. We ended with me and Kitty playing guitar and tearing the house all the way down. It was perfect. I wish we could have stayed in that moment.
~B~
I am completely buzzed from performing as Nolan runs up behind me and sweeps me up into his arms throwing me over his shoulder. Instead of heading in the direction of the rest of the band Nolan takes me further back stage. We are both dripping with sweat. I laugh as he swats my backside then puts me down.
“That was amazing,” his deep voice rumbles against my lips.
“I know,” I sing back. “W
e have to start like that from now on. It was so awesome. I forgot what this all could feel like.”
“Did you forget what we feel like too baby,” Nolan asks suddenly more serious.
“No,” I murmur. “Did you forget I saw you leave the bar with those two groupies?”
Nolan narrows his eyes at me in confusion. He searches my face for a moment seeking answers. “Shit Kitty, what does that have to do with anything. I told you what was going on then. Those girls meant nothing to me.”
“Yeah well you still slept with them and you turned around and lied to me. Why would you lie to me? You didn’t have to I was over it until you lied.”
“What are you talking about?” he growls in frustration.
“You said you had been tested and hadn’t had sex since. That’s a lie. You slept with those two groupies,” I yell at him.
“Oh my God baby, you had me worried I did something wrong,” Nolan sighs in relief and scoops me up in his arms spinning me around and planting kisses on my face.
“Get your hands off me. That is something wrong and makes a difference to me. I can’t trust you if you are going to lie to me,” I hiss.
“Woman listen to me,” he growls and pins me to the wall as he puts me back on my feet. “I didn’t sleep with either one of those girls. Oh trust me I tried but I couldn’t even get it up unless I thought of you and I am not fucking some slut with you on my mind. If you are on my mind I want to be buried so far inside of you I don’t know where I end and you begin. I’ve never ever lied to you baby. I love you so fucking much.”
“Really, you didn’t sleep with them,” I ask hopefully, biting my lip.
“No babe, I didn’t. I haven’t had sex since the night you walked into that bar looking all cute in your combat boots with your backpack on.”
“Oh Nolan, I’m so sorry baby.” I feel so silly. I should have asked him from the beginning.