by Renee LaRuse
Gavin reached into his pocket again and slipped a ring that matched mine onto his right hand on the finger between his middle and pinky finger. Then he took my ring out of the velvet box and slipped it onto the finger on my trembling right hand. “Happy anniversary.” I looked into his lovely green eyes and I had to look away for a moment. I was getting teary eyed and I hated crying so I looked down at my lap to compose myself. Is this what he’d been so busy with yesterday afternoon that he hadn’t called? “I just want you to know that my heart is in the right place even though my mind forgets to call you sometimes,” he smiled.
“Thank you so much,” I mustered, “I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary present.”
Gavin beamed. “It’s awesome to hear that.”
It was around six when we left the restaurant. The sun was sinking under the horizon. We got into the car and I waited for him to start the car and take me home. “Now it is time for your next present.”
“What?!”
“I have another present planned.”
“But…I don’t have a second present for you.”
“Sydney, don’t worry about that. I don’t need anything else. Seeing the look on your face in three hours is enough of a present for me.” I gave him a worried look. “We are going to have to go on a three hour drive to get to your present. Buckle up.”
I trust Gavin, but I hate surprises. I’ve always tried to keep everything planned out and organized so this spur of the moment road trip was not good for my nerves. I quietly put my seat belt on. I felt Gavin’s hand massaging the back of my neck. “Sydney, you’re going to love it. Trust me.” I nodded and he started driving. I was quiet the first and second hour of driving but I was really quiet the third hour because I fell asleep.
I woke up to find myself sitting in a parked car in the middle of the night. I looked over at the driver’s seat to see Gavin smiling at me.
“You’re creepy,” I said sleepily. “How long have you been staring at me?”
“About thirty seconds or so. How long have you been napping like a toddler?”
“Touché.” I sat up in my seat and looked around outside. There was a building that looked like a big movie theatre and there was a ton of people in line to get in.
“Let’s go,” Gavin said. We walked across the packed parking lot towards the building. That’s when I saw the wall length posters and the words gliding across the LED message board: Lenny Kravitz Live in Concert. My jaw dropped and I grabbed onto Gavin’s arm to stop myself from jumping up and down. “Excited?” Gavin laughed.
“I can’t believe you got tickets to see Lenny! Oh my gosh, are you aiming to make me cry today?!”
“We’ll be sitting front and center.”
“How the hell did you get front row tickets?! God, you must have spent so much money on this! Please don’t waste all this money on me. It’s only our one month anniversary! I only got you a, what, fifty dollar belt?! I can’t let you do this!” I was starting to panic. He was spending all this money on me. How was I ever going to repay him?
“Too late, Sydney. No refunds,” Gavin laughed. “Baby, it’s okay! I didn’t waste my money. I heart Lenny Kravitz too! He is a very sexy man!” I wrapped my arms around his neck and deposited my lip gloss all over his forehead, cheeks, and lips. I felt like I was going to start bawling or faint. I’d found out that Lenny was performing here a couple months ago but I’d put it out of my mind because I figured I’d never be able to go. Good seats were way too much for my college girl budget. I told myself there’d be a next time. But now I didn’t have to wait another day to see my favorite artist of all time.
I was in awe when we walked into the arena and saw the stage all lit up and ready. We squeezed our way past loads of hyped people and finally made it to the front. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. Gavin stood behind me and hugged me. I leaned my head back against his shoulders, closed my eyes, and calmed myself down. I was calm until the band and backup singers came out on stage and the crowd started cheering loudly. Then I gripped onto Gavin’s hand waiting for the big moment. Then I heard Lenny’s voice over the speakers. “Are you ready to join the love revolution?!” he screamed. I turned around to Gavin ecstatically and gave him a quick kiss and told him I loved him.
Lenny Kravitz, Aviators and nose ring, wearing boots, leather pants, a fashionably faded black tee with a peace sign on it and a tight jean jacket walked out onto the stage with his guitar. The crowd roared. “Then let’s tell ‘em to bring it on!” he yelled and immediately started playing “Bring It On” from his new album It’s Time for a Love Revolution. Gavin and I rocked and danced to the music. I did most of the singing and hollering.
Seeing Lenny was honestly a dream come true. Lenny Kravitz is so incredibly talented. His music is timeless. To see the man that I admire so much, a man of mixed race, who didn’t let anyone change him no matter how many people said his music wasn’t white enough or black enough, a man who had recently become celibate which I have the utmost respect for, was incredible. And I had someone I loved so much and who loved me back to share it with.
After “Bring It On” Lenny unexpectedly reached back into his discography and sang “Fly Away,” “Dig In,” and “Where Are We Running?” I used my cell phone to take lots of pictures of him performing and of Gavin and me enjoying ourselves. Gavin stood behind me the whole time with his hands on my shoulders or my hips and kissing me on the cheek every once in a while. I think he may have been worried Lenny would steal me away from him. He definitely had reason to worry because if Lenny had invited me backstage I’d be a changed woman today.
Lenny then came back full force to the songs on his new album and performed “Love Revolution” and “Love, Love, Love,” the latter being my favorite song on the new album so I was dancing around quite a bit. I turned around to face Gavin and we had fun dancing to that. The song Lenny ended the show with was a surprise to me. He sang “I’ll Be Waiting,” a really sweet song about him waiting on a girl to realize how much he cares about her. I thought he’d want to go out with a bang but the majority of the show had been really high energy and I love that song so I wasn’t complaining. Plus, it was a neat song for Gavin and me to sway and sing along to.
With that song Lenny told the crowd “Thank you! Goodnight!” I waved and blew kisses and gave Lenny a tearful goodbye.
“You have made me the happiest I’ve ever been,” I confessed to Gavin.
“I’m honored,” he replied.
Somehow Gavin and I stayed awake for the three hour drive home. We got to his house around 2:30 in the morning; both of us crawled onto his bed, dead tired, and fell asleep.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Two months later, Evan was finally able to cut back on his hours at work and get some much needed free time between working and sleeping to spend with Elizabeth and his little daughter Sara. Liz was absolutely thrilled to have more family moments together. They took Sara to the beach for the first time. Evan and Liz took turns holding Sara as they waded out into the water. Sara loved it and splashed her hands into the water. She didn’t even cry when some salt water got into her eye. She just blinked it away and went about her happy splashing. Evan was there to see Sara take her first wobbly steps which the couple made sure was well documented using camcorders and camera phones. She tottered from the coffee table over to her kneeling smiling daddy and buried her face into his chest. Evan wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the top of her head.
The long awaited double date with Gavin and Sydney took place on a Sunday night which was a convenient time for everyone’s schedule including Ms. Lenton who was going to babysit for Evan and Liz. Sydney suggested the Thai restaurant that she and Gavin had their first date at: Thai Moon. Everyone got dressed up and met each other there. Elizabeth was so excited about being able to get all dressed up that Sydney had to persuade her not to wear a full length gown. Liz wore a very flattering green dress that complimented the flecks of green in her haze
l eyes as well as contrasting nicely with her fair skin. Her long black hair was in a bun with some tendrils framing her face. Sydney wore a simple but cute burgundy dress. Evan wore a cream sweater beneath his tan jacket paired with tan dress pants. His outfit went well with his chocolate skin and his fresh fade. Evan was only a year older than Liz and Sydney but he had an old soul that made him come off as around Gavin’s age. Gavin wore a dark grey suit with a burgundy dress shirt. It was the first time Gavin had met Evan.
“Gavin, this is my husband Evan Roth. Evan this is Sydney’s partner in crime Gavin Caselle.”
“Nice to meet you,” Evan said shaking Gavin’s hand.
“Nice to meet you too. You have a beautiful family.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey Evan!” Sydney beamed and gave him a hug.
“Hey Syd! Long time no see!”
“I missed you,” Sydney smiled up at him.
“Yeah, same here,” he smiled, his warm brown eyes glistening. Liz smiled at the two of them and then they all sat down at their table. Gavin glanced at Sydney who was still smiling at Evan across the table. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Sydney. Thanks for helping take care of my girls when I’m not able to be there with them.”
“Oh, no problem Ev. You know I love you guys,” Sydney responded bashfully.
Gavin looked from Sydney to Evan. The way they were looking at each other made his stomach turn. The way Sydney looked at Evan was too similar to the way Sydney looked at him. The whole dinner, Gavin ate quietly, only making a few comments here and there, and watched as Sydney talked and laughed with Evan. Not once did Sydney speak to him at dinner. The event was more of a gathering amongst Evan, Liz, and Sydney so Gavin felt a bit left out.
He just couldn’t get the thought out of his head; the thought that Sydney had a crush on Evan. The idea was making him more heated by the minute. When the group decided it was time to head home and Sydney kissed Liz and then Evan on the cheek to say goodbye that was the last assault his male ego could take. Before Gavin and Sydney made it back to his car he confronted her.
“Is there something about Evan I should know?” he asked as they walked.
“No. Why? You didn’t like him?”
“Maybe I should be more specific. Is there something about you and Evan that I should know about?”
Sydney slowed to a stop in the middle of the parking lot. “Are you kidding, Gavin?” Gavin just looked at her. Sydney felt hurt, anger, and sadness all at once. He was implying that she was a cheater, an accomplice to adultery, a backstabber and a home wrecker all at the same time. How could he ever think that about her? She could feel her face and ears burning up in embarrassment and her chest burning with anger. Sydney rushed over to the passenger side of his car. “Drive me home right now,” she demanded. Gavin unlocked the door with his keyless entry remote and watched as she got into the car. Then he walked to the driver’s side and got in. He put the key in the ignition but didn’t start the car. Instead he looked over at Sydney who was looking out the side window.
“What’s to hide? Why can’t you answer my question?”
Sydney spoke but refused to look at him. Where was this jealousy coming from? “The fact that you would accuse me of cheating on you either physically or emotionally with my best friend’s husband is not something that I feel deserves a response.”
Gavin’s eyebrows furrowed with disgust and irritation. “Sydney, I saw the way you were looking at him. You can’t deny that.”
Sydney met Gavin’s eyes. “How exactly was I looking at him Gavin?”
“It was like…It was like you were flirting with him the whole night. You were looking at him and just enamored by him and then you kissed him right in front of me.”
“You’re right Gavin. You are completely right.” Gavin looked shocked for a moment. “You’re right. Why do you look so shocked? Isn’t that what you wanted to hear! I kissed Evan on the cheek! Do you want to know why I’m enamored by him? Because, I do love him. I love him like a brother and I haven’t been able to talk to him for months. He’s older than me and I look up to him and respect him because he is a good man and a good father. He is a good black man and I dare you to try and stop me from valuing a good brotha.”
“What the hell is so special about Evan? He’s doing what he’s supposed to do as a husband and a father. But because he’s black—“
Sydney cut her eyes at Gavin. “Don’t comment on things you don’t understand.”
“Let me guess. Because I’m white, I’ll never understand. Why don’t you just explain it to me? I’m really anxious to know why Evan is getting so much credit.”
“Gavin, I really don’t feel like giving you a recap of slavery right now.”
“I’ve got all day, Sydney. I’ve got all day to hear why it is you love this man.”
“I’m sure you know that African American families are used to being ripped apart,” spoke Sydney, angry and trembling. Gavin winced but kept up his determined game face. “Too many fathers are running away from their responsibilities and leaving their boys not knowing how to become men and their girls not knowing how they should be treated.” Sydney pointed to herself. “I’m one of those girls who didn’t have a strong black father.”
Gavin looked away for a moment, ashamed of the way he had brought Sydney’s hidden pain to the surface, but the image of Sydney smiling up at Evan was seared into his mind and he couldn’t let it go. “So every responsible black man you come across I have to deal with you praising him and appreciating him instead of me, the one who’s actually here for you?!”
“Shit Gavin! I’m not Elise!” Sydney screamed. For a long moment, the car was filled with his silence. “That’s what this is really about, isn’t it Gavin?” Sydney said in a pained whisper. “Please tell me that deep down you don’t really believe I’m like her after all these months of me spilling my guts to you.”
“I don’t…” Gavin trailed off.
“Stop wishing for this good thing we have to fall apart,” Sydney cried, “I’ve given you more than I’ve given any guy before. My trust and…and my heart. Tell me I wasn’t wrong. Tell me I didn’t waste my time.” She quickly dried her eyes and composed herself, reminding herself to stay strong and prepare for the worst: being left behind. He’d already turned on her so the only thing left was for him to finally walk out of her life.
He ran both his hands through his hair and then started the car. His hands were shaking but Sydney couldn’t tell if it was from anger, anxiety, or fear. “I, um, I have to get you home. Right now before I say some idiotic thing that neither one of us could ever forgive me for.” He turned up the rock music that was playing on the radio and drove quickly out of the parking lot and to Sydney’s house.
While he drove, Sydney saw his mouth moving. She knew he wasn’t mouthing the lyrics to the music on the radio. He was berating himself, calling himself names under his breath. That was one of the bad habits his psychiatrist had once lectured to him about. It had been a big reason why he’d become as depressed as he did. He mentally beat himself up over every mistake he made. As they drove, Sydney considered telling Gavin not to do that, but she felt so disrespected and upset in that moment that she didn’t think it a bad idea for him to call himself some names after what he’d just put her through.
Gavin finally pulled up to the front of the Lenton home. He turned the radio down, draped his left arm over the steering wheel and rested his head on it to face Sydney. His eyes were a bit red. He looked at Sydney for a moment until she looked back. “I know you’re not Elise, Sydney.”
“That’s good,” said Sydney, annoyed.
“It’s just that I can’t trust myself to trust anyone else too much. I’m afraid of being made a fool of again. I’m afraid of getting my heart stomped on again.”
She sighed. “I’m afraid to be hurt, too. However, I never allow that paranoia or jealousy to speak to you. I drive away those thoughts and I never direct them at you. If you c
an’t do that then I can’t be there for you. I love you, but I’m not going to be a human punching bag for you to work out your fears and your anger. You have to talk to me, not at me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish I was as put together as you are. I’m supposed to be the man here. I’m supposed to be the rock and all I do is keep stumbling over all my stupid petty feelings. You don't have to put up with this. I'd understand if you wanted to go.”
“No, Gavin," Sydney softened. "I don't want to go and it’s not petty. You have a right to your feelings, but I have a right to some respect.”
“Of course you do,” Gavin sighed and sat up in his seat. “From now on I promise to be respectfully obnoxious, respectfully angry, and respectfully jealous,” he declared.
Sydney’s lips went up in a little smile. “It sounds funny but it can be done,” she said.
“Okay. I pinky promise I will always remember to respect you.” He held out his right pinky. Sydney laughed and thought about the first time they’d pinky promised.
“Alright. Pinky swear?” She asked as she looped her right pinky with his. They both noticed the promise rings they still wore.
“I pinky swear.”
* * *
Gavin, grinning, took my hand and dragged me from the front door into the kitchen. “Look!” he said excitedly pointing at a large pot of water on top of the stove. I peered down into the uneventful water where a couple miniscule bubbles lazily rose from the bottom of the pot to the surface. I turned and raised a questioning eyebrow at Gavin. “I’m cooking!” he announced. I smiled.