by Amelia Wilde
It’s far too late to convince myself that I don’t love her.
It’s not too late to stop my feelings from influencing my business decisions, however, even if it means closing her beloved magazine. If it comes to that and she leaves me over it…
That’s the risk I have to take.
First things first. Sarzó needs to know that Basiqué is hanging by a thread. So is her career, and by extension, so are the most important dreams of the woman I love.
This meeting should be a thrill.
28
Cate
Sandra is on a rampage.
She’s been on a rampage since last week, when Jax came into her office as she was about to leave, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He didn’t even look at me as he came through the outer office, and he wasn’t the least bit apologetic for making Sandra late for her son’s music camp performance.
Since then, things at Basiqué have been frenetic. I’ve been in the office at 7:00 every morning because Sandra is in at 7:30. The stream of meetings is ceaseless. The orders she barks at me never stop.
On Wednesday Bryce stops at my desk, breaking away from his group of models for next month’s military wear feature.
“Hey, gorgeous.”
“Hi, Bryce,” I say, typing Sandra’s latest schedule changes furiously into my calendar. The scheduling and re-scheduling is constant.
“Things seem a little tense around here. Do you get that vibe?”
He stands close enough to talk but not so close that we could be accused of wasting time, something that’s frowned upon during the best of times at Basiqué.
“Yes. I do get that vibe. Very much so,” I tell him, finally reaching the end of the list. Not that it matters. Next time I go back into Sandra’s office, she’ll have another list. My fingers ache. Grabbing the notepad, I come around to the front of the desk to stand by Bryce.
“So what’s the breakdown?” he says in a low tone. “Is this place going under?”
“What makes you say that?”
He shoots me a skeptical look. “Don’t play innocent with me, Cate Schaffer. If something’s up around here, you’d know about it.”
“All I know is that Sandra wasn’t thrilled with how the last issue did.”
“Is that why she’s stacking all these meetings? To try and balance it out with the next one?”
I rub my forehead, trying to get rid of some of the tension between my temples. “I don’t see what else she could be doing.”
Bryce lowers his voice to a near-whisper. “Cate…we’re close friends.”
I let out a quiet laugh. “If people who only meet near this desk can be considered friends.”
“We’re best friends.” He’s wearing an impish expression.
“Sure, Bryce.”
“So why haven’t you told me that you’re dating the new owner of this joint?”
In an instant, all the playful warmth I felt from taking time to chat with Bryce vanishes. I whip my head around, eyes narrowed, voice tight and sharp. “Who told you that?”
His eyes widen at my tone. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to him that way before, and I immediately feel like shit for doing it.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Bryce. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Did someone say something to you?”
“No,” he says, looking at me warily. “Haven’t you noticed?”
“Noticed what?”
“People have been feeling the pressure for a while now, what with all the rescheduling, and—” He shakes his head. “Nobody wants to be late, and nobody wants to miss anything, so a lot of work has been going on in the meeting rooms. You haven’t seen me there?”
God, I’m such a bitch.
I’ve been so caught up with Sandra, and with Jax, that they’re the only people who’ve had any of my attention lately. Bryce is one of the few people in the office who made a point of stopping to talk to me, even if I’m harried and short with him.
“I didn’t notice. I’ve been…caught up in it, and then I was sick. That’s not an excuse.”
“Sick?” His tone is filled with genuine concern. Bryce is a good guy. “Is that why you were out? I figured you were on vacation.”
“No, I…” I roll my eyes. “It’s so stupid. I kind of…fainted a little in the office a couple weeks ago.”
He reaches out and puts a hand on my elbow. “Cate, what happened?”
I try to brush it off. “At the hospital, they said it was exhaustion, but—”
“Jesus, Cate. You shouldn’t be here now. You should be on the beach in Hawaii with your billionaire boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Isn’t he?” Bryce’s grin lights up his face. “I’ve been in the meeting rooms for weeks. I’ve seen you going down to his suite every day at 5:00. It’s not a secret that you’ve been keeping him updated.” He laughs out loud. “A billionaire like Jax Hunter moves in and you think nobody noticed?”
I’m blushing from the sheer embarrassment of being caught so blatantly in this situation by Bryce. Who else knows?
I clear my throat and repeat myself. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Sure, sure,” he says. “He’s not your boyfriend.” He signs the words in quotes with his fingers. Bryce leans over and whispers in my ear. “I’ve seen you coming back from that office. The look on your face—” He shrugs, a half smile on his face accentuating his dimples. “Don’t try to tell me you’re in there discussing memos or some shit like that.”
I bite my lip. Sandra’s still absorbed in a series of approvals, and I can trust Bryce, so…
“He’s not my boyfriend yet. He’s so…” Words to describe Jax flood my mind. Sexy. Gorgeous. Unbelievably hot. Attentive…to me, at least. But also: Controlling. Dominating. Sometimes I see it outside the bedroom, when it’s not a sexy game but a worrisome characteristic. “There’s something between us, Bryce, but he wants to be able to…I don’t know. He always wants the last word. He cares about me, so much, but…”
“He’s an arrogant bastard,” Bryce says nonchalantly.
“I wouldn’t put it that way,” I say, not bothering to hide my distaste for his words.
“I’ve seen the gossip stories about him. Hell, I’ve even met him a couple of times, coming and going from here. He’s no angel, Cate.”
There’s not much sense in trying to convince Bryce otherwise—not now, when time is short. “Believe me when I say that there’s more to him than that.”
“You can’t trust him 100%, because what if he’s the only one he’ll love enough to be with forever.”
Bryce gets me.
“What should I do?”
“Is he good in bed?”
I can’t stop my wicked grin.
“I see,” says Bryce, laughing under his breath. “Give yourself some time to figure it out. No need for a hasty decision, if he’s as good inside as you say.”
“Catherine? Catherine. Come in here. I have some adjustments that need…”
I mouth “bye” at Bryce. Time’s up.
It’s not until later that I realize I’ve missed my five o’clock with Jax.
29
Jax
Cate looks at me across the island in my kitchen, the bags under her eyes dark even through her makeup. “I think it’s time for me to go back to my own place.”
My heart twists in my chest, and the bite of sushi in my mouth is suddenly tasteless. “What…why?”
We’ve been perched on two stools near the island, making our way through an enormous tray of sushi that Laurence spent half the afternoon preparing. He has the night off tonight, and still the man left enough in the refrigerator—freshly prepared and cooled—to last several days.
Cate’s comment seems to have come from nowhere.
She puts another bite in her mouth, chews, swallows. “I need to get back into my regular routine. I’ve been missing workouts, I need to make sure everything is fine at my place…”
“It is
fine,” I tell her, putting down my chopsticks. “Gloria stops there every other day. If something was wrong, I’d have told you.”
She looks uncomfortable. “I want to get back into the swing of things.”
“And you can’t do that here?”
“It’s…the tension.”
“Tension?”
“You don’t want me to be back at work.”
I can’t stop myself from sighing. “We’ve been over this.”
“I’m fine, Jax.”
“You’re not.”
“I am!”
“Cate, don’t pretend on my account. I was there the last time you collapsed at work, remember?”
“That was—that was a freak thing that happened.”
Anger spikes in my chest. “Was it? Or was it the result of weeks and months of overwork without your beloved boss ever giving a fuck?” The words that tumble out of my mouth are harsh, and Cate recoils.
“Sandra cares,” she fires back.
I put my hands over my face, then drop them back to the counter’s surface. “She’s given you, what, two compliments in the past year? Enough to keep you hanging by a thread?” During our several-day movie marathon Cate told me about the brief moment of praise she got on the day she’d first seen me at the office. It’s clear to me that this was a ploy on Sarzó’s part to make sure she wouldn’t have to worry about Cate’s loyalties.
Cate’s face goes blank and cold. “I’m not going to argue with you about this.” She stands up from her stool and takes her plate to the sink, rinsing it off and putting it neatly into the dishwasher—never mind the fact that I hire people to do that kind of thing.
“I don’t want to argue with you,” I say, trying to keep my voice level. “I thought that as a couple, we could discuss things that obviously have a serious effect on your health.”
She whips around, eyes blazing. “We’re a couple now?”
Jesus Christ. This is not how I wanted to have this talk.
“Are you saying we’re not?”
Cate crosses her arms over her chest and looks at the floor, her jaw working.
“I’m going back to my apartment, Jax. If you want, I can have someone come over to collect my things.”
“Don’t go.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“I’m not telling you. I’m asking.”
“Because you love me enough to try to ruin my career?”
I get up from the stool and cross over to her, but she shakes my hands off her arms. What is going on?
“Cate, what the hell?”
“You don’t understand, because you have everything you’ll ever need.” She throws her hands up, gesturing wildly around her. “You’re never going to worry about money. You’re never going to worry about your job, or being forced to…forced to…”
Without warning, her eyes are filling with tears. Where is this coming from?
“Cate,” I say, reaching out and putting a palm on her upper arm, rubbing the soft skin exposed by her tank top. “What’s this really about?”
She looks up at me, her face pinched and pale. The last thing she should be worried about right now is her job. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Give me a chance, Cate.”
Her eyes cut away from mine, traveling around the kitchen, and then she looks back, blinking away the tears. “I can’t afford to lose my job. I can’t afford a single wrong move that might jeopardize it, and that includes taking more time off.”
“You could have any job you wanted.”
“That’s not—” She makes a frustrated sound and brushes her hair away from her face. “I want this job. I’ve busted my ass at this job for more than a year. Even if I wanted to leave, I’d need to be flawless up until the end.”
“I don’t think you need to be so concerned about it.” Cate has a wild look on her face. There’s real fear there, but I can’t understand how it’s become so powerful.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“I get it, I do—but Cate, the pressure you’re putting on yourself is killing you.”
“I’m fine,” she insists again, her tone shrill, and we’re right back where we started.
I hold up both of my hands. “Wait. Listen.”
She presses her lips together so tightly they’re white.
“It’s late.” She can’t argue with that. “We’re almost to the weekend.” Another neutral fact. “Stay a few more days, and we’ll have more time to talk, figure things out. Maybe think about taking Friday off. They’ll be fine without you.”
Before the final words are out of my mouth I know they’re a mistake. Cate’s face had been softening, but she turns on a dime.
“You know what?” she says, shaking her head. “Fuck you, Jax.”
“I—”
She holds up a hand. “Don’t.”
Cate pushes past me, and I want to reach out and grab her, stop her from going, carry her to her bed…but I don’t.
I can’t control her.
Within minutes, she’s gathered her purse and a couple of outfits and she’s out the door, without another word.
The silence she leaves in her wake is deafening.
30
Cate
Carl dances back on the balls of his feet, giving me some extra space to catch my breath.
This is the fifth time.
I drop my hands to my sides, frustrated beyond belief, and turn away from him, heading for my bag.
“Cate—”
“I’m done, Carl,” I call over my shoulder. “I’m done for today. Thanks for the session.”
“Don’t be pissed at me,” he says, stepping beside me and stripping off his own gloves and headgear.
“I’m not.”
“You are, but I don’t know why.”
My jaw clenched and painful, I zip my bag and throw the strap over my shoulder, ready to shove my way past him to leave. “I don’t need to be coddled, okay?”
Carl looks incredulous. “Coddled?”
“I saw what you were doing out there, and I don’t need it. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Are you serious? You were hospitalized for exhaustion, Cate. I don’t even think you should be working out.”
“What’s your problem?” I shout, locking my eyes on his. “If you don’t think I should be working out, cancel my sessions. Here. I’ll do it. We’re done, Carl.”
Carl puts both hands on his face and takes a deep breath before he speaks again. “Cate, I don’t know how to say this in a way that will get through to you, but I’m worried as hell about you. You have this look in your eyes that…it’s scary, Cate. I haven’t canceled our sessions because, to be totally honest, I’m afraid that if you work out by yourself you might take it too far, and…” He can’t finish. “It could be a bad situation.”
All the fight goes out of me, and it hits me what a royally bitchy person I’ve become.
This isn’t like me.
Before the last year of my life, I lived for kindness, for fun, for laughter. For friends.
Now I’m an overtired shrew who yells at everyone who tries to be nice to her.
My shoulders droop under my shame. I owe another person an apology. They’re starting to stack up.
“I’m really sorry, Carl.” My voice comes out not much louder than a whisper. “I’ve been—” There’s a lump in my throat, and I swallow hard so I can speak again. “Things haven’t been easy.”
“I can see that,” Carl says gently, patting me on the shoulder. “Listen, it’s okay. I’m telling you, friend to friend…” His eyes are serious, sincere. “Back off. Maybe not totally, but something has to give.”
His words echo my own thoughts, and when he says it out loud, it’s a lot harder for me to brush it off.
“I know.”
“Nobody’s going to think you don’t care about the job. Think about it, okay?”
“I will.”
Carl walks me to the car and closes th
e door behind me. I roll down the window before Mark pulls away. “You’ll think about it?”
I nod, my throat tight.
How many more people have to warn you?
With a couple of taps on the roof of the car, Carl sends me on the way to my apartment.
I drop my head into my hands.
I’m already exhausted.
It’s 6:30 a.m.
For the first time in months I take a lunch break. Basiqué has a great cafeteria, and I buy the adult equivalent of a bag lunch and take it outside to a bench in front of the building. I’m biting into an almond butter-and-jelly sandwich on artisan bread when my cell phone buzzes. It’s Bee. We haven’t talked in a few days, and she wants to video chat.
Why the hell not?
I put down the sandwich and hold the phone up in front of my face, then press connect.
Bee’s face comes into view. She’s wearing a big smile and laughing at something I can’t see—but then she sees my image and the smile fades. “Cate? Are you all right?”
If Bee thinks I look like shit, then it’s game over.
My witty excuse dies on my tongue. “No. Not really, Bee.”
“What’s wrong?”
I tell her everything. Meeting Jax, the incredible attraction between us…going to the hospital, staying at his place.
“You were in the hospital and you didn’t call?”
“I didn’t want you to worry. It wasn’t—it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.”
“It’s a big deal, Cate!”
“I know. I know.”
“Is there something else?”
“Jax and I got into a fight last night.”
“Over what?”
“He wants me to take time off work.”
Bee shakes her head. “He’s right.”
“How can you be on his side?”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m looking at you right now. You shouldn’t be at work. Have you seen your own face recently?”
“I do my makeup every day, don’t I?”
“Right. So how are you so blind to this?”