by Sadie Carter
How safe it might feel to let him protect her. To let herself feel something for him. Let herself trust someone again. When was the last time she’d truly felt safe?
“I don’t fear mating. I just never intend to mate. You’ll soon figure out I’m not your mate. Then you can go find some other woman to settle down with, raise eight children and live happy ever after.”
Me! Pick me!
No!
Jesus. She had some serious issues. She needed to seriously think about therapy. But who would want to crack her head open? Once she started to talk about her fears and insecurities she was pretty certain she’d never stop.
She turned to Willa. “I’m ready. You remember what to do?”
“Yep, don’t touch you. Don’t talk to you and if your eyes go a weird color don’t freak out.”
“Ahh, yeah, that’s pretty much it. Here goes.”
She grabbed Mila’s bracelet and opened up the barriers that she kept up to protect herself. She braced herself as the room spun. The sickening feeling stopped suddenly and she found herself staring at a dark, dirty wall instead of the silver-gray walls of the spaceship.
Okay, where was she?
Normally things happened much slower. But obviously Mila’s connection to this bracelet was strong.
“Where am I?” she whispered to herself. She turned around, shock filling her as she spied Mila in the corner of the room.
Her father had started training her when she was five. It had been damn terrifying for a start, even with her father accompanying her. Being outside of her body was just wrong and she still grew scared sometimes that she wouldn’t be able to find her way back.
She had to remember to stay calm. Not so easy when she saw the state Mila was in. She sat huddled in the corner, a shackle around her right ankle. A heavy chain attached her ankle to a bolt that was attached to the ground.
Her clothing was dirty and ripped and her eye was swollen and dark.
“Oh, Mila, what is going on?”
The door to the small, dark room opened and some food was chucked into the room, landing on the ground and rolling in the dirt. Mila shuddered back as a dark shadow of a man filled the room. Lucy tensed, there was nothing she could do if the man decided to do something. Where the hell was Koran?
The door shut and Mila let out a small whimper.
Lucy needed to get help to her. Fast.
Thor paced, restless energy building up inside him as he watched Lucy where she sat motionlessly on the sofa. Her eyes had morphed into a creamy white with flecks of yellow and blue. Face pale, she appeared almost lifeless.
A soft murmur of distress came from her and he stilled. “What’s wrong?”
Willa waved him back. “Shh.”
Her body shuddered and then she blinked. Closing her eyes, she slumped back on the sofa. There was no way he could hold himself back now. Thor raced towards her, growling as Darac stepped into his path.
“Get out of my way.”
“You cannot touch her. Not if she is your mate. She’s weak and faint already.”
Stars. Darac was right. Even though Thor didn’t like it, the last thing he wanted was to begin the mating process while she was unaware. Or make her feel worse by sending her into a deeper faint.
So he stood back, frustration building, as Willa took care of his mate. Turning, he stared at the wall as he attempted to keep himself under control. This could not continue. Not if he wished to retain any rational thought. The longer he went without claiming her, the more the need grew. Even at night, he found it hard to stop thinking about her. His dreams were filled with her and it wasn’t uncommon for him to awaken several times a night, his cock hard and throbbing, begging for release.
Finding release with your hand just wasn’t as satisfying as it had been when he was young. To find any satisfaction, he had to imagine that it was her hand surrounding him. Her mouth, taking him deep.
“Lucy, are you okay?” Willa asked.
Thor turned back at the concern he heard in Willa’s voice. What was wrong? Lucy was now sitting, her face so pale he worried for a moment that she wasn’t breathing. Eyes wide, she started to shake.
“Lucy?” Willa stared over at him, panicked.
He flew over to them, kneeling in front of Lucy. Damn it, enough was enough. He couldn’t hold back from touching her much longer. Especially not when she needed him.
For the moment, he risked touching her pant-covered knee. He believed touch had to be skin-to-skin to begin the mating process. When she showed no sign of dizziness, he brought his other hand down on her other knee.
“Lucy, listen to me. Look at me.”
She continued to stare off into the distance.
“Her skin is cold and clammy,” Willa told him.
“Take her pulse. Darac, contact Tae. Lucy, look at me now.” He used his firmest voice and it worked as she turned her gaze to his. “Good girl. Just watch me. Everything is going to be all right.”
“Pulse is erratic. Wait, it’s evening out. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”
He wasn’t really doing anything. But Lucy’s breathing steadied as she stared into his eyes. Her eyes were pale blue again, but he swore he could see specks of yellow flying across her eyeballs like a shooting star falling through the sky.
“Mila,” Lucy croaked out.
“Did you find her?” Darac asked, moving around beside him. Thor resisted the urge to snap at him. To tell him to back away from his mate. Couldn’t he see that Lucy wasn’t up to answering his questions?
“She’s in trouble. We need to save her.”
“No.”
Lucy looked up at Thor in frustration. She took a sip of the hot drink Willa had given her, grateful for the distraction. Her hands were still shaking and her heart beat just a touch too fast. Still, she couldn’t let Thor see that. Then he would become impossible.
He was already being a difficult pain in the ass.
“I need to track Koran,” she said, using her most patient voice. “We don’t have time to argue about this, Thor. Mila’s in trouble.”
After Tae checked her over and declared her well if a little in shock, she’d told Darac, Willa and Thor what she’d seen. Willa now paced the room, her concern very evident. Darac frowned as he brought up a map of their surroundings on the vid screen.
And Thor just stood over her with a ferocious glare on his face.
“You nearly fainted from tracking Mila. You’re still pale and in shock. You need fluids and rest. Not more trauma.”
“It’s not trauma.” Although she had to admit it had felt a bit traumatic. Memories rushed at her, of dark, small spaces. Terrifying images of a large man standing over her, threatening her.
“Lucy!” Thor touched her knee again and a shiver of need raced through her, chasing away the bad. He had touched her and she hadn’t fainted. Nor felt any different from usual.
See. She was right. She wasn’t his mate.
Damn it, she shouldn’t feel disappointed about that.
“You cannot do this.”
“I can and I will.” She stood, giving him a firm look. “You don’t get to decide this. I do. Even if I were your mate, you cannot decide for me. I will not let anyone decide for me again. I make my own decisions. My own mistakes.”
“I will protect you.”
“No. You won’t. I protect myself. I’m the only person I can rely on.”
He breathed in and out and for a long moment she thought he would explode. Then he surprised her by nodding. His face relaxed, the fury she’d seen moments ago, was banked.
“One day. You will tell me who hurt you in the past.”
“Don’t hold your breath, buddy.”
He frowned, clearly puzzled. “I had not intended to.”
“Can I have something of Koran’s please. It’s weird. I’ve never experienced a search like that one with Mila’s bracelet. Normally everything happens in steps. I sense the direction of the person, then I see the pl
anet, the city or town or area then I can sense the person’s surroundings. But this time I went straight to her immediate surroundings. I want to do trace to get a more accurate reading on their location. Does she have a close bond with this bracelet?”
“Koran gave it to her,” Willa confirmed. “The only reason she didn’t take it with her is because the clasp broke the day before she was due to leave. She left it with me to get fixed. I can’t believe she’s being held prisoner.”
“I need something else of hers to try again. Or something of Koran’s. Provided he is with her.”
Darac nodded. “Koran collects weapons. I brought one with me. I will retrieve it from our quarters.” He quickly strode away.
“Of course he does. Most people collect stamps or coins. Not Koran.” She smiled at the other two, but they didn’t smile back. So much for breaking the tension in the room. “It will be okay. She’s alive and relatively unharmed. I’ve been in worse situations and survived. Mila’s stronger than me. She’ll make it.”
Thor grumbled and paced the room.
“Why are you so adamant that you’re not Thor’s mate?” Willa asked.
Lucy gave her a strange look at the change of subject.
Willa sighed. “I need a distraction. I’m going insane, imagining what Mila is going through. Besides, don’t tell me you’re not curious, Thor.”
Lucy sighed and looked away.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”
“No. I’ll tell you.” It was better to get it out in the open. Before things went too far. She had to keep reminding herself why she couldn’t act on her feelings for Thor. Even if he was just as he seemed, a decent, trustworthy guy, she wouldn’t make him a good mate. She was too scarred. Too scared. Too broken.
“I know I’m not Thor’s mate, because I can’t have children.” She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t see the rejection on his face. So she turned to look at Willa who gaped at her. “I was injured badly a few years ago. I nearly died. The doctor said I will never get pregnant.” She hadn’t mourned that loss at the time. She’d been in a dark place she thought she would never get out of. But now, when she looked at Thor and imagined the beautiful babies he would have, yeah, she felt that loss. Hugely.
“Oh, Lucy.” Willa’s face was filled with sympathy. Pity. Lucy didn’t need either.
Lucy shrugged. “It is what it is.” But she still couldn’t look at Thor. No doubt this would be the last of his claims to be her mate.
Sadness stabbed her.
When Darac returned, Lucy let out a breath of relief. He stilled, looking around at them. “Is everything well?”
She smiled at him, knowing the smile had to look as fake as it felt when Willa winced and glanced away. “Never better.” She looked down at the weapon he held out.
“It looks like a knife.” The hilt was quite large, about a foot long. The blade in contrast was rather small and harmless looking. Not what she’d expected at all.
“It is. But if you twist it.” Darac twisted his wrist and the blade disappeared, replaced by a glowing blade of blue light about three feet long. “It becomes a light saber. One flick of this can slice a person in half.”
She swallowed heavily. “And this is the object of Koran’s you decided to bring with you?” He was even crazier than she’d imagined.
Darac shrugged. “It’s his favorite.”
Uh-huh. “Well, maybe you could put the limb severing part away and give it to me.”
Darac twisted it again and the glowing light disappeared. Nervously, she reached for the weapon hoping she didn’t accidently turn it on and slice Darac in half.
Willa would be seriously pissed.
“Lucy, I must speak to you first.”
Summoning up all her courage, she turned to Thor with a soft smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I understand.”
She should be relieved. Now he knew there was no chance of them being mates. But all she felt was a sadness so deep and overwhelming it had the power to crush her.
Taking a deep breath, knowing a migraine would be headed her way after two searches so close together, Lucy fell into the trace.
Thor paced once more.
“You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor,” Willa told him.
He glanced down at the floor. “That is impossible. The floor is reinforced steel.”
She sighed. “I know. I’m so sorry, Thor.”
“You should not have asked her that.” He could blame Willa all he liked, however he hadn’t objected to her question. He’d wanted to hear Lucy’s answer. He had seen the sadness on Lucy’s face before her face had grown slack as she grasped hold of Koran’s knife.
She believed he did not want her.
“Asked her what?” Darac asked.
Willa glanced down at her feet. Then she straightened and faced her mate. “I asked Lucy why she was so certain that Thor wasn’t her mate.”
“And?”
“She said she was certain, because she was injured a few years ago and now she can’t have children.”
Darac turned to Thor. The sympathy on his face clear. “I am sorry, old friend. You were so certain.”
“I am still certain. She is mine.” Her words had sent him reeling for a moment. But the knowledge that she was his had not left him. He knew. And while it was a shock that she was barren, it did not change how he felt.
“But how can she be if she cannot have children? Do you believe the fates would choose such a mate for you?” Darac asked.
“Why not? Did you mate with Willa because she could bear children?”
Darac turned to his mate with a soft look. “No. I would not care did she never give me a child. I am sorry, I should not have doubted your feelings.”
“You might want to make certain that Lucy doesn’t doubt them,” Willa said. “By the look on her face, she is pretty certain that’s a deal breaker.”
Thor nodded. “Once she is back, I will make certain she knows that is no barrier to our mating.”
“Oh, I have a feeling that’s not the only barrier you’ll encounter. Sounds to me like she’s had a pretty shitty life up till now.”
“Then I will have to ensure that her future has no shit in it.”
“Umm, yeah, you do that.” Willa patted Thor on the back, ignoring the warning growl from Darac. He was very possessive.
But then didn’t he feel the same? He’d been ready to fight Safan just for touching Lucy.
“Shouldn’t she be back by now?” Willa chewed on her thumbnail. Darac reached out and pulled her thumb free.
“Patience,” Darac told her. “Lucy told us that this search could take longer.”
Suddenly, Lucy sat up and screamed.
Thor leapt to her side just as she rolled off the sofa. She kicked out, catching him in the thigh.
“Lucy! Lucy!” Willa yelled, kneeling beside her. She grabbed the other woman’s arms, pinning them to the ground. Lucy was no match for Willa, who held her easily.
Suddenly, Lucy’s eyes opened.
She screamed.
Then slumped to the ground in a faint.
***
Thor sat beside his mate, watching the monitor carefully. Her pulse and breathing had stabilised. And her temperature had risen once more into an acceptable level. Terror still held him in its grasp, though, and he had this irrational feeling that if he left her she might die.
“How is she doing?” Willa walked up beside him. “Have you been here all night?”
Was it day now? He hadn’t even noticed. “How long has it been?” How long since she’d terrified him half to death?
“About thirteen hours. Still no sign of waking?”
Thor shook his head. “I do not understand it. Everything indicates that she is now stable and well. But she has not awakened.”
He would give anything to see her pale blue eyes staring up at him right now.
“Maybe her body is ready but her mind isn’t. She seemed terrified.”<
br />
That scream still haunted him. Willa swayed beside him and he turned, placing his arm around her to support her. Then he took a good look at her, he had been so focussed on Lucy, he hadn’t noted how fatigued Willa appeared.
“You need to rest.”
“So do you,” she countered. “You haven’t left her side.”
“I am fine. You are near to fainting.”
“Am not. I’m perfectly fine. I could still take you on, old man.”
Thor sighed and shook his head. “I thought Darac spoke to you about challenging warriors?”
“Stupid rule,” she muttered. “I’m a good fighter.”
“I am sure you are. But you cannot fight a warrior and Darac is only looking after you. Where is Darac?”
“He lead a search party down onto Tarra. He should be back soon. They’re hoping to find Koran, Mila and the others there.”
Thor reached for his communicator. “Bridge?”
“Lucan here, Sir.”
“When do you expect the Commander back?”
“ETA is fifteen minutes, Sir.”
“Can you please send him to the medical centre. His mate needs him.” He ended the communication then turned to Willa who glared at him.
“Tattle-tale,” she whispered.
He was not certain what that meant, but he did not much care. Right at the moment, he was focussed on Lucy and her recovery.
“The last thing Darac needs is to have a sick mate. And you are going to get sick unless you take better care of yourself. Now, I will find you a spare bed and you will take a long nap. Understood?”
“Damn, you’re just as bad as the rest of them. You just hide it better, huh?”
“That is right. I am a knee-and-hill.”
She grinned and some red entered her pale cheeks. “Yeah, you are, you Neanderthal. But you’re a pretty sweet one and Lucy is a lucky girl.”
He just hoped that she saw it that way.
Chapter Six
Damn, she was thirsty. Without opening her eyes, because the pain enveloping her head meant that would be a very bad idea, she reached out, searching for the bottle of water she usually kept on her side table.