Lily of the Springs

by Carole Bellacera

  The lock gave, and I opened the door, leaning against the jamb to support myself. I looked at my friend and said softly, “I almost killed him, Betty.”

  She stepped inside. She wore a plain white cotton nightgown and had her hair up in rollers. Moving quickly, she wrapped an arm around me, helping me over to the sofa. I hugged my bare arms, realizing how drafty it was in the apartment, and here I was, wearing only a thin nylon slip.

  “I’m cold,” I murmured.

  “Hold on.” Betty disappeared down the hall and came back with a blanket she’d pulled off the bed. She draped me in it and sat down beside me, pulling me close. “Tell me what happened.”

  In halting words, I told her everything. She remained quiet, but I felt the tension in her body. The heat of her growing anger was so intense it almost burned my skin.

  “I could’ve killed him,” I said, after finishing the story. “If he hadn’t left when he did…” I looked down.

  “I wouldn’t have blamed you a bit,” Betty said. Her hand fastened on my chin. “Look at me, hon.”

  Lifting my head, I gazed into her livid blue eyes.

  “You know what this means, don’t you?” Her grip tightened on my chin. “It’s over, Lily. No woman has to put up with this kind of treatment. You’re a young, beautiful woman. You deserve so much more than Jake Tatlow. You do know that, don’t you?”

  Tears welled in my eyes. I nodded, and Betty released my chin. “Well, then,” she said matter-of-factly. “Tomorrow I’m going to find a good divorce lawyer for you. And don’t you worry a bit about money. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to help you get that man out of your life.”

  Shock was settling in now. My thoughts spun. How could everything change so quickly? A half-hour ago, my life had been normal; now, it had turned upside down.

  Betty stood, running her hands down her cotton nightgown. “Okay, you’re coming over to my place tonight, just in case that piece of slime decides to come back. I’ll pack you some overnight things while you go get Debby Ann, okay?”

  Moving as if I were in a fog, I glided down the hallway to the bedroom. The thud of my heart seemed to keep time with the shuffle of each foot. I went over to the crib and gazed down at Debby Ann. For a long moment, I just stared at the tiny form lying motionless. Finally, I reached out to wake her. And a chill crept up my spine. The baby’s skin felt odd—cool and clammy. Turning, I flicked on the light. “Debby Ann?” I scooped the little girl into my arms and cradled her.

  No response. Her legs dangled listlessly like the rag-doll Mother had made for her last summer. Her face looked like yellowed cottage cheese.

  Fear bubbled up inside me. Clutching my daughter to my chest, I threw my head back and screamed, “Betty! Debby Ann ain’t breathing!”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  A young military doctor stepped into the waiting room. “Which one of you is Mrs. Tatlow?”

  I jumped up from the uncomfortable plastic chair I’d been sitting on for what seemed like weeks. “I am, doctor. Is she okay? My little girl…is she…” I stopped, anxiously chewing on my bottom lip, unable to add the dreaded word. Dead.

  The doctor wore a grim look on his face, and it sent a spear of terror through me. “Please have a seat, Mrs. Tatlow. I’m Captain Austin.”

  Eddie Kelly got up from his chair next to me and moved down so the doctor could take his seat. I stared at the doctor’s brown eyes, trying to read what he was going to say. My hands tightened into fists as I struggled to hold onto my composure.

  It had been two hours since Eddie had driven us to the emergency room on the post—an hour and five minutes since they’d whisked Debby Ann out of my arms and disappeared with her into a cubicle where I couldn’t follow.

  Since then, I’d been sitting in a desolate waiting room with Betty on one side and Eddie on the other, alternating between crying helplessly and chewing on my fingernails. Everything that had happened with Jake hours before had paled in comparison to what was going on behind those closed doors. My baby was fighting for her life back there. And it was all my fault! Why hadn’t I taken Debby Ann to the doctor months ago when, deep in my heart, I’d known something wasn’t right?

  Now, I finally found my voice. “She’s dead, ain’t she? My little girl is dead.”

  A look of puzzlement appeared on Captain Austin’s face. “No, ma’am. She’s a sick little girl, but she’s far from dying.”

  I slumped with relief. Next to me, Betty gave me a pat on the arm. “See? I told you she’d be okay.”

  I barely noticed. My eyes were fixed on the doctor. “What’s wrong with her, then? I swear she wasn’t breathing when I picked her up.”

  “Debby is suffering from severe anemia, Mrs. Tatlow. And it looks as if it’s been going on for some time. She’s dangerously dehydrated, and from the jaundiced skin, it’s a certainty her liver is enlarged.” A stern look appeared in his eyes, reminding me that he was an officer. “Mrs. Tatlow…I can’t help but wonder why this little girl hasn’t been seen by a doctor until now. Surely you’ve noticed the symptoms…the pallor, the pale nail beds, and if not that, surely the irritability and fatigue. What about her easy bruising? What has her appetite been like? Does she eat red meat…or any other iron-rich foods like chicken liver, lentils…blackstrap molasses?”

  His questions came at me like machine gun clatter. I shook my head, focusing on the one about how she’d been eating. “She’s not much of an eater. It’s hard to get anything much down her.”

  “Well, we’ve got to change that. We’ve got to find some source of iron-rich nourishment for her. Meanwhile, I’ve ordered a transfusion. Blood from St. Michaels is on its way. Good thing your daughter’s blood type is A-positive. If she’d been one of the rare types…” He shook his head. “Her condition would be much grimmer.” He got to his feet and I stood, too. “I’m going to admit her overnight and start her on an iron supplement, and then we’ll see what happens.” He turned to go.

  “Captain Austin!” I couldn’t keep the anxiety from my voice. He paused. “Is she really going to be okay?”

  Some of the hardness melted from his eyes. “We’re going to put the roses back in her cheeks, ma’am. And working together, we’ll keep them there.” With a slight twist of the lips—his version of a smile, I reckoned—he was gone.

  For a moment, I stood stiffly, looking at the empty doorway. Betty got up from her chair and slipped an arm around me, giving me an affectionate squeeze.

  “You see? I told you everything would be alright. You just wait and see, Lily. When Debby Ann gets out of the hospital, she’ll be a whole new little girl.”

  Her words were all it took to make the dam burst. I began to sob.

  “Oh, come here, honey,” Betty murmured, taking me into her arms.

  And I cried out my relief, allowing it to sweep through me like a gentle balm.

  ***

  After a scant four hours of sleep at Betty’s apartment, she drove me back to the hospital the next morning just after eight o’clock in time to meet Captain Austin leaving the children’s ward. He looked as if he hadn’t slept for days. Or maybe that was because of all the screaming coming from the room. It was as if he couldn’t escape fast enough.

  Casting me a disgruntled look, he said, “You can take your little brat home, Mrs. Tatlow. If you can recognize her. She’s had her transfusion, and…well, let’s just say she’s not the same little girl you brought in here. Just follow the screams.”

  That’s when I realized the loudest scream coming from the ward—the one that sounded like someone was being attacked by a swarm of enraged hornets--had to be Debby Ann. But no…on second thought, that wasn’t a scream of fear. It was pure, unadulterated fury.

  “Be sure and stop by the nurse’s desk to pick up your prescriptions and a list of foods to try to get down her,” Dr. Austin said, striding off down the hall. “I don’t want to see that child in here again.”

  I hurried into the room and saw my daughter st
anding up in a crib, dressed in an over-sized hospital gown, clutching the bars with her tiny fists and screaming her head off. Her wispy blond hair was damp and matted, her eyes blazing with anger and streaming tears. Her face was scarlet, like an over-ripe garden tomato. Plenty of good, red blood in her now, I reckoned.

  Debby wasn’t the only child crying. The ward held six cribs, and three others were occupied. Two children, a boy and a girl, howled in chorus with Debby Ann, but were nowhere near her decibel. The third child, a boy of about four, just stared at the others, a perplexed look on his round little face as if he were wondering what on earth was wrong with them. A psychiatrist in the making, I suspected.

  “Aw, sweetheart…” I headed for Debby’s crib. At the sight of me approaching, her screams intensified to an even higher pitch. She began to stamp her bare little feet on the crib mattress, holding out her arms in such a piteous gesture that it made my heart pang. “It’s okay, baby.” I swept her up in my arms and rocked her back and forth. “You’ve really been put through the wringer, haven’t you, sweetie? But it’s okay, now. You’re all better, and Mommy’s gonna take you right home.”

  Debby clung to me as if she were certain her mama was going to up and disappear again. Guilt swept through me as I comforted her. Betty had insisted I leave the hospital and get at least a few hours of sleep before returning. I hadn’t wanted to go, but I’d had to admit I was exhausted from packing all day, not to mention emotionally exhausted from the scene with Jake, and so I’d given in.

  When we’d pulled into the apartment complex just after four in the morning, I’d noticed that Jake’s car wasn’t in its usual spot. And despite all that had happened, and knowing I shouldn’t care, I felt an ache deep in my chest. No doubt he was still with his whore. But I’d immediately shaken the thought away, concentrating on the fact that Debby Ann was going to be okay. That was what was really important.

  Now as I kissed the top of my daughter’s sweaty blonde head, I wondered what on earth was going to happen to the two of us. If I kept the appointment Betty had made for me at the divorce lawyer’s this afternoon…

  Almost as if my thoughts had conjured her up, Betty appeared in the doorway of the ward, looking like a catalog model in a full-skirted white dress with scarlet polka dots and matching high heels. A perky ruby-red cap nestled on her sleek auburn head.

  That’s Betty for you, I thought. Tell her a redhead can’t wear red, and she’ll prove you wrong in a heartbeat.

  Her blue eyes zeroed in on us. “Well, would you look at that little stinker? She’s full of piss & vinegar now, isn’t she?”

  Debby Ann, who’d turned her head at the sound of Betty’s voice, plugged a thumb into her mouth and buried her face in my bosom. Thankfully, her crying had turned to a whimper.

  “Enough that the doctor is kicking her out,” I said. “He told me to take ‘my brat’ home.”

  Betty laughed. “I love a man who speaks his mind. Okay, then. Let’s go. Why don’t we stop at The Coffee Cup on the way home and get some breakfast?” she suggested. “You were so keen to get to the hospital, I barely got a chance to drink my cup of coffee. And we don’t have to be at the lawyer’s office until two. Plenty of time for you to get home and get ready.”

  I felt the muscles on my face tighten at the mention of the lawyer. Lord, was I really going to do this? Throw my whole marriage away just like that? Go back to Kentucky a divorced woman? Why, that would really be something, wouldn’t it? Bad enough I’d embarrassed my family by getting pregnant out of wedlock, and now, here I was, ready to shame them again—worse, maybe, this time. Everybody in Russell County thought a divorced woman was just a step up from a harlot.

  Well, I didn’t have to make a decision this very minute. It was time to get Debby Ann dressed and get her out of here. Later, I’d think about my options. I grimaced. Options. Like I had any. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

  At The Coffee Cup, I sipped on my cup of joe and nibbled a slice of toast spread with strawberry jelly while Betty devoured a breakfast hearty enough for a lumberjack. And miracle of miracles, Debby Ann was actually eating the scrambled eggs and bacon I’d ordered for her. It was as if she’d woken up from a winter’s hibernation with the appetite of a hungry bear. The candy-apple red of outraged fury had disappeared from her face, leaving it with a rosy glow. And instead of whining and being her usual pain in the behind, she was actually sitting in a high chair, picking her food up with delicate fingers and managing to get most of it into her mouth. Thank God for this, I thought. My baby girl is on her way to a normal childhood.

  If only our lives weren’t crumbling down around us. What would become of us if I divorced Jake? I wanted to talk to Betty about my doubts…about the second thoughts crowding my brain. But I knew what her answer would be. She’d made it perfectly clear she thought Jake was a lowdown son-of-a-bitch. And he was. I knew that. But he was my lowdown son-of-a-bitch. For better or for worse. Isn’t that what we’d said when we stood up in front of Brother Joe Bob and pledged ourselves to each other ‘til death did us part?

  No, I couldn’t talk to Betty about my doubts. She didn’t know what it was like in Kentucky. She didn’t understand the way folks thought down there.

  My stomach was churning by the time Betty pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex. It was almost 11 o’clock—three hours before I was supposed to be at the lawyer’s office.

  Betty saw the car the same time I did.

  “Well, shit,” she said.

  I couldn’t summon the energy to speak. I could only stare at Jake’s blue Plymouth, and wonder what awaited me inside.

  ***

  It was quiet when I opened the door of my apartment. Jake was sleeping it off, I supposed. As if nothing had happened.

  “Lily, let me come in with you,” Betty pleaded, hovering anxiously in the hallway. “I really think____”

  “I need to do this alone, Betty,” I said, a firm resolve in my voice. I met my friend’s concerned gaze. “I owe this to him….and to myself.”

  Betty’s jaw tightened. “You don’t owe that man anything!” Then she gave a resigned sigh. “Okay, have it your way. I’m leaving my door open just in case you need me. If you so much as breathe a sigh of distress, I’ll be on his ass like spit on shine.”

  Even though my stomach was twisting with apprehension, I couldn’t help but give Betty a wry grin at her attempt to sound “country.” “Okay, but if I know Jake, he’ll be nothing but apologetic.”

  Betty frowned. “That’s what I’m afraid of, kiddo. Don’t let him talk you into staying, Lily. You need to get that man out of your life.”

  “Don’t worry.” I gently closed the apartment door. Adjusting Debby Ann on my hip, I walked into the living room, fully expecting it to be empty. But to my astonishment, I saw Jake slumped on the couch, staring blankly into space. His jaw was stubbled, his eyes bloodshot, his face the color of gray putty. When he heard me step into the room, he turned his head and focused upon me.

  “I thought you were gone for good,” he said in a toneless voice.

  His face was expressionless, but in the depths of his blue eyes, I saw a wounded look I’d never seen before. I tried to harden my heart to it, forcing myself to focus on the memory of the tramp he’d brought into our home, the ugliness of his voice when he’d instructed me to watch the woman perform oral sex on him.

  I stared at him a long moment, trying to keep my face as cold as my heart had felt last night. Before I could summon my voice, Debby Ann squirmed in my arms, wanting to be let down.

  “Daddy!” As soon as I put her on the floor, Debby Ann toddled over to Jake and crawled up into his arms.

  My heart panged. What would a divorce do to my daughter? She adored her father, even though he spent so little time with her. Still…I had to remember what he’d done. He’d brought a whore into our house and instructed me to watch them have sex.

  “Hey, baby girl.” Jake cuddled Debby Ann, kissing the to
p of her wispy blonde head. “You’re looking mighty chipper this mornin’.”

  I finally found my voice. “She should. She had a blood transfusion last night. That’s where I was all night. At the hospital in Texarkana.”

  Jake’s head shot up. “What happened?”

  Do you really care, I wanted to snarl. Instead, I forced an even note to my voice. “Apparently, she’s been suffering for some time from anemia. She isn’t getting enough iron in her blood. The doctor couldn’t believe we’d let it go on as long as it has. I guess he thinks we’re piss-poor parents.”

  “But she’s okay now?” Jake asked.

  I shrugged. “For now, I reckon. We’ve got to make sure she eats right from now on, and you know that’s not going to be easy.” I grimaced. I should’ve said I, not we. “He’s put her on iron supplements,” I added. “So maybe that’ll help.”

  Jake looked relieved. He kissed the top of Debby Ann’s head again. “Poor little girl.”

  I watched him. He lowered his head to the baby’s and sat motionless for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his words came out in a rough, husky tone, “So, what are you going to do?”

  Silence hung between us.

  “I don’t know,” I said finally.

  He lifted his head to look at me, and shock radiated through me. His eyes were awash with tears, his face ravaged with pain. “I’m not going to beg you to stay,” he said quietly. “Let’s face it, Lily Rae, you deserve more than I can give you. You deserve a man who’ll worship the ground beneath your feet. Not an asshole like me. Don’t you see, Lily, I love you, but I can’t show it. I don’t know how to show it. That’s why I do these awful things to you. I guess your family is right. I come from bad seed. And that’s what I am. A bad seed.”

  Debby Ann, who’d been watching her father with wide eyes, reached up and touched his bristled face where a tear had left a moisture trail. “Don’t cry, Daddy,” she said, concern in her sing-song voice. “You got boo-boo hurt, Daddy?”