First Comes Love: A Chronicles of Moxie Novel

by Z. B Heller

“Unless you plan on squeezing something the size of an elephant out of something the size of a lemon, I’d advise you shut up before you lose one of your nuts.”

  Ryan grabbed himself. “Listen, my nuts are precious. They could one day hold the special sperm that might create the perfect human specimen.”

  “And who are you going to get to be a surrogate for this magical child?” I cocked an eyebrow and folded my arms.

  “It’s called immaculate conception, Moxie, get with the program. The baby will just appear out of thin air like Jesus.”

  “Ryan, I’m a Jew and even I know the story didn’t happen that way.” I shook my head and he turned to the mirror to admire his outfit.

  Renee came back into the room armed with a camcorder, a digital camera, and her phone. I wanted to ask if she was quitting her job to become an official photographer for Disney. Except, I think they call them cast members because God forbid they be called them employees like the rest of us. Dillion finished getting ready and the four of us headed to suite 531, as instructed, for breakfast. We entered the suite, which had a large dinning area and two hotel staff members there waiting for us. The table was set with a white table cloth, four place settings and beautiful flower arrangement in the center. We all took our seats and I could see Dillion was anxiously awaiting his Mickey waffles because he started bouncing in his seat and stuffed the cloth napkin in his shirt like a bib.

  A staff member came to my side with a steaming pot. “Would you like some coffee, miss?”

  I stared at the pot like it was water and I was a dying woman in the desert. Then I looked down at my abdomen and silently cursed the growing child because mommy couldn’t have her caffeine IV drip. “Do you have…” I swallowed hard before the next word came out. “Decaf?”

  “Yes, let me get you some.”

  Even my precious coffee didn’t seem all that appetizing with the nausea I was having. But at least I would try to enjoy it going down before it came back up again. The staff served everyone food which consisted of Dillion’s much anticipated waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, and fruit. I slowly nibbled on a Mickey waffle while everyone stuffed their faces like it was the Last Supper. Even though I couldn’t fully enjoy the experience, I loved Miles for going to such great lengths to make us happy.

  A soft knock came from the door and one of the staff went to open it. In came what I could only describe as dollar store rendition of Mickey’s best dog pal, Pluto. This person was wearing yellow sweatpants, a matching sweatshirt, yellow gloves, tennis shoes, and a black felt string attach to the ass with duct tape. To make the situation worse, they were wearing a plastic Pluto head that looked like it was purchased at a Halloween store. It reminded me of those stupid unicorn heads that guys wore at frat parties because they thought they were the coolest ones there.

  Dysfunctional Pluto came over to our table and waved at everyone without saying a word. I looked at Renee and Ryan, who were sitting opposite of Dillion and I at the table. Both of them were trying hard to suppress their laughter. Renee waved back at him, and I just looked at Dysfunctional Pluto like he had the plague. Dillion jumped out of his seat and ran over to hug Pluto, and I wanted to pull him back because I thought for sure this person was hiding a weapon somewhere and was about to massacre us. Maybe Miles couldn’t pay the upgrade charge to bring in a real Pluto so they had to substitute with Pluto’s mentally disturbed cousin, Sudo.

  Sudo surrounded Dillion in a king-sized hug. He then gave Ryan a handshake and patted Renee on the head. When he came to me, he pulled me out of my chair. He took the long tongue that hung disturbingly out of his mask and made a huge slurping sound as he drew his plastic tongue up from my chin to the top of my head.

  “Wow. Thanks, Pluto. That was sweet.” I patted him on the shoulder, but he wasn’t finished. He took his gloved paws and engulfed me in a hug and hooked one of his legs around mine.

  He finally released me and signaled to Renee to take our picture. He stood behind me and once again wrapped his giant paws around my waist. His large plastic head rested on my shoulder.

  “Pluto, I know you’re a horny dog, but this is the last time I’m warning you to keep your paws to yourself.”

  Then Sudo quickly grabbed my butt and gave a tight squeeze.

  “That’s it!” I said through my teeth. I turned around and kneed him right in his big doggie balls.

  Renee and Ryan gasped as Sudo fell to his knees, grabbed his puppy pals, and let out a moan.

  “Jesus Christ, Moxie!” Sudo said, still on his knees.

  “What the fuck!” I covered my mouth with both hands. “Miles?”

  “Is it always your reaction to knee Disney characters in the crotch?” Miles stood, still wincing.

  “You we’re groping me! What are you doing here dressed up as sudo Pluto?” My hands were in my hair and my eyes went wide. “I thought you were stuck at home working?”

  “It’s supposed to be a surprise. It was all planned,” Miles said, his voice sounding less strained.

  I turned around to look at Ryan and Renee. “You knew?”

  They both nodded, biting their lips to try to contain their laughter.

  “What about you?” I eyed Dillion.

  “I was told that if I said anything to you, Daddy would cancel my subscription to National Geographic.”

  “I still might cancel your subscription. Hasn’t anyone taught you it’s not nice to lie?” I admonished, but Dillion kept smiling because he knew I was the one lying.

  “This is so sweet, Miles. But you didn’t have to do all of this. You could have just come with us on the plane like a normal human being.”

  “Then it wouldn’t have been as memorable.” He put his gloved dog paws on his hips.

  “Why does it have to be memorable? It’s just a… Oh, shit!” It hit me like a lightning bolt.

  Miles dropped down to one knee and took my hand in his fake dog paw. “Moxie, from the moment I met you, you surprised me at every turn. I love how honest you are, caring, and even how outspoken you are. You make Dillion and I complete with your love, and I want you to make our family complete. I love you, sweetness. Will you marry me?”

  Ryan handed Miles a black box, and Miles, having some issues using his gloved hands, opened it to reveal and large solitaire princess cut diamond. Everything I wanted and dreamed about were at my fingertips. I wanted a future with Miles and Dillion more then I wanted my next breath. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I clutched my stomach with my hands.

  “Moxie, this is the most quiet I’ve ever seen you. Can you please say something so I know that you’re still breathing?” Miles held the ring in front of him.

  I looked at the ring and then back to Miles, his eyes filled with tears. This was the moment of fight or flight. “Miles, I’m pregnant.”

  Time and space froze. I remembered being in a similar situation eight years ago when my deceased wife told me she was pregnant with Dillion. When Sarah told me, I was elated and fucking terrified in the same moment. This, however, was playing out differently than that memory. This time I was dressed in a smelly Pluto costume, sweating my ass off, and on my knees proposing with broken balls. A baby? Wasn’t the saying “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage?” I wasn’t the type of guy who was all about following societal rules. I just wasn’t expecting this.

  “Miles? Miles? Are you still breathing?”

  It was Ryan talking to me, but I couldn’t be bothered to respond when I was focused solely on the beautiful redhead in front of me, looking very upset. She had her arms crossed over her chest and an aggravated line creased between her brows. We were having a baby! Why would she be upset? My sweetness was carrying a part of both of us inside of her. The caveman in me wanted to go around to everyone and yell, “I marked her, she mine! Me, Tarzan!”

  “Congrats, Moxie. I think you broke him.” Ryan patted my back.

  His comment struck me as funny, and I started laughing uncontrollably.
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br />   But the next thing happened so fast. Moxie bolted from the suite. I was left on the floor, holding the ring box in my paw. I called after her but it was no use. This was not how I’d expected this proposal to go. A month’s worth of planning—calling Disney World and begging them to let me set up this proposal—all down the crapper. Everything was perfectly organized and just like my life with Moxie so far, nothing ever went as planned.

  “Dad, I think you fucked up.”

  I whipped around to look at my son. Dillion had never sworn in his life.

  “I just heard Uncle Ryan whisper it to Aunt Renee. I thought you’d want to know just in case you did fuck up and didn’t realize it.”

  I glared up at Ryan who was looking everywhere except me. “Did you know about the baby?” I asked the trio.

  “We just found out ourselves on the way here.” Renee said, casting her eyes down and nibbling her bottom lip.

  “I’ll see if she went to the room and talk to her. Why don’t you guys go ahead to the park, and we’ll meet you there later,” I said.

  “What makes you think she’s going to forgive your sorry ass for laughing at her after she told you she was pregnant?” Renee put her hands on her hips, giving me Grade A attitude.

  “I didn’t mean to laugh. It was a nervous reaction.”

  I took a room key from Renee and headed to the elevators. When the doors opened, a young couple stood in matching Mickey and Minnie wedding hats. Oh, the irony. I imagined that would be Moxie and I one day, although, she would probably argue against the Minnie hat and get Winnie the Pooh just so she could say she had Pooh on her head. I chuckled, thinking how desperately I loved this woman, the woman carrying my baby.

  The young couple looked me up and down, confused at my appearance. “I was trying to surprise my girlfriend. Wasn’t it an impressive idea?” I asked.

  “Yeah, dude,” the new groom said. “But it’s kind of like finding out that Santa isn’t real. Ignorance is bliss, man.”

  I rolled my eyes just as the elevator came to my floor. I walked off, looked at the room numbers, dragged my big floppy feet to the room, and knocked on the door.

  “Moxie?” I heard shuffling inside. “Baby, let me in. We need to talk.”

  “Why? So you can laugh at me more? Last time I checked, you were the asshole dressed up like a dog. Maybe you should go to your dog house and lick your own bone, because you sure as hell are not getting it licked by me.”

  “Moxie, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because nothing in our relationship ever goes as planned. With you, every turn is a mystery, and that isn’t a bad thing. Granted, I thought our lives together would take a more traditional route, but I shouldn’t be surprised that this was meant for us.”

  The lock twisted and the door opened slightly. Moxie stuck her head out, her red hair all over the place and her blue eyes rimmed with tears.

  “Please, sweetness. Let me in,” I said quietly, resting my paw on the doorframe.

  She opened the door to let me in and I studied her features. How was it possible that a person could transform within a short time. Before Moxie was my girlfriend. This crazy, lovable, outspoken spitfire was now a vulnerable woman. Was she worried that she was going to do this alone? Was she scared there would be something wrong with the baby? I wanted her to understand that as long as I was breathing, she would never be alone.

  She turned her back to me and walked to the window facing Magic Kingdom. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as if to protect our baby. From what? Me?

  “Turn around.”

  “I can’t,” she said, her voice shaking

  I leaned in close enough to whisper in her ear. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but whatever it is, you need to stop.”

  She finally turned and looked at me, pain etched in her eyes. “In case you didn’t hear me downstairs let me repeat it for you: I’m pregnant. I’m sorry that I don’t have a sign language translator with me for you to understand because apparently you didn’t hear me through your laughter.”

  “You’re right. Maybe we both need interpreters because I asked you to marry me and you ran off.”

  She stood there, mouth hanging open and eyes ready to pop out of her head. She stepped closer to me and poked my chest.

  “I told you I’m pregnant, and you have the nerve to scold me for leaving your proposal?” she hissed.

  I fired back. “You left me kneeling in a dog costume, holding a ring. A ring I had designed just for you, by the way, while you went to go have your little temper tantrum.”

  “I was not having a temper tantrum!” Her voice grew louder. “I was pissed because you were laughing at me.”

  “I was pissed I had to stand there with my balls overheating in this costume! At any rate, this might be our only kid because my nuts are oven roasted!”

  We’d never fought like this before, and we both struggled to catch our breath. I took my paw and placed it on her cheek. She looked up at me, her eyes mixed with different emotions. I knew she was scared. She didn’t have to tell me. Moxie used anger to push people away. It’s the only way she’d learned to protect herself. She could get mad and scream at me all she wanted, but I was never letting her go.

  “Moxie, I love you. I want to fucking marry you. Yes, this baby is a surprise, but I knew that we would have kids one day. It’s just a little sooner than expected.”

  “We never discussed it,” she said.

  It never even occurred to me to discuss the option of having kids with Moxie. Maybe that was naïve of me. But I saw how great she was with Dillion and how much she loved him. From the moment Dillion entered her class as a kindergartener, they had shared a special connection. She told me that even at a young age, Dillion had made his mark in the world. I could only guess Moxie’s fear came from her relationship with her stepmother. Martha was not exactly the best mothering role model, having criticized Moxie for almost every move that she made. But that wasn’t the Moxie I saw and that certainly had not been the way she had treated Dillion. She showed only love and support for everything he had done.

  “You’re forgetting something here,” I said. “You are not alone and will not be doing this by yourself. You have me, Dillion, Renee, Ryan…”

  “I won’t?” She sniffled.

  Was the baby sucking the intelligence out of her head? Where did she think I was going?

  “Moxie, what in the hell makes you think that I wouldn’t want this? I’m not going anywhere. You’ll have to drag my dead body away because I’m going to hook it around your leg.”

  “That’s disappointing.”

  “Excuse me?” I lifted my eyebrows and widened my eyes.

  “I would have thought you’d hook your dead body around my boobs since you love them so much.”

  Her frown slowly twisted into a smile and relief washed over me. “You’re right. When I die, I’m taking your boobs with me.”

  “You might not want them after this kid has had its way with them. I think for a push present, a boob job might be in order.”

  I laughed and took her in my arms. “We’re having a baby,” I whispered into her hair.

  “I think it’s going to be more of a demon spawn, but I’ll cross my fingers and hope it has human features.”

  With her body pressed against me, I couldn’t help but feel that familiar stir in my groin whenever she was close.

  “Miles?”

  “Mmm-hmm?

  “Your doggy boner is growing.”

  “I’m looking for a place to bury it.”

  Her body jiggled with laughter. This only made me harder and want her more. She pulled away and I used the opportunity to seal my mouth on hers.

  “So does this costume mean we are going to do it doggy style?” She humped me.

  “Help me get out of this get up, and I’ll take you in whatever way you want. But doggie style sounds like a good start. Followed by you sitting on the desk while I spread those sweet legs apart. And if you’re a
good girl, maybe I’ll let you suck on my bone.”

  Moxie loved my dirty talk; I could see her hard nipples under her shirt. She moved behind me dropped my sweatpants and pulled my sweatshirt above my head. I felt the cool air hit my body. All I had on were my boxer briefs, and my erection strained painfully against the fabric. Moxie, stilled behind me, ran her hands down my abdomen to cup my cock. I sucked in a breath, the feeling of her hands around me was exquisite. It had only been two days since we’d been together and the sensations I felt hit me like a freight train.

  “I want this,” she said, as she squeezed my cock with her hand.

  “So fucking take it.” I turned and slammed my mouth onto hers. I flicked my tongue against her lips, demanding she open for me. I clutched her back and slid my hands to her breasts, wanting to knead them.

  “Ow!” she yelled, jumping back and grabbing her breasts.

  “What? Are you okay? I barely touched you.”

  “It’s the pregnancy. My tits are sensitive.”

  “So I can’t touch them?” I stuck out my bottom lip. Yes, I was actually pouting.

  “Not unless you want me to nail you in the nuts again. My advice is for you to look at them adoringly until further notice.”

  “I guess I’ll just have to pay extra attention to other parts of your body,” I said, giving her a cocky wink and a confident smile.

  “My big toe appreciates your extra attention.”

  “I was thinking more like the part between your legs.” I nibbled a pathway from her neck down.

  I opened her jeans and dragged them down to the floor. I could see how turned on she was, and it made me salivate. I lost my composure, wanting nothing more than to be buried in this woman. I grabbed the sides of her panties and with one hard tug ripped them off her body. She gasped. I guided her back on the bed and hooked one of her legs over my shoulder, opening her wide.

  “All I can think about is how I want to fuck this beautiful pussy with my tongue,” I said, warming her with my breath.

  “So why the fuck are you still talking?” she said, breathless.

  I smiled, knowing my little spitfire was back. I tasted her, grazing her clit with my tongue. Her hips jolted straight up off the bed and she cried out. I loved that I was able to do this to her body. It was the most indulgent high.