by Mika West
Finally, after a long pause, he said, “You didn’t say it to me, you said it to your friends.”
“Said what? Tommy, tell me.”
He sighed as if he were recalling a particularly painful memory. “I was standing nearby, and they were giving you a hard time about me having a crush on you, and you said…” he stopped, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, he brought a hand up to his temple and then laced both hands together in front of him. He looked at the floor. “You said you would never be interested in someone like me. You said it was no wonder my mom had left.”
He looked up at me. In his eyes, I saw the hurt of a seventeen-year-old boy still reeling from the sharp edge of those words.
But I had never said that Nicole had said it. I looked back at him, horrified. All of a sudden the dirty looks and animosity that I’d experienced since working for him started to make some sort of sense. Was this the reason why he never spoke to me? Was this part of the reason why he left school? I closed my eyes and thought of all the could-have-beens.
“Tommy, look at me. I would never ever say something like that, I promise you.” I said then swallowed the lump in my throat. “I had the biggest crush on you in high school...”
“But, I heard you.”
“It wasn’t me. Someone did say that, but it wasn’t me, Tommy. It was Nicole.”
“Who?”
“Nicole. The girl that sat with me in the library every day. She was technically my best friend at the time. Surely you remember her? The pretty one who you stared at all the time?”
“I wasn’t staring at her,” he said, pensively, milling over the revelation. “I was staring at you.”
Chapter 10
We left the event glowing. Tommy was all hands, and I couldn’t complain. Even though he worked at a desk all day, his palms were rough, and they sent shivers through my body.
By this point, the champagne had loosened every anxious nerve in my body. I clung to him like an ornament on a tree. I told myself it was to be convincing as his fiancée, but I loved the feel of his hard, strong body. The way his eyes would glint with amusement. His smell, so intoxicating.
In the limo, his hands found the slit in my dress, and he took the edge of the fabric delicately in his hand.
“Nice dress,” he said.
“Thank you,” I replied, breathless from watching his hand hover over my thigh again.
“It would be a shame if it got ripped...”
He smiled a knowing smile and returned to playing with the hem of my skirt. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, not speaking.
The limo stopped in front of a modern looking building glowing with lights. The snow was falling again, and as Tommy took my hand to help me out of the limo, he pulled me into his chest, my arms wrapped around his neck and my lips found his. The torture of the car intensified the moment. I could feel each snowflake melt on my hot skin, feel my lips, tingly from where he had been, feel his breath, hot as fire against the cool skin of my neck. His lips tickled the skin behind my ear, and I laughed again.
“Let’s see if we can find a way to warm you up, shall we?” he said huskily.
For a moment I forgot how to breathe.
Tommy lived on the top floor of the apartment building. In the elevator, he stood to face me; his finger trailed along the neckline of my gown, but he stopped me each time I went in for a kiss.
“If I kiss you now, I won’t be able to stop. I’ll have you out of that dress and naked in the elevator… and I don’t fancy giving Rudy in the security office front row seats to an exclusive event.”
“In that case, I think I can wait a few minutes longer,” I said biting my lip.
The elevator dinged. Eagerly he led me down a carpeted hallway and stopped in front of a dark wooden door that read 706. He smiled while fishing the key to his apartment out of his thick wool coat.
He gestured for me to enter. Inside, the expansive space was filled with modern furniture and elaborate paintings. It looked like something out of a catalog, and the sitting area was bigger than my entire house put together.
I walked over to the window. “Wow. You actually live here?” I asked, looking out the giant window that dominated almost an entire wall. You could see all the lights of the city down below, shining like a million tiny fairies.
The night had gotten so late, but the sky was a soft, illuminated gray, the same color as his dark eyes. I stared in awe at the scene of the city as my nerves began to escalate.
I felt hands on my waist, then, felt him brush my hair off my back and lay it delicately in front of my shoulders. I kept staring forward, wondering what would happen next. He leaned against me and kissed my neck gently.
My chest rose with a shaky breath. Tommy leaned back again, tracing his finger from my ear to my shoulder, then across the open back of the dress. I felt him unfasten the clasp of the dress and slide his rough hands beneath the fabric until the straps holding up the gown fell off my shoulders. It shuddered to the floor and lay in a silken puddle at my feet. I stood topless, still looking out the window. I was apprehensive of what would happen if I turned to look at him—would I break the spell? The tension from the office was back, and suddenly I felt incredibly nervous.
What did he expect of me? Clearly, from the list I’d found, there was another side to him. And in all reality, I barely knew the man… I didn’t know anything about him—his power over me. All I knew was how he made me feel.
“Look at me,” he said. His words were commanding, but not cruel. My stomach was a collection of nervous knots, between my legs, a hot wetness sent out throbbing waves of heat and anticipation.
I turned to face him. His hand picked up my chin, and he kissed me, hard, pressing my back against the sharp coolness of the glass. I gasped, my skin erupting again with goosebumps. He interlaced his fingers with mine and pressed the back of my hands against the glass.
I felt so vulnerable, standing almost naked in his apartment, my back flush against the window, barely anything between me and the forty-story drop. He was still wearing his tie and dress shirt and shoes. Here I stood in nothing but a pair of heels and (thankfully my best) underwear.
He kissed me hard, my bottom lip catching in his teeth, the force of his mouth pushing my head into the glass. He released my hand and cupped my breast in his large hands, letting his thumb graze delicately over its ecstatic surface. I could feel him as he pushed up against me, a stiffness applying steady pressure to my thigh. The dampness between my thighs had become obvious. His hand slowly fell to my now soaked underwear where he traced his finger back and forth beneath the top inch of fabric. I wanted him so bad I felt like I could scream, but my one hand was still pinned to the glass, and the other was trapped beneath his impressive weight, his tongue a flickering presence in my mouth.
I wanted to please him and do all the right things. I wasn’t going to be full of regrets this time around, that was for sure. We came up for air. My lips felt pleasantly sore, but this was the moment.
“Are you going to punish me for being a naughty girl?” I breathed trying to hide my false confidence.
The dark pupils of his eyes widened, and I bit my lip hoping that I’d pleased him.
“What?” he whispered.
I detached myself from him and glanced back at the glass for a moment; it had fogged where my body pressed up against it. There was no going back now, I thought, and I turned to face him.
“I’ve been a bad girl, you outta spank me… Don’t you want to put me on your naughty list?”
Before he could answer, there was a clunking sound from down the hall. We heard the front door slam shut, and his eyes opened wide in terror. Then sharp clicking; the sound of heels upon highly polished tiles.
Suddenly, there was a shriek from the hallway.
“Tommiiiieee!”
We jerked apart to look towards the sound.
“Shit,” he said. “Stay here. Out of sight.”
Without th
inking, I ducked down, gathered up my dress, placed it over my front to cover myself and crouched behind the enormous sofa. A moment later I heard his voice from the alcove near the front door. “Natalie, what are you doing here?”
A woman who I presumed was Natalie that he’d just addressed answered. “I’ve just come from the Halloway Party. Funny story, they wouldn’t let me in because they said you brought someone else as your plus one.”
“That wasn’t my question. I asked you what you were doing here.” His voice was rough and angry.
“What’s that?” she asked inquisitively, her voice a lot closer than it had been a moment ago. My mind immediately flashed upon the scene. Could she see me? I didn’t know what to do, if I should stay hidden or just reveal myself.
I decided to not cower in the shadows and popped up from behind the sofa. It would be better than the humiliation of being found and set upon. I knew by her tone, and Tommy’s equally furious anger that whatever was about to happen wasn’t good, and it was better to get it over and done with. My heart began its downward descent, sinking back into oblivion.
I revealed myself, still clutching the dress, and the three of us stood in the living room staring at each other.
A tall brunette in a crimson gown was by Tommy, looking from him to me and back again. Her eyes ignited into a furious blaze that matched the color of her dress.
“What the fuck!” she spat and turned to face Tommy. Even though this woman was easily a foot shorter than him, her anger overpowered him. “We have one fight, and you turn up here with some bimbo?”
She looked rabid, like a diseased animal on the discovery channel, about to start foaming at the mouth.
“Who the fuck are you?” she asked, turning to me.
“Um, hi. Shae Reynolds?” I said stunned and automatically. My hand flew to my heart, a weak attempt to protect it, I thought.
Natalie gasped and pointed at me when she saw my hand; the diamond Tommy had given me only hours before still on my finger glinting in the light. Her eyes flew to mine in accusation.
“Who are you?” I asked, although my heart sank because I already knew the answer.
“Who am I?” she almost screamed. “I’m his fucking fiancée! What the hell are you doing with my ring?”
Chapter 11
The night ended in disaster.
I came home in tears. Liv had waited up, but I could barely relive the last hour of my life, mostly because I still didn’t believe it had actually happened.
My finger was still raw from where the deranged but obviously hurt woman had pried the re-gifted engagement ring from my hand.
I’d thought we’d had a connection; the night had almost been perfect. He’d liked me in high school; the animosity had all come from some unfortunate misunderstanding years and years ago. But that couldn’t make up for him lying to me now.
Really, he’d just used me. To get ahead in his career after his actual fiancée wizened up and left him. He was a selfish, lying bastard. I can’t believe I’d fallen for his tricks and allowed my emotions from all those years ago override my sensible side.
Pitifully, I sat in front of Liv with my head in my hands. I had lied to one of my favorite people, Matilda, for him. I had practically stolen the ring from his rightful fiancée and been reduced to the status of the other woman. I shuddered to think what Matilda would think when she heard about the whole dramatic episode. I’m sure his real fiancée’s hysterics at not being on the list had attracted some attention. I was so ashamed, embarrassed and utterly humiliated. Here I was, being caught again thinking he actually cared about me.
But, I had a plan. On Monday, I would go to work and confront him. I would demand my bonus because I had followed through on my part of the deal. If he refused, I would show him the naughty damming list and take it to HR. So what if he fired me? Liv and I would be fine; we’d find a way to get through it… I’d find some way to fix this.
The thought of seeing him again as the fateful day loomed closer filled my heart with so much sadness. The anniversary of my father’s death was also four days away, and the weight of the world felt like it was pushing hard against my chest, getting ready to crack my ribs and crush me into oblivion.
Liv had stayed with me practically all-night despite me telling her I was ok. Persistent and stubborn, she rubbed my back soothing me, and I revealed some, not all, of what happened. She said she would storm into the office and beat him up. Give him a piece of her mind. She said he was a sack of shit that deserved every slap that that woman would give him. Secretly, I felt I deserved to be slapped too. I was stupid.
Stupid not just because I’d fallen for the ruse. But because I’d realized I was in love.
Damn him.
I didn’t leave bed all weekend. Monday came and went, I wasn’t strong enough to go in, I still felt like I needed to recover, and even though the phone rang with several voicemails from Tommy Carver, I didn’t have the heart to listen to them.
Liv was an angel, always there with tea, ice-cream, and support. She looked at me with growing anxiety; she recognized my behavior well, this was the way our mother had behaved for all of last year. She held strong because she was Liv, and that’s what she did, but I could see the fear in her eyes. She thought she was about to lose another family member.
I gritted my teeth and threw back the duvet. I wasn’t going to do that to her. Or to myself. I wouldn’t let a man destroy me like this. I would do what I promised myself I would do; march into that office and demand to be given what was mine. Then I would never have to see him ever again. It would be over, and I’d be able to move on.
As I began to gather my clothes and get ready for work, I heard Liv’s raised voice downstairs.
“She doesn’t want to see you!”
I moved towards the top of the stairs so I could better hear.
“Listen, I just need to explain,” a man replied; Tommy’s voice.
“There’s nothing to explain. You’re a shitty human being, and my sister isn’t. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. There. It’s explained. Bye!”
“Is she here, inside?” he asked.
Confronting him here was just as good as the office, and I started down the stairs. I gathered myself for a moment, hidden from view by the wall in the foyer.
“I told you she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Look, Shae, if you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I had no idea Natalie would be there that night. I hadn’t heard from her in weeks; she threw the ring at me, it was supposed to be over,” he shouted.
Ready to fight my own battles, I came out from behind the wall. My clutch was still on the entrance table from the night before. Silently, I opened it and took out the list then handed it to him. Liv stood beside me, an ally, even though she didn’t know what I’d just given him.
“You’re a disgrace!” I said.
Before I could stop myself I slammed the door on his confused and vulnerable face, his gray eyes rimmed with red, prematurely ending the conversation. I’d had every intention to demand the bonus he’d promised, but one look at him made my traitorous heart ache. I knew I was in danger of hearing him out, on the verge of letting him have his say, and I couldn’t allow that. I had to be strong and nip it in the bud before I gave him another chance.
“If you just let me explain,” I heard his voice through the closed door. “Shae, I’m so sorry.”
I went back upstairs before Liv could see my tears.
The next morning, I mustered enough motivation to get out of bed, check the mail and begin my search for a new job. But in the mailbox was an old key to a Volvo, that derailed my plans. There was a note attached to it that said, “To: Liv.”
I frowned as I studied the small tag, the writing I believed was Tommy’s. Then went inside and called the neighbor.
“Hi, Mr. Grainger. This is Shae Reynolds from down the road. I’m calling to ask about the car?”
“Oh, hey, Shae. Yeah, sorry. I know I was sa
ving it for you, but I’m afraid times are tough, and I got a better offer. A young guy, handsome chap in a BMW came and asked about it this morning. Gave me all the cash up front even though I told him I haven’t been able to start it for months.”
“You can’t sell it to him,” I said, indignant. “My Dad already paid for half of it.”
“Hun, I already gave that money back to your mom months ago. Didn’t she tell you?”
I sat down at the table, defeated and conflicted. I was overwhelmed by the gesture. But as much as I wanted to give Tommy a second chance, and believe what he had said about Natalie, his supposedly ex-fiancée, I didn’t want to get hurt again.
Besides, he’d given Liv a key to a broken, useless, car. I ignored the fact that this had been my plan too, but at least I had intended to give her more than just a key, in my imagination, there was usually a car in the deal too. My head spun with what to do so I did the best thing imaginable, I pushed it all to the side, ignored it, and stuck my head in the sand for a few days. My own mental sanity depended on it.
Liv, on break from school, followed me around anxiously. Looking for signs of breaking but I pinned an almost psychotic smile on my face and repeated countless times that I was OK and that we’d be fine.
I had to find a new job soon, but it would be impossible this close to the holidays, yet that didn’t stop me from scouring the newspapers, wanted ads, and local online job sites. I tentatively called Tiff to ask if I could have my final paycheck sent to the house.
She’d been understanding enough, overly sympathetic if I was honest. Word of the incident had obviously traveled far. News and gossip normally did in our small town, and this was no exception.
Later that day, I was sitting at the kitchen table, listlessly tracing an old cup ring with my finger when I heard a clang outside. All afternoon there’d been loud noises coming from what I assumed was the noisy neighbor down the street who ran a part-time handy-man company out of his house and garage.