Because your baby is upset by what is happening to her, she will be much quicker to cry at this time. A very demanding little one, in particular, will cry, whine, and grumble noticeably more often than she did in the past. She will make no bones about the fact that she wants to be with her mommy.
Your baby will generally cry less when she is with you, although she may insist that you give her your undivided attention. She may not only want to be carried around constantly but also expect to be amused all through her waking hours. If she is not kept busy, she may continue to be extra cranky even when sitting on your lap.
How You Know It's Time to Grow
Watch for these sometimes subtle, sometimes not so, clues that your baby is changing and about to leap into the world of events.
She May Have Trouble Sleeping
Your baby may not settle down well at night now. It may be more difficult to get her to go to bed in the evenings, or she may lie awake at night. She may want a night feeding again, or she may even demand to be fed several times a night. She may also wake up much earlier in the morning.
She May Become Shy with Strangers
Your baby may refuse to sit on anyone else's lap but yours, or she may get upset if a stranger looks at or talks to her. She may even seem frightened of her own father if he is not around her for much of the day. Generally, her shyness will be more apparent with people who look very different from you.
"When my daughter sees my sister, she gets extremely upset and starts screaming at the top of her lungs and buries her face in my clothes, as if she's afraid to even look at my sister. My sister has dark eyes and wears black eye makeup, which tends to give her a rather hard look. I'm blonde and wear hardly any makeup at all. Perhaps that has something to do with it."
Nina's mom, 16th week
"My son won't smile at people who wear glasses anymore. He just stares at them with a stern look on his face and refuses to smile until they have taken their glasses off."
John's mom, 16th week
She May Demand More Attention
Your baby may want you to amuse her by doing things together, or at the very least, she may want you to look at her all the time. She may even start to cry the moment you walk away.
"I have to give my son extra attention between feedings. In the past, he'd lie quietly on his own. Now he wants to be entertained."
John's mom, 17th week
Her Head May Need More Support
When you carry your fussy baby around, you may notice you have to support her head and body more often. She may slump down a little in your arms when you hold her, particularly during crying fits. When you carry her, it may strike you that she feels more like the tiny newborn she used to be.
She May Always Want to Be with You
Your baby may refuse to be set down, although she may agree to sit in her bouncing chair as long as you stay near by and touch her frequently.
"My little one wants to be closer to me, which is unusual for her. If I let go of her for even a second, she starts to cry, but as soon as either my husband or I pick her up, everything's fine again."
Eve's mom, 17th week
She May Lose Her Appetite
Both breastfed and bottle-fed babies can temporarily have smaller appetites as they approach this leap. Don't worry if your little one is more easily distracted by the things she sees or hears around her than she used to be, or if she is quick to start playing with the nipple. Occasionally, babies may even turn away from the bottle or breast and refuse to drink completely. Sometimes, a fussy eater may eat her fruit but refuse her milk, for example. Nearly all mothers who breastfeed see this refusal as a sign that they should switch to other nourishments. Some mothers feel as if their babies are rejecting them personally. This is not at all the case. Your baby is simply upset. It is not necessary to stop breastfeeding at this point; on the contrary, it would be a bad time to choose to wean your baby.
"Around 15 weeks, my daughter suddenly started nursing less. After 5 minutes, she would start playing around with my nipple. After that had gone on for 2 weeks, I decided to start supplementing my milk with formula, but she wouldn't have any of that either. This phase lasted 4 weeks. During that time, I worried she would suffer from some kind of nutrition deficiency, especially when I saw my milk supply starting to diminish. But now she is drinking like she used to again, and my milk supply is as plentiful as ever. In fact, I seem to have more."
Hannah's mom, 19th week
She May Be Moody
Some babies' moods swing wildly at this time. One day they are all smiles, but the next they do nothing but cry. These mood swings may even occur from one moment to the next. One minute they're shrieking with laughter, and the next they burst into tears. Sometimes, they even start to cry in the middle of laughing. Some mothers say that both the laughter and the tears seem to be dramatic and exaggerated, almost unreal.
My Diary
Signs My Baby Is Growing Again
Between 14 and 17 weeks, you may notice your baby starting to show any of the following behaviors, signs that he is ready to make the next leap into the world of events. Cross off the signs your baby shows on the list below.
Cries more often; is often bad-tempered, cranky, or fretful
Wants you to keep him busy
Needs more support for his head
Wants more physical contact
Sleeps poorly
Loses his appetite
Is shier with strangers than he was before
Is quieter, less vocal
Is less lively
Has pronounced mood swings
Wants more physical contact during nursing
Sucks his thumb, or sucks more often than before
* * *
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
She May Be Listless
Your baby may stop making his familiar sounds for a brief period or may occasionally lie motionless, staring into thin air or fidgeting with her ears, for example. It's very common for babies at this age to seem listless and preoccupied. Many mothers find their infants' behavior peculiar and alarming. But actually, this apathy is just a lull before the storm. This interlude is a sign that your baby is on the brink of making many discoveries in a new world where she will learn to acquire many new skills.
How This Leap May Affect You
On one hand, you may find it hard to believe your baby is 19 weeks old, but on the other, you may have felt every hour of those 19 weeks, having been up for so many of them, comforting a wailing baby. Here are some ways this latest leap may be affecting you.
You May (Still) Be Exhausted
During a fussy period, most mothers complain increasingly of fatigue, headaches, nausea, backaches, or emotional problems. Some less fortunate mothers contend with more than one of these problems at the same time. They blame their symptoms on lack of sleep, having to constantly carry their little screamers, or worrying about their unhappy infants. The real cause of these symptoms, though, is the stress of constantly coping with a cranky baby. Some mothers visit their family doctor and are prescribed an iron supplement, or go to a physiotherapist for their back troubles, but the real problem is that they are nearing the end of their tether. Especially now, make time for yourself, and give yourself a treat now and then. But remember that your baby will eventually come to your aid by learning the skills that she needs to deal with her new world, and then the sun will shine again.
"If my daughter won't settle down for a few nights in a row and wants to be walked around all the time, I get a terrible backache. At times like these, I wish she was gone for just one night. I'm a total wreck."
Emily's mom, 17th week
You May Feel Trapped
Toward the end of a fussy period, a mother sometimes feels so confined by her baby's demands that she almost feels she's in prison. It seems as if the baby is calling all the shots, and the mother feels irritated by her "selfishness." It's no wonder that mothers sometimes wish their babies would just disappear for
a while. Some even daydream about how wonderful it would be if they could put them out of their minds for just one night.
"This week, there were moments when I would have liked to forget that I had a son altogether. Aren't human beings weird creatures? At times, I felt so closed in. I just had to get away from it all, and so that's what I did."
Bob's mom, 18th week
"When I'm at the store with my baby and he wakes up and starts crying, everybody stares at me. I get all hot and bothered. Sometimes I think, 'Why don't you shut up, you stupid kid!'"
Steven's mom, 18th week
You May Feel Resentful
After a few weeks of living with a fussy baby, you may be shocked to find that you are beginning to resent this demanding little person who disrupts your life so much. Don't blame yourself. This is an understandable and surprisingly common reaction. Many mothers grow more irritated toward the end of a fussy period. They are convinced their baby has no valid reason for making such a fuss, and they are inclined to let their babies cry a little longer than they used to. Some begin to wonder what "spoiling" actually means, and think they may be giving in to his whims too much. They may also begin to wonder if they should be teaching their little ones to consider that mothers have feelings, too.
Now and then, a mother may feel a surge of aggression toward her persistent little screamer, especially when the baby won't stop crying, and the mother is at her wit's end. Having these feelings is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Get help long before you lose control. Shaking, especially, can be harmful. Remember, while it is normal to feel frustrated and angry with your baby at times, never shake a baby. Shaking a young child can easily cause internal bleeding of the spine just below the skull which can result in brain damage that may lead to learning difficulties later on or even death.
"My son refused to continue with his feeding and started having an incredible crying tantrum, while I just kept trying to get his milk down his throat. When the same thing happened with the next bottle, I felt myself becoming terribly angry because none of my little distraction tricks were working. I felt as if I were going around in circles. So I put him on the floor where he would be safe and let him scream his lungs out. When he finally stopped, I went back into the room, and he finished his bottle."
Bob's mom, 19th week
"I started to feel my temper rise every time my daughter launched into one of her crying fits because I'd left her on her own for just a second. So I let her get on with it and ignored her."
Ashley's mom, 17th week
"The last four evenings, my son started screaming at 8:00 P.M. After consoling him for 2 nights in a row, I'd had enough. So I let him cry until 10:30 P.M. He's certainly persistent, I'll give him that!"
Kevin's mom, 16th week
How Your Baby's New Skills Emerge
Because this fussy phase lasts longer than the previous ones, most mothers immediately sense that this period is different. They are concerned about their babies' seemingly slower progress and the fact that the babies seem to have a sudden aversion to the things they liked in the past. But don't worry. From this age on, the new skills are much more complicated to learn. Your little one needs more time.
"My baby seems to be making such slow progress. Before he was 15 weeks old, he developed much faster. It's almost as if he's come to a standstill these past few weeks. At times, I find this to be very upsetting."
Matt's mom, 17th week
"It's almost as if my son is on the verge of making new discoveries, but something seems to be holding him back. When I play with him, I can sense there's something missing, but I don't know what it is. So I'm playing the waiting game, too."
Steven's mom, 17th week
"My daughter has been trying to do lots of new things this week. All of a sudden, it hit me how much she can do at just 4 months, and to tell you the truth, I feel very proud of her."
Jenny's mom, 18th week
At approximately 19 weeks, you will notice that your baby is trying again to learn new skills, because this is the age when babies will generally begin to explore the world of events. This world offers her a huge repertoire of event-skills. Your baby will choose the skills best suited to her—the ones that she wants to explore. You can help her do what she really is ready to do, rather than trying to push her in any and every direction.
After the last leap forward, your baby was able to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel smooth and continuous transitions. But all these transitions had to be relatively simple, such as a toy moved steadily across the floor in front of him. As soon as they became more complicated, he was no longer able to follow them. In the new world that babies begin to explore at approximately 19 weeks, most babies will start to perceive and experiment with short, familiar sequences. This new ability will affect a baby's entire behavior.
As soon as a baby is able to make several flowing movements in sequence, this will give him more opportunities with objects within his grasp. He may, for instance, be able to repeat the same flowing movement several times in succession. You may now see him trying to shake playthings from side to side or up and down. He may also attempt to press, push, bang, or beat a toy repeatedly. Besides repeating the same movement, he may now learn to perform a short sequence of different movements smoothly. For instance, he may grab an object with one hand, then try to pass it to the other hand. Or he may grab a plaything and immediately attempt to put it in his mouth. He is capable of turning a plaything around and looking at it from every possible angle. From now on, he is able to carry out a thorough examination of any object within reach.
In addition, your baby may now learn how to adjust the movements of his body, especially his upper arm, lower arm, hand, and fingers, to reach the exact spot where the plaything lies, and he can learn to correct his movements as he goes along. For instance, if a toy is farther to the left, his arm will move to the left in one flowing movement. If it is more to the right, his arm will immediately move to the correct spot. The same applies to an object near at hand, one that is farther away, or a toy hanging higher or lower. He will see it, reach for it, grab it, and pull it toward him, all in one smooth movement. As long as an object is within arm's length, your little one will now actually be able to reach out and grasp the object of his choice.
When your baby is toying with these movements, you may see him twist and turn. He may now learn to roll over or spin on his back more easily. He may also make his first crawling attempts, because he is now capable of pulling his knees up, pushing off, and stretching.
Brain Changes
Recordings of babies' brain waves show that dramatic changes occur at approximately 4 months. Also, babies' head circumferences suddenly increase between 15 and 18 weeks.
He may also learn to make a short series of sounds now. If he does, he will develop his chatter, which started after the previous leap, to include alternating vowel and consonant sounds. He will gradually use all of these sounds to speak in "sentences." This abba baba tata is what adults fondly call "baby talk." You could say he is now able to become just as flexible with his voice as he is with the rest of his body.
All over the world, babies start making these short sentences when they reach this age. For example, Russian, Chinese, and American babies all babble the same language initially. Eventually, the babies will start to develop their babble-sounds into proper words of their native language, and they will stop using the universal babble sounds. Each baby will become more proficient at imitating the language he hears being spoken around him because he will get the most response and praise when he produces something close to home.
Apparently, everyone's ancestors must have felt as if they were being addressed personally when they heard their offspring say "dada" or "mommom," because the words for mommy and daddy are very similar in many different languages. The truth, though, is that the little babbler is carrying out a number of technical experiments with short, familiar sequences of the same sound element: "da" or "mom."
Your baby may now begin to recognize a short series of flowing sounds. He may be fascinated by a series of notes running smoothly up and down a musical scale. He may now respond to all voices that express approval, and he may be startled by voices that scold. It doesn't matter what language is used to express these feelings, since he will be able to perceive the differences in tones of voice. For the first time, he is now able to pick out one specific voice in the middle of a commotion.
My Diary
How My Baby Explores the New World of Events
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Stop filling this out once the next stormy period begins, heralding the coming of the next leap.
The big change that allows your baby eventually to make sense of the world of events begins at around 15 weeks. The leap into this world is a pretty big one, and the skills that come with it only start to take wing around 19 weeks. Even then, it may be a while before you see any of the skills listed here. It's most likely he will not acquire many of these skills until months later.
BODY CONTROL
Starts moving virtually every part of his body as soon as he is put on the floor
Rolls over from his back onto his tummy
Rolls over from his tummy onto his back
Is able to fully stretch his arms when lying on his tummy
Lifts his bottom and attempts to push off; does not succeed
The Wonder Weeks Page 11