The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  Raises himself onto his hands and feet when lying on his tummy, then tries to move forward; does not succeed

  Attempts to crawl; manages to slide forward or backward

  Supports himself with forearms, and raises upper half of his body

  Sits up straight (all by himself) when leaning against you

  Attempts to sit up straight when he's by himself and briefly succeeds by leaning on his forearms and bringing his head forward

  Remains upright in high chair with cushions for support

  Enjoys moving his mouth—puckers his lips in a variety of ways, sticks his tongue out

  * * *

  GRABBING, TOUCHING, AND FEELING

  Succeeds in grabbing objects

  Grabs things with either hand

  Is able to grab an object with either hand if it comes into contact with the object, even if he is not looking at it

  Is able to pass objects between hands

  Sticks your hand in his mouth

  Touches or sticks his hands in your mouth as you talk

  Sticks objects in his mouth to feel and bite them

  Is able to pull a cloth from his face by himself, slowly at first

  Recognizes a toy or other familiar object, even if it is partially covered by something; will soon give up unsuccessful attempts to retrieve the toy

  Tries shaking a plaything

  Tries banging a plaything on a tabletop

  Deliberately throws a plaything on the floor

  Tries grabbing things just out of reach

  Tries to play with an activity center

  Understands the purpose of a particular toy; for example, he will dial his toy telephone

  Studies objects closely; he is especially interested in minute details of toys, hands, and mouths

  * * *

  WATCHING

  Stares in fascination at repetitive activities, such as jumping up and down, slicing bread, or brushing hair

  Stares in fascination at the movements of your lips and tongue when you are talking

  Searches for you and is able to turn around to do this

  Looks for a plaything that is partially hidden

  Reacts to his own reflection in mirror; he is either scared or laughs

  Holds a book in his hands and stares at pictures

  * * *

  LISTENING

  Listens intently to sounds coming from your lips

  Responds to his own name

  Is now able to distinguish one particular sound in a medley of different sounds, so responds to his own name even if there are background noises

  Genuinely understands one or more words; for example, he looks at his teddy bear if asked "Where's your teddy bear?" (Won't respond correctly if the toy is not in its usual place. )

  Will respond appropriately to an approving or scolding voice

  Recognizes the opening bars of a song

  * * *

  TALKING

  Makes new sounds, using his lips and tongue: ffft-ffft-ffft, vvvvvv, zzz, sss, brrr, arrr, rrr, grrr, prrr. This rrr is known as the "lip r." Your baby may particularly like to do this with food in his mouth!

  Uses consonants: d, b, l, m

  Babbles. Utters first "words": mommom, dada, abba, hadahada, baba, tata

  Makes noises when yawning and is aware of these noises

  * * *

  BODY LANGUAGE

  Stretches his arms out to be picked up

  Smacks his lips when hungry; waves arms and legs

  Opens his mouth and moves his face toward food and drink

  "Spits" when he's had enough to eat

  Pushes the bottle or breast away when he has had enough

  Turns away from the feeding of his own accord when full

  * * *

  OTHER SKILLS

  May exaggerate his actions; for example, when you respond to his coughing, he will cough again, then laugh

  Gets grumpy when becoming impatient

  Screams if he fails to do what he seems to be trying to do

  Has one special cuddly toy, such as a blanket

  * * *

  OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE

  Your baby may also start to recognize short, familiar tunes. At 19 weeks, babies are even capable of hearing whether interruptions in a piece of music being played are genuine or do not belong to that particular piece of music, even if they have never heard the music before. In an unusual experiment, researchers found that if a part of a minuet by Mozart was played to babies, they showed a definite response if the music was interrupted by random pauses. Babies may also start recognizing words for the very first time.

  Your baby may now learn to see a short, familiar sequence of images. For instance, he may be fascinated by the up-and-down motion of a bouncing ball. There are endless examples to be seen, all disguised as normal, everyday activities or events, such as someone shaking his bottle up and down, stirring a saucepan, hammering a nail, opening and closing a door, slicing bread, filing nails, brushing hair, the dog scratching itself, somebody pacing back and forth in the room, and a whole range of other events and activities.

  Two more basic characteristics of the world of events should be mentioned here. First, as adults, we usually experience an event as an inseparable whole. We do not see a falling-rising-falling ball—we see a bouncing ball. Even when the event has only just begun, we already know it is a bouncing ball. As long as it continues, this remains one and the same event—an event for which we have a name. Second, most events are defined by the observer. For instance, when we speak, we don't separate the words clearly, but run one into the next without a pause. The listener creates the boundaries between words, giving the impression that they are heard one at a time. It is exactly this special power of perception that will begin to be available to your baby between 14 and 17 weeks.

  Your Baby's Choices: A Key to His Personality

  The world of events offers a wide range of new skills to your baby. From the opportunities available to him, your little one will make his own selections, based on his own inclinations, interests, and physical characteristics. Some babies may want to concentrate on feeling skills, while others may choose the watching skills, and yet another group will specialize in physical activities. Obviously, there are also babies who like to learn a variety of different skills without specializing in any one of them. Every baby makes his own choice, because every baby is unique.

  Watch your baby closely to determine his particular interests. If you respect his choices, you will discover the special pattern that makes your baby unique. All babies love anything new. It's important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. Your baby will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and his learning will progress more quickly.

  The more your baby comes in contact with events and the more she plays with them, the greater her understanding of them will be and the more proficient she will become. It doesn't matter which discoveries she chooses to make in this new world. She may pay close attention to music, sounds, and words. Or she may choose looking and observing, or physical activities. Later on, it will be easy for her to put the knowledge and experience she has gained learning one skill to good use when learning another.

  Besides wanting to experiment with the discoveries she makes in this world of events, your baby will also become tremendously interested in everything going on around her. This may now occupy most of her waking hours, because she will want to look at and listen to everything she possibly can. Even better (or worse!), every toy, household item, and gardening or kitchen utensil within a small arm's length is hers for the taking. You are no longer her only toy. She may try to become involved in the world around her by pushing herself forward with her hands and feet, toward something new, and away from her mom. She may now have less time to spare for her old cuddling games. Some parents feel a little rejected by this.

  Even so, she still needs your help just as much as ever. Your baby's fascination with the whole world around
her is typical at this age. You probably have begun to sense these new needs, and your main contribution can be supplying your baby with enough playthings and waiting to see how she responds. Only if you notice that she has real difficulties in fully understanding a toy should you give her a hand. You'll also want to keep an eye on your baby to make sure she uses her hands, feet, limbs, and body properly when reaching out to grab objects. If you see that she has a particular problem, you can help her to practice activities like rolling over, turning, and sometimes even crawling, sitting, or standing up.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Body Movement

  Perhaps you have seen your baby spin on her back and squirm in an attempt to roll over from her tummy onto her back. If you did, you saw your little one toying with a short series of flowing movements of several body parts. She can now make these because she is living in the world of events. However, being able to make several flowing movements in succession does not automatically mean that she is successful in rolling over or crawling, for that matter. It usually takes quite some trial and error to get there.

  "My little one is trying to roll over from her back onto her tummy. She's not having much success yet, and it's making her awfully upset. She really gets exasperated."

  Ashley's mom, 20th week

  "My son is practicing like crazy to learn to roll over properly. But when he's lying facedown, he pulls both arms and legs up at the same time, straining and moaning like mad, and that's as far as he gets."

  John's mom, 21st week

  "My daughter manages to roll over only when she gets really angry. To her own surprise, I might add."

  Laura's mom, 20th week

  Here's a playful way to help your baby practice rolling from her back onto her tummy. Lay your baby on her back, and hold a colorful plaything next to her. To reach it, she will be forced to stretch her body and turn so that she can't help but roll over. Of course, you have to encourage her in her efforts and praise her for trying.

  You can also make a game out of helping her to roll from her tummy onto her back. One way is to lay your baby on her stomach and hold a colorful toy behind her, either to her left or to her right. When she turns to reach for it, move the plaything farther behind her back. At a certain point, she will roll over, simply from turning a little too much when reaching for the toy. Her heavy head will automatically help her in the process.

  At about this age, babies often try to crawl. The problem with crawling is the moving forward part. Most babies would love to move forward, and they do try. Some babies get into the right starting position—they tuck their knees under their bodies, stick their bottoms in the air, and push off—but they're not successful. Other babies get into the crawling position but bounce up and down without moving forward. There are also little squirmers who slide backward, because they push off with their hands. Others push off with one foot, thus going around in circles. Some lucky babies fumble around for a while and hit on forward motion seemingly by accident. This is the exception rather than the rule at this age.

  "I think my baby may want to crawl, but I have the feeling he doesn't know how yet. He squirms and wriggles, but he doesn't move an inch. He gets really upset then."

  Frankie's mom, 20th week

  Many mothers try to help their babies crawl. They carefully push their wriggling infants' bottoms forward, or they put all kinds of attractive objects just out of their reach in an attempt to coax them forward. Sometimes these maneuvers will do the trick, and the baby somehow manages to move a little. Some babies do this by throwing themselves forward with a thud. Others lie on their tummies and push themselves forward with their legs, while using their arms to steer themselves in the right direction.

  If you imitate your baby's attempts, she may find it absolutely hilarious. She may also really enjoy watching you show her how to crawl properly. Nearly every child who is having crawling problems will be fascinated by your attempts. Just try it and see!

  Let Him Wriggle Around Naked

  Your baby has to practice if he wants to learn how to roll over, turn, and crawl properly. It will be a lot more fun, and much easier for him, if he is not wearing his clothes and diaper. Lots of physical exercise will give him the opportunity to get to know his body and help him to increase his control over it.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Manipulation and Examination

  In the world of events, your baby's arms, hands, and fingers are just like the rest of her body—able to make several flowing movements in succession. As a result, she is able to practice reaching for, grabbing, and pulling a toy toward herself in one smooth movement and manipulate it in all sorts of ways such as shaking, banging, or poking. Thus she can examine the objects she can lay her hands on. And that is just what she wants to do at this age, though again she needs a lot of practice to become perfect.

  Let her explore as many objects as she wants. She may turn them around, shake them, bang them, slide them up and down, and stick an interesting part in her mouth to feel and taste it. An activity center offers a variety of these hand and finger exercises all on one board. It usually has an element that one can turn. It may have a knob that also makes a noise when pressed. There could be animals to slide up and down and revolving cylinders and balls to turn, and so on. Each separate activity will emit a different sound when your baby handles it. Lots of babies love their activity centers. But don't expect your little one to understand and use all these features properly at first. She's just a beginner!

  When you see that your baby is trying to do something without much success, you can help her by holding her hand to show her how to do it properly. Or if your baby has a preference for observing how things are done, let her watch how your hand does it. Either way, you will encourage her to be playful and clever with her little hands.

  "We had an activity center hanging in the playpen for weeks. My son looked at it from time to time, but he wouldn't do anything with it. But this week, he suddenly started grabbing it. Now he just loves touching and turning all those knobs. You can tell he's really exploring the whole board. He does get tired quickly, though, because he has to push himself up with one hand all the time."

  Paul's mom, 18th week

  If your baby gets tired because she has to push herself up with one hand all the time, support her so she can use her hands freely. For instance, put her on your lap and examine a toy together. She will love being able to play while sitting comfortably. Besides, when she is sitting, she will be able to look at playthings from a completely different angle. Just watch her to see if she does different things with toys when she is sitting comfortably. Perhaps you may even see new activities.

  "I put my baby in his high chair for the first time and propped him up with a cushion. He immediately discovered that you can do certain things with toys while sitting up that you can't do on the floor. When I gave him his plastic key ring, he first started banging it on the tabletop, and then he kept throwing it on the floor. He did that about 20 times in a row. He thought it was great fun and couldn't stop laughing."

  Paul's mom, 19th week

  If your baby is a keen explorer, you can enrich her environment by offering her playthings and other objects of different shapes, such as round or square things, or made of different materials, such as wood and plastic. Give her fabrics with different textures or soft, rough, and smooth paper to play with. Many babies love empty, crisp bags, because they slowly change shape and make wonderful crackling sounds when crumpled. Give your baby objects with rough edges or dents. Most babies have a weakness for weird shapes. The shape of a plastic key, for instance, will challenge her to make a closer inspection. Many babies find the jagged edge particularly intriguing and will want to touch it, look at it, and taste it.

  Some babies are drawn to the smallest details. If you have such a tiny researcher, she will probably look at an object from all sides, examining it very carefully. She will really take her time and carry out a close inspection of the objec
t. She will fuss with the smallest of protrusions. It may take ages before she's finished stroking, feeling, and rubbing textures and examining shapes and colors. Nothing seems to escape her inquisitive eyes and probing mind. If she decides to examine you, she will do this meticulously, too. If she studies your hand, she will usually begin with one finger, stroke the nail, and then look and feel how it moves, before she proceeds to the next finger. If she's examining your mouth, she will usually inspect every single tooth. Stimulate her eye for detail by giving her toys and objects that will interest her.

  Baby Care

  Make Your Home Baby-Proof

  You probably began this process a long time ago, but since your baby is now becoming increasingly mobile, it's time to do a quick safety check to make sure he is safe.

  Never leave small objects, such as buttons, pins, or coins, near your baby.

  When your baby is on your lap during feeding, make sure he can't suddenly grab a cup or mug containing a hot drink.

  Never leave hot drinks on a table within your baby's reach. Don't even leave them on a high table. If the baby tries to reach it by pulling at the leg of the table—or, even worse, the tablecloth—he could spill the drink over himself.

  Use a guard or fence around stoves and fireplaces.

  Keep poisonous substances such as turpentine, bleach, and medicine out of your baby's reach and in childproof containers when possible.

  Make sure electrical outlets are secured with socket covers and that there are no trailing wires anywhere.