by Lexie Davis
Ryker climbed into bed wearing his boxers. “Why the fuck do you want to be different than what you are? You’re worried about sex. You’re worried I don’t want you. You want to be a bad girl when there isn’t one fucking bad bone in your body. You balance us out, babe. I’m bad, you’re good. If you were bad, we wouldn’t work.”
Ella rolled her eyes. “If you say so.”
He pulled her to him and smacked her ass. “You’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t ever change it.”
She smiled and kissed him. “You make me feel safe,” Ella admitted.
He stared at her. “I’ll protect you with all that I am. Don’t ever question it.”
“What if…”
He pressed a finger against her lips. “Nobody is going to hurt you. I promise you that.”
He leaned in, cupping her face as he kissed her. She believed him. He’d kill them before he let them hurt her, and a small part of her took comfort in that.
****
Ryker moved Ella’s entire apartment—or what was left in it—into a new place that was in a better neighborhood. He also had a security system installed so that she’d feel safe when he wasn’t there.
It’d been a hellish day, but he and the guys got the job done. Since they had some club business to deal with that night, he figured sharing a beer on the balcony with his friends, while they were still his friends, was in order.
“We’re the dream team.” Vampire drank from his beer. “The vote should go according to plan.”
Ryker named Vampire as his VP, while Superman got the sergeant-at-arms position. He still needed to be voted in, but that was semantics. Nobody else wanted the position and it made sense since so many chapters were looking up to him as their leader as well.
“There’s still some questionable members.” Ryker rubbed his eyes. “I don’t fucking know why they were obsessed with my dad, but they’ve been part of the club longer than I’ve been alive.”
Ella came up the stairs and stopped. “Uh, you guys aren’t moving in with us, are you?”
Vampire grinned. “I’m into threeways if you are.”
Ryker kicked his friend’s boot off the small table he’d propped it on. “Knock it off.”
Ella walked toward him. “Hey.” She kissed him briefly before pulling back to meet his gaze. “I need to talk to you for a minute.”
Ryker set his beer down and followed her inside. She glanced around the apartment. While the original one she’d rented was essentially a studio, this one had nice large rooms and an open floor plan. “I don’t have enough furniture for this place.”
He pulled her to him. “We’ll get new stuff.”
“With what? My looks?” She scoffed. “Don’t answer that.”
“I have money.” He shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
She glanced around. “I said yes based on the pictures you sent me, but this looks like it’s big enough for five people.”
Ryker propped his hands on his hips. “We’ll grow into it.”
When he went in to have his staples removed, she’d given him the results of his tests. Everything came back negative. Relief filled him. They had a clean slate for their future. Now he just had to figure out how to make it happen.
“I don’t know.” She set her stuff on the coffee table. “I had a conversation with my boss today. He’s the director of the emergency medicine department at the hospital and he said that they weren’t going to hire me when I graduate from my residency program.”
He tilted his head to the side. “So you can go to another hospital. Atlanta’s got several.”
“Maybe.” She sat on the couch. “I got a job offer in Washington DC.”
Ryker closed the door to the apartment and walked toward her, taking a seat in the chair next to the sofa. “Do you want it?”
She chewed on her lower lip. “I don’t know. It’s really good money. One of my former professors got a position there. He recommended me for an ER position.”
Ryker could see it in her face that she was contemplating it. He couldn’t blame her. Atlanta had been nothing but hell for her since she’d come back. He leaned forward on his thighs.
“You do what you want to do.”
She lifted her gaze. “Where does that leave us?”
“I’ll still be here.” With all that was going on with the club, he couldn’t change chapters now. It’d wreak all kinds of havoc on him, but she’d be working most of the time and he’d be doing his thing. For the most part, she’d be out of harm’s way too.
“There’s no way you’d actually go with me?”
“Babe, I can’t. Not right now.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
She rubbed her hands on her thighs. “Yeah. I mean, I’m not going to beg you. I don’t even know if I’m taking the position either, so okay.”
She stood and walked past him. Everything in the apartment had been hooked up and transferred over. He’d even gotten them cable.
She went to the bedroom, going straight for the master bath. “Wow.”
Ryker stopped in the doorway. “I figured you’d like a little more room to put all your girly crap.”
She snorted. “This room is as big as the entire other apartment.”
He slid his arms around her from behind. “I think you need to take a bubble bath and relax.”
“Are you going anywhere?”
She still didn’t feel safe. He hated it too. “Not right now.”
“Will you stay with me?”
He kissed the side of her cheek. “Let me get rid of the guys.”
Ryker went back to the front of the apartment. Superman and Vampire laughed about something that one of them had said.
“Go round up votes. Make sure all the members are there. We’ll settle this thing tomorrow night.”
They nodded. “Is she okay?” Vampire asked.
“She’s fine.” Ryker stared at his friend. “We’ll meet tomorrow.”
He closed the door and locked it, setting the security system. He had no plans to leave for the night. Staying with Ella sounded like the best idea he’d had in a long time.
He grabbed a glass of iced tea, since she didn’t drink anything but, and a bottle of water for himself. He really needed to get some more beer. And maybe groceries in general. He carried both beverages to the bathroom, where Ella had sunk into a sea of bubbles. He smiled at her as he set the glass on the edge of the tub.
“You look like you’re enjoying the new bathtub.”
“I am.” She’d pulled her hair up high enough that she could lay her head back against the tub without it getting wet. “What were you talking about with the guys?”
He sipped at his water. Telling her club business was something he couldn’t do. But if he was going to wear the president patch and hold the role, Ella needed to know. He licked his lips and glanced away.
“We’re voting new men into the leadership roles of the club. Everyone is expecting me to take the president spot. I get to nominate the others.”
She lifted her glass from the tub. “So you did kill your father.”
He didn’t say anything. Talking about what he did or didn’t do put Ella at risk for all kinds of trouble. She didn’t need to know what happened with the Roaming Devils. All she needed to know was that he would make the club better.
“You’re not going to deny it?” She shook her head. “He deserved it, but it doesn’t mean you should have done it.”
He glanced over his shoulder at her staring back at him. “What should I do? Turn him in to the cops? Like he wouldn’t fucking flip on us to save his own ass? We’d all be in jail.”
“How can you be this way? How can you act like nothing happened?” She shook her head. “‘Hi, honey, what did you do today?’ ‘Oh, nothing. I just killed my father. How was the ER? Did anyone throw up on you today?’ Which, by the way, happened, thank you for asking.”
He grinned, which only pissed
her off more. Her fury was damn near adorable to him. She slapped his arm. “It’s not funny.”
He laughed harder and she rolled her eyes. “You’re an asshole.”
He reached out for her head and she tried to pull away from him before he kissed her cheek. “Do you have conversations with yourself often?”
“I have to. You won’t have them with me.”
She tried pushing him away, but she didn’t win. He pressed his face against hers, leaning across the bathtub, nearly halfway inside. “I fucking need you in my life.”
He kissed her and met her eyes. “What do you want me to do? Huh? The man wanted to kill you. What do you think I should do with my father?”
“You say that like nothing has happened.” She gripped his arm, digging her nails into his skin. “Did you kill him?”
“I’m not answering that. Tell me what you would do if you were me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. He’s evil.”
“Exactly.”
Her nails eased up on his skin and she released him from her grip. “What happened to your grandfather?”
Ryker groaned. “He died in a fire.”
“I’m sure that wasn’t planned.” She shifted in the water, scooping the bubbles into her hand. “Is that what the club is about? Murder? If someone does you wrong, you kill them? Is that the way of life for you?”
“Not exactly, no.” He rubbed his forehead.
“Would you choose to be part of the club if you had that choice?”
He stared at her for what felt like an eternity. Ella sipped at her tea, lying back against the side of the tub. The bubbles had dissipated and the tops of her breasts were visible to his eyes. She was waiting for his answer and, for some reason, he felt like the answer meant everything to her. To their relationship.
“I don’t know any other life.” He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, Ella. I wish I could say what you want to hear, but I can’t. You wanted honesty. I’m being honest. I love the club. I love the men that are part of it. They’re family, the only family I know.”
“How do you know what I want to hear?” She frowned. “I’m not against the Roaming Devils. I don’t care if you want to be part of it by choice or not. What I do care about is your happiness. You can’t go around killing people and say you’re a happy person. You can’t shoot your father one day and come home to me like nothing happened. Life has got to mean more than that to you.”
“It does.” He swallowed.
“Then why do it?”
He stood and walked toward one of the vanities in the room. His father’s words taunted him. Are you going to do it, or are you a pussy? He gripped the edge of the counter and stared at himself in the mirror.
They’d carried him back to the middle of fucking nowhere and shoved him to his knees. Razor’s wrists were bound and they’d put a sack over his head. Ryker had yanked it off while Vampire grabbed Sonny. Both were fucking bastards.
His father laughed, spitting blood from the split in his lip, and stared up at him with a fucking grin. “You’ve actually got the balls to kill me?”
Ryker had stared at him. The eyes staring back were dark and completely devoid of any emotion. His father wasn’t afraid to die. Death to him meant nothing but failure. He didn’t think his son would kill him. Ryker wanted to say he was wrong but he couldn’t.
“Ryker?”
Ryker gripped the vanity harder, dropping his head down so that it hung between his arms. He’d taunted him. Smiling like they were watching a Falcons game and they’d just scored the winning touchdown. Sonny, on the other hand, had been scared shitless.
“He was the one behind Ghost’s drug trade for guns,” Sonny had blurted. “He wanted to make money under the table so he could have bigger profits than everyone else.”
Ryker had been shocked at the discovery, though he asked himself why a thousand times. His father didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. Ryker had raised his gun high enough that it pointed right at his father’s forehead. His finger itched to pull the trigger. He rubbed it several times, though the demon inside him wasn’t as strong. He still saw the man that created him. The man that showed him how to ride his first motorcycle. The man that gave him advice about women. He was completely changed after taking over the club. The power destroyed him. Consumed him.
The feeling consuming Ryker wasn’t anger.
It was pity.
“Are you going to do it, or are you a pussy?” his father had asked him.
Ryker aimed the gun at Sonny and pulled the trigger. The man’s big body fell to the side. He couldn’t look at his father any longer. Maybe he was a pussy, but he couldn’t let the same power that destroyed the man before him destroy him too. He turned his back.
“Put him back in the van. Drive him to Nevada and leave him with the Roaming Devils nomads. I don’t ever want to see his fucking face again, and if you so much as even try stepping a toe in the whole fucking state of Georgia, I will blow your fucking brains out.”
“Ryker?”
A hand grabbed his arm and he swung back.
He realized a little too late that Ella had grabbed him. His elbow had made contact with her face before his strength sent her backward to the tile floors as he pushed her off him.
She grabbed her face, crying, while blood spilled out from her nose.
“Oh, God.” He rushed to her and she backed away from him. “I’m so sorry, baby. I…” Tears filled his eyes. “Oh, God, I didn’t mean to do that. Are you okay?”
His fingers itched to touch her. He didn’t try to approach her again, instead grabbing a towel from the vanity and wetting it. His heart raced. She was crying and bleeding. He couldn’t have felt shittier if he’d tried.
“Here.” He walked to her and she didn’t move away. Kneeling down beside her, he gently pulled her hands from her face. He wanted to vomit. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried. Blood ran in rivulets into her mouth. In the short time, her face had already started to swell. He dabbed her bloody nose, doing his best to be gentle. “I’m so sorry, Ella. God, I didn’t mean to do that. I…”
She took the rag from him and held it to her nose. “I need to go to the hospital.”
He nodded dumbly. “I’ll take you.”
“No.” She pushed up from the floor. A towel was wrapped around her body. “I’m going by myself.”
She left the room and he stayed in the bathroom, staring at the blood droplets on the white tiled floors. He took a few deep breaths, though the pressure in his chest didn’t ease. He ran a hand over his face. Hurting Ella had been an accident, but she didn’t want him anywhere near her. God, what the fuck had he done?
When he finally pushed up from the floor, he cleaned up the blood and went into the living area of the house. If her father found out, he’d press charges. Ryker was willing to go to jail too. He shook his head, his stomach tangled in knots. He wanted to puke. Instead he sat on the couch, replaying the image of her crying and bloody on the floor. His hands shook with fear. There was nothing inside him that would ever make him lay a finger on her in anger. He felt like he’d ripped his own heart out of his chest when he saw her, when he came out of the trance that he’d disappeared into. He didn’t deserve her. She was too fucking good, and if she stayed with him, she’d eventually turn bad like him. Tears filled his eyes as he wallowed in pain. It physically hurt him to know that he’d hurt her. That he caused her to bleed. That he caused her to cry. It had been an accident, but it didn’t feel like one. It felt like he’d taken a knife and slit his own wrists.
Sometime later, Ella opened the door and stepped inside. Her face looked like she’d gone three rounds with a professional boxer and lost. Ryker stood from the sofa and walked toward her.
“I didn’t break anything. Just bruising and swelling.” She stared at him, the skin beneath her eyes a mixture of purple and yellow. “As for what happened to me, I was attacked by a junkie at the clinic. And for your information, I’m oka
y. Sore, but I’m going to live.” She sat down on the sofa.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do it.”
“I know.” She stared at him. “What were you thinking about? I called your name a few times and you didn’t hear me. You were in some other place.”
He took in a shaky breath. He didn’t want to tell her what had happened. So much could go wrong. He rubbed a hand over his face. “I was thinking about what we did to Razor.”
She sat quietly on the couch. He didn’t know what to say. Every time he looked at her, he wanted to apologize. He wanted to kiss her and hold her. Make her feel better.
“He taunted me.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head back. “‘Are you going to do it, or are you a pussy?’” His nerves were shot for the night. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I couldn’t do it.”
She patted the spot next to her. When he sat, she reached for his hand and kissed it. “You’re a good man. You need to believe me when I say that to you.”
“Says the woman I just elbowed in the face.”
She tilted her head to the side. “I know it was an accident. I never thought it was intentional. You look more upset about it than me, so I definitely know you didn’t mean to do it.” She rubbed his hand with her thumb. “I’m okay.”
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice shaky.
“I know.” She moved closer to him. “Don’t move. I’m going to hug you.”
Her arms wrapped around him and he closed his eyes, breathing her in. Somehow, being close to her made everything feel right again.
“I’m going to be so fucking sore in the morning.” She pulled back and stared at him. “My griping is the only punishment you’re allowed to get. I know you would never hurt me intentionally. I also know better than to grab someone’s arm when they don’t hear me. It’s okay. I’m okay.”
He lightly kissed her lips. “I’m so sorry. I wish it didn’t happen.”
“Shh.” She smoothed her hand along his scruffy cheek. Rubbing her finger along his lip, she said, “Let’s go to bed.”