by Amy Field
It doesn’t matter, she thought. Jared doesn’t care what I look like.
Camellia stood up, brushed her hair back and walked to the elevators. She knew which floor Jared was in and was sure he would be in his office. The numbers ticked on the elevator and she could feel her heart rate spiking with them. She was nervously anticipating his reaction.
Maybe he would even propose to her!
The thought made smile, yes,that would be perfect.
Her daydreams broke from the ding of the elevator and Camellia walked out. Jared shared the office floor with three other lawyers and they were the only employees on the floor, barring their secretaries. Jared’s office was situated at the back of the office so Camellia had ground to cover as she headed in that direction.
The other secretaries smiled at her as she passed them by and Camellia could smile back, her fears slightly alleviated. She knew she had been overreacting for no reason.
The first hitch came when she saw that Jared’s secretary, Alice, wasn’t at her usual spot. Usually Camellia would talk to Alice, chat with her, before walking in. It was certainly out of the ordinary but Jared had probably given Alice the day off.
Camellia took a deep breath in front of the door and knocked.
There was a small crash from inside and Camellia’s eyes narrowed.
“Who is it?” Jared’s voice came, sounding a bit out of breath.
“It’s me, Camellia,” Camellia said, wondering why his voice was strained with exertion.
“Wait a second Cam. I have to...uh...organize these papers,” Jared said, tensed.
Camellia waited and as she did, she heard more noises from inside but they were too loud for what Jared claimed to be doing. Even though she hated being suspicious, Camellia couldn’t help it. Something didn’t feel right.
Jared opened the door and Camellia brushed off her fears. She was being irrational, he looked impeccable as always, his hair was a bit awry but he couldn’t have perfect hair in the office. He smiled at her and she smiled back, berating herself on the inside for the scare she had inflicted on herself.
Jared’s office was large; it had a glass desk, a sofa for sitting and his certificates on the wall. Jared led her to the sofa where they sat down and Camellia’s eyes went to the closet door in the corner. She didn’t know why but her eyes kept turning to it.
“Why are you here?” Jared was asking. “I was going to leave in a few minutes anyway.”
“I had something I had to talk about,” Camellia tore her eyes away from the closet to focus on Jared.
His eyes were on hers and she could feel herself calming down. This was it, she would tell him that he was going to be a father and…
Camellia’s thought broke as her eyes fell on his collar. Something red was peeking out of the fold.
It’s nothing, she told herself. It’s ketchup.
Then she noticed something that was troubling. He had forgotten to button his shirt. The third button was open, giving her a view of his wife beater.
Jared was impeccable about his clothes; he wouldn’t do something so absent minded. Jared wouldn’t…
He….
Camellia looked at him with accusing eyes as it dawned on her. She knew it was too good to be true.
“Where is she?” Camellia asked in a hard voice.
“Where is who?” Jared said evasively.
“The girl you were going to sleep with before I interrupted you!”
She stood up agitated and began to look around for the girl. Where was she? Camellia held onto the anger that coursed through her. It was the only thing that prevented her heart from breaking at that moment. She couldn’t believe it, she knew her evidence was too flimsy but in her heart, she knew she was right. Jared was cheating on her.
The closet.
Camellia strode over, ignoring Jared’s protests and pulled it open. The person inside made Camellia gasp.
Alice tried to put her clothes back on as Jared tried to pull Camellia away. The girl’s hair flowed down to her back and Camellia could see her perfect figure taunting her. Anyone would have been fine but someone she knew, especially Alice, this was unforgivable. How could he have done this with someone he saw every day?
“I don’t believe it,” Camellia said. “How could you?”
“It’s not what it looks like…” he tried to say but Camellia cut him off.
“It’s exactly as it is. You know, I can’t even look at you right now. I am going to go home and you can do whatever you want. Don’t even think about coming to my place.” Camellia spat out and ran out.
She made it to her car before she started sobbing, how did this happen? Where had she gone wrong?
The rational part of her knew that there was no point in blaming herself for it but her heart was too wounded to listen to reason. Jared had played her for a fool. How long had he been doing this with his secretary? Had it been months?
Had Camellia simply been too blind to see it?
She thought back to the days they spend together, had there been any indication of it? No, she couldn’t remember any indication and she hated herself for it. Her blindness had caused her this whole mess. Camellia wiped away the tears with conviction and started her car. She couldn’t stay here, she had to leave.
She didn’t know where she would go but anywhere was better than here.
Camellia ended up at home, packing her suitcase.
Her home was an expensive apartment she had designed for herself when she was first starting out. The sight of it calmed her down for a few seconds but Jared’s fresh betrayal played in her mind and her calm disappeared. Camellia’s eyes filled with tears again and she strode to her bedroom, taking out her red suitcase. She dumped it on her bed and began to shovel clothes into it. She had no reason to leave, this was her home but Jared had a key and there was no way she wanted to see him today. For today, she would spend the night in a hotel and then look for a new apartment. Camellia hated the thought of giving up this apartment but there were too many memories attached to it.
Her suitcase was overflowing with clothes and she stared at it blankly for a few seconds.
Her hand fluttered to her stomach as she thought of the living being that resided inside. The poor thing was left without a father but would Jared have made a good father? He had lied to her and who knew how he would have reacted when he heard the news? The bottom line was clear to her, he didn’t deserve to be a dad and there was no way he was going to come anywhere near her baby.
A surge of motherly love ran through her and Camellia patted her belly.
She was going to take care of this baby and give it everything it needed without Jared’s help. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness and she wondered if he would ask for it. Whatever, she wouldn’t be here for it. She would soon find a home for herself and her baby.
There was no time like the present.
Chapter Three
Seven months later….
Camellia struggled with her shopping bags.
They were filled to the brim with the vegetables that the doctor had recommended for her. The doctor had told her that she needed to eat well as the labor date was drawing close. To be fair, she had two weeks before her labor date but the doctor said the date was only tentative. The real date could be any day now. Camellia was being careful and the bags weren’t helping her at all.
The lift shook as she tried to gather the bags in her hands. Camellia sighed. The lift had been rickety ever since she had arrived in this apartment complex. She didn’t like this place but it was the only place she could have found in a hurry when she left that day.
Jared hadn’t come looking for her.
Camellia didn’t know why he had come to her mind again but she wondered if things would have been different if he had come. Would she have forgiven him?
The lift door slid open and Camellia carried her things out. As she walked to her apartment door, she thought that she would have forgiven him. If he had asked her then, she wou
ld have but right now, she wouldn’t. Perhaps the baby had matured her and she no longer needed him for support. The baby was her support.
She opened her door and smiled wryly at the interiors. Her architectural side was in dismay over it. As she prepared for the arrival of her baby, she hadn’t done anything to the apartment. It was decent but plain without any decorations or sofa. All the things she had inside her old apartment was now inside a storage locker, put there by Tracy who told her that she was free to go pick it anytime she liked. Camellia had avoided doing so for the last few months.
As of now, Tracy was the only one who knew she was pregnant but Camellia trusted Tracy. She knew Tracy would never tell anyone and according to Tracy, Jared had come to her for the information which Tracy had refused to divulge. That had been five months ago. There had been no Jared news after that.
Camellia set down her purse on her only sofa and went to her kitchen, her hands laden with the grocery bags. She started to take everything out and place it inside the fridge.
Everything else in her apartment may be a mess but her fridge was impeccably kept. She didn’t compromise with the food and the health of her baby was important. She had started throwing away anything past one day of the expiration date.
It was a far cry from before when she would eat whatever was in the fridge. It was amazing how much she had changed from her single life for her child and she didn’t regret doing that one bit. The groceries put away, Camellia rubbed her belly absentmindedly.
She did this quite often, touching the smooth bump and hoping that her baby would kick. Sometimes the baby obliged but today the baby didn’t. She was probably tired.
Though Camellia had the chance to know if the baby was a boy or girl, she had avoided learning it. She wanted it to be a surprise. She would love the baby no matter what but secretly she wanted a girl. As a single mother, Camellia felt that having a girl would help her relate to the baby. There was a fear in her, that if it was a boy, he would look like Jared. It wasn’t a farfetched assumption. Jared, despite his flaws, was the father. Camellia was past the feelings of love but she hadn’t quite forgiven him for his betrayal. Her greatest fear was that she would unknowingly inflict her bitterness upon her child.
Camellia was hungry.
She tied back her hair and opened her fridge. She was craving something cheesy and Camellia was usually a big follower of rules but today, she decided to give herself a break. Her feet ached and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on her sofa and eat some macaroni with cheese. She, at least, had a TV and she looked forward to having a quiet night.
The pregnancy had made her into a cook. Camellia had diligently read through any magazine relating to baby care so that she could learn more about how to take care of the baby. She was alone and she knew it was time to step up to the plate. It was a tall order but Camellia was determined to fill it.
Camellia gently carried the steaming bowl of macaroni and cheese to the sofa. She set it down on her coffee table and was about to start the TV when she heard a beep. She turned to her answering machine and saw that the red light was blinking. Someone had left her a message. The only person who knew her number was Tracy so she probably had work for her.
She looked longingly at the food but decided to see what Tracy had to say.
She pressed the button and waited for the voice to come.
“Hey Camellia, sorry for disturbing you,” Tracy was saying. “I wanted to tell you that we had a job offer and it seems like a good one. I know you aren’t taking any jobs at the moment for obvious reasons but this one seems like a good one so I wondered if you would reconsider. I’ll be sending over the details tomorrow. I hope you are alright.”
The message ended and Camellia picked up her bowl. The news wasn’t that important to her at the moment. Camellia had a couple of job offers and she had done a job in the beginning but she hadn’t continued in fear that it would put strain on the baby. There was another reason and that was Jared. Jared knew where her job place was and she had no doubt that he would pester her for it. At that time, she hadn’t wanted to see him so she had avoided going to her work address but soon she got calls from her client that Jared had visited them asking if they knew where she was. That was the last straw for Camellia and she had stopped working altogether.
She had to cut down on some expenses and she was running low on money but Camellia was still reluctant to go back to work. For now, she put the thought out of her mind and continued to eat her bowl of pasta. She turned on the TV and tuned onto an educational channel. She had read somewhere that babies could hear what you were seeing and she didn’t want to influence her baby to the wrong direction without it being born yet.
Already she was being a tough mom and she reveled in it.
Feeling tired, Camellia skipped washing her bowl and went to bed. She yawned as she snuggled under the covers and drifted off to sleep.
Camellia didn’t know what time it was and she didn’t care.
The pain that had woken her was akin to being stabbed in the stomach and she jolted up, her hand going to her stomach as her eyes looked around frantically. It took her ten minutes to calm down but her heart continued to race as she mulled over the pain that had radiated from her belly. Was something wrong with the baby?
It was a kick, Camellia told herself. The baby is a bit energetic and wanted to tell me that.
She barely finished that thought as another stab of pain radiated. It was definitely coming from the baby and it was more painful than the last one. For a second, she feared that something was wrong and then it hit her. It was the labor pains. It was starting.
Camellia painstakingly got up and took baby steps to the living room. She had promised her doctor that she would call him when the pain started so that he could send an ambulance for her. He was well aware of her status as a single mother. The pain started again half way and she had to stop to lean against the wall, breathing heavily. Camellia knew she was supposed to time them but for now, her priority was calling the ambulance.
Hold on baby, Camellia thought.
She reached the telephone and dialled the doctor’s number. He answered in the second ring.
“Hello?” Dr Hill’s voice was tired and Camellia knew she had woke him up.
“It’s me, Camellia,” Camellia gasped.
“Camellia? What’s wrong?” Dr Hill asked, his voice sounding alert.
“I am in labor,” Camellia said through gritted teeth.
“I’ll get an ambulance. Sit tight and time it,” Dr Hill ordered and hung up.
Camellia collapsed on the sofa and managed to get onto an upright position. She kept her eye on the clock as she followed Dr Hill’s instructions. They were still far apart and Camellia knew she had time yet for the actual birth but it really was unbearable. She would feel better in the hospital than alone at home, suffering through the pain.
The ambulance came in fifteen minutes and she heard them pull up in front of the apartment. She couldn’t help but smile at what her neighbors would think but then again, she didn’t care. She was a lady about to give birth, who cared about the neighbors?
She managed to open the door for them and the paramedic sat her down in a wheelchair to wheel her out to the ambulance. Camellia much preferred it to being carried out in a stretcher. As they wheeled her out, her eyes fell on her neighbor’s door and it was open. She saw him staring at her and couldn’t look away.
She had no time to think of it as the pain started again. The journey to the hospital was a blur as she spent it timing her contractions. As soon as they entered the hospital, she was transferred to a nurse.
“My contractions are ten minutes apart,” Camellia said.
“We have time. I am afraid you are going to the ward to wait,” the nurse said.
Camellia nodded, hoping that she wouldn’t be alone. She wasn’t alone but the women around her were wrapped up in their own pain so no one talked to each other. The silence in the ward would occasionally be
permeated with the sound of groans and gasps, Camellia’s being among them.
One by one, the ladies disappeared leaving her alone in the ward. Camellia had been stuck in the ward for five hours by then and she couldn’t handle seeing the husbands or boyfriends who were there with the women. It was a harsh reminder of her circumstance.
Idly, she thought that she should have told Tracy when her bed felt wet. Mortified, she sat up and saw the wet spot. Camellia knew what that meant but that didn’t stop her from blushing when she pressed the button to call the nurse.
“What’s wrong?” the nurse asked as she came in.
“I think I am ready,” Camellia looked pointedly at the wet spot and the nurse nodded, taking her bed and wheeling her out the door. She was taken inside the operating room where two other nurses were gathered. This time the pain was completely different from before. It was more potent and she felt like she was being ripped apart as it coursed through her.
“Please hold on for the doctor,” the nurse told her and Camellia’s eyes bugged out.
The doctor arrived soon and one of the nurses took Camellia’s hands.
“Hold onto me and push,” the nurse said.
“But…the epidural…” Camellia managed to say.
“No time,” the nurse said brusquely.
Camellia couldn’t answer as the pressure on her lower stomach increased. She gritted her teeth, pushing with all her might. She was soon breathless and sweating but the baby was showing no signs of leaving its safe haven.
“A bit more,” Dr. Hill said, looking under the gown. “I see the head.”
Bolstered by the words, Camellia put more force into pushing. Time lost all its meaning as she continued to push. The pain was unimaginable but she bore through it, crying out sparsely. At one point, she began to weep but it finally came to an end.
The cry pierced the operating room and Camellia’s head fell back in relief.
“Congratulations,” Dr. Hill said, his eyes twinkling. “You have a daughter.”