They had been playing a game of Mille Bornes, a game that had been around for so long that even Francis said he used to play it himself as a child with his cousins and friends. She picked that game to play because it used numbers in French and was simple enough to understand even for first time players, at least of the people she had ever introduced the game to.
Heloise had hardly noticed the time passing by as she and Kyle played their game. They were a few weeks into her tutoring and he was getting good enough that they could at least have a short conversation in French without having to go back to English. He was by no means fluent yet, but immersing him in French certainly did seem to help. Even his teacher told him that he was improving and was pleased to see his progress.
“Um, je t’aider?” He gestured toward the cards on the table still left to be picked up and put away. “Did I say that right?”
“Je t’aide?”
“Uh yeah. I mean, oui.”
“Oui, vas-y.”
She reached for some cards to her left on the table just as Kyle reached for those same ones. Their hands touched for just a few moments before Heloise realized it and he let his hand rest there right on top of hers, his fingers brushing lightly on her fingertips.
He grinned, while Heloise remained absolutely still. She was sure that she looked utterly petrified, even though inside she wanted nothing more than to be close to him. She wanted to hold his hand, but she needed to keep things friendly. She was just a tutor, nothing more. Maybe even a friend. Besides, he wouldn’t be interested in her in anything more than that anyway, even though he seemed more than happy these last few weeks to spend as much time as possible speaking and learning French from Heloise. And she had really enjoyed getting to know him better, since most of their conversations eventually went to more personal matters where Heloise wanted to let on more than she actually did.
Instead, she jerked her hand away and fidgeted with the other cards on the table, keeping as far from his hand as she could. She tried to ignore how his cologne rose to her nose and made her feel dizzy and how close she had been to him. She couldn’t let her feelings show.
She scurried to get all the cards in the box and pushed back her chair, not even looking up at Kyle. “I should really go see how dinner is cooking. Tu vas rester pour manger avec nous, oui?”
“As far as I know, oui. You keep telling me about all the cooking you like to do and I’ve never had French food before.”
“Well, it’s not really French food tonight but I think, I mean, I hope you’ll like it.”
“I think you have seen that I’m pretty easy to please when it comes to food. I’m a teenage guy, you know how we are! Don’t worry, Heloise.”
What she had in mind was a simple marinated spicy chicken recipe with some garlic green beans. She’d set the chicken in the fridge the night before to marinate in some lemon juice, honey, and half a clove of garlic and before their first game of Mille Bornes, she’d put the chicken in the oven to cook for forty minutes. The green beans would take almost no time to cook, so dinner would be ready in about five minutes.
Ever since that first tutoring session with Kyle when they’d spent so much time together, Heloise had taken on almost a feverish approach to cooking. She had always enjoyed cooking with her father, who taught her many different French recipes starting from when she was old enough to learn how to use a knife properly, but now she became more passionate about it than ever. She was filled with so many thoughts and so much energy that she knew it needed to come out. So after spending time with Kyle, she would go into the kitchen and whip up something, whether it was a whole meal for the family or just a simple fruit tart or an attempt at making pastries. Something to get her mind onto something else. All day long she had been trying to keep herself silent, trying to remain a friend and nothing more. She needed to decompress.
To Heloise, it didn’t matter that Kyle was such a great listener who clearly enjoyed her company. It didn’t matter that Kyle would wait for her outside her classes with a story to tell about his day that he was extremely enthusiastic to share. It didn’t matter even that he would pay attention to her appearance and say something really nice to her about a new pair of earrings or necklace. Those things didn’t matter to her. What mattered was that she knew she was different from everyone and she didn’t feel like she was even good enough for someone like Kyle, or for anyone. She and Elodie had their roles and she knew she was not the pretty one that guys would even take a second look at. As much as she wanted to be the one he liked, she knew she wouldn’t be. That’s not how things worked.
Without looking back at Kyle, Heloise went toward the kitchen and opened the oven door to check on the chicken. The honey in her marinade had turned the chicken to a divine golden brown color. Perfect.
She set about her work of preparing the green beans and the ingredients for them, immersing herself in the task at hand and not even paying attention to anything else. Having been so close to Kyle made her even more agitated than usual and she hurried to finish up dinner for her family and Kyle.
Everything started coming together. The egg timer went off as the water for the green beans began to boil, so she took the chicken out of the oven and placed it on top of the stove to cool and she shut off the oven. The green beans fell into the boiling water and began to defrost, letting off a puff of white as the frozen beans reacted with the hot water.
In a way, Heloise felt like those frozen beans as they bobbed in the pot. Her solid heart wanted to give way to the pressures inside of her and just admit her feelings to him. But she would remain stoic and not let herself confess it to him. No matter how much he seemed to be interested in her. No way. He couldn’t really be interested in her. That’s not who Heloise was.
“Are you okay, Heloise? There’s a lot of banging around in there.” Kyle’s voice called to her from the dining room as he began studying in his French notebook.
“I’m fine, really. Please don’t mind me.”
“If you’re sure.”
A tear began making its way up to her eyes, but Heloise brushed it away. The beans were almost thawed, so it was almost time to drain them and add the salt, pepper, and garlic. She stared down at the beans, watching them more closely than usual. She couldn’t look over at Kyle, though she could feel him watching her.
In a few minutes, dinner was ready to be served. She called out to her family for dinner, at which point Kyle got up from his chair and ran over to the kitchen to help Heloise serve. He opened the cupboards and began getting out some plates and utensils and setting them on the counter to the left of the stove, where Heloise stood with serving spoons and tongs for the chicken.
“No please, I’m fine. Let me do it.”
“No, you are not fine. Please, let me help. I’m just getting out plates. You put the food on the plates and I’ll serve them.”
“No you don’t have to-”
“Heloise.” He spoke her name in such a way that she couldn’t keep her eyes away from him. Finally she gazed up at him and she tried not to be touched by the concerned look in his eyes. “Let me help.”
Finally she nodded and let him help her. She placed the chicken pieces and green beans artfully on the plates as Kyle distributed the plates at the dining room table. Elodie, Shannon, and Francis came into the room and Francis inhaled the wonderfully sweet smells of honey mixing with the garlic in the green beans.
“Je ne sais pas ce qu’on mange pour le dîner ce soir, mais que ça sent bon." she heard her father exclaim as he took his usual place at the dining room table.
“Yeah wow, Heloise, you’ve really become quite the master chef these last few weeks,” Elodie remarked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite like this. Nice to see you doing something besides studying for once.”
“I’m finding what makes me happy, all right?” she snapped at her sister as she put a scoop of green beans onto the last plate on the counter. “What’s wrong with that?”
“I was
just making an observation. Sheesh.”
Heloise ignored her sister’s comments. She made sure all the burners and the stove were off and then she went to join the rest of her family and Kyle at the dinner table.
The feedback on her dinner was positive all around. Most importantly to Heloise, Kyle had nothing but good things to say about the meal. He became animated as he joined in the family conversation, though always looking over at Heloise to see how she was doing. Every time his eyes fell on her, Heloise would pretend to not notice and instead be fascinated by something her mom was talking about. She couldn’t bear to look at him for fear that he would know just how she felt.
Dinner lasted for about forty-five minutes, at which point Elodie said something about going with some friends to the downtown cinema for a movie and that they were coming to pick her up soon. Just as she got up from the table to put on her coat, the doorbell rang and she raced to the door to open it. With a quick au revoir, she was out the door.
Heloise had finished her meal a while ago and she was busy cleaning up the kitchen. Her parents then went back to their usual duties, Francis to his reading and Shannon to watching TV. Kyle meanwhile came over to the kitchen and said that he needed to leave soon so he could get home. There was no hiding the disappointment in his voice.
“Okay.” She pretended like scrubbing the pots was the most fascinating thing to do, not even bothering to raise her eyes to him as he stood there next to her, no more than a foot away from her.
“Heloise....” He hesitated after saying her name, as if he was preparing to say something of grave importance. Finally, he simply stated, “Thank you for the dinner. It was wonderful.” It seemed like that was not quite what he wanted to say, but he didn’t know what else to tell her.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed my cooking.”
Heloise dumped the soapy water out of the pot where she had cooked the green beans and grabbed a towel from the counter to wipe it dry, still not looking at him.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Comme d’habitude.”
She heard him walk away and it took everything she had to not tell him to turn around and come back to her because she had something she wanted to finally tell him. She had grown so weary of keeping everything inside, but she couldn’t bring herself to let it out. Heloise waited for him to turn around, but instead, his footsteps continued toward the door and she heard him say au revoir to her parents before opening the front door to leave.
Only when the front door closed behind him did she bother to show any emotion. Before she knew it, tears came to her eyes and began to blur her vision as she walked over to the bathroom to take her shower. This time she went to the bathroom that was the farthest from the living room to ensure that her parents would not hear her. She wanted to be absolutely alone.
She shut the bathroom door, turned on the fan and the shower, and began to cry, every sob rocking her body from deep within her soul.
Chapter Eight
Heloise should have been paying attention to the math lesson going on in class. Except that it was the Friday before Thanksgiving and her mind was already on Thanksgiving break. Finally it would be a respite from seeing Kyle since his family was going to visit his mom’s side of the family in Norfolk and therefore would not be around town for a while.
The two of them still talked at lunch and he still saw her outside of class, but their conversations became less enthusiastic each time they saw each other. His friendly face no longer brightened when she came into view and he didn’t seem as eager to share as much with her anymore. It didn’t help that she was much more reticent about her thoughts since she didn’t want to be too friendly with him and possibly reveal how she really felt. She knew what she should do, but she still couldn’t muster the courage to finally say it.
Concentrate on the lesson. Must look busy.
She shook her head and tried to concentrate on the lesson, taking notes off the Smart Board like all the other students were doing as the teacher droned on about various algebra formulas they’d have to know for a test after Thanksgiving break. She’d already read ahead in the math book and so she knew these formulas already. However, she still had to make it seem like she didn’t already know what the teacher was talking about.
Classes were only fifty minutes long, but those fifty minutes in class felt like they lasted an eternity. Math class usually flew by quickly for Heloise, since it was one of her favorite subjects, but since she was consumed with thoughts of Kyle, time seemed to slow down. Way down. Every few minutes she’d look up at the clock, only to find that it had been just two minutes since she last checked the time. At least the teacher didn’t notice how distracted she was.
At long last, the piercing sound of the bell rang through the mostly quiet classroom and the students grabbed their books and headed toward the door to their last class of the day.
Heloise picked up her books, but accidentally dropped her workbook on the floor as she stood up. She looked around embarrassed and shoved it in her backpack, sure that her usually neat updo was now in shambles from bending over and also from sweating profusely during class.
She stepped out of the classroom and immediately saw Kyle standing to the right of the classroom door. She was surprised to see him because he didn’t usually meet her outside her sixth period class, since his class was all the way across the school. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him.
“Kyle. What are you doing here? I thought your class was all the way across the school-”
He stood there to the right of the classroom door wearing a red sweatshirt with front pockets, jeans hanging on his skinny frame, and white tennis shoes with a stony face that was his usual look these days.
“I asked my teacher if I could leave a little early to go to the clinic.” He gestured toward the school clinic located directly across from her classroom. “Listen, I really needed to see you, Heloise. Things haven’t been the same between us for a while. I know you’ve noticed it, and I certainly have. And.... there’s something that I really need to tell you. What are you doing after school today?”
“Nothing as far as I know.”
“Good. Meet you in the front hallway after school? I really need to get this out.”
“Um, sure.” She nodded, her throat turning to a desert. Was he going to say the words that she was longing to hear?
“All right, good. See you then. I have to run.” He waved and then disappeared into the crowd. After just a few moments, she could hardly tell where he was in the large groups of students milling around before their next class.
The last class of the day seemed to drag on even longer than her previous class had done. Her heart thumped in anticipation, wondering what Kyle had to say. He had sounded so serious, not at all his usual self, that she wondered if she would even still be his friend after their talk.
Finally, the last bell of the day rang and eager high school students poured into the hallways to catch their buses home. For Heloise, class couldn’t have ended fast enough. At least classes were only fifty minutes long. But now it was the moment of truth.
Heloise quickly gathered her things and shoved them into her backpack, trying to hurry as fast as she could so she would meet Kyle in time. The tiny science hallway at the other end of the school was packed to the walls with a crowded sea of students, and Heloise couldn’t see over them to know if Kyle was there waiting for her or not.
There he was in the front hallway, standing with one hand in his pocket and his other hand’s thumb hooked through his backpack strap. His face was just as stony as it had been when she saw him before her last class. His eyes darted around the large vestibule as more and more students flooded the hallway and pushed toward the front doors of the school.
When his eyes fell on Heloise, at first his face softened, then it returned to utter blankness. Heloise had never seen him looking so serious before and it made her even more anxious. He then went to an empt
y spot along the wall and waited for Heloise to approach him.
“All right, I’m here.”
“Good. Let’s go then.”
While everyone else around them buzzed about in a flurry of conversation and activity, Kyle and Heloise remained absolutely silent as they walked out of the school. Only when they had crossed the street and seemed to be heading toward the town park did one of them finally speak.
“So where are we going?”
“Here.”
Kyle led her through the town park just a few blocks from their school, where the noise of the students dissipated into the cold November air. The park was laid out with at least seven diagonal paths all converging on a central fountain and many benches lining the stone paths. Beautifully manicured flower beds were scattered all over the small park, lending a kind of simplicity to the surroundings that really appealed to Heloise..
He picked a bench in front of a bed of pansies and set his backpack on the ground to his right. He plopped himself down, obviously lost in thought. Heloise followed suit and sat at the other end of the bench, at least a foot and a half of space between them, with Heloise sitting off to Kyle’s left. His face had not changed its expression since they left the school, and she feared what Kyle had to say to her. He sat forward on the bench, holding his chin up with his hands with a fixed gaze on something far off in the distance. Then he sighed, leaned back against the bench and turned to face Heloise.
“Heloise, I’m going to just come on out and say it.” He leaned a little bit closer to her and for the first time that afternoon, she lifted her eyes to his and saw something in there that she had never seen before.
“I like you. No, more than that. I really really like you. I know we’ve only known each other for about a month, but this last month has been one of the best months of my life. I haven’t felt like this about anyone before. You’re so smart and beautiful and I really really want to know more. I want to be more than just friends and I just hope that you feel the same way.”
Elodie and Heloise Page 7